


I'm going through changes

by PrincessWriter20



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Multi, diaz family shenanigans, finn wears whatever he wants, finn's got a rough past, he's pretty and he deserves it, our boy sean has a sexual awakening, rated 'T' for swearing and other teenage behavior, short finn supremacy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 114,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessWriter20/pseuds/PrincessWriter20
Summary: In this universe, Daniel never spills the fake blood on Brett. Esteban lives. Sean gets to go to the Halloween party and see Jenn.But his attention is stolen by a boy with dreads and beautiful blue eyes, that seems determined to drive him crazy in all the best ways. Suddenly, Sean isn't thinking about Jenn. He's thinking about Finn.But while Sean is trying to come to terms with his newly realized sexuality, Finn has some skeletons from his past that he's yet to open up about.
Relationships: Cassidy/Lyla Park, Daniel Diaz & Finn (Life is Strange 2), Daniel Diaz & Sean Diaz, Sean Diaz & Lyla Park, Sean Diaz/Finn
Comments: 148
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

“Did you see Jenn’s post?”

“What? No! I’ll go look right now.” 

Lyla snorted at Sean’s sudden frantic clicking and typing. He’s liked Jenn for months, and Lyla teases him relentlessly about it. But the Halloween party is tonight, and Sean is ready to make his move.

Or at least, he would be ready. If he could just figure out how to talk to girls.

Talking to girls was definitely not something he was good at. He was clueless when it came to most things really. Especially girls. But there were a few things he did know.

  1. He was straight.
  2. He liked Jenn.
  3. Lyla would never let him live down point number two.



“Woah!” Sean said, after seeing Jenn’s post. Her hair was blue, a stark contrast to the fiery red hair she had before. 

“Calm down, lover boy. You’re getting drool on your keyboard.”

“I AM NOT!” Sean shrieked, before sneaking a glance down at his keyboard. 

_Can’t be too careful._

“I saw you look,” Lyla said with a smirk.

“Shut up, Lyla.”

“You love me.”

“No. I really don’t.”

“Oh please. You’d be lost without me. I’m your wing-woman.”

Sean was about to respond when he was interrupted by the sound of his door flying open.

“SEAN! Look what I made!” his little brother yelled, drenched in what looked like blood…

“What the hell, Daniel?”

“What?” Daniel asked dumbly, before looking down at his shirt.

“Oh. Whoops. I spilled a little. It’s… um… corn syrup and food coloring.”

“Why… are you making blood?”

“It's zombie blood, for my costume,” Daniel said matter-of-factly before his attention was caught by Lyla’s face on the laptop screen.

“Oh! Hi, Lyla!” he said sweetly, with a small wave.

“Dude! Get out of my room!”

“Hey! Don’t be so mean. I wanna see his zombie costume,” Lyla said with a pout. 

“See, Sean. Lyla wants to see my costume.”

“Yeah, Sean. I wanna see it,” Lyla added, sticking her tongue out at Sean.

The older boy knew when to accept defeat, and pinched his nose with a sigh.

“Fine… you can stay.”

After Daniel spent about twenty minutes showing his costume off to Lyla, he ran back to his room to add the ‘final touches’. 

“So, what time should I come and pick you up?” Lyla asked when they were finally alone again.

“Uh, I’ll text you. Need to figure some shit out first.”

_Like what I’m gonna wear…_

They said their goodbyes and ended the call before Sean got up and headed down to the garage for the second time that day.

“Hey, Dad… Again.”

“Sean? Two visits in one afternoon, you’re starting to scare me,” Esteban teased, rolling himself out from under the car.

“Hah, yeah…”

“Everything okay, mijo?”

_I like a girl and I don’t know what to wear and I want to impress her._

“Uh, yeah… Everything’s cool.”

“Okay… If you say so,” his dad said, before disappearing under the car again.

_Come on, just ask him. Don’t be weird. Be chill._

“Dad?”

“Yes, Sean?”

“I, uh… I need advice.”

There was a moment of silence, and Sean could tell his dad had stopped all work on the car. A few seconds passed, before Esteban’s face reappeared. This time, he was smiling so bright it made Sean feel like smiling too.

“Come on, have a seat. What’s going on?”

“I… How do you… There’s…”

“Sean?”

“There’s this girl… And I’m trying to impress her… But I’m too awkward, and I don’t know how to talk to her, or what to wear, or anything like that...” Sean finally admitted, before looking at the ground and wishing it would swallow him whole.

He heard Esteban clear his throat, before speaking.

“You like this girl?”

Sean nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak.

“Well, Sean. You need to wear something that makes you feel good. Something you’re comfortable in. You don’t need to dress _or act_ any type of way to impress some girl. If she likes you, you won’t need to act like anyone but yourself. Okay?”

“Okay. Yeah… Thanks, Dad…”

“Anytime, mijo.”

After spending two hours putting an outfit together, Sean texted Lyla before splashing his face with water.

“You’ve got this. Don’t be too thirsty,” he said to his mirror self before his phone buzzed. 

_Lyla’s here._

Sean quickly said goodbye to his dad and brother, before hurrying out the front door to meet Lyla. It was time to party.

“Holy shit, you look good!” Lyla said with an approving nod, looking him up and down.

Sean decided to go for a black skinny jean… which ended up feeling a little too tight, but all his other jeans were either gross or didn’t fit him anymore. He decided to wear a white t-shirt and black sneakers. He even tried to style his hair, kind of. It was messy, but it looked good. 

He hoped it looked good.

“You look nice too…” Sean said, finally taking a look at Lyla’s outfit. He knew nothing about fashion, but she looked good to him.

“Why thank you,” she said with a curtsey. “Should I go in and say hi to your hot dad?” 

“No fucking way. Come on, we’re gonna be late,” Sean groaned, pulling a smirking Lyla away from his house.

“You just can’t wait to see Jenn.”

“Shut up, Lyla.”

The drive to the party was fun, but the party… Well…

Parties are not fun. 

Sweaty, gross people pressed up against you. Loud music that makes it hard to think or speak. Absolutely no appeal. Except maybe Jenn, who was yet to be seen.

He followed behind Lyla as she pushed through the crowd of grossness before making it to the drinks table.

“What are you drinking, lover boy?” Lyla asked, pouring herself a drink.

“Uh, nothing for me. I’m good for now…”

Truth be told, he was too busy scanning the room for Jenn, walking around the table to check all the corners. Sean kept his eyes peeled for blue hair, but there was no sign of her. Trying not to show his disappointment, he turned to go back to Lyla again, but suddenly he bumped into something.

“Woah there!”

Or someone…

Sean looked up at the stranger he bumped into, and suddenly felt like the room was ten times hotter. This stranger was… well… a guy, first of all. And, _objectively speaking,_ the hottest guy Sean had ever seen. This stranger… He had these cool tattoos on his face and hands, and he had dreads. He radiated confidence, and trouble and Sean felt a little bit intimidated.

Sean found himself studying the strange boy’s face and noticed his lips were moving.

“What?” he asked, feeling his cheeks warm up slightly.

“Are you good?” the stranger said. His voice was strange, different. Sean had never heard that accent before. But it sounded… hot. _Objectively speaking, obviously._ Sean wouldn’t have been surprised if tons of girls fell at this guy’s feet whenever he opened his mouth. But this was all just an objective observation. Sean could appreciate a hot guy with a sexy voice without it being weird…

“Y-yeah… I’m good.”

“Glad to hear it, sweetie,” the stranger said with a smirk.

“Sweetie?” Sean asked, and was mortified by the squeak in his own voice. The stranger let out a low laugh and _shitshitshit he’s got a great laugh._

“Yeah, is it cool if I call you that?”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

Sean gulped.

_Why not? Because I’m a stranger and you’re a guy and holy fuck it shouldn’t sound so good when you say it._

The strange guy laughed again, taking a step forward.

“You’re cute, pups,” the guy said, biting his lip slightly as he stepped even closer. 

Sean felt warm again, all the way up his neck. His cheeks were burning and he hoped that the lighting was bad enough that no one noticed.

However, Sean found himself unable to think of much else when their eyes met for the first time. Those eyes… they were so blue. Sean wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anything like it before.

He hurriedly took a step back, stumbling slightly because he needed to get away before he did something stupid.

“There you are!” 

_Jenn. Right. Jenn. Shit, JENN._

Sean whipped around to look at her, panting slightly. He didn’t know why he was out of breath, but he felt as if he’d just finished running laps.

Jenn looked good. _Really_ good. Her blue hair suited her, and she was looking at him with a smile. He smiled back weakly, finding it hard to speak again. These people and their ability to render Sean speechless…

She looked at his outfit, and he noticed her smile drop slightly.

“You didn’t feel like dressing up?”

“Nah…"

He noticed her cat ears then.

“You dressed up as a cat?” he asked, hoping to make conversation. The conversation felt… awkward. 

“Yeah, I did.”

“Cool…”

She nodded slowly, before looking around. 

“Uh, hey, I’m gonna go say hi to some people. I’ll catch up with you later?”

Before Sean could say anything, she disappeared into the crowd again, leaving Sean feeling like a bit of an idiot. And then he remembered the stranger, who was standing right there and witnessed the entire epic fail.

Sean turned to look back at the guy, but he was nowhere to be seen.

_Great._

He walked around aimlessly for what felt like hours, before finally finding Lyla near the bathrooms.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“Oh, uh… I’ve been around.”

“You talk to Jenn?”

“Kind of…”

“Kind of?”

“It wasn’t a very long conversation,” Sean said softly. He didn’t want to discuss it. Lyla caught on quickly and changed the subject.

“Oh, I want you to meet someone,” she said. Sean only nodded, before being pulled to the back of the room. There was a group of people, smoking weed and hanging out on the couches. When Lyla pulled him closer, Sean’s eyes settled on _him_.

The stranger.

He was looking at Sean with a devilish smirk but didn’t say a word.

Instead, the girl next to him stood up, walking over to the two of them. She had a purple mullet, and her arms were covered in tattoos. And then Sean noticed that her eyes were locked onto Lyla.

“Hey, you,” the purple-haired girl cooed before pulling Lyla forward slightly.

“Hey, this is my best friend Sean. Sean, this is Cassidy.”

“Hiya, Sean.”

Sean couldn’t speak. He was too busy staring at Cassidy’s hands, wrapped around Lyla’s waist.

_What is going on?_

“Uh, hi…” he greeted, still very much confused.

“Sean, you okay?” Lyla asked, smacking his shoulder playfully.

“What? Yeah… No, I’m great. Just, surprised. How did you… meet?”

The girls exchanged looks before Cassidy went into a very sweet story of the two of them meeting at a coffee shop, and it being a whole 'love-at-first-sight' situation. Their story sounded like something from a movie.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he found himself asking.

“Well, I wanted to tell you today. But you were all worked up over Jenn, and I figured you’d meet her tonight anyway.”

_Oh, right. Jenn._

“Who’s Jenn?” Cassidy asked with a smirk.

“Jenn is the girl Sean’s been crushing on for the last century,” Lyla teased. 

“What’s that?”

 _That was a guy’s voice_. 

Sean knew that voice. The stranger from earlier… He was walking towards them, moving to join the conversation. He was looking at Lyla, but his eyes flitted over to Sean every few seconds.

“Oh, hey,” Lyla greeted.

“Sean, this is Finn. Cassidy’s friend. Finn, this is Sean. My bestie.”

“Nice to meet ya, _Sean_ ,” Finn said with a smirk, holding his hand out to Sean. He’d put a lot of emphasis on Sean’s name, and for some reason it made his heart flutter. 

“Nice to… meet you too, uh… Finn,” he answered, shaking his hand and ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat at the casual contact.

Finn was looking at him, a lazy grin on his face. 

Lyla was looking between them with an expression on her face Sean only saw when she was trying to solve a math equation.

“Gotta say, I like your name. Suits you. Plus, it’s hot… like you,” Finn said, before continuing, “But I think I like callin’ you sweetie, _sweetie._ ” He finished off his sentence with a wink, and suddenly Sean felt like all the air got sucked out of him.

“I need a drink,” he blurted out, before rushing off. He was desperate to get away from there. There was too much confusion. Too many feelings. _Fuck._

He never found the drinks table. Instead, he ended up outside. It was for the best, really. Things were too stuffy back inside, so maybe fresh air was what he needed. 

Sean took a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs, before sitting down on the back porch. It was a nice night out, luckily. He actually felt a lot better already…

Okay so maybe that wasn’t entirely true.

Maybe, _just maybe_ , Sean was freaking out a little bit.

He didn’t know why he ended up acting like an idiot and feeling all those… feelings... when Finn looked at him or talked to him. He really didn’t. Sean had only ever felt like that once before, with Jenn. And even then, that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. And those eyes…

_Fuck. What am I doing?_

“Uh, hey there, sweetie. Mind if I sit down?”

Sean already knew who it was. It was the third time tonight, so he wasn’t really surprised anymore.

“Sure… Yeah.”

He felt Finn sit down next to him, rubbing his hands together.

“Enjoyin’ the party?” he asked.

Sean swallowed once, before willing himself to use his voice.

“Yeah… It’s alright.”

“Not your scene, right?”

Sean turned to look at Finn in surprise, noting the small smile on his face. He quite liked the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. Sean also liked the way Finn looked at him, despite it making him feel a whole bunch of feelings he had no idea how to process.

“How did you- “

“I can tell.”

_Great. So basically, I look like an idiot and definitely don’t fit in at the party._

“And ‘fore you ask, no it’s not ‘cause you’re awkward or nothin’. You jus’… don’t look like you’re having a good time.”

_Is this guy a mind reader?_

“Uh… Well, yeah. I don’t really… party much. Lyla kinda dragged me here.”

“To see Jenn?”

“Yeah.”

“Jenn’s that girl you was talkin’ to earlier, right?” 

“Yeah…”

"Cool."

_Stop repeating yourself. Say something different, idiot._

“Do you, uh, go to school with us?”

“Yeah, me and Cass are seniors.”

“Oh.”

_That explains why I’ve never seen you before. Juniors and seniors don’t usually mix._

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re seventeen?”

“Why? Wanna make sure I’m not too old for ya?” Finn asked, but his tone was somewhere between teasing and… hopeful?

_Shit._

“Oh, uh, no. No, I was just… I was just asking.”

_Smooth._

“I’m just playin’. Yeah, I’m seventeen.”

“Cool,” Sean said, before looking back at the house.

“We should probably get back inside…” 

“Hold on, uh… I should apologize,” Finn said, looking down at his feet. He suddenly looked tense, which seemed out of character when you looked at the tattoos… and the dreads… and the clothes… Everything about him really. And Sean was feeling a little confused, not for the first time that night.

“For what?”

“For… makin’ you uncomfortable.”

_What?_

“Cass always says I come on too strong, and I never really listen. But you’re obviously uncomfortable, so I’m sorry. I’ll back off.”

_What?_

“Sean?”

_What?_

“Are we cool? ‘Cause ya seem like a cool dude, and I don’t wanna mess up what could be a cool friendship, y’know?”

_What? Come on too strong? What? Come on to me? Me?_

“You, uh… You’re… You were… flirting? With me?” Sean finally said, voice shaking slightly as his heart started racing.

“Well, yeah… Thought it was obvious.”

Sean shook his head, feeling his legs start to tremble. He needed to look anywhere but at Finn.

_Finn was flirting with me… Finn… A guy. Shit._

And Sean was about ninety percent sure that he liked it. He liked the flirting. Finn's flirting made him feel... lots of things. It made him feel good. But he was straight… He liked girls.

_I’m straight. I like girls. I don’t like boys._

“Sean?”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” Sean found himself blurting out, without thinking. 

_Shit. What? Why the fuck would you say that? You idiot._

There was silence for what felt like hours before Sean looked back at Finn. The tattooed boy was staring at him with a smile on his face and looking a lot more relaxed than he’d seemed only moments ago.

“You’re not uncomfortable?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow slightly.

Sean could only shake his head. Words were very hard to come by, these days. But he was definitely not uncomfortable. That wasn’t a word he’d use to describe how he felt.

“So, what you’re saying is… you didn’t mind?” Finn asked again, walking closer. 

_Fuck, even his walk is sexy. How could I possibly mind?_

Sean shook his head again.

“And… if I flirted with you more, you’d be cool with that?”

_Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Oh fuck. Fucking fuck. Fuuuck._

Sean opened his mouth to say something, but no sounds came out of his mouth. He shut it quickly, before looking down at his feet.

“Sean… You can say no. If you’re not into this, that’s cool. No stress.”

“I am.”

_What the actual fuck? Am I drunk? High? When did I lose control of my tongue?_

He quickly looked up, ready to take it back because he had no idea what he was doing, but was once again stunned into silence by the look on Finn’s face.

Finn was looking at him like… well, he didn’t know really. He’d need to draw Finn’s face at that exact moment, and show it to Lyla. She could tell him what the look said… Plus, he was pretty sure the look would be etched into his memory forever. Something told him that he’d have no trouble drawing it perfectly later tonight.

“You are?”

Sean swallowed down a thick feeling in his throat, before nodding once more.

“Cool.”

_Cool? What?_

“Uh… yeah.”

They stood there, staring at each other for another few seconds. Every second that passed had Sean feeling both more and less confused about what he was feeling.

“So, still wanna head back in?” Finn asked.

“Ye- “

His voice cracked, and he quickly cleared his throat, before trying again.

“Yeah.”

That was much better. 

Finn nodded, walking towards the door before turning back again.

“Can I get your number, sweetie?”

Sean couldn’t say no. He didn’t really want to say no either.

“Yeah… You can.”

“Cool.”

It was hard to believe what was going on, even when Sean took Finn’s phone and typed his number in. None of this felt real. He half expected Daniel to come running in covered in zombie blood. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened in a dream.

_The part about Daniel. Not the part about… giving my number to a guy._

After that, the night went by quickly. Sean and Lyla stuck with Finn and Cassidy for the rest of the night. Jenn was nowhere to be seen, and Sean wasn’t quite sure he minded. He had fun, with Finn. And Cassidy and Lyla. 

Lyla didn’t seem to notice anything during the party.

She didn’t seem to notice the looks Finn gave Sean when Lyla dragged him out on the dance floor. She didn’t seem to notice when Sean turned into a puddle when Finn smiled at him. She didn’t even seem to notice when Finn purposefully danced as close to Sean as possible.

But she _did_ notice when Finn said goodbye to Sean, taking his hand, placing a kiss on it, and smiling dumbly at him before sauntering off. Cassidy gave Sean a knowing smile before kissing Lyla goodnight and following after Finn.

“Uh, what was that?” Lyla shrieked once the two were out of earshot.

“I don’t know…” Sean said softly.

“Dude, you’re blushing. What the fuck?”

“Shut up, Lyla.”

“Fine,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

They made their way to Eric’s car, and before she got in the car she paused. Sean was about to ask what was going on when she whispered “You better tell me what happened later.”

And he would definitely tell her. Once he figured it out himself.

“There’s my favorite oldest son,” Esteban greeted when Sean arrived at home again.

“Hey, Dad…”

“How was the party, mijo?”

“It was… good.”

And it was good. Really good. Sean couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun.

“And how was the, uh, girl?”

“What?”

“The girl you were trying to impress. Did you wow her with your charm? You know, you got that from your papito here,” he joked.

Sean had completely forgotten about Jenn.

_My bad._

“Uh, I’m really tired, so… I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Alright, I see what you’re doing. But that’s fine. I’ve got tomorrow to find out the truth. Goodnight, mijo.”

“Night, Dad,” Sean mumbled, before rushing into his room and shutting the door quietly.

_Okay, so… Tonight was good. You met Lyla’s… girlfriend? And you met a guy. A hot guy. And he flirted with you. And you gave him your number. Yup… that’s what happened._

If Sean hadn’t lived through it all himself, he wouldn’t have believed it. 

He never even considered liking guys before tonight. He was straight. That was always how it had been. But Finn… 

_He’s hot. He’s funny. He’s cool. He’s sweet… And he likes me, I think? And I…_

His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of his phone buzzing.

…………………………………………

**_01:34 - unknown number:_ **

hey there sweetie

…………………………………………

He didn’t have to ask to know who it was. His heart started racing again, but he willed himself to stay calm. It wasn't a big deal... He was just getting a text, from a cute boy, that he met at a party, who was definitely into him.

Sean quickly got into his pajamas, before getting into bed and typing out a response.

_Be cool. Don’t be too thirsty._

…………………………………………

**_01:37 – Sean:_ **

Hey

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_01:37 – Finn:_ **

glad ur still up

u have a good time tonight?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_01:37 – Sean:_ **

Yeah I did

It was fun

Thanks to you

…………………………………………

Sean gulped, feeling shocked by his own boldness. Apparently, texting gave him a sense of confidence he lacked in every other aspect of his life. 

…………………………………………

**_01:38 – Finn:_ **

u flirting with me, sean?

*gasp*

…………………………………………

Sean didn’t know how to respond.

_Am I flirting with him?_

Another text came through before he could bring himself to answer that question.

…………………………………………

**_01:38 – Finn:_ **

finn likey 😉

…………………………………………

Even in his bedroom which was always fifty degrees too cold, Sean felt his skin prickle with warmth. Finn’s effect on him seemed to know no limitations. Feeling emboldened by the quiet of his bedroom, Sean hurried to type and send a message before he could back out of it.

…………………………………………

**_01:39 – Sean:_ **

Maybe I am

Is that bad?

…………………………………………

The response was immediate.

…………………………………………

**_01:39 – Finn:_ **

not at all

it’s perfect

long as it’s cool with u

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_01:40 – Sean:_ **

It’s cool with me

Goodnight Finn

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_01:40 – Finn:_ **

night sweetie

sweet dreams

x

…………………………………………

And really, after everything that happened, Sean didn’t think that would be too difficult.

He had a lot to figure out, tomorrow.

But for now, he knew exactly three things.

  1. He was _not_ straight.
  2. He was attracted to Finn.
  3. Lyla would be asking all about it tomorrow.



And he was overwhelmingly okay with all of those things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT:  
> Soo this was supposed to just be a one shot, but I have gotten very attached to this universe already, so I'm turning it into a multichap. I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your feedback and support on chapter 1 of this story! I'm really excited to take this story further :)  
> Hope you guys are ready for the journey.  
> PS. lots of texting today. Teenagers text, it happens. It won't always be like this, so if you don't like texting, don't worry  
> Enjoy :)

“Mijo, you haven’t even touched your pancakes.”

“Huh? Oh… Yeah, I’m just… not really hungry. Sorry, Dad.” 

What he meant to say was: _I can’t eat, because I’m too freaked out and thinking about a boy and I need help and Lyla will probably be texting me or something any minute so please don’t ask me questions because I have zero answers._

Sean was out of breath simply thinking about saying it. When he went to bed last night, he felt so okay with everything. But he’d spoken too soon because when he woke up that morning, he couldn’t stop his mind from racing. He had so many questions. So much to figure out.

He couldn’t resist the urge to stare at his phone the entire time they were at the table. Every few seconds, he would _very subtly_ crane his neck to check for messages. But there was nothing.

No text from Lyla…

No text from Finn.

Both were somehow relieving and disappointing at the same time.

_Just stop thinking about it…_

“Are you okay? You seem… distracted,” Esteban said, eyebrows furrowed slightly.

_Distracted? No. No way. Why would I be distracted?_

_Aside from the fact that I think I’ve got a crush on a boy. A really cute boy. A boy that flirted with me._

_And the fact that he hasn’t texted me yet today._

_Is that even the way it works? Do people usually text each other the morning after?_

_Should I just… text him? Wouldn’t that be too forward? Lyla said I shouldn’t be too thirsty…_

_Fuck, Lyla. Why do you choose now to be patient? I need you._

“I’m okay. Just waiting for a text from Lyla.”

_Not a total lie._

“ _Ohhhh…_ I see what’s going on,” Esteban said, a teasing smile on his face.

_What?! How the fuck do you know? I didn’t even –_

“You’re freaking out about that _girl_ again, aren’t you?”

_Oh._

“Oh… you mean Jenn.”

That right there… that moment; it was the perfect opportunity for Sean to correct his father. To say: Actually, I’m freaking out about a boy. Deep down, he knew that his father would be okay with it. Esteban was always very accepting; that much was clear whenever they walked past two men holding hands in the street or saw two women kissing on TV. He barely batted an eye whenever it happened. And yet, Sean couldn’t bring himself to say the words. 

Why?

Truthfully, he had no idea.

Perhaps it was due to a possibly entirely irrational fear that Esteban might suddenly flip a switch and changing his views on anything LGBTQ+ related. Or maybe it was because Sean was worried that Esteban would feel differently about someone being… not straight… when that someone was his son and not a random person or fictional character.

Or maybe, in the end, it had nothing to do with what it meant for Esteban. Maybe it was simply about what this all meant for Sean.

Which is why he stayed silent, not wanting to lie to his father, but not yet ready to tell the whole truth. Luckily, Daniel was there to save him from having to say anything at all. And that was probably the only time Sean would ever be thankful for his little brother’s inability to keep his nose out of a conversation.

“Oooh! Who’s Jenn? I bet she’s not as pretty or cool as Lyla!”

Sean couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes, while Esteban shook his head silently.

“What?” Daniel asked, shrugging his shoulders innocently.

“I trust Sean to have good taste. So, whoever Jenn is, she must be great,” Esteban said. 

_Right._

“Is she cute?” Daniel asked, wagging his eyebrows and bouncing in his seat.

_Well, he’s really fucking cute…_

“Well?” Esteban added when Sean failed to respond.

“Yeah… she’s cute.”

And she was. Jenn was honestly great. But Jenn was Jenn. And Finn…

Finn was hypnotizing. 

It was as if the minute that Sean saw those blue eyes, all thoughts of Jenn seemed to disappear, leaving room for Finn to take up all available space in his mind. His face, his eyes, his voice… that accent, his entire demeanor. He was like something straight out of Sean’s deepest fantasies, that he’d only started experiencing less than twelve hours ago.

_Crazy how fast shit changes._

This time yesterday, Sean’s thoughts were occupied entirely by Jenn. And now all he could think about was some guy that he met at a party, that really had no right to look as good as he did. But holy shit, he looked so good. And even in the middle of a crowd of sweaty people, Sean couldn’t help but catch a whiff of strawberries when Finn came close to him.

Suddenly he was craving strawberries.

“Sean?”

His dad’s voice ripped him from his thoughts about Finn, which Sean feared would become a regular occurrence. 

“Hmm? Sorry… Was just, zoning out again. I’m fine.”

“He’s probably just thinking about Jenn,” Daniel teased, rolling his eyes playfully before kicking Sean underneath the table.

“HEY!” Sean yelled, before kicking him back.

“Not. At. The table. Now eat the pancakes I made for the two of you before I take them all for myself.”

All fighting came to a halt, as Daniel practically jumped out of his seat before scarfing his pancakes down faster than Sean had ever seen him eat. Sean tried to follow his lead, forcing himself to take a bite of his own pancakes. Despite the nerves bubbling in his stomach as he waited for somebody to text him, he wanted to show his father that his work was appreciated.

Their dad liked to do this a lot. Every weekend he’d make an effort to make an extra special breakfast for them as a treat. It was a weekly family tradition at this point, and the pancakes were definitely a favorite in their house.

Sean didn’t know what he’d do without his dad.

“Thanks, Dad,” he said, before taking another bite. Daniel mumbled an agreement, mouth still full. But Esteban got the gist of it and smiled at them both before standing up and starting to clean the kitchen. 

Sean was just about to offer to help when his phone buzzed. He dropped his fork, and the sound of it clattering against his plate made Esteban whip his head around just in time to see Sean scrambling to pick up his phone, still chewing his pancakes.

“Dad! Sean’s using his phone at the table again,” Daniel whined.

“Shut up, dude,” Sean groaned, desperately trying to unlock his phone but entering the wrong password in his excitement. 

“Dad! Sean’s being a jerk!”

“Sean, be nice to your brother.”

Sean barely acknowledged either of them, as he fumbled clumsily before finally getting his code right and opening his messages.

No message from Finn. That was… disappointing.

But there were messages from Lyla. _Fucking finally._

…………………………………………

**_09:40 – Lyla:_ **

Dude

Why haven’t u txted me yet?

Waiting to hear the deets

Don’t leave me hanging bitch!

Wanna hear about u and Finn.

Gonna spam until u answer me.

Sean, I swear, I waited all morning.

Please, I’m dying!

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_09:41 – Sean:_ **

Chill

I was actually waiting for you to text me.

Hard to explain over text 

Kinda confused

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_09:41 – Lyla:_ **

Waiting for me? I was waiting for you!

Nvm. Need me 2 come over?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_09:41 – Sean:_ **

Obviously

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_09:42 – Lyla:_ **

Lyla the love witch is on her way.

Be there in 30

…………………………………………

_Thank god for Lyla._

Knowing that she was on her way filled Sean with a sense of relief. She would definitely know what to do. She always did. He would be totally lost without her. 

“Was that Lyla?” Esteban asked.

“Yeah. She wants to come over, is that okay?”

“Don’t you have homework, mijo?”

“I’ll do it later, promise… This is important,” Sean pleaded.

“Okay, as long as you do it later. And you need to babysit your little brother too, so no running off with Lyla.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. I gotta go pick up some stuff – for that car of yours that I’m putting together, mind you – later this afternoon.”

“Fine,” Sean groaned.

_So much fun._

“Just make sure you get everything done after Lyla leaves.”

“Lyla’s coming over?” Daniel asked excitedly, finally swallowing down his pancakes.

“Yes. She’s coming over, to visit _me_. Not you.”

Daniel pouted in response, before sticking his tongue out at Sean. Sean could only roll his eyes in response before Daniel ran off to his room.

“When’s she coming?” Esteban asked.

“Uh… like, in thirty minutes.”

“Well, then you have some time to help your papito clean up around here, right?” Esteban said, rubbing his hands together before patting Sean on the shoulder.

Although that was basically the last thing he wanted to do, it was exactly the kind of distraction that Sean needed to stop him from losing his mind before Lyla showed up. And in half an hour, Lyla would be there to hopefully give him the answers that he needed.

***********

“Okay, spill!” Lyla shrieked, clapping her hands excitedly as Sean closed his bedroom door behind them. He wasn’t ready for his dad or brother to hear this conversation.

“I… don’t know where to start.”

“The beginning’s good,” she said matter-of-factly, getting comfortable on Sean’s bed as he stood awkwardly in front of the door. It was almost as if this was her house, and he was the visitor, with how comfortable she was.

“Well, I don’t even know how it all happened. I just… I bumped into him, and then he just…” Sean started, but trailed off, feeling his cheeks start to burn at the memory. He couldn’t help himself. He was fairly certain he’d never felt like this before; not even with Jenn. 

“He just what?”

“…Flirted, I guess. He called me _sweetie_ …” Sean admitted, voice cracking slightly as he said the last word. It sounded so weird when he said it. But it sounded so much better when Finn said it. Anything Finn said sounded good.

“You guess?” Lyla asked incredulously, as Sean made his way over to the bed and sat down next to her.

“I mean, yeah. I didn’t know that he was flirting with me at the time…”

“You didn’t know?! Sean, he called you sweetie!”

“I know,” Sean grumbled, hiding his now definitely red face in his palms and dropping his head back on the bed behind him.

“Damn, you can be so clueless sometimes… Lucky for you, you have me to guide you,” Lyla beamed. Her confidence in her own abilities was usually humorous, but right now, it was exactly what he needed. He never thought he’d see the day where he actually willingly asked for Lyla the love witch to work her magic.

“Yeah, I honestly really need you right now. I have zero fucking clue what I’m doing…”

“Did you like it?”

“What?”

“The flirting, Sean. Him flirting with you. Did you like it?” she asked. 

“Oh…” 

He did. He most definitely did. That was, oddly enough, the only thing he was certain of right now. The flirting was definitely good. And it made his heart jump a little, even just remembering their conversation. That was the one thing he was ready to admit.

“Yeah, I did,” he whispered, finally sitting up and looking at his friend again. She was staring at him with wide eyes and a bright smile on her face.

“Dude…” she started.

“What?”

“You’re totally crushing on him! Nice taste by the way… he’s hot!”

“I AM NOT!” Sean cried out, but it was not at all convincing. He tried to solidify his argument by saying, “I barely even know him,” but Lyla wasn’t having it.

“You think he’s hot, don’t you?” she asked with a smirk.

“Well… yeah.”

“And you wanna get to know him, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he make you act all goofy like Jenn did?” Lyla asked, raising her eyebrow slightly.

“Jenn didn’t make me act goofy!”

“She did.”

_Yeah, she did._

“Okay… fine. Maybe she did. But it’s not the same with Finn,” Sean said softly.

“It’s not?”

“No… it’s….”

“It’s what?”

_More._

“It’s different… I don’t know, okay?” Sean groaned, flopping back on the bed once again. Lyla shuffled slightly, moving to sit closer and looking him directly in the eyes.

“Wanna know what I think?”

“Yes…”

“I think you like him, and I think that scares you.”

“Why would that scare me?” he found himself asking, even though she was spot on. He was scared shitless. The entire situation was driving him crazy.

“I don’t know. Maybe you find his hotness intimidating. Maybe you’re freaked out that you’re not as fucking straight as you thought you were. Or maybe you’re just scared because you don’t think you’re experienced enough to handle him.”

_Yeah, that pretty much sums it up…_

“I don’t know how I feel, okay. What do I do?”

“Well, what do you want to do?” she asked. Sean sat up, leaning his elbows on his thighs before taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know. I gave him my number. We… He texted me last night.”

“What?! No fucking way! Sean, you gave him your number?”

“Yeah. Why is that surprising?”

“Because you’re _you_!”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ , Sean, that you’re not the kind of person that would give his number to a hot stranger at a party. Girl or boy. Don’t get me wrong, I like this new confidence. I feel like a proud mom!”

“Lyla…” Sean groaned. 

“Don’t overthink things, dude. He’s hot, and he obviously thinks you’re hot- “

“He thinks I’m hot?!” Sean cried out, before clearing his throat and looking over at his bedroom door. He could only hope that he hadn’t said that too loud. That was probably the worst part of the conversation for his dad to overhear so far. It would be pretty hard to explain that one without telling Esteban the whole story.

Finn _had_ called him cute… But cute and hot were _very_ different things.

“Dude, are you blind? I mean, I wasn’t really paying that much attention to you guys at first; I was a little distracted…”

“A little? You and Cassidy had your tongues down each other’s throats for over half of the night.”

“Shut up. That’s not the point,” she defended weakly, despite the soft blush on her own cheeks. Sean couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of her getting so flustered over a girl. It was so unlike her, and he was genuinely happy for her. He could only wish that he’d get his own shit figured out soon.

“The point is,” she continued after clearing her throat, “You had a hot guy drooling over you the entire fucking time. I thought you were oblivious to it, and that it was one-sided… but obviously not.” Sean’s cheeks warmed again.

“I… didn’t think you noticed… He was drooling over me?” Sean asked. His heart skipped a beat at the idea of it. He’d noticed Finn watching him, staring at him. But… drooling?

Nobody ever drooled over him.

“Of course I noticed. I was distracted, not fucking blind. And yeah, he was practically undressing you with his eyes from the very first second.”

_Undressing me?!_

“See, that right there! You should see your face right now, dude!”

“What’s wrong with my face?” Sean asked.

“I can read you like a fucking book, Sean. You like that idea, don’t you? You totally want him to undress you! I KNEW IT!”

“Lyla! Not so loud, my dad – “ 

“You’re not even denying it!”

“Lyla, seriously. If my dad hears – “

“As if he won’t be okay with it. You’ve literally got the coolest dad in the entire fucking world. He won’t care if you bring a boy home.”

“I know. I just… This whole thing is so new, I don’t even know what I’m doing yet. I don’t even know what I am… Like, sexuality is so fucking confusing. And what about Jenn? Shit… I’m just not ready to talk about it with Dad. Not yet.”

“I totally understand,” Lyla said, placing a hand on his shoulder before sighing.

“Am I… totally weird for freaking out about all of this?” Sean asked.

“No way. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t freak out at least a little bit.”

“Rude.”

“True,” she countered with a smirk.

“I guess.”

“Besides… This is new for you. I mean, really new. It’s okay for you to be a bit confused. As long as you know that no matter what, you always have me, your dad, and Daniel.”

“Oh please. Daniel’s a brat.”

“He’s nine, Sean. That’s his job. And that boy loves you. He’s really not as bad as you think,” Lyla said. 

“I know. You’re right…” Sean whispered, bowing his head slightly.

“I’m always right.”

“And humble too.”

“You know it.”

Sean let out a laugh before shoving her playfully. She shoved him back, before hopping off the bed and walking over to the desk, where his phone was.

“What are you doing?” he asked, suddenly feeling his palms start to sweat. Lyla had a history of sending people messages before he okayed them, and she had his password because _of course she did._

“Chill, dude. I just wanna see what we’re working with,” she said dismissively. Then she noticed the panicked look on Sean’s face. “Permission to read your messages, my good sir?” she asked with a dramatic bow and a ridiculous pompous English accent.

“Ugh… fine. Just, no sending messages without me reading them first!”

“I would never,” she gasped, feigning offense before giggling to herself and unlocking his phone. Sean sat in awkward silence as he watched her. Her fingers were tapping and swiping frantically, which he assumed meant she was making her way to his chat with Finn. His nerves were bubbling up again, but he willed himself to stay calm. 

He trusted her.

A few seconds - which felt like hours – passed in which Sean sat silently, as Lyla stared at his phone. The fact that he knew exactly what she was reading, only made the entire thing more nerve-wracking. He just wished it wouldn’t be so quiet.

He got his wish.

“Sean Eduardo Diaz!” she shrieked, still clutching the phone and staring at the screen. There was a broad smile on her face, and her eyes were wide.

“What?” he asked quietly, standing up.

“You flirt! You actually flirted with him! You totally like him!”

“Lyla, please – “

“Shit, sorry. Got a bit carried away. But seriously, you like him, don’t you?”

_I don’t fucking know what I feel. That’s the problem._

“Look, Finn is hot, okay – _don’t_ say anything,” he quickly added when he noticed her open her mouth to interrupt him. She shut it quickly, before he continued, “I definitely feel… I don’t know what it is exactly. I just… he makes me feel _something._ Something good. And I – I wanna get to know him…” 

Sean closed his eyes, waiting for the teasing comments to pour in.

_I knew it, you thirsty bitch._

_You’re in loooove._

_Sean and Finn, kissing in a fucking tree._

_He makes you feel real good, huh?_

_I’m sure he makes you feel lots of things._

He had a million different ideas in his mind of how Lyla would react. But not one of them was close to the reality that he faced when he decided to be brave and look over at her. Lyla was simply smiling at him. No wagging eyebrows. No smirk. No teasing comments. Nothing. Just a smile. A real smile. And it made Sean smile, without him even realizing it.

“I’m really proud of you, Sean,” she said.

“Proud?”

“Yes, dummy. Proud.”

“Why?” Sean asked.

“Well, because I know you. You hate talking about these kinds of things. And I know that this is all completely terrifying for you. The fact that you’re even able to admit any of this at all is something to be proud of.”

_Oh._

_Wow._

“Thanks, Lyla… I don’t know what to say.”

“Hey, don’t say anything to me. Think of something to say to Finn,” she said with a wink, holding the phone out to him.

_There it is._

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what? Text?”

“Yes. I mean, no. I can text. I just can’t text _him_.”

“Uh, yes you can. You already did last night. And very nice job on that, by the way. Maybe you don’t even need Lyla the love witch’s magic anymore,” she teased.

“I’ll always need Lyla the love witch,” Sean said softly, taking the phone from her before pulling her in for a hug. She hugged him back tightly, before pulling away and sitting on the desk.

“Go on, type something. Just say hey, or something. Ask to hang out, if that’s what you want. Whatever feels right. If you’re not sure about it, I can read it after to double-check it.”

“You sure that’s not weird? For me to text him?”

“Why would it be weird?”

“I don’t know…”

“Just do it. Don’t think so hard about it. If you wanna talk to him, just start a conversation. It’ll be fine.”

“Okay, I’ll try…” he said, before sitting down on the bed. His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he tried to figure out what to say.

…………………………………………

**_11:07 – Sean:_ **

Hey Finn, it’s Sean. From the party.

…………………………………………

_He already knows it’s you, idiot. Delete._

…………………………………………

**_11:08 – Sean:_ **

Hello there

…………………………………………

_No. Delete that shit. Sounds too lame, totally awkward… Like a robot, or something. Fuck. Try something… smoother._

…………………………………………

**_11:09 – Sean:_ **

Hey hot stuff.

…………………………………………

_Absolutely fucking not. Delete. Delete. Delete._

_Why am I so bad at this? It’s just a text. Just say ‘hey’._

…………………………………………

**_11:11 – Sean:_ **

Hey

…………………………………………

_That seems… good enough. I think._

“I just said hey… Is that good? It feels like it’s not enough. What do you think?” he found himself asking. 

“Dude, of course it’s good. ‘Hey’ is a good place to start. Stop freaking yourself out,” she said, tapping her fingers on the desk.

“Okay.”

_And send…_

_Sent._

_Now what?_

“Did you send it?” Lyla asked. 

“Yeah. What if he doesn’t respond?”

“He will. I saw him yesterday. Trust me.”

“How can you be so sure? Maybe he woke up this morning and realized that I’m a total loser.”

“Sean, you’re a track star. A star athlete at our school, and an incredibly talented artist. You’ve got so much going for you. You’re totally hot and super funny, and the best fucking person I know. And if anyone thinks differently, then they’re the loser.”

“Damn, Lyla. You sure you’re not in love with me?”

“Gross. No. I already have Cass, thank you very much.”

“How long have you guys even been together? Still can’t believe you never told me.”

“It’s kinda new. We’ve been together for like a month. I wanted to tell you. I really did. But you just seemed so distracted with Jenn, and I wanted to help you out first. Plus, I wanted to make sure it was… real. Before I told the world, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay, Lyla. I’m not mad. I’m really happy for you,” Sean said.

“Thanks, Sean. She just… she makes me happy. I really like her,” Lyla said, smiling to herself. Sean found himself smiling again too.

“I can tell. She’s making you… what did you call it? Act all goofy.”

“Shut up,” Lyla groaned, rolling her eyes. It did nothing to hide her smile. 

“But it’s so much fun,” Sean teased.

“Just you wait until Finn responds and you start freaking out again!”

“I won’t freak out!”

“Yes, you will.”

_Yeah, I totally will._

“Hey, Lyla?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. What are best freakin’ fighters for?”

**********

Lyla hung out with Sean for a while after that. They had lunch together, and then Esteban left. After that, Daniel immediately barged into Sean’s room to whine. It seemed like his best behavior went out the window as soon as their father stepped out of the house. Sean tried to be nice about it, and Lyla was sweet as always. She agreed to play games on the playbox with him for a while until Cassidy gave her a call. When she went into Sean’s room to take the call, Sean stepped in to play with Daniel for a while, much to the little boy’s surprise.

After a few minutes of playing, and trying to be a good big brother, Lyla came back into the living room.

“Yo, Sean. Is it cool if I head out? Cassidy wants to meet up.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course. No worries,” he said.

“You sure?” Lyla asked, scratching her arm awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Go, and have fun… Not too much fun though,” Sean teased, giving her a subtle wink. She merely rolled her eyes at him again.

“Who’s Cassidy?” Daniel asked, not entirely focused on the conversation because of the game.

“Oh, uh…”

“She’s… Lyla’s girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” the younger brother asked curiously, pausing his game and scratching his head in confusion.

“Uh, yeah,” Sean said, looking between Lyla and Daniel.

“Oh. That’s… cool!”

“Really?” Sean asked. He could hear Lyla echoing his question behind him.

“Yeah. I mean, as long as you still love me,” Daniel said quietly.

_Wow._

“Of course, Daniel. I’ll always have a very special place in my heart for my favorite Diaz brother!” Lyla said with a bright, reassuring smile. 

“Awesome!” Daniel said, before continuing with his game. Sean stood up and walked over to where Lyla was standing, in front of the door.

“Thought I was your favorite Diaz brother?” he asked playfully.

“No way. Everyone knows Daniel’s the fun brother,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him before glancing at her phone. “Shoot, I gotta run. Need to stop by the step-momster before I go over to Cassidy. Want me to say hi to Finn for you?” she asked teasingly, though still being sure to ask the question extra quietly.

“Finn?” 

“Yeah, Cassidy is staying with him for a while. Long story.”

“Oh...”

“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to him if you don’t want me to. Or you could always just… come with me?” 

“I mean, that would be fun. But I can’t. Gotta look after Daniel. Plus, homework.”

“Homework… lame,” Lyla groaned, before hugging him.

“When he texts you back, you let me know, alright? I wanna stay up to date, constantly!”

“Of course, you know I will.”

“Good. I’ll text you later. Bye Daniel!”

“Bye Lyla! Say hi to Cassidy for me, tell her she can never compete with me!” Daniel called out, in an entirely serious tone. 

“Will do. Later, Sean.”

“Later,” Sean said with a smile, despite feeling disappointed at the fact that he was stuck at home. But he forced himself to suck it up, because what else could he do? Lyla gave him a small smile, and then she was gone.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, enano,” he said, sitting down on the couch again.

“You gonna go back to your room again?” Daniel asked with a frown.

Sean considered his options.

  1. Go back to his room, do homework, and freak out about his sexuality and Finn.
  2. Hang out with his baby brother.



“Nah… think I’ll hang out here with you for a while.”

“Really?” Daniel asked, looking up at Sean with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“Yeah… Been a while since we hung out, just the two of us. Think that would be cool?”

That much was true. Whenever they did hang out, their dad – or sometimes Lyla – was around to make sure they got along. And Sean, for once, wanted to try and get along. Not for their dad, or for Lyla. For Daniel.

“It would be awesome!” Daniel beamed.

For the first time in what felt like forever, they genuinely had a good time together without fighting.

**********

Time flew by after that, and eventually, their dad came home. Sean retreated to his room to do the homework he’d been not so subtly procrastinating. He had every intention of being productive – really, he did. But the universe had other plans for him.

His books were out. His pens were ready. His head was clear of thoughts of Finn…

Well, not entirely. But enough to focus on his homework.

And then, his phone buzzed. 

Why would he not check it?

…………………………………………

**_17:47 – Finn:_ **

hiya sweetie

sorry I took so long, wasn’t at home

was surprised to see ur message

good surprise though 😉

how u doing?

…………………………………………

_Okay, do not freak out. Just be cool. Say what feels right._

…………………………………………

**_17:48 – Sean:_ **

It’s cool

I’m okay, was about to do some homework

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:47 – Finn:_ **

homework? what’s that? 

am I disturbing?

…………………………………………

Sean typed out his next reply far too quickly.

…………………………………………

**_17:47 – Sean:_ **

No you’re not.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:47 – Finn:_ **

u sure?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:47 – Sean:_ **

Yeah I’m sure

I wasn’t sure if I should message you or not

…………………………………………

Sean was entirely aware of the fact that his books were still open on the desk in front of him. But that didn’t seem to matter much now. What he wasn’t aware of, was why he decided to send that second message to Finn. But it was too late to take it back.

…………………………………………

**_17:48 – Finn:_ **

why?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:48 – Sean:_ **

Because I’ve never done this before.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:48 – Finn:_ **

what? never texted?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:49 – Sean:_ **

No, obviously I’ve texted.

Nevermind

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:49 – Finn:_ **

I’m just playing sweetheart

don’t worry, I get it

you can always text me 

I like hearing from you.

…………………………………………

_Sweetheart?_

Sean gulped, before typing another message and hoping to change the subject, despite the way his face was burning.

…………………………………………

**_17:50 – Sean:_ **

So, what were you up to today?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:50 – Finn:_ **

had to do some grocery shopping for my momma

cass eats everything in this fucking house

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:50 – Sean:_ **

Oh yeah, Lyla mentioned Cassidy staying with you

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:51 – Finn:_ **

she did? 

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:51 – Sean:_ **

Yeah, she came over earlier today.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:52 – Finn:_ **

did you guys talk about me?

…………………………………………

_Shit._

_Say no._

…………………………………………

**_17:52 – Sean:_ **

Maybe

…………………………………………

_I am an idiot._

…………………………………………

**_17:52 – Finn:_ **

damn

good things I hope?

…………………………………………

_Shit._

…………………………………………

**_17:53 – Sean:_ **

Definitely good things

…………………………………………

_What the fuck am I doing?_

_I think I’m possessed. Lyla possessed me. Fuck._

…………………………………………

**_17:53 – Finn:_ **

shit sean

u are something else

…………………………………………

_Holy fuck. I think I might die._

Sean couldn’t stop himself. Not now. Not when his heart was pounding, threatening to jump right out of his chest. Not when he had a smile on his face that was making his face hurt. Not when he was talking to Finn McNamara.

…………………………………………

**_17:54 – Sean:_ **

Is that good?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:54 – Finn:_ **

absolutely

ur one of a kind

…………………………………………

And yeah, Sean was definitely dying. His heart was giving out on him. This was it for him.

…………………………………………

**_17:55 – Sean:_ **

I actually have no clue what I’m doing.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:55 – Finn:_ **

do I make you nervous?

…………………………………………

_Say no. Please, fingers cooperate. Say no._

…………………………………………

**_17:55 – Sean:_ **

Yeah

Really fucking nervous

…………………………………………

_Stupid fingers._

There was a pause in the conversation, as Sean waited for Finn to respond. Everything else was long forgotten. He just hoped that Finn wasn’t making fun of him, for his obvious lack of experience.

…………………………………………

**_17:57 – Finn:_ **

ur so fucking precious

would it help if I told u that u make me nervous too?

…………………………………………

_What?!_

…………………………………………

**_17:57 – Sean:_ **

I don’t believe that

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:57 – Finn:_ **

you make me nervous

trust me

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:57 – Sean:_ **

I don’t get it

But I trust you

That actually made me feel better

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:58 – Finn:_ **

glad I could help

u do know u don’t have to worry, right?

we can take this as slow as you want, no pressure

just getting to know each other

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_17:59 – Sean:_ **

I’d like that

I wanna get to know you

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_18:00 – Finn:_ **

good thing I got ur number then, sweetie 😉

…………………………………………

And that was how Sean ended up doing no homework at all. They ended up texting back and forth for the rest of the night; even through dinner, much to Esteban’s disapproval. 

“No phones during dinner. You can talk to Jenn later,” his father had said. Sean reluctantly shoved his phone into his pocket and proceeded to eat faster than he’d ever eaten before. He nearly choked as he shoveled the last of his food into his mouth, before mumbling a quick thank you and disappearing back into his room.

Immediately he pulled out his phone again, and the conversation proceeded as though the interruption never happened. Texting with Finn proved to be really easy; he was easy to talk to. They talked about things like school, and Lyla and Cassidy. They talked about random stuff too, like the existence of aliens, and cloning… Apparently, Finn’s friend Penny was way into stuff like that.

Their conversation ranged from things as basic as favorite colors to things as deep and philosophical as Finn’s ideas about memories. He called them ‘lessons for the future’, which Sean thought was a really cool way of thinking about things. 

At some point, Lyla sent him a text while he waited for Finn to respond.

…………………………………………

**_21:40 – Lyla:_ **

Yo, I’m back at home.

Step-momster was pissed I came back so late.

Oh well

Finn texted u back right?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_21:40 – Sean:_ **

Yeah

We’ve been talking

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_21:40 – Lyla:_ **

good

btw

he was smiling at his phone like an idiot the whole fucking time

wanna hear all about it 2mrw

…………………………………………

Sean realized then that he was smiling like an idiot too, and he didn’t even try to stop himself. Not even when his dad came in to say goodnight, and asked him if Jenn was the one that was making him smile like that. He wasn’t even sure if he answered the question at all, too wrapped up in texting Finn.

Time seemed to fade away, and Sean failed to notice how late it had gotten. He hadn’t moved from his desk, where his books were still laying open and waiting to be used.

…………………………………………

**_02:16 – Finn:_ **

I could talk to u all night sweetheart

but u wanna go to bed? it’s late

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:16 – Sean:_ **

Shit, I didn’t notice the time

I didn’t even do my homework

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:16 – Finn:_ **

haha, sorry about that

didn’t mean to distract u

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:16 – Sean:_ **

It’s cool

I like talking to you

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:17 – Finn:_ **

so do I

maybe next time we can talk face to face? 

hang out, or something?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:17 – Sean:_ **

Like a date?

…………………………………………

_Shit. Why the fuck did I ask that? What is wrong with me?_

…………………………………………

**_02:18 – Finn:_ **

only if u want it to be

…………………………………………

_Only if I want it to be?_

_Does he want it to be?_

_Do I want it to be?_

_Fuck._

_How do I reply to that? Shit shit shit._

But before Sean could freak out too much, Finn sent him another text.

…………………………………………

**_02:19 – Finn:_ **

don’t worry my little sean

we take things as slow as u want

…………………………………………

Sean was only becoming more and more convinced that Finn had mind-reading abilities. 

…………………………………………

**_02:19 – Sean:_ **

Thank you

That means a lot

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_02:19 – Finn:_ **

no worries

sleep tight

dream of me 😉

…………………………………………

_I probably will at this point…_

Sean fell asleep with that same smile plastered on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I take an entire week to post this chapter? Yeah. Sorry about that. I really want to maintain a relatively decent upload schedule, but sometimes the writer's block hits hard :(  
> I hope this chapter was worth the wait though  
> Also, to all of you that left comments on chapter 2, THANK YOU. I love reading and responding to comments, so I apologize for not responding to any on the last chapter (it has been a long week) but I will be sure to make an effort to respond to comments more from now on :)
> 
> PS. In this fic, Finn is short. I think he's shorter than Sean in the game, but not by much. Imagine him like that, but even shorter.

Sean would never admit to anyone that he spent the entirety of the day on Monday at school scanning the halls for dreadlocks or tattoos. Never.

It shouldn’t have been that hard, really. Finn didn’t exactly seem like the kind of guy to blend in with a crowd. Sean imagined that he would stick out like a sore, beautiful, tattooed thumb. And yet, he couldn’t find Finn all day. He couldn’t even find Lyla for most of the day, since she and Cassidy were off together somewhere for almost the entire day. In fact, Lyla didn’t even show up for half of her classes, too wrapped up in her romance straight out of a movie. 

Sean was only a little jealous.

_A little._

Honestly, he had no idea how Finn even managed to go to school with tattoos on his face; as far as Sean knew, that wasn’t exactly allowed. But, then again, Finn didn’t seem like he cared much for rules anyhow.

Either way, the boy and his tattoos were nowhere to be seen, much to Sean’s disappointment. However, he did see Jenn. He saw her, and she saw him, but she didn’t smile at him like she usually did. It was only a tight-lipped grin and a curt nod, and then she was walking off. 

Once upon a time, maybe.

Sean was curious as to what caused the sudden coldness, but that was all it was.

Curiosity. 

And of course, concern over the potential loss of a friend, and crush… Ex-crush? He wasn’t sure anymore.

Maybe three days ago, Jenn’s actions would have sent his mind racing. Maybe before the party, the cold greeting, if he could even call it a greeting, would have cut him deep like a knife. But not now. Instead of immediately whipping out his phone to frantically text Lyla to ask her what it meant, he simply walked on to his next class. And then his next. And that was how he spent his Monday.

Going to class. Searching for Finn. Going to class. Searching for Finn. 

In retrospect, he could have simply texted Finn to ask where he was… But, as if searching for him the entire day wasn’t embarrassing enough, he really wanted to pretend he was simply running into Finn. 

Finn knowing that Sean was actively looking for him was _not_ an option. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to live down that mortification…

However, he never found Finn.

All he found was Eric, who fired a ton of questions at him. Most of them revolved around Sean’s whereabouts at his party, which Sean managed to avoid answering with a level of grace and subtlety that Lyla would have applauded.

He had just about given up hope of seeing Finn at all when Lyla jumped him as he was walking towards the front doors of the school. He had been all too ready to go home after a long and disappointing day. Cassidy was with her, looking down at her phone.

“Surprise, bitch!” Lyla yelled as she pushed down on his shoulders from behind before coming up to walk next to him.

“Howdy Sean,” Cassidy greeted with a smile, still very focused on the device in her hand. 

“Hey, Cassidy. Lyla, where have you been?”

“I’ve been around, you know…” she said, eyes unsubtly flicking towards Cassidy before she looked at Sean again. “Why? Did you miss me?”

Sean rolled his eyes before saying, “No, I just needed your help.”

“Why? What’s up?”

“I was… I was looking for Finn,” he mumbled, feeling his cheeks warm at the admission.

“Oooooh,” Lyla cooed, hooking her arm in with Sean’s before turning over to Cassidy. “Have you seen Finn today, babe?” she asked sweetly. Sean bit back another groan.

“Not since this mornin’,” Cassidy answered, finally sliding her phone into her pocket. Sean and Lyla shared a look before looking over at the purple-haired girl again. She continued, “Finn didn’t come in today. He jus’ dropped me off.”

_Oh._

“Why were you looking for him?” Cassidy asked, her tone laced with curiosity but still inexplicably teasing. The grin on her face gave that much away.

“Isn’t it obvious? Sean here has a little crush,” Lyla added, nudging Sean and wagging her eyebrows before he could open his mouth to come up with any sort of excuse. 

“What? No!” was the only thing he could come up with. It was a feeble attempt, and he knew that because of the matching looks Cassidy and Lyla wore on their faces. He tried again. 

“It’s not a crush. I just… wanted to ask him something. No big deal… nevermind.”

_Ground, please swallow me whole._

“Chill, Sean. We’re just teasing you,” Lyla said with a smile before she started dragging him out the door and down the stairs. She steered him towards the bus, but Cassidy’s voice made them both stop in their tracks.

“Y’all need a ride?”

“Hmmm, Sean? What do you say?” Lyla asked.

“Oh, uh… no, we’ll be fine. We always take the bus,” Sean explained. He never had any problems taking the bus and didn’t want to burden Cassidy. Plus, he didn’t think his dad would appreciate them driving home with a stranger. Esteban liked to know who was driving them around. However, Sean hadn’t realized the full implications of her question. 

Cassidy didn’t drive. Cassidy didn’t have a car. Someone else did though.

“Finn’s picking me up,” Cassidy added. 

Lyla whipped her head to look at Sean, a knowing look in her eyes. There was no use trying to fight his way out of this one. He just needed to figure out a way to make his sudden change of heart way less obvious. This wasn’t an opportunity he wanted to miss; even though the prospect of being face to face with Finn again made his palms sweat.

“Uh, yeah… That’d be cool, only if he doesn’t mind.”

_Totally not obvious._

“As if he’d mind giving _you_ a ride, of all people,” Lyla said simply before they walked off in a different direction with Cassidy. She grabbed Cassidy’s hand as they walked, while Sean decided to trail behind them. He didn’t know why, but he swore he could feel eyes on him as they walked through the crowds gathered outside the school. Or maybe that was just his nerves getting the better of him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

He wasn’t entirely sure where they were heading until he finally saw what he’d been waiting to see all day.

Dreadlocks.

Tattoos.

Finn.

_Oh boy._

The dim lighting at the party on Friday didn’t do Finn justice, at all. Sean was able to finally take everything in for the first time, and his heart skipped a beat. Finn was somehow even hotter than he remembered. And that was saying something, given how gorgeous Finn was in Sean’s very vivid memories from Friday night. 

The older boy was leaning casually against the side of a car – probably his car – and watching Cassidy and Lyla approach with a lazy grin on his face. However, he didn’t seem to notice that Sean was with them, and it was pretty clear when he did. His blue eyes seemed to widen, and his grin morphed into a full-on smile. In fact, if Sean had seen correctly, Finn had run a hand through his dreadlocks frantically as if trying to make himself look better – if that was possible – before smoothing down the front of his overalls.

Speaking of which… _Overalls?_

Sean was sure that Finn was the first person he’d ever seen that could rock overalls and make them look sexy. Sean thought Finn was too punk rock for the whole farmer look, but it suited him. He looked… so fucking hot. And it was not fair.

Not fair at all.

Especially not when it was so clear that Finn knew exactly how hot he was. He was so confident; so sure of himself. That only made him more attractive. And the wink he threw at Sean as they got closer didn’t help things at all.

_Deep breaths. Be cool. Act chill…_

“Well, what do we have here Cass?” he drawled once the three of them were at the car. 

“Hey Finn,” Sean found himself saying before Cassidy could answer. 

_Totally chill._

“Hey there, sweetie. Lookin’ good,” Finn said, looking Sean up and down slowly and biting his lip appreciatively. Sean’s cheeks were burning already, and it had been ten fucking seconds. But he was glad Finn had complimented him… He had, after all, spent about thirty minutes trying to make his hair look good this morning. 

Still, the boost of confidence from the compliment did nearly nothing to calm Sean’s nerves. He wished he could be less of a nervous wreck. According to Finn, he was nervous around Sean. But Sean really couldn’t believe that, especially now as Finn leaned casually against his car. He was giving Sean a look that Lyla would probably describe as saying “I want to take your clothes off”, and the very idea set Sean’s entire body on fire.

“Sean?” Lyla asked, breaking Sean out of the daydream he wasn’t even aware he was in.

“Huh?”

“You totally spaced, dude. You missed the whole conversation… Finn’s cool with giving us a ride. Are you ready to go?” she asked impatiently, tugging his arm gently. Finn was smirking at him and Cassidy was very clearly failing to stifle a giggle from behind Lyla.

“Shit, sorry… Yeah, let’s go,” Sean mumbled, bowing his head to avoid looking at anyone. Finn chuckled to himself and Sean tried not to let his heart jump out of his chest at the sound. 

_Does everything about him have to be so fucking hot?_

“Alright, come on y’all. Let’s go,” Cassidy said, pulling Lyla towards the car by the hand.

“Sean, you ride shotgun, okay?” Lyla said with a smirk. She clambered into the backseat with Cassidy before he could even form a verbal response. He absolutely did not want to ride shotgun, up in the front with Finn… because that forced him to talk, and, you know, _use words_. 

An impossible feat, when he was with Finn.

Sean opened his mouth to say something… anything. But then Finn cocked his head to the side, the smirk on his face softening into a smile, and every single coherent thought that he could conjure up fled from his brain. He simply stood there, mouth hanging open pathetically, wishing that he could disappear. If he could rewind time, he’d go back to about two minutes ago to redo this entire conversation.

Finn didn’t seem bothered at all though, simply pushing himself off the car to stand up straight. And it was at that moment that Sean realized something.

Finn was _short._

Well, not short, but definitely shorter than him. And although height barely mattered to him usually, it did at that moment. Purely because Sean remembered how he felt on Friday, drowning in the crowd, and then when Finn flirted with him. He felt so small, so uncertain of himself. In fact, he barely even noticed Finn’s height, too distracted by basically everything else about Finn. Even now, as he stood in front of Sean, looking up at him slightly, Sean couldn’t help but feel intimidated. How could one person hold so much power over him, without even trying?

It was both terrifying and exhilarating. 

“Shall we?” Finn asked, opening the passenger door with a bow. Sean couldn’t form any sort of verbal response, yet again, so he simply nodded silently before climbing in, letting Finn close the door for him. As Finn made his way around to the driver’s side, Sean made eye contact with a smirking Lyla in the rear-view mirror. Her head was rested on Cassidy’s shoulder, and they were deep in conversation, but apparently, that didn’t stop her from teasing him. 

_This is fine. This is totally fine. Not freaking out._

“So, where we headed?” Finn asked, starting the car. 

“Uh… I think my house. I gotta get home and help my dad with dinner,” Sean said before giving Finn his address. Cassidy shifted in her seat then, turning to face Lyla. “Babe, I was kinda hopin’ we could hang for a while, ‘fore you head on home,” she said.

“Oh, yeah… I’d like that. That cool with you, Sean?” Lyla asked. Sean simply nodded, a small smile on his face. Who was he to deny her the chance to hang out with her girlfriend? 

“Cool, I’ll drop you two lovebirds off at home first since it’s closer, then get little Sean here home all nice and safe. Sound good?”

“Uh, yeah. Sounds good,” Sean answered calmly, despite being nowhere near calm. He wanted to point out the fact that dropping him off first would make much more sense, but he refrained. Partly because he didn’t have the courage to form another full sentence. More importantly, he liked the idea of having more time with Finn, at least until he realized what that actually meant.

_Alone in a car with Finn._

_Totally fine._

_Not freaking out._

_Not at all._

**********

Sean often cursed himself for his lack of social skills. He always felt too awkward, worrying whether he was laughing too loud or too quietly. Worried that he wouldn’t get the joke and would end up being the only one laughing. Or worse, laughing at something that wasn’t actually a joke.

Socializing was hard.

And most of the time, when he felt uncomfortable in any given social setting, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. He could only ever blame it on his social awkwardness. This car ride in particular was no different. It was… awkward. Not for anyone else, at least. Sean was pretty sure everyone was okay, not feeling weird at all. It was just him, yet again.

They’d only been driving for about five minutes, and in that time, he’d mustered up the courage to say exactly two sentences. One of those sentences was just a ‘No’ when Finn asked him if it was too hot in the car.

Lyla and Cassidy were an entire TV show on their own. They switched between making googly eyes at each other like love-struck teenagers and bickering like an old married couple so fast it nearly gave Sean whiplash. But he was thankful for their constant stream of entertainment since it made it easier for Sean to stay quiet without drawing attention to himself.

However, Finn seemed to notice either way, since he kept glancing over at Sean every now and then. Either the older male picked up on his awkwardness, or he just liked looking at Sean.

Sean found himself hoping for the second option.

It was then that Sean realized he needed to let his dad know that he was catching a ride home. Seeing a stranger pull up to the house with his son in the passenger seat unannounced didn’t seem like something his dad would appreciate. As he was typing out a message to his dad, a message popped up from Lyla.

Sean resisted the urge to turn around and say something to her, opening the text and tilting his phone so that Finn couldn’t see the screen… just in case.

…………………………………………

**_15:37 – Lyla:_ **

Dude, talk 2 him

This is ur chance

Pretend we’re not here

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:37 – Sean:_ **

I don’t know what to say.

Can’t do it.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:37 – Lyla:_ **

Yes, u can

U talked 2 him on Saturday, for hours.

Hours.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:38 – Sean:_ **

That was different.

We were texting.

This is talking for real.

What do I even say?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:38 – Lyla:_ **

We talked about this, be cool.

Talk about anything.

He already likes you.

You got this.

Cass and I are rooting for you 😉

…………………………………………

Sean fixed her with a glare through the rear-view mirror, seeing smug expressions on both girl’s faces. He rolled his eyes, causing both Lyla and Cassidy to laugh. At least they managed to stay quiet about it because he didn’t want Finn to catch on. However, Finn was too focused on driving to notice the entire exchange, much to Sean’s relief.

Still, Lyla was right. This was his chance.

Deep breaths.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

“So,” Sean started, realizing much too late how loud he had spoken. His voice startled every other person in the car, including Finn, who whipped his head to the side to look at Sean before quickly setting his eyes on the road again. Sean could hear Lyla and Cassidy stifling giggles in the backseat, but forced himself to ignore them. 

He cleared his throat before trying again.

“Uh, this is a really cool car.”

Sean could _hear_ Lyla rolling his eyes at the weak conversation attempt, but he didn’t care. It was something, and he was happy to have said anything at all. Apparently, Finn was too, judging by the soft smile that quickly appeared on his face. It was a really nice smile too. 

“You think so?” Finn asked, only barely taking his eyes off the road this time.

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t really know that much about my cars. That’s my dad’s thing. But I mean, I know a bit, and your car seems… cool.”

He mentally slapped himself for not only rambling but failing to come up with anything more intelligent than ‘it’s cool’.

_Why did I never pay more attention when Dad talked about cars?!_

“Thanks, sweetheart. Your dad’s into cars?”

“Yeah, way into them. He’s a mechanic.”

“Shit, that’s dope. I’m really into cars myself, actually,” Finn said, suddenly sounding more excited than before.

“Oh, really?” Sean asked.

“Hell yeah. Put this damn baby together myself.”

“No way!”

“S’ true, sweetie. Took fuckin’ forever, but I got it done,” Finn announced proudly. Suddenly, the topic of conversation didn’t seem so weak. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

“Holy shit. That’s awesome, dude!” Sean couldn’t hide his excitement. He didn’t even remember to _try_ and hide it.

“Yeah?” Finn asked, looking over at Sean as they pulled up on a red light. The sudden eye contact caused every word Sean had ready to say dying in the back of his throat. He settled for a wordless nod, gulping when Finn smiled and cocked his head again. When Finn finally looked away and started driving again, Sean was finally able to release the breath he’d been holding. He ignored Lyla’s eyebrow dance in the rear-view mirror, looking out the window.

_Finn and Dad would get along._

The thought made Sean far happier than it should have, so he pushed it away. Talking or thinking about Finn ever even meeting his dad seemed… presumptuous. But he liked the idea, and maybe one day…

_Okay, stop._

His phone buzzed in his lap then.

…………………………………………

**_15:43 – Lyla:_ **

See? That wasn’t so bad. You got this 😊

…………………………………………

Sean glanced up at the rear-view mirror again to see both girls giving him an eager thumbs-up. He couldn’t fight the smile from his face then.

…………………………………………

**_15:44 – Sean:_ **

Thanks

…………………………………………

_I’ve got this._

**********

“Alright, now you two kids run along and have fun. But not too much fun, you hear me?” Finn teased as Lyla and Cassidy climbed out of the car. They’d pulled up outside a house, about fifteen minutes from their school, which Sean assumed was Finn’s home – and by extension, Cassidy’s home too. He subconsciously made a mental note of the location, for future reference. Just in case. It was only about ten minutes from his own, which was definitely worth noting. 

“Shut up, dude,” Cassidy said before she pulled Lyla towards the front door. They both waved dramatically and blew the two boys huge kisses before disappearing into the house. Both Sean and Finn laughed to themselves before they took off again. This time, it was just the two of them.

And Sean was still totally fine, obviously.

They drove for about five minutes in silence – not awkward, but comfortable – until Finn spoke.

“You still good?” 

“What? Yeah, I’m okay. Why?”

“Jus’ thought I’d check. You seem quiet,” Finn said.

“I’m just…” Sean trailed off, weighing his options, before settling on honesty. “I’m just nervous.”

“Around me? Why, I’m flattered,” Finn teased, a playful smirk on his face. Sean could see what Finn was doing, trying to make him feel better by making a joke, and somehow it worked. Sean relaxed into his seat, debating on whether or not to text Lyla. He decided against it, putting his phone away.

“So, where were you today?” he asked.

“Hmm?”

“You weren’t at school.”

“You noticed?” Finn asked, looking over at Sean. So many red lights were not good for Sean’s heart. Every single time they stopped at one, Finn’s eyes were on him. And he didn’t know how to act when he looked into those blue eyes.

“I… uh, yeah. Well, no. I – I wasn’t looking for you, or anything like that. I mean, I was. Not like, _looking_ for you. I just… _happened_ to notice. B – But Cassidy said that you weren’t there, which is how I knew for sure, so yeah…”

_I am an idiot._

_This is why I don’t talk._

He clenched his eyes shut, before turning away and looking literally anywhere else.

“Sweetie?” His voice was so soft…

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m a fucking noob.”

“You were lookin’ for me?”

“No… Yes. I wanted to talk to you, or just… see you. It’s dumb.”

“Not dumb. It’s cute.”

Sean fought back a blush, daring himself to look at Finn who was now driving again. He was thankful for that since it gave him time to recompose himself. At least until Finn opened his mouth again.

“I jus’ ditched today, no worries. I do it all the time. No point in goin’, if I don’t even pay attention. Jus’ a waste of time then.”

“Right. That makes sense.”

“But… maybe now there’s a reason for me to go.”

Sean couldn’t say anything in response to _that._ Not when there was zero room for any sort of misinterpretation. And he definitely was not equipped to deal with what the right interpretation meant for him. He simply smiled – because how could he not smile after that. But it didn’t matter. They were almost out of time since his house was only about five minutes away now. He didn’t want to go home just yet…

And as if Finn could read his mind yet again, the silence was broken.

“You in a rush to get home?” Finn asked.

“Uh…” Sean trailed off, checking the time. 16:04. He promised his dad he’d be home in time to help with dinner, which meant… “I need to be home by five.”

“That’s enough time. Only if you’re down?”

“Down for what exactly?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Let’s go then,” Finn said, changing gears before making a turn which was definitely not going to take them towards Sean’s house.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

**********

“ _This_ was what you wanted to do?”

“Yeah.”

“You drove an extra thirty minutes for this?”

“Yeah.”

“For ice cream?!”

“Yeah.”

“That… makes perfect sense.”

“See? I’m a fuckin’ genius. This is the best place to get ice cream, I’m tellin’ you,” Finn said, nearly halfway done with his already. Strawberry ice cream... No wonder he always smelled like strawberries. Meanwhile, Sean was too distracted by literally everything to even begin to eat his own. Finn groaned, licking his lips, and Sean absolutely _did not_ watch it happen.

“I did not peg you for an ice cream guy,” Sean thought out loud.

“ _Everybody_ is an ice cream guy.”

“Not true. What about lactose intolerant people?”

“You think that’s gonna stop people from eating ice cream? Penny’s boyfriend Jinx is lactose intolerant, and he fuckin’ inhales this shit.”

“Fair enough,” Sean conceded, finally getting to work on his own ice cream. 

“S’good, right?” Finn asked, wiping his hands on his jeans before hopping off the hood of the car and turning to stand in front of Sean. The younger boy nodded, suddenly distracted from his ice cream again. If he just spread his legs apart another inch or two, Finn could slip comfortably between them. It would have been easy to do it.

But he did not want to do that. Not at all.

Nope.

Definitely not.

“So, my little Sean, tell me… What’s a guy like you doin’, still bein’ single and shit?” Finn asked.

“A guy like me?”

“Yeah.”

“You mean awkward, shy, socially incapable?” Sean asked, finishing off the last of his ice cream quickly.

“I mean smart, funny, sweet… _hot_.”

Sean nearly choked then, sputtering helplessly as his face began to burn. This was not safe.

“Jesus, sweetie. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just wasn’t expecting…” Sean trailed off. His heart was pounding erratically. 

“Me to call you hot?” Finn asked, completing the sentence. 

“Well, yeah.”

“Sweetheart, you’re so fuckin’ hot. I ain’t afraid to say that.”

_Clearly…_

“But if you want me to slow down, I can.”

“No,” Sean said without hesitation. He grabbed Finn’s hand without thinking, and both of them dropped their heads to look at where their hands were joined. When Sean looked up at Finn, he was surprised to see hints of pink spread across the bridge of the older male’s nose. It was adorable, and Sean suddenly couldn’t look away. 

Instead, his eyes trailed lower. 

To Finn’s mouth.

_Fuck._

Finn’s lips were moving now, saying words Sean was completely deaf to.

“What?” he managed to ask.

“You still with me?”

“Uh, yeah…” Sean said, forcing his eyes up away from those lips that were far too tempting. Now he was looking straight into blue. His new favorite color. Half without realizing, and half definitely on purpose, Sean parted his legs slightly. He didn’t even stop to think about the fact that people walking past might see. For once, he didn’t think at all. He just acted. 

Finn took up the invitation, stepping closer. 

“Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“Not that I’m complainin’… Because I’m definitely not,” Finn started, his hands making their way to Sean’s hips. The innocent touch sent shivers down the younger boy’s spine. “This is… not what I planned for this afternoon,” Finn finally added.

“It’s not?”

“Nah. I jus’ wanted to spend some more time with you, that’s all. We can take this slow. Don’t want’chu to think that you _have_ to do this.”

“I know. But I w – oh shit! What time is it?” Sean asked, whipping out his phone frantically. 16:40, and a bunch of texts from Esteban.

_Crap._

“Relax, sweetie. I’ll get you home. Let’s go.”

Once they were back in the car and driving, Sean opened his phone to read all of his dad’s texts.

…………………………………………

**_16:20 – Dad:_ **

Where are you?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_16:30 – Dad:_ **

Did you forget about dinner?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_16:35 – Dad:_ **

Okay, you need to text me back. 

At least let me know you’re okay.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_16:39 – Dad:_ **

Come on now, mijo. 

Just a single text.

…………………………………………

_Great._

…………………………………………

**_16:41 – Sean:_ **

Sorry Dad.

On my way home.

Be there soon, promise.

…………………………………………

“Everything okay?” Finn asked.

“Yeah… my dad’s been texting me. I told him I’m on my way home.”

“Sorry if I got you in trouble.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I think it’ll be okay,” Sean said. He could only hope that was true. 

“You sure?”

_No._

“Yeah.”

Finn said nothing, only nodding. 

“Hey, about earlier,” Sean started, but Finn cut him off. 

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. We don’t have to talk about it. We’re still takin’ shit at your pace. All the way, alright?”

“Yeah. I just, wasn’t thinking, you know?”

“It’s cool, no need to explain. As long as whatever you do is what you actually wanna do. Not what you think you’re _supposed_ to do.”

“Yeah…”

Sean didn’t know what else to say on the subject, so he dropped it. Every few minutes, he’d check his phone for regular time updates, and Finn definitely noticed. Sean’s anxiety was building, and he desperately hoped that they would get back soon. On the other hand, maybe not. Because when he did get home, he’d have to explain… _all of this._ And he had no idea how to do that.

But luckily Finn was there to distract him.

“So, how do you normally get to school and shit?”

“Me and Lyla usually catch the bus.”

“The bus? Man, that sucks. I hate buses.”

“Yeah, me too. But I don’t have a car yet, so I don’t have another option.”

“Well…” Finn trailed off, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel before saying, “I could always give you guys a ride if you want?”

“What?”

“I mean, I have a car. And you only live a few minutes away, so…”

“Isn’t it kind of out of your way?”

“Well, yeah. But I think it’s worth it if I get to spend more time with you.”

“…Is that why you dropped Lyla and Cassidy off first?”

“Hm?”

“Earlier. You dropped them off first. Was it to spend time with me?”

“‘Course it was, sweetie,” Finn said simply, without any hesitation. 

Sean didn’t think he’d ever get used to the amount of confidence that Finn possessed. He was so certain of himself and his feelings, and he was always so honest. And that was probably one of the most attractive things about him. 

“Look, you’re a cool guy, Sean. And if I have to drive a few extra minutes to see you, I’m fuckin’ down.”

“You’d really do that?” Sean asked. 

“Yeah. I would. Only if you wanted me to.”

“I’d like that…”

“Cool.”

Thirty minutes passed. Thirty minutes of talking. _Actually talking_. Sean had managed to come up with coherent responses and hold a conversation with Finn for thirty whole minutes. It was really easy too. Time seemed to fly with Finn – which was exactly why they lost track of time eating ice cream – and Sean couldn’t help but feel disappointed when his house came into view.

“It’s that one over there,” Sean announced, pointing towards his front door. Finn nodded in acknowledgment, pulling the car over in front of the house. 

Time check. 17:12. He was late… but not too late. 

“Thanks, Finn. For the ride… and for, uh, everything. This was fun.”

“Yeah, it was. You’re awesome, man. I like hanging out with you… helps that you’re gorgeous, of course.”

“Finn…” Sean said, embarrassed when the word sounded more like a whine than anything else. 

“Shit, sorry. I get carried away… You better run along, ‘fore your daddy comes out here lookin’ for you,” Finn said, getting ready to start the car again.

“Can we… do this again, sometime?” Sean asked.

“Whenever you want.”

“Cool. Thanks, Finn. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here.”

Sean nodded, biting back the sudden urge to do something stupid. But when did that ever stop him when Finn was involved? Before he could debate the idea any longer, he leaned over and pressed a tentative kiss to Finn’s cheek, just below those three triangles under his eyes. It was so quick, but it surprised Finn, and the older male sucked in a breath at the action.

When Sean pulled away, those cheeks were bright pink, and suddenly he felt far less insecure than before. “I’ll text you later,” he said, smiling at the older boy who was still stunned apparently. He hadn’t moved since Sean’s lips touched him, only barely nodding in response, those blue eyes wider than Sean had ever seen before.

_No regrets._

**********

“Where have you been, mijo?”

_Ahhh, sweet reality._

His dad was standing in the kitchen, already busy preparing food for dinner, and he wasn’t happy.

“I’m sorry, Dad… I really am. Me and Lyla got a ride with some friends, and I guess we just lost track of time,” Sean explained. Once again, it wasn’t a total lie. Just an omission of very crucial bits of truth.

“Well, I understand that. It happens. I was young too, once upon a time. But you could have at least let me know. I mean, you texted me nearly two hours ago that you were leaving school with friends.”

“I know. But we just ended up hanging out. I just forgot to let you know…”

“It’s fine, Seanie boy. Just, don’t let it happen again. And next time, at least let me know what’s going on, okay?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“Good. Now, tell me. Was one of those friends _Jenn_?” Esteban asked, his tone shifting from serious to teasing in less time than it took for Sean to blink.

“What?”

“You’ve been very vague about these _friends_.”

“Oh,” Sean said. It wasn’t an answer, not by any means. But what else was he supposed to say?

“Well?”

“It wasn’t Jenn,” Sean admitted. 

“Oh, okay. Do I know these mysterious friends of yours?”

“Uh, no. We met at the party last week,” Sean said, silently praying for all the questions to stop.

“And do they have names?” Esteban pressed curiously.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Uh, Cassidy, and Finn.”

_Please, no more questions._

“Cassidy?”

_Yes, ask about her! Not Finn._

“Yup, that’s her name.”

“Daniel mentioned her…”

_Oh shit. Abort._

“He did?”

“Yeah. He said that Cassidy is Lyla’s _girlfriend_?”

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

“Well, yeah. That is… Yeah. Lyla and Cassidy… They’re together.”

_Moment of truth._

Sean was nervous. Really nervous. More nervous than he’d been in the entire time he’d spent with Finn. This was his dad, and also the first real test of how accepting he was. Lyla was practically a part of the family, and Sean knew that Esteban saw her as his own daughter. He definitely loved her like one. But if he didn’t accept this… Sean didn’t know what he’d do.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Tell Lyla that we better be meeting this girl soon.”

“Meeting?”

“Yeah. She’s part of the family now if she’s with Lyla. Only fair that we meet her,” Esteban said, entirely unphased, chopping up peppers as he spoke. Sean dropped his bag to the ground, unsure of what to say. He’d feared the worst, and he should have been happy. He should have been relieved. And maybe he was. 

But that relief was overpowered by a sudden newfound wave of panic, and Sean didn’t know why. 

It made absolutely no sense, but he didn’t have a chance to figure it out. 

“You gonna stand there and make me cook all by myself, mijo?”

“Oh, no. Sorry. I’m coming.”

**********

“I’m telling you, Lyla. He was totally cool about it,” Sean whispered into his phone. After dinner with his dad and Daniel, he immediately fled to his room to call Lyla.

“Well, obviously. I could have told you that without you even telling him. Coolest dad ever, remember,” she said.

“Yeah, I know. But I was still worried, okay.”

“Well at least now you know he’ll be cool with you too.”

“Right…”

“Sean? What’s up? That wasn’t a very convincing ‘right’.”

“I don’t know. I’m even more freaked out now, than before. That’s crazy, right?”

“Why are you freaked out?”

“I have no idea.”

“Do you really think your dad won’t accept you? Even now?”

Sean considered it for a moment. He was about ninety percent sure that his dad would be cool about him liking a boy. His dad was always cool with whatever Sean wanted to do. Track. Art. Mechanics. Whatever. All that ever seemed to matter to him was that Sean was happy, and Sean knew that. Down to his core, he believed that his dad would accept him.

And yet, something was holding him back.

“No, I know he will. I’m just not ready to tell him. I don’t know why, but I’m not,” Sean admitted.

“Well, that’s fine, Sean. You don’t have to tell him right now. Just know that eventually, it’s going to have to happen. Especially if things between you and Finn carry on the way they’ve been going.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, don’t act dumb. You know exactly what I mean. You like him, and he likes you.”

“Okay, fine, you’re right. I do like him – “

“Hah! I knew it!”

“Yeah, yeah. By the way, he offered to give us a ride from now on.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck yeah! No more stinky bus!” Lyla cheered.

“There’s one another thing…”

“What?”

 _Deep breath._ Sean was taking a lot of those these days.

“I kissed him.”

“WHAT?!”

“I – “

“SEAN EDUARDO DIAZ!!”

“Ow, stop – “

“We’ve been on the phone for twenty minutes. You’re telling me that you waited twenty fucking minutes to tell me that you kissed Finn?! Where are your priorities?”

“Lyla – “

“I mean, seriously. That should have been the first thing you said to me.”

“Lyla, wait – “

“Was it good? Is he a good kisser?”

“Uh, it was on the cheek.”

“… The cheek?”

“Yes.”

“… You didn’t suck his face?”

“No way. Way too soon for that.”

“Damnit, Sean! I was so fucking excited…” She groaned, before continuing. “Still, a cheek kiss? That is _smooth._ ”

“It was terrifying. But it felt good.”

“Look at you, dude! Kissing hot boys on the cheek… My baby is all grown up.”

“Oh god, shut up.”

“You want me to shut up?”

“Please.”

“Fine. Then I guess you don’t want to hear how goofy and happy Finn was when he got back after dropping you off. And you definitely don’t want to know what he said.”

“Wait, what?”

“Nope. I’m shutting up.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Neither is telling me to shut up, but here we are.”

“Lyla,” Sean begged.

“Bye, Sean. Have a good night.”

“Lyla, wait – “

_She fucking hung up._

Sean groaned before flopping back on his bed. His mind was racing. There was so much to think about. So much happened, and it was only _Monday._ He’d never say this out loud, but it had been the most fun he’d had in a long time. Somehow, Finn turned getting ice cream, something pretty common, into a memorable experience. He couldn’t help but wonder what else Finn had in store for him… And he wanted to find out.

The thought made him pick up his phone again, ready to text Finn, but a knock at his door startled him. He nearly dropped his phone as he jumped.

“Sean? Can I come in?” his dad asked.

“Yeah, come on in.”

The door opened slowly and Esteban slipped in, closing the door quietly behind him.

“What’s up, Dad?” Sean asked curiously.

“You seem… off. Is something wrong?”

_Nothing’s wrong. I’m just not straight._

“No, everything is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, if you say so… You know you can talk to me about anything, right? If you’re having girl troubles, or problems at school… anything.”

“I know,” Sean said quietly.

“Okay, well I’m gonna leave you to it then. Me and Daniel are gonna go play… I forgot the name… Minecart?”

“Minecraft?”

“That’s the one.”

“Okay…” 

Esteban got up and walked towards the door, but Sean called out to him.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yes?”

“That _friend_ of mine, Finn. He… offered to drive me and Lyla to school. He has a car, and he doesn’t live far.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s nice of him.”

“Yeah. He’s really nice. He actually put together his own car.”

Sean didn’t know why he was talking about Finn to his dad right now, but it was happening. There was nothing he could do to stop this.

“Really? Well, I’d like to meet this _boy_ too. See this car he built.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally.”

_Finn meeting my dad… Cool._

“And when am I meeting _Jenn_?”

“Dad,” Sean groaned. Esteban merely laughed, patting Sean on the shoulder before leaving the room. Thankfully, he closed the door behind him again. That left Sean on his own, with time to do all the things he needed to do. Like homework, and figuring out his sexuality and his feelings. 

And instead of doing all of that, he picked up his phone to text Finn.

…………………………………………

**_19:47 – Sean:_ **

Hey

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:48 – Finn:_ **

hey there

everything cool with ur dad?

…………………………………………

Sean smiled, both at the quick response and at the concern Finn was showing.

…………………………………………

**_19:48 – Sean:_ **

Yeah, everything’s fine.

My dad is cool.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:48 – Finn:_ **

that’s cool, I'm glad

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:49 – Sean:_ **

Yeah, me too.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:50 – Finn:_ **

so, about that kiss

…………………………………………

Sean’s heart stopped. He hadn’t expected Finn to bring it up… but then again, why had he not expected it?

…………………………………………

**_19:50 – Sean:_ **

Was that okay?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:50 – Finn:_ **

more than okay

could get used to that 😉

…………………………………………

_Yeah, me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	4. Chapter 4

True to his word, Finn was there with Cassidy to pick Sean and Lyla up the next morning. Lyla preferred to walk over to Sean’s every morning, to avoid her mom asking questions. That afternoon, Finn drove them home too. And the next day, the same thing. It quickly became a routine. Surprisingly enough, Finn started attending school regularly. No ditching. 

The only time Sean ended up almost needing to take the bus was when he had track practice after school. Even then, Finn showed up after the practice had ended to pick the younger boy up. Despite Sean’s protests and pleas, reassuring Finn that it was not necessary, the tattooed boy insisted. It was then that Sean was incredibly grateful for the post-training showers. He wasn’t keen to sit in a car ride with Finn in his training clothes, smelling like sweat, and stinking up the car. That wasn’t very sexy.

Not that he was _trying_ to be sexy, or anything.

It was now Wednesday evening, and just over a week had passed. The four of them had become nearly inseparable, Sean and Finn especially. Their relationship hadn’t gone much further since the first day they hung out when Sean plucked up the courage to kiss Finn on the cheek. There were a few innocent, lingering touches here and there. Finn of course was flirtatious as per usual, never failing to drive Sean absolutely crazy.

And nearly every single night, Sean was up unreasonably late, talking to Finn. Some nights, they would text. Other nights, Finn would call him and he’d do his best to talk in hushed whispers. Waking up Daniel or his dad was not something he wanted to do.

Things with Finn, they were… really amazing, honestly.

But ever since the panic that had set in once Sean realized that Esteban was okay with Lyla having a girlfriend, Sean had become even more stressed out about his own budding relationship with Finn.

There was not a shred of doubt in Sean’s mind that he liked boys. Finn, in particular. And he still had no idea why the idea of coming out to his dad was so terrifying, but it was; there was no explanation beyond irrational panic.

Luckily, Finn never pushed for anything more. But Sean found himself _wanting_ more, with every passing day. The more he learned about Finn, the more he wanted to know.

But there was one thing in particular that Sean was learning very quickly.

The first day that Finn picked Sean and Lyla up, it took Sean exactly a second to notice. Eyeliner. Sean didn’t know much about makeup, but he recognized the winged eyeliner look immediately. And holy fuck, it looked so good. Finn had absolutely no right to look as good as he did.

The next day, Finn wore a crop top and jeans that left his stomach exposed. Sean practically short-circuited when the tattooed boy stepped out of the car to greet them, casual as ever. Controlling himself around Finn had been hard enough when the older boy was fully covered. Without those bits of exposed skin tempting him to reach out and…

_Nevermind._

Finn liked to wear whatever the fuck he wanted to, and Sean seriously respected him for that. Some days, he wore overalls that Sean thought were simply too adorable – and sexy, somehow - to be fair. Sean found himself wanting to tug Finn forward by the straps of the overalls and… 

_Stop._

Some days, Finn wore oversized hoodies or t-shirts with jeans. Most days, he had on some winged eyeliner, and sometimes even blush. On Saturday, he wore a mesh top when they all went out to get lunch together. 

_That_ had been a long and difficult afternoon.

But the tattooed boy never seemed to ditch that black bandana. No matter what he wore. Every single day it was tied around his wrist, or hanging loosely around his neck. 

And Finn was just… _so fucking pretty._ Sean knew it. Hell, everyone knew it. People would stare at him as they walked past him… Some looked at him in shock, others with envy. And then some of them downright ogled Finn with something in their eyes that made jealousy flare in Sean’s chest. He had to fight himself to not say or do anything, reminding himself that Finn was a free man and could do whatever, or whoever, he wanted.

Not that he ever really needed to worry, since Finn, for God knows what reason, only seemed to have eyes for him. And there was _no way_ that he didn’t know the effect he had on the younger boy, winking teasingly whenever Sean stood drooling over him unsubtly.

Who could blame Sean?

But coping with Finn and the absolutely magnetic effect the older boy had on him, was the least of Sean’s worries tonight.

Their school was hosting a track meet that Friday after school, and Sean was nervous. Not nervous to participate, for once. But nervous to call Finn and _invite_ him. For multiple reasons.

First of all, Finn was absolutely not the kind of person that would voluntarily attend any sort of school or sporting event. Second of all, every single time Sean saw him, he turned into a pile of mush. Quite literally. One time, Finn smirked at him from across the hallway at school and Sean nearly collapsed, stumbling backward into the lockers with a bang as his knees went weak. 

How was he supposed to run, and run _well_ , with Finn McNamara in the stands, staring at him the way he always did?!

It didn’t seem to be within the realms of possibility for Sean, and yet, he _wanted_ to invite Finn. Even if just to see whether Finn would actually want to, or not. Not that Sean would know what to do about it either way. But he was scared.

“Dude, just ask him! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“What if he says no?”

“Then he says no. That won’t mean that he’s any less crazy about you.”

“And what if he says _yes_?”

“Then he says yes, and you’ve got yourself a keeper, obviously.”

“Lyla,” Sean groaned, rubbing one hand down his face as he held his cell phone to his ear with his other hand.

“What? Don’t act all shy now,” Lyla teased. Sean could hear the smirk in her voice.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m not, okay? I’m just, freaking out. I don’t want him to come, and then be totally bored, and think it’s super lame.”

“Sean, he won’t. He likes you. He’s going to _want_ to be there, trust me.”

“But what if he – “Sean started to say, but a knock at his door made him freeze.

“Mijo? You still busy in there? It’s time for dinner.”

“Uhhh, I’ll be there in a minute, Dad.”

“Alright, just be quick. You know how your little brother gets when he’s hungry.”

“HEY!” Daniel’s voice echoed through the house, followed by his Dad’s laughter. Sean sighed, before turning his attention back to Lyla.

“Hey, uh, I gotta go. My dad – “

“I heard, no worries. I gotta go too. The momster has been on my ass lately about me never being home, so I gotta go kiss ass and do some damage control if I wanna make it on Friday night,” Lyla said.

“Right. Good luck with that, seriously.”

“Thanks. And don’t worry, it’s gonna be fine. Just ask him.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Good. Talk later.”

“Later,” Sean said before hanging up the phone and making his way to the kitchen.

“Finally! What took you so long?” Daniel huffed, hopping up from the couch and rushing to the table where his dad was laying down plates and whistling to himself. The sudden movement caught his attention though, and he looked up with a smile before looking over at Sean.

“See, told you,” Esteban teased, shaking his head slightly before sitting down himself.

“Yeah, yeah… Sorry guys.”

“You _always_ take long. And you promised you’d hang out with me today,” Daniel whined, and Sean bit back his frustration.

“I’m sorry, enano. Seriously. I was on the phone and I just lost track of time. I promise, we can hang out tomorrow,” Sean tried, but Daniel wasn’t having it.

“Well, you promised that we’d hang out today. It didn’t happen.”

“I hung out with you the other day…”

“That was over a week ago!” Daniel countered moodily.

“He’s got a point,” Esteban said with a smirk. Sean groaned, dropping his head back before sitting down next to Daniel and trying to ignore the way Daniel kicked him under the table. He always did this, and it always annoyed the hell out of Sean. But still, the older brother tried to stay calm. He really did. One kick. Two kicks. Three. 

“Daniel! Quit it.”

“What’s going on?” Esteban asked.

“Sean’s being dramatic – “

“Daniel’s being a brat – “

“I’m just messing around. What’s the big deal?”

“You’re being a pain in my ass.”

“Dad!”

“All I’m hearing is that the two of you are too busy arguing to eat the food I made. Daniel, stop kicking your brother – “

“How did you – “

“You always do it,” Esteban said blankly. Daniel pouted at that and crossed his arms in a huff.

“And you,” Esteban started, turning his attention to Sean before continuing, “What did I say about being nicer to your brother?”

“I didn’t kick him back this time!”

“Yes, but you still reacted.”

“But Dad – “

“No buts. Now eat, both of you. And stop this fighting.”

“Yes, Dad,” the boys said in unison. The rest of dinner was spent with Sean doing his best to be patient, and Daniel seemingly trying his best not to be… well… a brat. Still, Sean liked their routine, even if Daniel pissed him off at times. At least there was some semblance of normality in his life. Stability. 

A stark contrast to how very unstable Sean felt whenever he was around Finn – both physically, and emotionally.

And how on Earth did everything always come back to Finn?!

“Are you even listening, mijo?”

_No._

“Yes.”

“What did I say then?” Esteban challenged.

“What?”

“Just now. What did I say?”

“Uh….”

_I have no idea._

“Exactly.” 

“Sean’s probably too busy thinking about that girl,” Daniel said, scraping his plate absent-mindedly with his fork. 

“What girl?”

“I forgot her name. Short, boring, _stupid_. Probably like her. He talks to her _all the time_ , it’s so annoying.”

“Oh, come on!” Sean cried out. 

“Daniel, don’t make me send you to your room. Be nice,” Esteban said sternly. Daniel didn’t say anything in response. And neither did Sean.

He hadn’t spoken to Jenn in over a week. They saw each other in classes, and in the hallway, but never stopped to say hi. It was a smile-and-wave type of situation. Not that Sean had enough mental capacity to process it, or even worry about it.

It was pretty safe to say that whatever Sean had felt for Jenn was gone. 

“Speaking of which…” Esteban added, and Sean sucked in a breath. He mentally prepared himself for any type of question that his father could ask about the ever-elusive Jenn.

“How are things going, with her? You barely even mention her anymore… Not that you talked about her much, to begin with.”

“Oh, uh…”

_Things are not going._

_Like, at all._

“Not much to talk about.”

One second. Two seconds.

“ _That_ was like pulling teeth.”

Sean bit back yet another groan, before standing up and clearing the plates. Anything to get away from that conversation. Esteban had other ideas.

“Daniel, why don’t you go shower, and then you can come back and play your game. I wanna talk to your brother.”

_Shit._

“Ooooh, someone’s in trouble!”

“Daniel!” Sean groaned.

“No one is in trouble. Please, Danny boy?”

“Fine,” Daniel muttered before rushing off to shower, leaving Sean alone with his father. That was just… great.

“Sean?”

“Yeah, Dad?”

“Come sit down here for a second,” his dad said softly. Sean wanted to say no, make an excuse, anything to avoid sitting down on that couch. But instead, he nodded silently before sitting down.

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem a bit on edge.”

“I’m not!” Sean defended. But he spoke too quickly, and way too loudly, which gave him away. Esteban merely raised an eyebrow at him, and Sean decided that lying wasn’t worth the effort. “Fine, I’m a little confused… Not confused. Just, I don’t even know.”

“I… don’t understand.”

“Me neither.” 

“Mijo… You don’t have to shut me out, you know?” Esteban said, shuffling closer and placing a comforting hand on Sean’s shoulder.

_I don’t want to shut you out._

Sean said nothing. What could he say?

Well, there was a lot that he _could_ say. But was he physically or emotionally able to? Probably not.

Esteban sighed when he realized that Sean wasn’t going to say anything, before leaning back into the couch and folding his hands together.

“Have you told this girl that you like her?”

Sean shook his head, even though he knew that he and his dad were talking about entirely different people.

Technically, he had told Finn that he had some sort of feelings for him. But he hadn’t admitted that he liked him yet; at least not in so many words. It was mostly just heavily implied by everything else that he said and did.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m… I don’t know. I mean, I’m pretty sure that… _they know_. I just, haven’t said it yet.” 

“I see…”

“Yeah.”

“Son, it’s okay to be nervous about that. But eventually, you’re going to have to be clear about your feelings. If you want your relationship to go anywhere, you have to be willing to take that step.”

“I know. And I do. I’m just… yeah.”

“This… girl… Is she gonna be there on Friday?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe.”

“You should ask her. If you like, she could even join us afterward. Could give you a chance to talk to her…”

_Oh yeah. After._

After every track meet that Sean took part in – no matter how well he performed – his dad would take him, Daniel, and Lyla out to their favorite diner to celebrate with burgers and milkshakes. Another one of the family traditions that Sean had become accustomed to over the years.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?” Esteban questioned, raising his eyebrow slightly.

“Yeah. Things are… complicated.”

“Complicated?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…”

“You can talk to me, Sean. About anything. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Sean said quietly. He did know. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Even though now was one of the closest things to a perfect time to talk. 

“Just… Whatever is going on between you and Jenn, don’t let it get in the way of everything else that is important.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean school, your grades, your future… your little brother.”

_Oh._

“He looks up to you, Sean. I know that when you like someone you wanna talk to them all the time, but your family still needs you. Daniel still needs you.”

“Daniel doesn’t need me…” Sean tried to say, despite the gnawing guilt he was starting to feel.

“Yes, he does. You’re his big brother. Of course, he needs you. He always will, mijo.”

“Am I… a bad big brother?” Sean asked, unable to even look at his dad as he asked that question. He didn’t even know where the question had come from.

“What? No. I’m just saying that maybe you should be a little more patient with Daniel. And try to at least spend time with him,” Esteban explained. 

“I… I know. I’m sorry, Dad.”

“You don’t have to say sorry to _me_ , son. As long as you promise to try and do better.”

“I promise.”

“Good,” Esteban said, slapping his hands on his thighs before standing up and walking to the kitchen. Sean stood up too, getting ready to go back to his room. But his dad called out again, making him freeze in place.

“Oh, and Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“If you’re gonna stay up all night talking on the phone, at least be a bit quieter about it. Some of us _like_ to sleep.”

**********

After attempting to do homework for a few minutes, Sean gave up. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get anything done until he talked to Finn about Friday. So, he shut his books before grabbing his phone.

…………………………………………

**_19:10 – Sean:_ **

Hey Finn. You busy?

…………………………………………

Finn took a few minutes to respond, which Sean spent mentally preparing himself.

…………………………………………

**_19:15 – Finn:_ **

not too busy for u

what’s up sweetheart?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:16 – Sean:_ **

You know how I’m on the track team?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:16 – Finn:_ **

course I do

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:16 – Sean:_ **

Well, there’s this thing on Friday.

Not sure if you know about it.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:17 – Finn:_ **

thing?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:17 – Sean:_ **

It’s a track thing.

A meet.

Like, with races and shit.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:18 – Finn:_ **

I know what a meet is, sweetie

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:18 – Sean:_ **

There’s one on Friday.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:18 – Finn:_ **

yeah, you said that already 

…………………………………………

_Just ask him, you noob._

…………………………………………

**_19:18 – Sean:_ **

Do you wanna come?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:19 – Finn:_ **

to the meet?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:19 – Sean:_ **

No, to the zoo.

Obviously to the meet.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:19 – Finn:_ **

hey now, no need to be mean

I’m just teasing

ur cute when ur flustered

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:20 – Sean:_ **

Finn!

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:20 – Finn:_ **

😉

hang on

can I call u?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:20 – Sean:_ **

Yeah

…………………………………………

After exactly five seconds, Sean’s phone started ringing. He picked up on the second ring.

“Hey.”

“Hiya handsome,” Finn’s voice came through the speaker, already seeming to both calm Sean down and make him more nervous at the same time. It was a phenomenon that Sean liked to call ‘The Finn Effect’. A working title, really.

“Why did you wanna call?” Sean asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray him and give away his nerves.

“It’s easier to talk like this. Plus, I like hearin’ your voice.”

Sean was grateful for the fact that Finn couldn’t see him right then, due to the blush that was steadily spreading across his cheeks.

“Oh.”

“So, about Friday,” Finn said.

“Right. Yeah. Friday,” Sean sputtered, having momentarily forgotten the point of the conversation.

“Do you want me to come?”

“Well, I mean… It’s cool if you don’t want to. I just, thought it might be fun. You could bring Cassidy. Lyla’s gonna be there too. But you don’t have to. I know it’s not your thing, so if it seems like a totally lame idea – “

“Sean,” Finn interrupted, laughing softly on the other end of the line. 

“Sorry, I’m talking too much. I’ll shut up now.”

“Nah, it’s cool. You didn’t answer my question though.”

“What?”

“Do you _want_ me to come?”

“I…” Sean started, before taking a deep breath. “Yes,”

“I’ll be there.”

_Just like that?_

_“_ Really?” Sean managed to ask after a few seconds.

“Yeah, really,” Finn said, and the younger boy swore he could hear a smile in Finn’s voice. 

“But… you know you don’t have to, right?”

“I know, sweetie. But I want to.”

“You do?”

“Of course, I do. This meet, it’s important to you, right?”

“Yeah…”

“And you want me there, right?”

“Yeah,” Sean said again, only vaguely recognizing how redundant he was being.

“Now, you’re important to me,” Finn started. Sean nearly lost his mind at that, feeling his cheeks start to burn. _You’re important to me,_ was said so casually yet held so much significance that it made his heart race. But then Finn added, “So, I wanna be there to support you, sweetie. As long as I can make you happy,” and Sean _definitely_ lost his mind. He also very nearly lost his ability to form a full sentence.

“I… You… Wow. I, uh… Thanks, Finn.”

“No need to thank me. I’m jus’ glad you want me there at all.”

“Of course I do…”

“Still, s’nice to actually hear it,” Finn said quietly, almost too soft for Sean to hear. But he did. And it only made his father’s words from earlier echo in his mind.

_Eventually, you’re going to have to be clear about your feelings._

“I always want you around,” Sean admitted. The truth of that statement was overwhelming. Sean literally always wanted to be around Finn. When they were together, time flew by. When they were apart, Sean found himself simply counting the hours until they would be together again. Finn was slowly becoming a crucial part of his life, and Sean was quickly realizing that.

“I’ll always be around, sweetie. For as long as you want me to be.”

Both boys were silent for a while – this had been the closest that Sean had gotten to an admission of his feelings. It was also the most serious they’d ever been while discussing their relationship. Usually, Finn teased and flirted with him, while Sean blushed and struggled to find words. But this was different. It was real.

“Finn?”

“Hm?”

“I really… appreciate you wanting to be there. It means a lot to me.”

“No worries, sweetheart,” Finn said, and Sean felt himself smiling. He couldn’t help it. He never could, when it came to Finn. But before Sean could think about saying anything else, Finn spoke again.

“Besides… I finally get to see you in action. I’m actually lookin’ forward to it.”

“You are?”

“Hell yeah. Fuck, I’m gonna make you a sign. Hold it up all proud when you run.”

“A sign? Finn, no – “

“A big ol’ sign, with bright colors and glitter and shit.”

“Finn – “

“Gotta show my man support, y’know?”

“Your man?” Sean squeaked, suddenly feeling light-headed.

“Yeah, sweetie… Jus’ you wait; I’m gonna be right at the front of the stands, cheerin’ you on. I’ll be your very own cheerleader.”

“Oh, God…”

Finn burst out laughing then, and Sean groaned, nearly dropping his phone and hiding his face in his hands. There was no doubt in his mind that his cheeks were bright red, and he had no idea why.

“Aw, come on. I can hear you blushin’ from here.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Sean said, fighting back the urge to smile.

“Ridiculously hot?”

_Yes._

“Shut up.”

**********

When Sean finally found it in himself to end the call, he spent some time catching up on homework. _Finally._ For once, he managed to focus for a while. At least until, yet again, the words his father had said decided to replay in his mind.

_Don’t let it get in the way of everything else that is important._

_I mean school, your grades, your future… your little brother._

_I’m just saying that maybe you should be a little more patient with Daniel. And try to at least spend time with him._

Sean could hear Esteban saying goodnight to Daniel in the hallway outside his door, and waited silently until he heard his father walk away. Then he scooted his chair away from his desk and opened his own door, moving to stand in between his room and Daniel’s. Daniel’s door was closed but his light was still on, and Sean could hear Esteban in the garage, so he took a deep breath before knocking softly.

There was a brief moment of silence before Daniel’s voice sounded through the door. 

“Dad?”

“Uh, no… It’s Sean.”

“Oh.”

“Can I come in?”

“I’m going to bed soon…”

“It’ll only take a minute. Please?”

Sean could hear the sound of the bed squeaking, and then a quiet “Fine.” He opened the door slowly, to see his brother sitting on the bed, staring down at his hands. It reminded him of the time that Daniel had stolen his watch and they’d gotten into a fight and broken Esteban’s ‘Garage of the Year’ award.

Hopefully this time, nothing would get broken.

“Hey,” Sean said, entering the room and closing the door behind him.

“Hi,” Daniel muttered, fiddling with one of the toys on his bed. 

“Can I sit?” 

“Sure.”

Sean sat down carefully on the bed behind Daniel, and they both stayed like that for a while. Daniel seemed determined not to say anything, but at least they weren’t yelling at each other. Although, Sean might have preferred that to this silent treatment.

Still, he didn’t blame Daniel for being upset. Sean knew very well that he’d been preoccupied for the last week and a half, and thus not spent any time with his little brother. It was time to make up for that.

“Uh… Listen, enano,” Sean started, shifting to look at Daniel who had his back towards him still.

“I’m sorry. For not spending time with you.”

_Silence._

“I didn’t mean to ditch you today, alright. I’ve been distracted.”

_Still nothing._

“I shouldn’t have broken my promise. But I wanna make it up to you. So just… tell me what I can do.”

_Nope. Nada._

“Daniel, come on… Please? I’m trying. You can’t be mad at me forever.”

“I’m not mad,” Daniel finally said softly.

“You’re not?”

The little boy merely shook his head, before finally turning to look at Sean.

“Then… what’s going on?”

“I just wish you would hang out with me more. You only ever do it when Lyla or Dad tell you to. It's like you don’t even want to.”

“Of course I want to. You’re my favorite brother,” Sean teased, ruffling Daniel’s hair playfully.

“I’m your only brother,” Daniel said matter-of-factly.

“True. But still.”

Daniel rolled his eyes playfully at that, which Sean counted as progress. At the very least, it was a hint of normality.

“Tell you what; Tomorrow after school, I’m all yours. We’ll do whatever you want,” Sean offered. 

“But… what about Jenn?”

“Jenn?”

“Yeah, you’re always talking to her. And when you’re not, you’re all moody.”

_Oh. Jenn, as in Finn._

_Wait…_

“I’m not moody!”

“You so are!” Daniel said, the corners of his lips tilting upward ever so slightly.

“Okay, _fine_ , maybe I am. But I don’t mean to be. And I promise, no phone when we hang out. Just me and you.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really,” Sean said with a smile. Daniel returned it eagerly.

“Thanks, Sean.”

“No problem, enano.”

**********

When you google sexuality, there are an endless amount of search results that pop up. Sean never knew how many different sexualities there were. It was honestly a little overwhelming. When it was 2 am, and Sean was at his laptop typing in ‘sexuality’, he expected a simple explanation. That was not what he got. He knew the basics – Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Asexual – but there were so many others to consider. And so many of them seemed to overlap in certain aspects, and it was all so fucking confusing.

Sean _knew_ he liked girls. He’d definitely had a crush on Jenn for months, and before that he’d had a tiny crush on a girl named Emily in the seventh grade. But without a doubt, he liked Finn. And he found Finn attractive. Still, he wanted to be sure. 

So, he did what he knew many other kids in his position had done before.

He took an online quiz.

Obviously, it may not have been the most reliable source of feedback, but at least it was something. 

The result: Bisexual.

_Bisexual._

Sean was familiar with the term. Romantic or sexual attraction, or sexual behavior towards both males and females, or to multiple genders.

In the eighth grade, Sean met a boy named Ryan and thought he was cute. He’d been blonde, with green eyes and freckles that Sean couldn’t help but compare to stars in the night sky. At the time, it seemed like an objective observation. He was merely recognizing another boy’s good lucks. A one-time thing. An isolated event. Easy enough to forget about. 

But it happened again. 

In the ninth grade, he and his dad were at the grocery store and Sean had been waiting at the counter for his dad. The cashier had been a boy, not many years older than Sean, and he was really attractive. The way his muscles in his arms had flexed as he rang their groceries and packed them in bags… Again, Sean figured it was an objective observation. Men could find other men attractive and be straight.

Sean never thought much about either of those incidents, since he never saw either of those boys again. He liked girls, and that was a fact, so what more was there to think about?

But then, Finn walked in. 

Finn McNamara.

Quite possibly the most attractive person Sean had ever met – and it was the furthest thing from an objective observation. And Sean liked him, so much. It didn’t take away from how he had once felt for Jenn, but it was still undeniably different. _More._

Sean liked boys. And Sean liked girls too.

_I’m bisexual…_

_Yeah, that feels right._

**********

Sean had a meeting with the track team after school on Thursday to talk about the meet, before catching the bus home. Finn had offered to give him a ride, but in honor of having a Finn-free day with Daniel, Sean said no. After all, every healthy relationship required space.

_Not that we’re in a relationship or anything._

At the very least, he seemed to be doing Finn a favor. The tattooed boy had claimed to have plans of some sort – he’d been pretty vague about the whole thing. Sean didn’t push for information, despite the curiosity that ate at him.

When he got home, he dropped his bag and phone in his room before making a beeline for Daniel’s room. The younger brother seemed surprised but pleased if his smile was anything to go on. And he was wearing the watch – Sean’s watch – which Sean hadn’t seen him wear in weeks.

Esteban was pleased too and had said “Glad to see my boys together again” when he found them playing on the playbox together. The three of them spent the day together, just like old times. There was no fighting, or kicking each other. Just the three of them laughing and having fun.

Sean hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this when he was busy trying to figure his feelings out. And this time, he wanted to hold onto this. He was going to break the bad habit he’d developed; the one where he forgot to spend actual quality time with the two most important people in his life.

Esteban ended up roping both boys into helping him cook dinner that night, which was surprisingly fun too. Daniel was not a great chef… but he was also only nine years old, so free pass for him. He pouted when he was left with all the minor roles, but then Esteban handed him a chock-o-crisp and he quickly forgot about his disappointment.

The power of chocolate.

Esteban didn’t ask about Jenn, and Sean didn’t think about Finn.

Well, that’s a lie; he did. And he felt guilty for that since he shouldn’t have been thinking about Finn when he promised to focus on Daniel today. But that didn’t help. Finn was on his mind all the time these days, and this had been no exception.

When Daniel asked for ice cream after dinner, Sean couldn’t stop his mind from going back to Finn, and the day they’d gone to get ice cream together. It was only a week ago, but it felt like yesterday. Sean could clearly remember the way he felt when Finn stepped close to him. Sean could remember staring at those lips… he’d wanted to kiss them. Those torturously tempting lips that never stopped moving. Finn never stopped talking.

And Sean didn’t mind, because he quite liked listening to Finn talk. Partly because Finn had an unfairly sexy voice, and partly because Finn was just an entertaining guy. He could turn any topic, no matter how mundane, into a fun conversation that had Sean bursting into a fit of laughter.

He spent more time smiling than not when Finn was around.

Luckily, he managed to focus on Daniel enough to please the boy. And it was fun. Really, it was. So much so that Sean was surprised when Esteban announced that it was Daniel’s bedtime. Had they really been hanging out that long?

Apparently.

Daniel pulled Sean in for a hug, and for a second, Sean forgot how to react. It had been… quite possibly months since they’d hugged. But it didn’t feel foreign like the older brother expected it to. Instead, it was warm and comforting. Like the feeling that you get when you clean out the storage room and find an old photograph of you and your siblings as babies. Or the feeling of drinking hot cocoa on a rainy day.

Sean held on tight, for longer than he would be expected to, only vaguely noticing the look of surprise – and pride – on Esteban’s face.

“Good luck for tomorrow, Sean,” Daniel mumbled against his chest before running off to his room. Sean couldn’t help but smile at that, watching his little brother disappear down the hall before turning to his dad.

“I think I’m gonna go get some homework done before bed,” he said, before grabbing the empty bowls that were standing out on the coffee table and taking them to the kitchen. With his back still turned to his Dad, he couldn’t help but jump in surprise when Esteban spoke again.

“You know, I’m really proud of you, Sean. You did good today, with your brother.”

“Thanks, Dad. It was… a really fun day,” Sean admitted, more to himself than to his dad.

“It was, mijo. I’m glad you decided to take my advice… for once,” Esteban teased.

“Hey, I always take your advice.”

_Or at least, try to._

“I know, I know. I’m just messing with you. Now go get your homework done and get to bed. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

“Yeah… Goodnight,” Sean said, pulling his dad in for a hug. Esteban returned it with zero hesitation, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Goodnight, son.”

**********

Over an hour later, and Sean was knee-deep in homework. No distractions. No texts. No Finn. Just homework.

And then his phone buzzed, and Sean figured he’d jinxed himself. He contemplated simply leaving the message unread, but curiosity got the better of him. It was still easy enough to simply read the message and not respond.

But when he saw that it was a message from Finn, he couldn’t find it in himself not to respond.

Lyla would have called him ‘whipped’ if she was here right now.

…………………………………………

**_21:30 – Finn:_ **

hey honey

just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow

or is it ‘break a leg’?

…………………………………………

_Honey…_

_Fuck._

_Don’t blush, please._

_Homework._

_I need to focus._

_Focus. Just respond, and move on._

…………………………………………

**_21:31 – Sean:_ **

That’s show business, I think.

Good luck is fine 

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_21:31 – Finn:_ **

well then, good luck sweetie

I know u will kill it

…………………………………………

Sean was still busy typing a response, a simple thank you, which he planned to send before putting his phone away like a responsible student. That plan went straight out the window when another message came through. 

A picture.

Obviously, Sean had to open it. He was weak, and seriously lacking in the self-control department.

A picture of…

_Pom-poms?_

_Where did he even get pom-poms? And why…?_

But before he could ask any questions, or say anything, or even think of anything, his phone buzzed in his hand yet again. So much for a distraction-free, Finn free night.

…………………………………………

**_21:34 – Finn:_ **

told u I’d be ur cheerleader 😉

…………………………………………

_Oh my God…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are excited for chapter 5... I am :D  
> And I know Sean is too ;)
> 
> In all seriousness, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated as always <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update of 2021!!  
> This chapter was nearly double this length, but I decided to split it into two chapters. I like the current lengths of my chapters, being around 6/7k words each. Plus, I realized that it would flow a lot better if I split the super long chapter in half.  
> Also, I'm not from America and I know nothing about American high school or track meets... So if some of my descriptions or details are highly unrealistic, oops. I'm sorry.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!

Finn McNamara.

Finn _fucking_ McNamara.

There was no way – no fucking way – that Finn wasn’t doing this on purpose. To make matters worse, there was not a single part of Sean that doubted that Finn was _enjoying_ this. Of course, Finn would enjoy this. Why wouldn’t he?

After all, the tattooed boy had never tried to hide the fact that he enjoyed seeing Sean flustered.

And flustered was exactly what Sean was. In fact, ‘flustered’ did not even begin to cover the vast range of emotions that the younger boy was feeling.

Questions.

Sean had _questions_. Those questions needed answers.

He had his suspicions, of course. But there was no way they were true… _No way._

Sean convinced himself that his suspicions were utterly ridiculous, and that the implications of the picture and the text that followed were purposefully meant to tease and mislead him; that it was all a joke. Finn getting a kick out of making Sean sweat a little bit.

But the idea still lingered in the back of his mind. Still, it seemed too obvious. Too simple. And too much. Finn wouldn’t go to all that effort… would he?

The minute that Sean got into Finn’s car on Friday morning, he knew he wouldn’t be getting any answers. Not from Finn. Not from Cassidy. Not from Lyla. 

Yeah, Lyla and Cassidy were apparently in on it too. Everyone in the car seemed to know what was going on, except Sean.

“Finn, what are you doing?” Sean asked once they were driving. Cassidy and Lyla exchanged smug looks but said nothing.

“What does it look like I’m doin’, sweetie?” Finn answered innocently. _Too innocently_. 

“Seriously, Finn?”

“What? I’m drivin’,” Finn said, smirking slightly. 

_Yeah. He knows what he’s doing._

“Not right now! The pom-poms, Finn.”

“What about the pom-poms?”

_Where did you get them? Why did you get them? What did you mean by saying you’d be my cheerleader? What’s your plan? What do you plan to do with the pom-poms? Did you only get pom-poms?_

_That’s… too many questions._

“Fucking _everything_ about the pom-poms, dude.”

“You got somethin’ against pom-poms?”

“What? No. I’m just – “

“I think Sean seems a little jumpy today,” Lyla cut in. Her tone was laced with sweetness, which set off all the alarm bells in Sean’s brain.

“I’m not jumpy…”

“I think you are. What do you think, babe?” Lyla teased, directing her question toward Cassidy.

“Definitely jumpy” was Cassidy’s response.

“Aw… The nerves getting’ you down, honey?” Finn asked teasingly. He wore a smile on his face that was nearly sweet enough to melt Sean’s heart and make him forget what he was trying to do. _Nearly._

“I’m not nervous. I wanna know what you’re planning,” Sean countered firmly. He knew that they were only teasing him to try and distract him from what he was trying to achieve.

“Mm, you know what you want… That is _hot_ ,” Finn said, winking at Sean before looking back at the road ahead.

_Do not fall for that. It’s a distraction._

_A really effective distraction…_

_Just, snap out of it. Say something._

“You… I… That… I-It’s not…”

_That’s not a sentence._

“That’s just… _that’snotthepoint_.”

“What was that, sweetheart?” Finn asked, still teasing him. He was so obviously finding this funny. God, why did Sean have to fall for Finn McNamara?

“I think he’s malfunctioning,” Lyla said, leaning forward from the back seat and poking Sean on the shoulder.

“I am not!”

“I think you might be right, babe. Yo, Sean, that brain of yours okay?” Cassidy added, nudging Lyla and giggling to herself. Finn laughed at that, but then Sean glared at him and Finn forced himself to keep a straight face. It didn’t work. The corners of his mouth were twitching upward, and it was so blatantly obvious that he was trying not to laugh; his face was practically turning red with the effort it took.

“You guys are the worst,” Sean groaned, rolling his eyes.

“If by worst, you mean best, then yeah. Absolutely,” Lyla deadpanned. Cassidy nodded in agreement, only barely remembering not to laugh at Sean’s frustration.

“Seriously, is no one going to tell me what’s going on?” 

“What’s goin’ on is that I’m driving yer asses to school,” Finn answered, still avoiding the question. Sean heard Cassidy and Lyla snickering in the backseat, but stopped himself from turning to them. 

“You know what I mean, Finn.”

“No idea what you’re talkin’ about, sweetie.”

“Face it, Sean. If you haven’t figured it out, you’re not getting it out of us, so you’ll just have to find out later,” Lyla said smugly, before turning her attention back to Cassidy. Sean wasn’t ready to let it go, but he had an idea. He just had to pick his moment. 

He stopped pressing for answers for the rest of the ride to school, in favor of listening to Lyla and Cassidy argue over something that maybe he didn’t pay too much attention to. In his defense, his lack of attention was not his fault. That was all on Finn. 

Well, _kind of._

Finn didn’t technically do anything. Not on purpose, anyhow. But Sean couldn’t help but notice how Finn would hum along to the songs on the radio as he drove, thinking he was doing it quietly enough for no one to notice. Sean noticed.

And yet again, Sean felt as though it were just him and Finn in the car. Images of a road trip crossed his mind… Just him, Finn, and the open road. An adventure.

Not that they needed to do anything like that for it to feel like an adventure. Finn was the type of person that made a trip to the grocery store seem exciting. The type of person Sean needed.

Eventually, they arrived at school, and the girls rushed out of the car together before disappearing into the crowds of people. Sean lingered for a second, and Finn stayed put too once he noticed that.

“Everythin’ alright?” he asked. There was a smile on his face, but also some genuine concern in his voice. Sean nodded, at which Finn’s smile widened before he turned to open his door.

_Time to go for it._

“Finn…” Sean cooed playfully. He’d never imagined he could sound so… cute? Cute was maybe a bit of a stretch… But whatever he sounded like, it caught Finn’s attention because he turned back to look directly at Sean again.

“Yeah?”

Sean thought that he was, to put it plainly, pretty bad at flirting. He knew nearly nothing about anything that had to do with romance. The mere fact that he’d successfully gotten this far with Finn felt like a miracle, which he credited to sheer dumb luck. But even if he was bad at flirting and was simply too awkward to possess the confidence to draw people in, there was one thing he knew he could do.

One thing that never failed to work on his dad, when he wanted anything.

Puppy eyes.

Yeah, maybe that only worked when he was a kid… And maybe only with his dad… But it was worth a try. 

“Please tell me what your plan is,” Sean said, putting on the same sweet voice he’d used seconds ago, and doing his best to mimic the puppy eyes he used to use all the time. Tilt his head to the side ever so slightly. Bat the eyelashes. Pout a little bit. 

He felt slightly ridiculous… Okay, extremely ridiculous. Puppy eyes seemed like the kind of thing that was more Finn’s forte. However, surprisingly enough, it seemed to do _something_. Finn’s eyes widened, and his lips parted ever so slightly. He seemed as though he were wanting to say something, but no words came out.

Even Sean – as inexperienced as he was – could tell that Finn was flustered. 

And he liked that.

_I did that._

Emboldened, either by the newfound privacy now that Lyla and Cassidy were gone or by Finn’s reaction – probably both – Sean found himself shifting in his seat and leaning closer to Finn. He ignored the way the gears poked him in the ribs as he leaned over them, and focused his attention on Finn. That wasn’t hard to do. Not at all. Suddenly, he didn’t feel quite as ridiculous as before.

Sean could see Finn’s Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and felt a new surge of confidence. It was so strange, being this way. He’d never been this bold before. Never in his life. And never with Finn. But maybe, with the way Finn was staring at him, he could get used to this. Sean smiled before reaching out to place a hand on the older boy’s chest, letting it rest over where his heart was. 

It was thumping. Sean could _feel_ it racing against his palm.

For the second time in the two weeks Sean had known him, Finn’s cheeks were pink. Admittedly… that in itself had some drawbacks for Sean. The sight alone nearly made Sean lose literally every shred of self-control he’d ever possessed. He was practically seconds away from leaning in, closing the gap and capturing Finn’s lips in a kiss. 

No person should have been allowed to look that pretty when they blushed. 

But when did Finn McNamara ever follow the rules?

Not to mention the fact that Finn’s eyes dropped to where Sean’s hand was before he looked up again. This time he wasn’t making eye contact with Sean. His eyes were looking lower… somewhere. 

_Oh._

It was then that Sean realized that Finn was staring at his lips. Or at least, it seemed like he was. The notion made Sean feel ten times warmer than before, and he cleared his throat before pulling away slightly. He hadn’t realized how close together they’d been. The sudden movement seemed to break whatever spell Finn seemed to be under, and he coughed awkwardly before shifting in his seat.

“As, uh…. _persuasive_ as you are,” Finn started, before exhaling shakily. Then he continued, “It’s a surprise, alright?”

“You’re really not gonna tell me?” Sean asked, disappointment flooding his veins as he leaned back in his seat completely. 

“Nope. Guess you’ll jus’ have to wait and see, sweetheart.”

_Damnit._

Sean sunk back into his seat, disappointed… and excited. He’d never admit that, of course, but the idea of Finn planning some sort of surprise for him was _definitely_ enough to make his heart melt. 

“Cheer up, my little Sean,” Finn cooed. 

“I hate you.”

“Nah, you don’t.”

“Maybe I do.”

“Do you?”

“… No.”

“Exactly. Now run along, alright? I’ll see you later.”

“Okay… Fine. It starts – “

“At four. I know. Don’t’chu worry, sweetheart. I won’t miss it.”

“Thanks, Finn…”

He could wait a few hours, right?

**********

Wrong. 

So very wrong.

Waiting proved to be quite the challenge. School was, as always, a colossal drag… But more so now because Sean couldn’t stop counting down the hours until the track meet. He’d never been quite as excited for any event in his life, even though it wasn’t the actual event that he was excited for.

Still, he did his best to keep his mind off of Finn and the mystery surprise.

He paid attention in class – or at least, tried to. The only class he managed to stay somewhat focused in was art. No surprise there.

Whenever he saw Lyla, Cassidy, or Finn, they would successfully evade all of his questions. Their subtle attempts steering the conversation away from the topic of the meet were not subtle at all. Lyla was the only one to mention it at all, and even then, it was something vague, like “You’re gonna die.” 

Sean was pretty sure he would die. If he knew Finn at all, whatever plan he had was sure to be huge and embarrassing. 

And yet, he was still looking forward to it.

_What’s up with that?_

The first, and probably the only notable thing that happened during the school day was Sean bumping into Jenn after his last lesson. Well, maybe not bumping into her, since she was leaning against his locker. It seemed like a planned incident, on her end… 

But to him, it was unexpected. Especially given the fact that she’d said all of three words to him over the last two weeks since the party.

“Jenn,” Sean said. He realized only after the word left his mouth that it was more of an exclamation than a greeting. 

“Hey, Sean,” she greeted. It was polite. Awkward. Not how they used to be. Sean bit back the urge to grimace.

“Uh, hey… How’s it going?”

“Good… I’m good.”

“That’s… good.”

“Yeah. What about you? Are you… good?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay.”

_Could this get any more awkward?_

“Yo, baby, you ready to go?” 

_Apparently, it could._

A guy walked up to Jenn, throwing an arm around her shoulder and pressing a very wet, sloppy, and mildly disgusting kiss on her cheek. Sean might have actually grimaced that time. He recognized the boy as Derek Anderson, one of the guys in their year. Sean knew him, but not very well. They were… acquaintances, at best. He was nice… friendly. They just didn’t hang out much.

 _Jenn and Derek… Weird combination._

From the albeit-limited time they’d spent together, Derek didn’t seem like Jenn’s kind of guy. Then again, Sean was not one to speak on Jenn’s type. He had no idea what her type was. There was one thing he was curious about though.

_When did that happen?_

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I was just… _catching up_ with Sean,” Jenn explained. Although, her explanation was a reach. What they were doing could barely be considered ‘catching up’. Sean said nothing though. 

“Oh, sorry Diaz. Didn’t see you there,” Derek said, patting Sean on the shoulder roughly.

“Hey Derek,” Sean greeted. 

The three of them found themselves in silence then – far too awkward for anyone involved to feel comfortable. Sean considered breaking the silence, if for nothing else than to end this painful exchange. But he didn’t. 

Derek did.

“Uh, I’m gonna go catch up with the boys. Diaz, you running today?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Good luck, man. I’ll see you out there,” Derek said, and then he was gone again. That left Sean alone with Jenn once again. At least this time they had something to talk about.

“You and Derek?” Sean asked, scratching his head.

“Uh, yeah…”

“W-when did you two…?” 

“The night of Eric’s party.”

_Oh._

“I’m sorry. I meant to tell you, but then I guess I just… chickened out. I kinda avoided you, for a while. Don’t know if you noticed,” Jenn said. 

“I noticed” was all Sean could say in response.

He found himself to be at a loss for words.

Surprisingly – or maybe not so surprisingly – he wasn’t upset. Confused? Yeah. Curious? A little. But upset? 

_Not at all._

“I’m really sorry, Sean.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Sean found himself asking.

“I… I don’t know. I guess I sort of… Before that night, I kinda thought that you might… like me, or something.”

“Wait, you knew?!”

“I mean, I didn’t know. I just suspected. And maybe hoped, a little…”

_Holy shit._

“Why did you never say anything?”

“Why did _you_ never say anything?” Jenn countered teasingly, a smile forming on her face.

“Fair enough,” Sean conceded, a matching smile forming on his face.

“So…”

“So… You and Derek, huh?” Sean asked again. This time, his words had a very different intention. He wiggled his eyebrows, and couldn’t help but smirk when she started giggling and blushing. He began to laugh when he noticed her embarrassment, and she quickly turned the tables.

“Can it, Diaz. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your little romance,” she responded, tone equally as teasing.

Sean’s heart stopped.

“What?!”

“You’re really obvious, Sean.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about...”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much time you’ve been spending with a certain senior,” she teased. This time it was her turn to wag her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, you mean Cassidy, right? It’s not like that with her, she’s with Lyla,” Sean explained. He only hoped that was what Jenn had meant.

It was not.

“Not Cassidy, you goof.”

“Oh… uh…”

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Is it too late to run away? I could just…_

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything. If you’re not ready, that’s totally cool. I won’t say anything, _I swear_. Just… know that I support you, okay?”

“Wow, uh, thank you. That’s really – wait, how did you know?!” Sean asked, cutting himself off. Panic began to surge again.

_If Jenn can tell, does that mean…_

“Easy, Sean. It’s not _that_ obvious. I just know you; apparently, better than you think I do.”

Sean’s shoulders sagged in relief, and he nearly sank into his locker. But before he could say anything, Jenn spoke again.

“Plus… To avoid you, I kinda had to really watch you. Just to make sure I didn’t, _you know_ , bump into you too much.”

“Right… Well, are you done avoiding me, at least?”

“I think so.”

“Good,” Sean said.

“Friends?” Jenn asked, opening her arms up and smiling sweetly. Sean remembered how just two weeks ago, she’d smiled at him like that and he’d completely spazzed out.

Now he simply returned the smile before pulling her in for a hug.

“Friends.”

**********

It was finally time for the meet. Sean had changed into his shorts and vest and was ready to go. He scanned through the crowds of people, looking for dreads, or purple hair… or pom-poms. But so far, there was no sign of Finn, Cassidy, or even Lyla.

Sean did, however, spot his dad and little brother seated in the stands, at a convenient distance from the food stall the school had organized, just like always. He made his way over to them since he still had some time to kill before his first race started.

“Hey guys,” Sean greeted, giving them both hugs.

“Sean, is Lyla here yet?” Daniel asked, looking around. He barely acknowledged Sean’s presence.

“Am I not good enough anymore, enano?”

“What? You are. It’s just –”

“Relax, Daniel. It’s fine. I’m sure Lyla will be here soon.”

_Along with Finn and Cassidy…_

“You nervous?” Esteban asked. Sean nodded, even though he was nervous about something that had absolutely nothing to do with running. But his dad didn’t need to know that yet.

“Is Jenn here?” his dad asked then, looking around curiously. 

_Shit._

“Uh, I’m sure she’s around here somewhere…” Sean trailed off, looking around to see if he could spot her. As much as possible, he wanted to avoid her meeting his father, since that would probably complicate things even more.

He spotted her with Derek and she waved him over. Luckily, she was quite far away from his dad.

“Hey, uh, I’ll be right back,” Sean muttered before making his way over to them. 

He had every intention of going over to Jenn to say hi. They were, after all, friends again. But he didn’t get very far because he was tackled to the ground from behind by a giggling mass of limbs.

“BOO!” a female voice yelled as he fell to the ground. He would have slammed into the ground face-first if he hadn’t managed to catch himself with his arms. 

_Damnit, Lyla._

“Oh my god, Lyla! What the hell?!”

“Careful now; don’t hurt the man,” a second voice said, smooth as ever. Sean knew exactly who it was.

_Finn._

“Come on, babe. Let him up at least,” a third voice said with a laugh. 

_Definitely Cassidy._

“Need some help, sweetie?”

Sean finally let himself look up from the ground. He saw a pair of sneakers. Finn’s sneakers…

His eyes traveled up to see a pair of legs. Then further up, a tattooed hand being held out to him.

Sean took the hand, before finally looking up properly.

Okay, and maybe… _just maybe_ , he was better off staring at the ground. His body nearly crashed to the ground again under the sheer weight of the shock. He was… _not_ expecting this.

Fuck, maybe he should have expected this. It was so obvious. So painfully fucking obvious. But Sean had convinced himself that this was just… not going to happen. He told himself there was simply _no way_. And yet, here they were.

“Uh oh… He’s doing that malfunctioning thing again,” Lyla teased, somewhere in the background. Somewhere that seemed so very far away at that moment.

_I think I am…_

“Do ya think he’s broken?” Cassidy asked, sounding even further away.

_I fucking might be._

“Sweetie?”

_Words._

_English._

_Brain._

_Help._

_Fucking shit._

“Finn…” was all Sean managed to say. ‘Say’ was a stretch. It was more of a breath, barely above a whisper.

Sean was breathless.

Finn was utterly breathtaking.

Yes, Sean had known this already. But now, that fact only seemed to solidify further in his mind. His mind, that was now officially a pile of mush. Nothing more.

And did Sean mention how beautiful Finn was? He tried to. The words were there, on the tip of his tongue. ‘You’re fucking beautiful, Finn,’ he wanted to say. But nothing came out. He was fully aware of how dumb he must have looked to any onlookers; on his knees in front of quite possibly the most beautiful person in the world and staring at him, mouth agape.

And again, who could blame him when Finn fucking McNamara was standing in front of him, dressed as a cheerleader.

A fucking cheerleader.

_My cheerleader…_

That idea, in itself, was more than enough to send shockwaves through Sean. But the sight was something else entirely. From his usual muddied up sneakers and off-white socks to his bare, pale legs, to his white and red cheerleader skirt… 

_Finn in a skirt._

Sean’s brain nearly collapsed in on itself then and there. His mouth went dry and he only vaguely recognized how out of breath he suddenly sounded.

Finn was also wearing a matching cheerleading vest, with a… ‘SD’ on it. The ‘SD’ looked a little janky; as though it were attached to the uniform separately. Either way, that was definitely not the school’s official cheerleading uniform, _so where the hell did Finn get it_? Not that Sean was remotely capable of asking any questions right now.

The bandana that Finn usually wore was tied around his neck like a choker, and _god_ , how did that look pretty too? 

Not to mention the fact that Sean hadn’t even gotten to Finn’s face yet, and _holy shit_ , he was gorgeous. His hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, with some loose dreads hanging down and framing his face perfectly. That, combined with the winged eyeliner, blush, and… extra glossy lips? Fucking…

_Is he trying to kill me?_

_It’s working._

Cassidy said… something, though Sean’s heart was beating so fast it was practically pounding against his eardrums; he could barely hear, or even _see_ anything beyond Finn. 

_Shit._

“Finn,” Sean tried again. It was louder this time, at least.

“You alright there, sweetheart?” Finn asked with a smirk, pulling Sean up by the hand. _Fuck_ , he was enjoying this so much. The younger boy could merely nod silently as he got to his feet, despite how very weak his knees felt; how weak the rest of his body felt too. All that kept him upright was Finn’s one hand in his, and Finn’s other hand now resting on his shoulder.

_How the hell am I supposed to run like this?!_

“Uh, we’re here too, you know?” Lyla said, catching Sean’s attention. He reluctantly tore his eyes off of Finn, only after said boy winked at him again, to look at Lyla and Cassidy. Sure enough, they were wearing matching cheerleading uniforms. They were also wearing matching knowing expressions, which Sean ignored in favor of avoiding the subject entirely. He could only imagine what they were thinking.

“So, whaddya think?” Cassidy asked, her arm hooked in with Lyla’s. 

“Uh…” Sean stumbled, trying to find his voice. It was remarkably easier when he wasn’t looking at Finn. “You guys… look great. Seriously, this is… Wow,” the younger boy finally managed to say. 

“See, told you he’d like it,” Lyla said, looking over Sean’s shoulder at Finn.

Sean resisted the urge to do the same, knowing that as soon as he did, his brain would stop working. 

“Like it? Shit, guys… I love it. I can’t…” Sean trailed off. Both girls, and probably Finn too, gave him questioning looks.

_I can’t believe you guys did this. Even though I should have fucking guessed it because it was so painfully obvious._

“Oh, wait – I almost forgot,” Lyla interrupted, before reaching down and grabbing a poster that was lying on the ground by her feet.

Bright colors… Glitter… 

‘Move your cute butt, Diaz!’

_Well… He fucking made me a poster. Just like he said he would._

It was a really… ridiculous poster; unnecessarily flashy and way too eye-catching. And yet, it brought a smile to his face. 

“I have a cute butt?” Sean asked.

“According to Finn,” Cassidy smirked. 

“Honestly, it’s a great butt,” Lyla teased, leaning over and pretending to check out his ass.

_I… should not have asked that._

Lyla burst out laughing at that, and Finn was laughing behind him too. Meanwhile, he was just trying not to blush, yet again. 

“Thank you,” Sean said.

“For saying you have a cute butt?” Lyla asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“No! Fuck, for… all of this.”

“Hey now, no need to thank us. This was all Finn,” Cassidy said, patting Sean on the shoulder. His heart couldn’t help but race at the thought. 

Speaking of which, Finn had decided to make his way around Sean to stand next to the girls. Sean tried not to stare; he really did. It didn’t help.

“Thanks, Finn… Really, this is amazing. I… Y-you look – “

_Beautiful._

That was what Sean wanted to say. Especially when Finn smiled at him like _that._ But then he got sidetracked. It was miraculous how quickly his brain could jump from topic to topic, just to avoid expressing any feelings.

“Wait a minute… Where are the pom-poms?” Sean asked, noticing them all empty-handed, except for Lyla who was holding up the poster. 

“Oh, well… You seemed _so upset_ about the pom-poms, so we ditched ‘em,” Finn teased, hinting at how flustered Sean had been in the car this morning.

“I-I was… I just wanted to know what’s going on.”

“I know, sweetie. Don’t worry, I’m jus’ playin’. We have ‘em in the car. I could go and – “Finn started, turning to walk away and presumably fetch the pom-poms. As if Sean’s muscles had a mind of their own, he reached out (practically lunged, honestly) and grabbed Finn’s wrist.

“D-don’t… It’s fine. I, uh, don’t want you to go…” Sean whispered, painfully aware of how desperate and clingy he sounded. Though, Finn didn’t seem to mind.

“Then I’ll stay,” Finn said, smiling softly and holding eye contact with Sean. Any sort of coherent thought seemed impossible to achieve when Finn’s blue eyes met his brown ones. It was as if the eye contact cast a spell over them; one that made every single person in the world disappear.

And then Sean realized he was still holding Finn’s wrist, and he also realized how easy it would have been to simply take Finn’s hand. It was right there, and he was already halfway there anyway. But there were people… his dad, and his –

“LYLA!”

_Shit._

Daniel came charging towards them, wrapping his arms around Lyla tightly with a huge smile on his face. Sean pulled his hand away quickly, hoping it was quick enough for Daniel to not notice anything.

“There’s my favorite Diaz,” Lyla said, ruffling his hair. Both Cassidy and Finn were watching the interaction with matching grins. Cassidy’s attention was on Lyla, of course, while Finn’s seemed to be on the little kid that had crashed into their little circle.

“Where’s Dad?” Sean found himself asking. If Esteban was on his way here, Sean wanted to be prepared for it.

“It’s fine, Sean. I know where he is.”

“Good, because if you get lost – “

“I won’t,” Daniel groaned.

“Okay, if you say so. But, at least give Lyla some room to breathe?”

Daniel nodded at that, reluctantly stepping away from Lyla. It was only then that he seemed to notice the other two people standing with them – Finn and Cassidy. His eyes widened impossibly, and Sean had only seen him this way once before when their dad bought him an XXL bag of chock-o-crisps.

“Woah, is that a wig?” Daniel asked, pointing at Cassidy’s purple mullet. Lyla snickered, Finn stifled a laugh and Sean pinched his nose.

“What do you think?” Cassidy simply asked, crouching down to be at the kid’s level.

“Uhhhh… I don’t know. It’s cool, though. I’m Daniel!”

“Hiya, Daniel. I’m Cassidy.”

“Wait… Cassidy? I know you!”

“You do?”

“Yeah! Sean said you were Lyla’s girlfriend.”

“Well, Lyla actually told me that _you_ were my strongest competition,” Cassidy said, poking him playfully in the chest.

“She did?” Daniel asked, eyes bright with wonder and most probably adoration; whether that adoration was for Lyla or Cassidy, Sean wasn’t sure.

“Of course I did,” Lyla teased. Daniel flashed her a toothy grin and straightened his back ever so slightly. As if fixing his posture made him a better candidate for Lyla.

“Little brother?” Finn asked, catching Daniel’s attention once more. Sean nodded, as he watched Daniel stare at the tattooed male, no longer preoccupied with Cassidy or her potential wig. His eyebrows were furrowed in what appeared to be confusion.

“Everythin’ alright, little man?” Finn asked, this time directing his question at the younger Diaz brother.

“Why are you dressed like a girl?”

“Daniel!” Sean yelled.

“What?” Daniel asked innocently.

“It’s cool, Sean,” the tattooed boy reassured, before turning his attention back to the little boy. “What do you mean?” He didn’t seem upset by the question at all. Then again, he probably got that question a lot. Not to mention the fact that he just… did not give a fuck about what people thought.

“Well… You’re wearing a skirt.”

“Yeah, I am. And?” Finn asked, though there was no bite in his voice. It was calm and surprisingly sweet.

“I thought that skirts were for girls?”

“Says who?”

“Uh… I don’t know.”

“No worries, little man. It’s cool. See, I wear whatever I want… Make my own rules,” Finn explained, still calm and patient as ever. One thing was for sure: He had way more patience than Sean could ever dream of possessing.

“Oh. That’s cool!”

“It is?” Sean asked without thinking. He was admittedly surprised by his brother’s acceptance since Daniel was usually very persistent about things he did not understand. Still, he was grateful for the lack of questioning in this particular scenario.

“Yeah, super cool. Rules are stupid! Plus, I really like your tattoos, uh…”

“Finn.” The older male answered the kid’s unspoken question, crouching down to his level just as Cassidy had done. “And you’re Daniel, right?”

“Yeah. Are you friends with my brother?”

“Hell yeah. We’re _really good friends_ ,” Finn answered smoothly. Daniel didn’t notice the amount of emphasis placed on Finn’s words, nor did he pick up the implication thereof. Cassidy and Lyla did though, and they wore matching smiles to confirm that.

“Cool! You guys should meet my dad, he’s super cool too.”

“Must run in the family then,” Finn answered with a smile, before standing upright again. If Daniel hadn’t been won over before, that definitely sealed the deal; the kid was practically beaming.

“Come on, let’s go!” Daniel grabbed Lyla by the hand, before pulling her off in the direction he’d come from. Cassidy was laughing to herself but followed behind them without hesitation. Finn hesitated only for a second, to wait for Sean to catch up.

_Guess this is happening._

**********

When they finally found Esteban, standing near the place Sean had left him earlier, Daniel seemed to speed up. He also took it upon himself to hijack the introductions, as though Finn and Cassidy were his friends instead of Sean’s.

“Dad! Dad, look who I found!”

“Where have you been, mijo? You can’t just run off like that,” Esteban scolded, but Daniel was ultimately unphased.

“I found Lyla, see! And her girlfriend, Cassidy. Oh, and Finn. Finn’s super cool. He makes his own rules!”

_Someone’s got an admirer._

“Oh, well it’s very nice to meet you both. It’s always nice to meet Sean’s friends since he likes to keep me out of the loop most of the time,” Esteban teased, smiling at Sean who found himself to be incapable of words yet again.

_Finn. My dad. Together. Finn meeting my dad. This is happening. This is totally fine. It’s fine._

Sean could tell that Esteban was slightly taken aback by Finn and Cassidy. Even by Lyla. There was… a lot to unpack.

Cheerleading costumes. A poster. Cassidy’s purple mullet. Finn’s dreads. Both of their tattoos. Finn in a skirt. Finn wearing make-up.

_A lot to unpack._

Luckily, Esteban Diaz was never one to turn down an opportunity to reaffirm how much he deserved the ‘Dad of the Year’ award. He did not linger on, or even question Finn’s choice of clothing. He did not blink or make a face at Cassidy’s purple hair, or Finn’s dreads. He just smiled at them and treated them like he would anybody else.

“You must be Cassidy,” Esteban said, reaching out to shake the girl’s hand. She took it with a smile.

“It’s nice to meet ya, Mr. Diaz. Lyla never shuts up about y’all,” Cassidy said. Esteban laughed, and Lyla rolled her eyes at that but still continued grinning, practically _bouncing_. Sean was overwhelmingly happy for her since he knew that Lyla considered Esteban to be the father she never had.

“Please, call me Esteban… And you,” he said, turning his attention to the tattooed male. Sean’s heart stopped. Why was he so fucking nervous?

“Finn, right?” 

And then his dad’s hand was being held out to Finn, a warm smile on his face. 

Sean looked over to see Finn wiping his palms on his skirt before reaching out to take Esteban’s hand. Sean didn’t miss the way Finn’s Adam’s apple bobbed like it had that morning, nor did he miss the slight tremble in Finn’s hand as he reached out. He seemed… nervous? 

No… Finn couldn’t be nervous. 

_Why would he be nervous?_

_Unless he… wants to impress my dad?_

Now Sean’s heart seemed unable to stop at all, practically thumping against his rib cages, trying to leap out of his chest.

“Yessir, that’s me,” Finn drawled, and if he was nervous, his voice didn’t show it.

“My son talks about you quite a bit. The two of you must be very close, so it’s nice to finally meet you,” Esteban said.

“Dad, I don’t – “ 

_I don’t talk about him that much… Do I?_

“Very close, sir," Finn interrupted smoothly.

"You can call me Esteban, really."

"Well, Esteban... Your son is a… very special guy. He means a lot to me. To us...”

Sean’s heart skipped a beat at that. The 'to us' seemed like more of an afterthought... He could feel the flush creeping onto his cheeks but fought it away fiercely.

“Well, I can see that, since you guys put this all together for him... I think maybe next time I might follow your lead, get my own uniform. Won’t that be fun, Seanie boy?”

“Oh my god, stop.”

“Wait, do you guys have a routine or something?” Daniel asked excitedly, and Sean’s eyes widened.

“Do you guys have a routine?!” he asked frantically, echoing his little brother’s question.

Finn and Cassidy started laughing, and Lyla said, “We _almost_ did. Finn wanted to come up with one… I told Finn you’d kill him though. You’re welcome.”

“Thank God…”

“Aw, come on. He would’a loved my moves, right Cass?”

“ _No one_ likes your moves.”

Everyone started laughing then, including Sean. Then Esteban invited Lyla, Cassidy, and Finn to sit with him and Daniel for the event. They accepted, and although the idea of leaving Finn with his family was a truly and utterly terrifying prospect, Sean didn’t protest. 

He wanted his family to get to know Finn. 

He wanted them to _like_ Finn. 

Thankfully, Daniel already seemed to like Finn and had taken it upon himself to claim a seat between him and Lyla. Cassidy sat on Lyla’s other side, next to Esteban, while Sean decided to sit next to Finn.

The tattooed male was… surprisingly invested in whatever Daniel was saying to him, and only resolved to look at Sean once the kid’s attention was on Lyla again.

“Man, your brother is dope.”

“He is... It looks like you have an admirer though.”

“Aw, is someone jealous?”

“What? Of Daniel? No way – “

“Because if you are, that’d be totally hot.”

“Finn – “

“I’m jus’ sayin’. Don’t worry, sweetie. Even when me and Daniel are bros, I’ll still have eyes for you, alright?”

“Shut up," Sean groaned before the two of them went quiet. It didn't last very long though, since Finn was... Finn.

“So…” Finn whispered, quiet enough to avoid Daniel overhearing.

“Hm?”

“Meeting the family, huh?”

“Oh god – “

“I like ‘em. They seem cool.”

“Yeah, they are,” Sean admitted with a smile, as he watched Daniel and Lyla laughing together, and Esteban and Cassidy talking further down.

“You’re so cute, sweetie,” Finn cooed.

“I’m not cute.”

“We’ve been over this. You’re adorable, my little Sean. And you look…” Finn trailed off, staring down at Sean’s… thighs? Sean shifted, moving his legs a little bit. Sure enough, Finn’s eyes followed the movement. Sean didn’t understand the sudden fascination that Finn had with his thighs, but apparently, that didn’t stop him from suddenly feeling a lot warmer because of it.

“Finn?” Sean asked quietly when Finn never finished his sentence. His silence was unusual; especially when paired with the way he was hungrily eyeing Sean’s thighs.

“You look so fuckin’ hot, sweetheart,” Finn finally whispered, looking up at Sean’s face and sucking all the air out of Sean’s lungs with the sudden eye contact. Not to mention the fact that Finn was now biting his lip, and how the hell was Sean supposed to run like this?

“I-I, uh…”

“No need to say anythin’. Jus’ can’t believe you been keepin’ this view from me for so long. I’m never gonna fuckin’ miss one of these meets again... Damn” Finn said, before humming appreciatively. Sean's breath hitched, and he looked over to make sure no one had heard anything. No one did.

Still...

“Finn, you can’t… say that shit right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because my brother and Dad are right there... P-plus, I need to run in like, fifteen minutes. And you saying stuff like that, it…”

_Makes my legs not fucking work._

“I see… Later, then,” Finn whispered, winking before patting Sean on the thigh. He’d done it before, though this time his hand seemed to linger just a bit longer than usual. The spot where he touched seemed to burn at the contact, before that heat radiated through Sean’s body, rendering him immobile and unable to communicate. And then Finn turned away, a bright smile on his face, jumping back into a conversation with Daniel as if nothing had happened.

Meanwhile, Sean was yet to find the will to breathe. He’d probably need about a minute to collect himself, after everything that had happened.

_Wait._

_What the fuck does he mean by later?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Esteban finally met Finn, and things are moving forward!!  
> I hope y'all enjoyed Finn as a cheerleader as much as Sean did ;)
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated. Thank you for all the love and support on this story so far :')  
> I'm planning to do about 10-15 chapters for this fic, though I'm still debating whether to go with pure fluff or to add some more plot to it... Let me know what you guys would prefer :)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 is here y'all!!  
> Two warnings for this chapter.  
> 1) It's pretty long, roughly 9k. I'm sure you guys don't mind though ;)  
> 2) IMPORTANT. Content Warning: Brief moment of homophobia, and the almost-use of a homophobic slur, but only briefly.

Sean wasn’t sure if it was the excitement of knowing that Esteban seemed to like Finn, or simply the fact that Finn was in the stands at all. Either way, he ended up running better than he ever had before. He had been worried before, especially when Finn winked at him right before he left the stands to warm up for his event. That worry seemed to be for nothing in the end though.

Sean ended up coming in second place in his first race, third place in his second, and first place in his third. Honestly, he’d surprised even himself with his performance.

Once he’d showered and changed back into his wolf squad hoodie and jeans, he checked himself in the mirror to make sure he looked at least somewhat presentable.

_Not bad…_

His cheeks were still a little flushed from all the running, as well as the heat of the shower. His hair was still wet and a lot more messy than usual since he was in a hurry to get back to the rest of the group. Still, he looked okay. Good enough.

_Maybe just… one more look._

No one was there to witness his attempts to make himself look good, so no one could judge him… Well, except for Eric. Luckily, the boy only made one teasing remark about Sean getting ready for a hot date, before moving on with his life. That was probably why Eric was one of his closest friends at school; the guy respected his privacy. 

Once Sean was satisfied with how he looked, he made his way back to the group. He hadn’t been able to sit down and talk to them since the start of his first race, so he was excited to finally talk to Finn again. But when he got closer to where they’d been sitting before, he realized that there were no cheerleaders around. Just his dad and his brother.

He tried to swallow his disappointment and put a smile on his face as he got back to his family, feeling a little silly for assuming that Finn would have stuck around after the event had ended. After all, they’d never talked about what would happen once the meet was over… But Sean had still hoped for something, anything.

“You did so well today, mijo! I’m so proud of you,” Esteban praised, wrapping Sean in a hug that the younger boy didn’t have the willpower to resist.

“Sean! That was so cool!” Daniel yelled, working his way into the hug.

“Thanks, guys,” Sean said before looking around again. He found himself holding onto the hopes that he’d still catch a glimpse of a cheerleading uniform somewhere around them. It would have been hard to miss, considering many people had already left so the crowd wasn’t that big anymore. But he was once again disappointed. Still no sign of Finn, Cassidy, or Lyla. 

“Where are the others?” Sean decided to ask.

“Your cheerleaders were freezing their legs off, so they all decided to get out of their uniforms,” Esteban explained, before lifting Daniel onto his shoulders and wincing with the effort it took.

“So they’re still here?” Sean asked, not even bothering to pretend to be cool about it.

“Yeah! Dad actually said that Finn and Cassidy could come out with us tonight. Isn’t that cool?” Daniel cut in excitedly.

“Really?” 

“Uh-huh. Daniel here wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to Finn… Is that alright with you, mijo?” Esteban asked. His tone was somewhere between curious and teasing. Sean didn’t understand what that meant, but he didn’t question it either.

“That’s… Yeah, that’s fine. It’s actually pretty cool. Thanks, Dad.”

“Awesome! I can’t wait to see Finn again. He’s so cool!” Daniel beamed, kicking his legs in the air and nearly kicking his feet into Esteban’s stomach. Esteban seemed remarkably unbothered, which was something Sean would never understand.

“What about Lyla?”

“Oh, uh… Lyla too, obviously!”

Both Esteban and Sean shared a laugh over how blatantly obvious Daniel was. It had hardly taken him a few hours to totally forget about Lyla. He was all about Finn now. 

But when Esteban started walking back to the car, Sean hesitated.

“W-wait,” Sean started, looking around nervously. “Shouldn’t we… wait for them?”

“They’re meeting us there. Don’t worry, Seanie boy, you’ll see your friends soon… _Unless_ you have a problem driving with your papito again,” Esteban teased.

“N-no. Of course not. It’s fine, let’s go.”

“Sean! Hey, wait up!”

“Jenn… Hey,” Sean greeted stiffly, turning to look at the girl that had jogged up to him. Derek was trailing behind her, walking slowly and looking down at his phone. 

“Wait, Jenn?” Daniel asked, making Sean all too aware of his dad and brother’s presence next to him again. There was no way around this one. Not to mention the fact that Jenn raised an eyebrow when Daniel seemed to know her name. 

“Uh, yeah. Dad, Daniel, this is Jenn. Jenn, this is… my family,” Sean said, shifting awkwardly. He’d tried to avoid this all day, and now it was happening. That was just his luck.

“Oh, hi! It’s nice to meet you guys,” Jenn said, sweetly as usual. Esteban shook her hand, smiling uncharacteristically bright. Sean could only imagine what he was thinking. Daniel was quiet for once, and that in itself was alarming. But then Sean noticed that the kid’s attention was on Derek’s approaching figure.

The closer Derek got to them, the more obvious it became that he was approaching them. And then Derek looked up, and called “Diaz, nice going today.”

“Who’s that?” Daniel asked curiously, as Jenn turned to look at her boyfriend.

“That’s Derek,” Sean said, praying that Jenn would simply excuse herself and walk off before Derek got close enough to start an actual conversation with them. At least then, he’d be spared from a potentially awkward future conversation with his dad. That didn’t happen.

“Friend of yours, mijo?” Esteban asked, seemingly just as curious as Daniel.

“Uh…“ Sean trailed off once again. Luckily – but also, unfortunately – Derek saved him from needing to finish that thought. The boy had come up to Jenn’s side and done exactly what Sean predicted he would do. He threw an arm around Jenn’s shoulder again. At least this time, Sean was spared the sight of Derek kissing Jenn sloppily. 

It seemed to be at that exact moment that Esteban came to the realization of what was going on.

“We’re gonna… go wait in the car. Don’t be too long, alright? We don’t want to keep the others waiting,” Esteban said tentatively. Then he and Daniel were gone, leaving Sean alone with the couple.

“Big plans, Diaz?” Derek asked. The question was innocent enough, but the tone was… questioning. It was just off.

“What?”

“You got somewhere to be?” 

“Oh… Just the diner. Family celebrations, you know?”

“Right,” Derek said, seemingly unconvinced. He seemed to be studying Sean like he was trying to solve a puzzle. It made no sense, but again, Sean wasn’t about to bring it up. 

“You did really great today,” Jenn cut in, changing the topic swiftly. She seemed to know something that Sean didn’t, or had, at the very least, caught on to whatever meaning was hidden behind Derek’s question.

“Thanks, Jenn. It was actually pretty fun, I haven’t run like that in a while,” Sean admitted. He wouldn’t try to deny that he was proud of himself for his performance. 

“Having your own personal cheerleaders must’ve helped,” Derek said with a smirk. Again, there was an indecipherable bite to his tone.

“Uh… Yeah…”

“Lyla looks really good as a cheerleader. Think she’d ever join the squad?” Jenn asked, once again clearly trying to steer the conversation away from wherever Derek was trying to take it. Sean appreciated her attempts.

“Definitely not,” Sean laughed. “I don’t think that’s really her thing.” Jenn nodded in agreement, and Sean thought that maybe that would be it. However, Derek still seemed set on solving some unspoken riddle.

“And what about the other two?” Derek asked.

“What?”

“Those seniors.”

“Uh, what about them?”

“What’s their deal?”

“They don’t… have a deal.”

“Well, you guys seem _really_ close,” Derek said. His intentions were obvious now; he was fishing for information.

“We are. They’re really cool. We’re all really close, the four of us.”

“Aren’t Cassidy and Lyla…?” Derek trailed off, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

“Together?” Sean asked. Derek nodded. Jenn was chewing on her bottom lip, which Sean recognized from experience as a sign of her being nervous.

“Yeah, they’ve been together for a while,” Sean explained. The three of them were silent for a few seconds. Jenn seemed nervous, but Derek seemed deep in thought. Then, he broke the silence.

“And what about the guy?”

“Uh… What do you mean?” Sean asked.

“He seems like a pretty weird guy. Don’t know why you hang out with him.”

“Weird? I hang out with him because he’s my friend. What’s the problem?”

“Dude was wearing a fucking skirt, man. What’s up with that?”

“Derek!” Jenn scolded, nudging him sharply with her elbow before looking at Sean apologetically. It didn’t help to soothe the sudden wave of anger that Sean was feeling.

“And what’s wrong with that?” Sean challenged; his voice was much louder than he expected it to be.

“It’s fucking weird. You should keep your distance; I know I would. People might get the wrong idea.”

“Or maybe, Derek, you should just mind your business and let him wear what he wants. It’s not hurting anyone.” 

“Oh, come on. Don’t you think it’s messed up?” Derek asked. 

“Derek, seriously. Drop it,” Jenn tried. Sean could see that she was trying to stop her boyfriend, but that didn’t make him feel much better. Derek was really starting to piss Sean off, but Sean tried his best to stay calm. Getting into a fight was not on the agenda for tonight.

“I’m just saying, babe… Dude’s obviously a fucking f – “

“Finish that fucking sentence. I dare you.” Sean was practically seething, and without thinking, he’d stepped up close to Derek. His hands were clenched into fists by his side, and he was itching to take a swing. The little bit of self-preservation that he had, told him that punching Derek would be a bad move; Derek was much bigger, and Sean would have likely only gotten a hit or two in before the guy pummeled him.

Still, it was nice to _think_ about doing it. The prick deserved it.

“Easy, Diaz. I’m just messing around,” Derek said. And then he had the audacity to laugh and raise his hands in mock surrender, as though anything about the conversation was remotely amusing. Sean was not amused.

“Maybe you should consider sticking to your day job.”

“Seriously? Can’t you take a fucking joke?”

“Jokes are supposed to be funny, Derek,” Sean deadpanned, fighting the urge to either roll his eyes or kick Derek swiftly in the shin… or both.

He did neither, in the name of staying out of trouble. Sean couldn’t help but feel disappointed though. He’d never been friends with Derek, but he’d been under the impression that the guy was somewhat of a decent human being. Or, at the very least, not a piece of garbage.

_Guess I was fucking wrong about that._

“What’s your problem, Diaz?”

“My problem, _Anderson,_ is you.”

“Guys, come on. Let’s just – “Jenn started to say something, but Derek rudely held a hand up to silence her.

“You got a confession to make?” Derek challenged, shoving Sean backward by the shoulder. Sean nearly stumbled but dug his heels into the ground to stay standing.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Let’s be real. You hang out with three of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were one of them too,” Derek pressed.

“Derek, stop it!” Jenn cried out, but her oh-so-charming boyfriend wasn’t done.

“So, Diaz, is it true? Are you one of them? Maybe you and that freak fag – “

“That’s it,” Sean grunted, and before he could reason with himself, he was lunging forward and getting ready to swing his fist. The impact never came though, because suddenly he was being yanked back by his shoulder.

“Sean! What are you doing?!”

“Dad, it’s – “

“Go back to the car, now.”

“But – “

“Now!”

And then Esteban was practically dragging him away by the sleeve of his hoodie. 

**********

“Hold on a minute,” Esteban said, stepping in front of Sean before he could open the car door. 

“What?” Sean grumbled.

“I wanna settle this nonsense. What the hell happened back there?” Esteban asked sternly.

“Nothing happened.”

“ _Right_. Nothing happened and that’s why I had to nearly pull you off one of your friends.”

“He is _not_ my friend,” Sean said, crossing his arms and huffing. He was still fuming; no amount of distance between him and Derek Anderson would be enough to calm him down. Sean almost felt sorry for Jenn, being stuck with an asshole like Derek. Hopefully, she’d get the hell out of there soon. She deserved better. 

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t be getting into fights like that, and at a school event of all places. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it…” 

“Well, you’re not getting in this car until you tell me,” Esteban pressed. 

“Dad, please…” Sean said, opening the car door and trying to climb in. Esteban blocked him, moving to stand between him and the now open door. Sean considered lunging for the back door but then noticed his little brother’s face pressed up against the back window, clearly listening in on the conversation.

_Nosy little shit._

He didn’t have much time to be annoyed by Daniel though. 

“Oh, mi hijo… Was it about Jenn?” Esteban asked, breaking the silence.

“What? No.”

“You can tell me if it is.”

“Dad, it’s not,” Sean insisted because it really was so far off. Esteban could not have been further from the truth if he tried.

“Sean, the girl you like is dating another boy. If you’re jealous – “

“I’m not jealous, okay? It’s not like that. Can we please just go?” Sean pleaded, all his anger beginning to fade into frustration and desperation. He tried to squeeze past his dad, to get into the car but Esteban closed the door again.

“Dad! I’m serious. It’s not what you think.”

“Then at least talk to me. Tell me what happened. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I was just…” Sean trailed off. The problem wasn’t that Derek was dating Jenn. Sean wasn’t jealous; not in the least. The problem wasn’t that Derek tried to make assumptions about his sexuality that he wasn’t ready to confirm to the entire world just yet. Sean actually found that he didn’t care at all what Derek Anderson thought about him or his sexuality. For once, he didn’t care what anyone thought of him.

The problem was that Derek was a homophobic, close-minded asshole that came for someone Sean cared about. And that was what Sean decided to tell his dad.

“Derek’s a jerk. Like, a total dick – “

“Language,” Esteban scolded.

“Sorry… I was just trying to look out for someone that I care about. I didn’t want to start a fight, but I had to do _something_ ,” Sean explained. The silence that followed was deafening, and his father was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. That was definitely better than Esteban glaring at him, but it was still unnerving all the same.

“So… Derek went after a friend of yours?” his dad finally asked.

“Yes. I swear, I didn’t want to fight. I tried – “

“ _I understand_ , _mijo_.”

“You do?”

“Of course. While I don’t approve of fighting… I know you. If you felt angry enough to throw the first punch, then the guy probably had it coming,” Esteban said, letting out a chuckle. Sean let out a laugh too.

_You have no idea._

“But next time at least find a better way to deal with someone like Derek. It’s not worth getting yourself into trouble, alright?”

“I know… I’m sorry,” Sean mumbled, bowing his head.

“Come here,” Esteban said, pulling Sean in for a tight hug, squeezing him gently. Sean returned the hug after only a second of hesitation. “It’s okay, Sean. I’m proud of you for standing up for your friends. That’s exactly the kind of man that I raised you to be. Just, please, no more punching. Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

They stayed like that for a while before Esteban pulled away, patting his shoulder. He moved to open the car door, but then Sean called out to him.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Can we… not tell everyone what happened tonight?”

“Uh… okay?”

“It’s just, they’ll wanna ask about it, and talk about it, and I don’t really wanna think about it at all. I just wanna enjoy the night.”

“Of course. I won’t bring it up.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

**********

“There’s our little champion,” Cassidy cheered as they walked into the diner. By the time Sean, Daniel and Esteban had arrived, Finn, Lyla, and Cassidy had already grabbed a booth for them.

Upon seeing all three of them – and maybe Finn in particular – Sean’s mood improved dramatically. The drive from the meet had given him some time to cool off, and his dad had finally dropped the topic once they got in the car. Daniel didn’t ask or say anything about what had happened either, allowing Sean to pick himself up and move on. He was ready to forget all about what had transpired between him and Derek, and enjoy a night out with his favorite people. And he didn’t care who knew it, or what they thought of it.

It was liberating.

“Holy shit, man!” Finn exclaimed, hopping up and walking over to Sean. The younger boy could not help but take him in as he approached. He’d ditched his cheerleading uniform – Lyla and Cassidy too – like Esteban had said, in favor of wearing the same overalls he’d worn that morning. Sean really had a love-hate relationship with those overalls. They were adorable, and Finn looked amazing in them… but they were so unfairly tempting. Finn still had his bandana tied like a choker, and his hair and makeup were still the same. 

Even without the cheerleading uniform, and the absolute torture that it put Sean through, Finn looked gorgeous.

Then Finn was pulling Sean in for a hug. It was an innocent enough hug, though Sean was still hyper-aware of every single second of contact, and every spot where Finn’s skin brushed his felt as though it were on fire. Every slight touch, whether it was fleeting or lingering, sent shivers down his spine. “You were in-fuckin’-credible! I didn’t know you were that fast.”

“Sean doesn’t like to brag. Trying to be humble or something. I think it’s dumb,” Lyla teased. The rest of the group murmured an agreement before breaking into a conversation which mostly consisted of praising Sean for his performance. It was… a lot. In a good way though. 

Sean could feel himself blushing at the sudden flood of compliments, even though his attention was still captured by Finn’s hand lingering on the small of his back. Again, an innocent touch, but it drove Sean crazy all the same.

“We should probably sit down,” Sean mumbled, hoping to draw at least some of the attention away from himself. He regretted ever opening his mouth the second that hand on his back disappeared, but forced himself not to chase after it again. 

Instead, he moved to sit down with Daniel on his left, and Lyla on his right. Esteban sat on Daniel’s other side. Meanwhile, Cassidy found a seat to the right of Lyla, followed directly by Finn. Sean found that this was a perfect position to stare at Finn without actually looking like he was staring.

He did, however, find himself regretting his decision to sit next to Daniel. The post-meet diner runs were some of the only nights that Daniel was allowed to stay up past his bedtime. The consequence: He was incredibly hyper, bordering on unbearable, and even more unfiltered than usual – if that were even possible.

Not to mention the fact that Daniel was practically already obsessed with Finn, unsubtly hanging onto every single word Finn said the entire night. Every chance he got, he’d make conversation or ask Finn random questions, to an extent that would likely drive anyone insane. But not Finn.

No, Finn seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to and joking around with Daniel. It wasn’t a poorly covered attempt at being polite, which Sean had first assumed it would be. Daniel and Finn genuinely seemed to connect in a way that Sean was ready to accept as something he would simply never understand. 

It was honestly really nice to see.

“You guys ready to order?” the waiter asked, coming up to the table. His name tag read ‘Jason’ and he looked like he couldn’t be much older than Sean.

Not an entirely relevant observation, under normal circumstances. But suddenly every bit of information Sean could gather on this man – Jason – seemed crucial because _Jason_ let his gaze land on a certain tattooed boy for just a second too long to be inconsequential. Finn didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t show it. But Sean noticed, and his skin started to prickle again.

_Dude, chill._

Sean mentally scolded himself, blaming his wave of very irrational anger towards Jason on the leftover adrenaline from his encounter with Derek; the fact that said adrenaline had faded away long ago was purposefully ignored. However, he willed himself to push it back and look down at his menu to choose what he wanted.

Lyla ordered a chocolate milkshake – to which Daniel responded with, “Ooh! Can I get a chocolate one too?” This wasn’t the first time Daniel had blatantly copied Lyla’s order, but this was soon to be the first time that he didn’t keep her order.

Finn followed up by ordering a strawberry milkshake – no surprise there – and Sean decidedly ignored the far too friendly smile that the waiter flashed him. And then Daniel piped in. “OH! I think I want a strawberry one too!” That caught everyone’s attention at the table. Lyla’s jaw dropped to the ground, and if the situation wasn’t so amusing, Sean might have thought she was a little bit offended by this new rejection. But she had no choice but to laugh at it. Everyone laughed, including Sean. 

It was almost enough of a distraction to let Sean forget that Jason was still standing there and eyeing Finn like a piece of meat.

_Stop. Finn is not your boyfriend. He can do what he wants. Jason isn’t doing anything wrong._

Sean still had to fight the urge not to lunge across the table and knock that obnoxiously charming smile off of Jason’s pretty face; of course, Jason had to be good looking as well. He looked like he’d walked straight out of a modeling catalog with his perfect hair and his perfect smile and those annoying dimples and his stupid broad shoulders. 

It was too fucking perfect. 

He and Finn made a perfect, good looking couple.

_Stop it._

Sean didn’t know who he hated more at that moment. Jason, for looking at Finn like that and very obviously trying to get his attention, or himself, for being tempted to act like a jealous, borderline-possessive boyfriend. He reminded himself yet again that Finn was a free man, that could talk to or flirt with whoever he wanted to. He also reminded himself that Jason was simply a guy that was attracted to another guy. It just so happened that it had to be Finn. Sean had no right to be upset. He knew that. 

He also knew that hating Jason was completely irrational since the guy was probably perfectly decent. Sean was just… _jealous_. And he wanted to punch himself for it.

This is why the oldest Diaz brother eventually resorted to focusing all his attention on holding a conversation with Lyla and Daniel. Still, he couldn’t help but notice that Jason seemed to have his eyes glued to Finn, even when he wasn’t at their table. Sean didn’t exactly blame the guy. Finn tended to have that effect on people. But that didn’t stop Sean from letting his eyes drift over to Finn every now and again, to see if the older boy was ever looking back at Jason.

Finn never was.

In fact, Finn’s eyes rarely seemed to drift from Sean, and that was enough for him.

**********

The night ended up running longer than expected. Everyone was too wrapped up in conversation to care about time, including Esteban. Daniel would probably be extra tired tomorrow, but that was standard procedure for every track meet night. 

Right now, however, Daniel was not tired. He had jumped up a few minutes ago to squeeze himself in next to Finn, who was not at all upset by the new arrangement. Even when Sean rolled his eyes, feeling mildly embarrassed by his little brother’s behavior, Finn was still smiling. 

“I can’t believe you replaced me,” Lyla pouted.

“I didn’t,” Daniel defended eagerly.

“You broke my heart, Daniel… I thought I was your number one,” Lyla said, wiping away fake tears and trying to hold back her smile.

“What? No, I didn’t!”

“It’s okay, Lyla. You still have me,” Sean said dramatically, patting her shoulder in mock-reassurance and diving in to join her in what was sure to be the most over-exaggerated guilt trip in the world.

“Thank you, Sean. You know, that means a lot to me. It’s just been so hard, you know? When you meet someone, and you think they’re the one for you. And one day they just… up and leave. Replace you.” Lyla’s monologue made both Cassidy and Finn snicker, and Esteban was clearly holding back his own laughter. 

“Lyla, no! I didn’t, I swear,” Daniel pouted.

“We’ll get through this,” Sean cut in again, playfully ignoring Daniel and enjoying himself far too much.

“Dad!” Daniel cried out.

“Hey, leave me out of this,” Esteban said, lifting his hands in mock surrender. What followed was a back-and-forth between Lyla, Daniel, and Esteban which was entertaining enough, until Sean chanced a look over at Finn mid-laugh. 

Finn was already looking at him, sipping on the straw of his milkshake but very clearly smiling. Only Finn could somehow manage to look unreasonably good while drinking a milkshake, and Sean was completely and utterly hypnotized. He couldn’t even think about trying not to smile back. Some time passed; Sean didn’t know exactly how much time, but it was long enough for Lyla to pull out her phone and open up her Facebook.

“Holy sh – oot,” she started to curse, but looked up at Esteban quickly and corrected herself mid-word. That managed to catch everyone’s attention.

“What’s going on, babe?” Cassidy asked, leaning forward and peering down at the screen of Lyla’s phone.

“Sean, did you know that Jenn is dating Derek Anderson?” Lyla asked, eyes wide with surprise.

“Oh… uh…” Sean couldn’t form words, because, at the mere mention of Derek’s name, he found himself filled with rage again.

“Wait, _your_ Jenn?” Finn asked curiously.

“She's not my Jenn…” Sean muttered. He looked over to see Esteban studying him, obviously looking for some sort of reaction. Especially because he not only thought that Sean liked Jenn, but also the fact that Sean had nearly punched Derek earlier tonight.

“But you like her!” Daniel piped in, and _yeah_ , that was exactly what Sean needed.

“Daniel – “

“Sean even got into a fight with Derek!”

“Mijo…” Esteban tried, but it was too late. 

“Wait, what?!” Cassidy, Lyla, and Finn cried out in unison. All three of them were visibly confused, and even more visibly worried.

“It wasn’t a fight… Not exactly.”

“Are you okay?” Lyla asked, kicking into her mom-friend-mode.

“Y-yeah, of course.”

“Shit, sweetie… What happened?” Finn asked, his voice laced with concern. Sean’s heart seemed to stop at the idea of Finn being worried about him, but now was definitely not the time for that. He opened his mouth to answer the question, but Daniel – in all his hyper, unfiltered glory – beat him to it.

“Sean was jealous because he likes Jenn, and now Jenn’s dating Derek,” Daniel explained confidently as if he had any idea what was actually going on.

_Fucking fantastic._

All eyes were on Sean now. Lyla was looking at him questioningly because she knew for a fact that that wasn’t the case. Cassidy had a similar expression. Daniel was smiling at him, not at all aware of the can of worms he’d inadvertently opened. Esteban was looking at Sean with an expression that was somewhere between apologetic and curious. And Finn… well, Sean couldn’t read Finn’s expression.

He wasn’t smiling anymore though, and that was enough to tell Sean that it wasn’t good. He maybe even looked a little disappointed. Sean wished he was as good as Lyla at reading facial expressions because right now he was struggling to get a read on whatever Finn was feeling.

Whatever that look was, it made a sick feeling twist in Sean’s gut.

“Daniel, that wasn’t what happened,” Sean said after what felt like hours, but was likely only a couple of seconds.

“But… I heard you and Dad talking.”

“Were you listening in on our conversation again, mijo?” Esteban asked, lips curling upward into a smile.

“N-no… Okay, fine. I was. But only a little.”

Sean groaned, dropping his forehead onto the table before releasing a breath and looking up again. Lyla was giving him a different look now, one that Sean had no trouble reading. He knew exactly what it meant.

_You got this._

And Sean, for once, felt that that was true. For once, he wasn’t afraid to take the next step. 

“I didn’t try and fight Derek because of Jenn. Derek’s just a jerk. And I…” Sean trailed off, before looking back at his dad, who was nodding encouragingly. Sean didn’t know exactly what his dad thought he was encouraging him to do. Either way, it worked well enough for Sean.

“I don’t actually… like Jenn. Not anymore.”

A few moments of silence, and one or two confused looks. Well, exactly two; from Daniel and Esteban. Daniel was blatantly lost, while Esteban... well, Sean couldn't quite place what his expression was. But he didn't have time to analyze it, because Esteban suddenly replaced whatever it was with a smile.

And then: “But I heard you talking to her! You’re _always_ talking to her. I thought – “

“That wasn’t her, enano. It was… someone else,” Sean said, fighting the urge to look over at Finn again. He could feel those blue eyes on him though, practically burning through him.

“Someone else?” Daniel asked curiously.

“Mijo, let your brother breathe. We can talk later,” Esteban tried, but there was no need.

It was time to stop using Jenn as a defense to hide behind. It was time to stop running away from what was becoming inevitable. If Sean wanted anything more with Finn, which he did, then he needed to start being honest. And right here, in this cramped booth, surrounded by the only people in his life that he trusted unconditionally, he finally felt ready to take a step forward.

_Be clear about your feelings._

“Dad, it’s fine, really. Enano… I don’t like Jenn, because I like someone else.” This time, Sean didn’t have it in him to not look over at Finn. It was like a magnetic pull. A force of nature. And this time, Finn was smiling again. Sean felt a very different feeling twist in his gut then. A good kind of feeling. 

Sean didn’t look to see what anyone else’s reaction to the admission was. Suddenly, the reactions didn’t seem to matter at all. He only saw Finn. He didn’t dare look away, and neither did Finn. The world could have ended then and there, and Sean probably wouldn’t have noticed.

And to be quite honest, Sean barely noticed anything for the rest of the night. The conversation moved away from the topic of the fight and Sean’s love life, thankfully - even though Sean was certain it would come up again eventually - and onto other things. Things that could not come close to capturing Sean’s attention enough for him to tear his eyes away from Finn. Was he being ridiculously obvious? _Probably._

Did he care? Not even a little bit.

He didn’t blink when Daniel jumped up and nearly spilled what was left of his milkshake all over the table. He didn’t flinch when Lyla and Cassidy started bickering like an old married couple again. He didn’t even register at first when Esteban paid the bill and announced that it was time to go.

Only when Finn stood up himself, did the spell break and bring Sean back down to Earth.

Esteban led Daniel to the car, who was now rubbing his eyes and clearly losing steam. Cassidy and Lyla weren’t far behind them, arms linked, and deep in conversation. Finn was waiting patiently for him, and just as they were about to leave, reality came to smack Sean in the face. Reality, in this specific instance, was more specifically known as a guy named Jason. 

Sean should have expected this. It had been looming over his head the entire night. The not-so-subtle looks. The dazzling smiles. Jason had been waiting for his moment, and now seemed to be that moment.

“Hey,” Jason said, greeting the two of them. It was painfully obvious, however, that his greeting was directed more at Finn. 

“Sup, man, how’s it goin’?” Finn asked, making conversation because that was just… Finn.

Sean was torn between leaving (because he absolutely did not want to stand around and watch this guy possibly shamelessly flirt with Finn) and sticking around (because he also absolutely did not want to leave Finn with this guy). Once more, he found himself hating himself for the way he was acting, but he couldn’t help it.

Honestly, he tried to tune out of the conversation as best as he could for the sake of his sanity. And also to avoid succumbing to his desire to ruin what could very well have been an entirely innocent conversation between Finn, and a guy that found Finn attractive. 

But when Jason stepped forward, eyeing Finn up and down before saying, “I think you’re pretty cute, and I was hoping I could get your number,” Sean tuned right back in. His ears practically prickled as he focused all his attention on the conversation. 

_It is not my place to step in._

_It is not my place to say anything._

_Finn is a free man._

_Don’t. Say. Anything._

He held back, despite everything within him that was _begging_ him to intervene. That would not have been fair on Finn, or Jason. Sean had no claim to Finn and absolutely did not want to be _that guy._ No matter how tempting the prospect was.

Whatever Finn said… However Finn responded… Sean would have to accept it. 

“I appreciate the compliment, my man,” Finn started, and Sean sucked in a breath, looking over at Finn, who was now looking right at him. Sean tried to mask his emotions, and put on a blank expression, to avoid influencing the older boy at all.

And then Finn turned back to Jason with a smile on his face before saying, “But I’m already off the market. Have been for quite a while now.”

_Off the market?_

_Finn’s off the market?_

_Since when?_

_When did he… Oh._

The realization struck him like a tidal wave, and suddenly he could barely hold himself back from grabbing Finn’s hand and dragging him away before yanking him close and kissing the shit out of him. It was almost alarming how badly he wanted to do it… How close he was to doing it.

But he settled for smiling at Finn, containing everything else and releasing the breath he’d been holding in. 

“Oh, shit, sorry dude. I had no idea,” Jason said, and suddenly Sean felt a little guilty for fantasizing about kicking him in the shin.

“It’s cool, no stress. We’re cool,” Finn said reassuringly. Jason nodded before they said their goodbyes, and then Sean and Finn were alone again. Left in the silence of what had just happened... what had just been confirmed.

“Off the market, huh?” Sean found himself asking.

“You know it, sweetie,” Finn said with a wink, before making his way to the exit of the diner. Sean followed behind closely, bowing his head in an attempt to conceal the smile that wouldn’t leave his face.

That smile didn’t leave when they got back to the rest of the group. It didn’t leave when Daniel tugged on Finn’s overalls and asked for a hug. It didn’t leave when Esteban, Lyla, and Daniel climbed into the car. 

And it definitely didn’t leave when Finn pulled him in for a hug, that danced dangerously on the thin line between friendly and romantic. It lingered just a second too long to be platonic, but far too short to be enough for Sean. He wanted it to last forever, despite knowing that his dad and little brother were only a few feet away and could see the entire thing. Sean simply did not care.

Nothing could ruin this moment for him.

_Fuck, I am in so deep._

**********

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this quiet before,” Sean teased, gesturing towards his brother. Daniel was fast asleep by the time they arrived at home after dropping Lyla off. Sean didn’t blame him, since it was way past his bedtime. The excitement of the night could only keep him going for so long before he crashed.

“Come on, Danny. Let’s get you to bed,” Esteban whispered, hoisting Daniel up into his arms carefully. The little boy only vaguely murmured an acknowledgment of the movement, which was a sign that he was absolutely exhausted. 

Sean took off to his own room, eager to get into bed himself, but Esteban stopped him.

“Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“About the whole… Jenn thing…” Esteban started, but Sean knew where this was going. And he was ready for it. But not tonight. He wanted to do this properly.

“Dad, can we… talk about this tomorrow? Like, _actually_ talk about it.”

“Of course, mijo. If that’s what you want. Sleep tight.”

Sean had planned on doing just that.

But when Sean eventually settled into his bed, he was more awake than he’d ever been before. It was eleven pm and he was laying in his bed, with no chance of falling asleep. There was too much going on inside his head for him to settle down. The day had been far more eventful than he could have anticipated, and with the knowledge of the conversation with his dad that was coming tomorrow… There was no way he’d be able to fall asleep now.

Sean needed to do something. Something distracting, to take his mind off of things. Enough so to calm him down so that he could find some semblance of sleep. He checked the time again: 23:32. It was late. Too late to go anywhere. Too late to do anything. Except for one thing. One thing that, by now, he knew he could do at any time of the day.

…………………………………………

**_23:32 – Sean:_ **

Hey

…………………………………………

Sean didn’t need to ask if he was up. He already knew.

…………………………………………

**_23:32 – Finn:_ **

hey there sweetie

can’t get enough of me? 😉

…………………………………………

It was a joke. Sean _knew_ it was a joke. Finn was just being Finn, and teasing him like he always did.

But there was an overwhelming truth to it.

…………………………………………

**_23:32 – Sean:_ **

I can’t.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:33 – Finn:_ **

hold on

u know what ur saying?

…………………………………………

Sean did know. He knew exactly what he was saying. And he wanted… no, needed to say more.

…………………………………………

**_23:33 – Sean:_ **

Yeah, and I mean it.

I always wanna be around you.

I saw you less than an hour ago, and I miss you.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:34 – Finn:_ **

shit

ur making it real hard for me

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:34 – Sean:_ **

What do you mean?

Hard for you to what?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:35 – Finn:_ **

to take things slow

to control myself

…………………………………………

Sean’s heart was racing, pounding, so intensely that he thought he might burst. His palms were sweaty, and his breaths were shallow, and he didn’t know where his confidence tonight was coming from. But before he could think about it, he was typing out his response.

…………………………………………

**_23:35 – Sean:_ **

Then don’t.

…………………………………………

_Jesus, how did I get here?_

Sean waited for a response… Any response. There was none. 

A minute passed. Then two. Then three. Then five. 

And by the time almost ten minutes had passed, Sean began to panic. He feared the worst. Maybe Finn changed his mind or was scared off by Sean’s last message. Or worse, maybe something happened. Maybe something was wrong. 

A thousand different scenarios and not one of them proved to be true.

Because just as he was about to bury his head under his pillow and hide from the world, his phone buzzed again.

…………………………………………

**_23:44 – Finn:_ **

knock knock 

…………………………………………

_Knock knock? What the fuck?_

…………………………………………

**_23:44 – Sean:_ **

What?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:44 – Finn:_ **

look outside sweetheart

…………………………………………

_No… No way. No fucking way._

_He didn’t._

Sean was up faster than you could blink, and at his window in record time.

_He did…_

Sure enough, there Finn was. Leaning against his car parked outside of Sean’s house, clad in his overalls, casual as ever. As if it wasn’t almost midnight, and this was a perfectly normal thing.

…………………………………………

**_23:45 – Sean:_ **

What are you doing here?

If my dad sees you outside, he’ll kill me.

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_23:45 – Finn:_ **

well then let me in, sweetie 😉

…………………………………………

_Shit._

Sean hesitated, only for a few seconds. It was apparently long enough for Finn to send him another message.

…………………………………………

**_23:45 – Finn:_ **

only if u want, no pressure

…………………………………………

Sean did want. He wanted badly. Finn’s reassurance only served to further solidify that fact in his mind. He wanted to let Finn in.

If Esteban heard the two of them and found Finn in Sean’s room, Sean would never leave the house again. It was a huge risk… And yet, he found himself opening his bedroom window and waving Finn over.

_Lyla would be proud._

“Sneakin’ in through your window? Shit, jus’ like Romeo and Juliet,” Finn teased, climbing in with a surprising amount of grace and shutting the window behind him gently.

“Shut up… Would I be Romeo or Juliet?”

“Romeo, obviously.”

“Right,” Sean said playfully, before remembering himself. “We need to be quiet though. My brother’s room is literally right across the hall, and my dad – “

Finn held a finger to his lips, indicating for Sean to be quiet, before grabbing Sean’s discarded wolf squad hoodie and laying it down in front of the door to block the gap. “Muffles the sound, trust me,” Finn said, before looking around finally. Sean didn’t want to know how much experience Finn had with this type of scenario, or how he knew to do _that_. 

As he watched Finn, he suddenly realized that he was standing in his pajamas like an idiot, with a cute boy in his room. Finn seemed to notice too, raising an eyebrow at Sean’s green shorts and smirking. Sean flushed and quickly rushed over to his closet to pull on a pair of sweatpants. When he turned back to Finn, the tattooed boy was watching him with a soft smile on his face.

“Nice room, sweetie,” Finn said, above a whisper but still quiet enough to avoid anyone else in the house hearing him.

“Thanks… Uh, what are you doing here?”

“I’m lookin’ at your room,” Finn teased.

“I mean, why are you here? W-why did you… come here?”

“Ain’t it obvious, sweetie?” Finn asked, cocking his head slightly. Sean could only shake his head in response. Finn sighed, before walking over to Sean’s desk and hauling himself up onto it. “Wanted to come and see you.”

“Oh…”

“If you want me to leave, I can – “

“N-no… Stay. I… I want you to stay,” Sean stuttered, shoving his hands into his pockets awkwardly. 

“Cool.”

“So… Tonight was fun,” Sean said, swinging his feet around awkwardly.

“Oh, hell yeah. Your family’s cool, sweetie,” Finn said with a soft smile that never failed to give Sean butterflies.

“Yeah, they are…” Sean muttered, even though his mind wasn’t on his family at that moment.

“You alright there, sweetheart?” 

“Hm? Yeah, yeah… I’m just… thinking.”

“About?” Finn asked curiously, though Sean knew there was no pressure to answer. Still, he found himself doing it anyway. Tonight seemed like the night for it anyhow.

“You...”

“Me?” 

Sean nodded slowly, feeling his cheeks burn as Finn licked his lips.

“And what exactly are you thinkin’?”

“About how much has changed since I met you. And how much I've changed. And that I didn’t like seeing Jason flirt with you…”

“Sweetheart – “

“I didn’t like it. I never like it when people look at you the way he did. I get… jealous.”

Finn stayed silent, only nodding and encouraging Sean to continue. And continue, he did.

“I don’t like feeling like that, because I know I have no right to be jealous. You and me… we aren’t…” Sean paused, to take a shaky breath, before continuing. “But I get jealous anyway, because… I like you. I like you, a lot. And I was scared to say that out loud. I don’t know why, but I was. But the thing is, I’m not scared anymore. I really like you, Finn. And I… _Fuck_ , I’ve been waiting so long to say that.”

Sean didn’t realize that he’d ended up looking toward the ceiling halfway through his slight monologue. He took one breath, and then another, before lowering his head to look at Finn.

_Oh boy._

Finn looked so good… The moonlight shining through the window behind him almost seemed to make him glow. And he was looking at Sean like it was Sean that was glowing. Like Sean was the beautiful one. Finn always looked at him like that, and Sean, for a second, wished he could see himself through Finn’s eyes. 

“Sean,” Finn said, tilting his head slightly and smiling again. “You don’t _need_ to be jealous of anybody, alright?”

“B-but – “Sean started, but Finn shook his head slightly.

“You don’t. It’s only been you for me, sweetie. Ever since we met, I ain’t seen anybody past you.”

“Really?”

“Fuck, _of course_. I like you, a whole fuckin’ lot; you know I do. I ain’t exactly been very subtle ‘bout it.” Sean let out a laugh at that because he was right. Subtlety was not Finn’s strong suit, not at all. 

“I… I feel kinda stupid now,” Sean admitted.

“C’mere,” Finn said, calling Sean closer and holding out a tattooed hand to him. Sean took it without hesitation, finding that he liked holding Finn’s hand a lot. The simple touch sent sparks up his spine, and he couldn’t help but step closer until he was right in front of Finn, standing between his legs. He couldn’t take his eyes off of their joined hands until Finn’s other hand was lifting his chin and forcing him to meet his gaze.

They were so close. Close enough for Sean to smell strawberries again. Sean could feel Finn’s breath ghosting over his face, and he was transfixed on those blue eyes and how alive they suddenly seemed.

“You’re not stupid, alright? This shit’s all new to you… Hell, to both of us,” Finn said quietly, and Sean was tempted to ask how Finn could be new to this. He didn’t, because he found that he couldn’t form a single word. He could barely form a thought. He didn’t have to though, because Finn was there to fill in the gaps.

“Jus’ know that you don’t have to worry about anyone else. I’m not lookin’ for anythin’ with anybody else; not anymore. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only one I’ll ever want.”

Finn spoke with so much certainty… so much sincerity. And Sean believed him, without a doubt. Especially after what Finn had said to Jason earlier, about being off the market.

And those words did something to him. He found that he couldn’t fight past the urge to step even closer until their chests were flush against each other. Finn’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything.

“Finn… I…” Sean trailed off, trying to find the words. They were right there, and he _needed_ to say them. 

“S’okay, sweetie. Take your time,” Finn reassured, his tattooed fingers caressing Sean’s cheek, his other hand squeezing Sean’s gently.

“I…”

_Just breathe, and then go for it._

_You got this._

“Can I kiss you? I – I… _fuck,_ I really wanna kiss you…” Sean finally admitted, and even though his eyes were on Finn’s lips – and not leaving – he could see a faint blush appearing on Finn’s cheeks. Even in the slight darkness of the room, with the moonlight serving as the only source of light, Sean could see it.

“Fuck, yeah. You can kiss me, sweetie,” Finn said, smiling brightly enough to light up the entire room.

_Shit._

_This is happening._

_It’s fucking happening._

Sean’s heart was hammering in his chest, as he stepped impossibly closer. He let his free hand drift up to cup Finn’s face, before taking another deep breath. He was nervous, but he knew without a doubt that he wanted this, badly. He wanted this, and he wanted Finn. Sean let his thumb brush over the three triangles under Finn’s eye, before lifting his gaze to meet Finn’s eyes one last time. 

And then he was leaning in, slowly, and closing his eyes. 

The second Finn’s lips brushed against his, Sean knew he was done for. Finn not only smelled like strawberries, but he tasted like them too. Sean wanted more. He deepened the kiss, going on pure instinct. Finn’s hands drifted to Sean’s hips, gripping them tightly and pulling him even closer if that were possible. Both Sean’s hands rose to cup Finn’s face, holding him there and kissing him sweetly. The butterflies Sean had been feeling before were now full-blown fireworks – as cliché as that was. Finn’s lips were on his, and Finn was kissing him, and it was so fucking good. Better than he could have ever imagined.

If it weren’t for the need for air, Sean would have been happy to continue forever. But… you know… breathing was necessary.

Finn pulled away slowly, his breath shakier than Sean had ever heard before. Sean was in the same boat though. He let his forehead rest on Finn’s, their breaths mingling together in the small space between them. 

“That was…” Finn started, and Sean finished the sentence. “Amazing.”

“Hell yeah, baby. _Shit_ … Can’t believe we waited two whole weeks to do that.”

“Yeah… I kinda wanna do it again.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Finn said, with that same dorky smile plastered on his face that Sean was far too obsessed with. Sean, feeling far more confident than before, grabbed hold of the straps of Finn’s overalls and smirked. His confidence only seemed to surge when Finn’s blush from earlier deepened, and then Sean was pulling him in and kissing him again. Finn’s hands moved over his shoulders before clasping together behind his neck, holding him close. Sean let his arms wrap around the older boy's waist, and could feel him return the kiss with equal enthusiasm. It made his heart soar.

Finn smiled into the kiss, and Sean couldn’t help but smile too. Being with Finn like this, and kissing him… that was the easiest thing in the world. And Sean wasn’t ready to let go of this feeling… this moment. He didn’t want to let go of Finn.

Which was why Sean pulled away slightly, before whispering “Stay with me tonight?” They were still close enough that Sean’s lips brushed against Finn’s as he spoke, but the words came out clear enough. Finn only nodded, his smile widening even more before capturing Sean’s lips again urgently. His legs were practically wrapped around Sean’s waist, as if to hold him there. Like Sean would ever think of walking away. Like that was even an option anymore.

Not now.

Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY KISSED!!
> 
> Sorry, got excited.  
> But I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and are excited for the next one.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated as always. I love hearing what you guys think of each chapter. Your comments literally make my day, so thank you for all the support on this story so far <3


	7. Chapter 7

Sean woke up the next morning on the floor, leaned against his bed, mildly disoriented, and with a stiff neck. For the briefest, most terrifying moment, Sean thought that the previous night had been a dream. A wonderful dream, but a dream nonetheless. And then he saw his wolf squad hoodie still bunched up in front of the door.

_Last night really happened._

It had been the best sleep he’d had in a long time. He shifted slightly, rolling his neck out before rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. The last thing that he remembered was…

_Oh._

One of the last things that Sean could remember was Finn leaning on his shoulder, practically sitting in his lap, paging through Sean’s sketchbook. He must have been more tired than he’d thought… He remembered Finn complimenting him on one of his drawings; well, all of them really. He distinctly remembered the way Finn smiled to himself as he paged through the book and the way that smile widened when he pressed a kiss to Finn’s temple.

Speaking of which…

_I kissed Finn last night._

_Holy shit._

_I kissed him, and he kissed me… We kissed?!_

_A lot…_

Sean really liked kissing Finn. Like, a lot. They kissed for… Sean didn’t know exactly how long. He barely even remembered how they moved from the desk to the floor, but it involved tripping and stumbling and stifled giggles from Finn’s side. Also, Finn giggling was quite possibly the most adorable thing Sean had come to witness in his sixteen years on this planet.

Somehow, they’d ended up curled up on the floor. They talked for a while… about random things. It was your typical 2 am conversation, except with a lot more cuddling, and many interruptions when Sean found he couldn’t resist the urge to kiss Finn. That happened more times last night than Sean would ever care to admit. The two of them had been talking about Finn’s friend Penny when the tattooed boy spotted the sketchbook lying on the floor behind Sean’s school bag. His eyes had lit up at the sight, and he seemed to get really excited when he realized that Sean was an artist. How could Sean resist sharing his art with Finn, when the older boy was so unreasonably cute?

The answer turned out to be: He couldn’t.

Showing Finn his art proved less nerve-wracking than Sean had anticipated. There was no fear of judgment, nor was there any feelings about being pushed. Sean knew he could say no, and that Finn would be cool about it. That was why it ended up being so remarkably easy for Sean to say yes.

Even when Finn was distracted by Sean’s art, he was still so touchy. Not that Sean was complaining; he would never dare. Finn’s touch was both soothing and electric at the same exact time. His touches were casual. Fleeting. But purposeful. And they did nothing to soothe Sean’s constant need to press kisses wherever he could reach. Finn’s cheek. Finn’s forehead. The crook of Finn’s neck, or even his shoulder.

Yeah, he _really_ enjoyed kissing Finn.

But this morning there was no sign of the tattooed boy that occupied nearly every waking thought Sean had been having for the past two weeks. Sean didn’t know when the boy had left, but he definitely remembered Finn falling asleep on top of him at some point. Sean had been tempted to wake him and move him, so they could get to the bed; it would probably have been more comfortable for both of them. However, Finn just looked so peaceful at that moment… Sean couldn’t bear the thought of disturbing him. He’d simply wrapped his arms around the older boy, and eventually fallen asleep himself. 

It was _nice_.

Okay, ‘nice’ was a severe understatement. 

It was as close to a perfect night as Sean could imagine being attainable. It felt familiar somehow; as though they’d done it a million times before. But, at the same time, it felt new and exciting; wonderfully thrilling. 

Plus, sleeping on the floor was surprisingly comfortable. Aside from having a sore neck due to leaning against the bed awkwardly all night, Sean found that he’d been quite comfortable. He didn’t know if it was the floor itself that made it comfortable, or simply the weight of Finn on top of him. Whatever it was, Sean knew it was something he wouldn’t mind doing again.

Sean, in his still slightly groggy state, was about to grab his phone to text Finn, when he noticed a yellow sticky note stuck on the front of one of his desk drawers, with some writing on it. That hadn’t been there last night, so Finn must have left it there. Sure enough, there was a pen lying on the desk still; presumably, the one Finn used to write with. Shifting closer, Sean peeled the sticky note off of the drawer to read what it said.

‘sorry 2 leave before u woke up, had 2 go. will text u later :)’ 

Finn’s handwriting was… well, it was awful. But it was readable, and it still managed to bring a smile to Sean’s face as he clutched the ‘letter’ in his hands. Or maybe he’d been smiling the entire time? He wasn’t sure. 

But he was happy. So incredibly happy. It was all real, and not just some weird, highly realistic, and super amazing dream. It wouldn’t have been the first time the tattooed boy paid him a visit in his dreams… But no, last night had really happened. Sean swore he could still taste strawberries when he licked his lips.

A knock at his door made him nearly jump out of his skin, ripping him from his thoughts and bringing him back to where he was, sat on his bedroom floor at… whatever time it was.

“Are you gonna sleep all day, Sean?” Esteban’s voice came through the door teasingly. Sean could hear the smile on his father’s face. Then he remembered something. Today was the day. Today he was going to talk to his dad about Jenn, and about Finn, and about… liking Finn. Today he was going to come out to his dad.

He considered pretending to be asleep still, to avoid having the conversation. Sitting on his bedroom floor and thinking about how soft Finn’s lips had been when they were pressed against his own sounded so much better. 

_Fuck, they were so soft…_

_I need help._

Pretending to sleep was tempting, but Sean needed to face reality. It was happening today, and Sean was ready. He took the sticky note and stuck it on one of the blank pages in his sketchbook, before shutting it and turning his attention back to his dad.

“Uh, no… I’m awake. I’ll be out soon.”

_In more ways than one._

_Okay, stop._

Sean just needed to get up, go out there, and do it; quick and painless.

Like ripping a band-aid off.

**********

Okay, so… Ripping the band-aid off didn’t go quite as planned. 

Once Sean was up, he left his room to find his dad. The plan was simple: Find Dad. Talk to Dad. Tell Dad.

Not that hard, right?

_Wrong. Very wrong._

Turns out that talking to his dad was going to be a rather difficult task. In fact, simply _finding_ a moment to sit down and talk about anything at all, was proving to be nearly impossible. Daniel was more hyper than usual that morning because he was going over to Noah’s house later that day. The excitement kicked in early, as it usually did for the little boy, which meant that there was not a moment of peace for anyone else in the house.

Not that Sean was going to complain. Daniel being a complete and utter handful was a blessing in a way since it gave him plenty of time to really plan what he was going to say to his dad. It was all really well thought out in his head.

All he needed to do was wait for a chance to actually say it. The perfect moment, which Sean was quickly realizing simply didn’t exist. Except for last night, which Sean was almost certain would qualify as a perfect moment. _God, it was so fucking perfect._

In the end, he realized that as long as Daniel was in the house, the conversation would simply not happen. Sean decided that he’d wait until Daniel was at Noah’s house. Then, he and Esteban could talk. 

Until then, Sean did his best not to think about it at all. He played games on the playbox with Daniel and did his best to entertain all of his antics. He helped his dad in the garage, or at least tried to help, while Daniel sat on the hood of the car babbling about something Sean didn’t fully pay attention to. His knowledge of cars and mechanics, in general, was limited at best, but at least he tried. Still, he couldn’t help but think about how much better suited Finn would be for the job.

Sean pictured Finn and Esteban joking around in the garage, tossing tools back and forth and working on cars together. The scene was alarmingly welcoming, and it only reinforced the fact that Sean was ready to tell his dad. Esteban already seemed to like Finn last night, if the smiles and jokes they shared were anything to go on. Sean wanted more of that, and for once the thought wasn’t absolutely terrifying.

Okay, maybe a little bit terrifying. But he wanted it, and telling his dad was the first step.

When Esteban left to drop Daniel off at Noah’s house, Sean took the opportunity to take a shower and calm himself down. 

His mind drifted back to yesterday. Finn and his entire cheerleading plan, going to the diner with everyone, and then Finn showing up outside his house in the dead of night. Sean still couldn’t believe it… Actually, he could. Finn was 100% the kind of person that would show up outside your house at midnight and sweep you off your feet or take you on some crazy adventure.

What he could not believe was the fact that this was all happening to him. Was he about to question it though? _Not a chance in hell._

The sound of the front door opening made Sean realize just how long he’d been in the shower, so he quickly turned it off before stepping out and grabbing a towel to wrap around himself. He could hear Esteban walking around and doing something in the kitchen, but he slipped out of the bathroom and into the safety of his bedroom as quietly as possible. When he closed his bedroom door behind him, he couldn’t help but lean back against it and sink to the ground. 

His nerves were getting the better of him, and his skin felt like it was on fire – and not just because of the hot shower he’d just had.

Sean willed himself to breathe, and stay calm. He thought of Lyla, and how she would be supportive and crack a joke to diffuse the tension. He thought of Cassidy, who would be nothing but kind and offer him some really good advice. He thought of Finn, and the smile that he just knew the tattooed boy would give him; the smile that said ‘It will be okay. I’m here for you. I support you, no matter what.’ And _maybe_ Sean was reading into the smile too much, but it didn’t matter.

Above all else, he thought of Daniel and Esteban. 

Daniel, who was only nine years old and still clueless about the world, but had a heart of gold through and through. Sean knew that Daniel was incapable of being the kind of person to turn someone away for simply… being who they were, even at such a young age. After all, no one is born with hate in their heart; that’s something that is taught. 

And Esteban… He’d always taught Sean and Daniel to love and accept people, and he always showed love and acceptance to others himself. That was simply who he was; a man that did not possess a single cruel bone in his body. He showed Sean time and time again that no matter what, he would love him. 

It was _that_ that had Sean taking a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his face before getting up and getting dressed before grabbing the handle of his door. He froze, hesitating for a second. This conversation was the point of no return. 

Another deep breath, and then Sean was opening his door and leaving the safety of his bedroom.

“Ah, there you are,” Esteban said when Sean appeared in the kitchen.

“You were looking for me?” Sean asked, sitting down at the table and folding his hands in his lap awkwardly. Esteban was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards for something, but when Sean arrived, he stopped and sat down opposite him.

“I was just wondering when you’d come find me.”

“Oh…”

“You okay, mijo?” 

“I am. I-I… I’m just nervous,” Sean admitted, staring down at his lap to avoid making eye contact with his dad.

“Sean… you know that no matter what you tell me, I’m going to support you, right? I support you with everything that you do, as long as it makes you happy.”

“Even if I tell you that I’m dropping out of high school to become a full-time drug dealer?”

“Uh… Okay, maybe not _everything,_ ” Esteban said, laughing to himself. Sean found that some of the tension had eased, and he actually ended up laughing too. Still, his gaze remained fixed on his hands where they sat clasped together in his lap.

“But it’s still my job to be there for you. I _want_ to be there for you, and I can’t do that if you don’t trust me enough to tell me things.”

“I do trust you,” Sean said, without a shadow of a doubt. 

“Then what’s stopping you, mi hijo?”

“Technically, nothing… I’m just scared.”

“Sean, look at me for a second, please,” his dad said, and his voice sounded so gentle and reassuring, that Sean found it easy to actually do what he asked. He looked up, meeting his father’s eyes.

“It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be scared. And if you’re not ready to talk, that’s fine.”

“I am… I am ready. I’m just working myself up to it…”

“You sure?” Esteban asked, to which Sean merely nodded before gulping. His palms were beginning to sweat, and his heart was racing like crazy, but he could practically taste the freedom that would be coming if he saw this through. He needed to see this through.

“Okay, so… I know that I told you that I liked Jenn, before yesterday. And I did like her, before…”

“Before?”

“Before the party…”

“Oh… And, after the party?” 

Sean could only shake his head, mouth completely dry.

“I see. So, all that talk about Jenn, after the party… You just went along with it?”

Sean nodded again.

“Why?” Esteban asked.

“Because I didn’t know how to tell you that one night changed literally everything for me… I didn’t even believe it myself. I still don’t believe it. I mean… I went to that party, just to see Jenn. To talk to her. And when I got there, I barely even said two words to her.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I…” Sean clenched his eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath before dropping his head back and staring at the ceiling. “I met someone else that night. At the party.” There were a few seconds of silence, in which the only thing Sean could hear was the sound of his blood pumping in his ears, and his heart thumping in his chest.

“And this… ‘someone else’; is this the same person you were talking about last night?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. So… you met someone else?”

“And after that I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about them. And everything with Jenn just disappeared.”

“That’s normal. It happens. You meet someone and they just change your life completely,” Esteban said calmly, and the truth behind that statement hit Sean like a freight train. 

Finn had sauntered into his life, crashing into him – quite literally – and just changed so many things that Sean thought he knew about himself. Without even trying, Finn single-handedly turned Sean’s life upside down in the most amazing way.

“Well, that’s what happened. And I… I realized something, because of this person; something that I… I think I kinda knew before, but never really paid attention to,” Sean explained, mildly embarrassed by the tremble in his voice but determined to push through.

“And this… realization; is that what you’re scared to tell me?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay. Well, if you’re ready to tell me, I’m right here. I’m not going to turn you away or do anything other than support you. I hope you know that.”

“I do.”

Esteban nodded but didn’t say anything more. He was giving Sean silence, as a chance for Sean to either work up the courage to say what he needed to say or for Sean to decide he wasn’t ready yet. There was no pressure. No need to say anything at all. Sean knew that if he decided that now wasn’t the right time, his dad wouldn’t push him on it. 

But he also knew that there would never be a more perfect time.

_I’m ready. I can do this. Fuck._

“The person I met at the party is… a boy. I-I… I like boys… I’m bisexual.”

Sean didn’t know exactly what he was expecting, but he was surprised to find that once those words left his mouth, everything went silent. Not just Esteban, but his very thoughts as well. He heard nothing but complete and utter silence, and he felt nothing but relief. Relief, and pride. 

Okay and maybe a little bit of irrational fear, but whatever.

For the briefest of moments, all Sean could think was: _I did it._

_I fucking did it._

And then he met Esteban’s gaze again, and all his previous thoughts were replaced by a burning question fueled by a sudden realization. Esteban did not look surprised. And he was smiling knowingly like he’d been waiting for this moment. It was still a genuine smile, but there was more to it. It was almost as if he knew it was coming…

“Dad?”

“I’m proud of you, Sean.”

“Y-you are?”

“Of course I am. It must have been hard for you to come to terms with this on your own, but you did, and I could not be prouder, mijo,” Esteban said, his smile never faltering. He reached a hand across the table; which Sean took reluctantly.

“I am just grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share this with me. And Sean, I still support you, okay? You’re my son, and you’re still _you_. If you like boys, that’s fine. I’m okay with it, as long as you’re happy.”

“I… I don’t – I don’t know what to say,” Sean stuttered.

“Well, how do you feel?”

“I feel… good. I feel better; lighter…”

_Except for one thing._

“You don’t seem surprised,” Sean pointed out with a surprising lack of hesitation. Esteban’s eyebrows raised for a second before his smile morphed into a familiar teasing smirk. 

“I… I can’t say that I am, mijo,” Esteban admitted, and Sean’s heart completely stopped. For a moment, he felt a little deflated. Had his dad really known the entire time? Had this all been – 

“Not that it was obvious, or anything. I’m not trying to take away from how much this conversation means to either of us,” Esteban added, interrupting Sean’s panic. That definitely helped him feel less deflated, but he was even more curious now.

“Oh… But then – how did you know?”

“I didn’t. Not before yesterday, anyway.”

“Oh…”

There was a moment of silence, in which Sean wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t sure if his dad expected him to say more, or if he should simply wait for his dad to elaborate. His throat felt thick as he sat, staring awkwardly past his dad. At least until Esteban broke the silence, they’d found themselves in.

“This _boy_ ; is his name, _Finn_ , by any chance?”

“I… You… H-how…” Sean fumbled helplessly, before clenching his eyes shut and taking a breath to try and steady himself. He fought against the curiosity over how his dad had figured it out – had they really been that obvious? – and focused on what he needed to do. Short and simple. Straight to the point. No point in dancing around the truth anymore.

“Yeah.”

“I see… And he likes you too, right?”

“How do you know that?”

“Mijo… I’m not blind. I knew it from the minute I met him. At first, I thought that he just had a one-sided crush on you – the way he looked at you was hard to ignore.”

“What do you mean?” Sean asked.

“That boy could not keep his eyes off of you. At one point, you were standing halfway across the field; just standing and talking to Eric. Daniel was talking Finn’s ear off, but Finn was just staring at you. Then you laughed at something, and I swear I saw _him_ smile too. He’s not very subtle, Sean,” Esteban explained, and Sean felt his cheeks flush despite the laugh he let out. 

_Finn was staring at me?_

“And then last night, at the diner… I’ve never seen you like that. You looked happy, even just talking to Finn or looking at him when you thought no one else noticed. And then you said that you didn’t like Jenn anymore, and everything made sense. I don’t even think you took your eyes off of Finn after that,” Esteban continued.

Sean found himself at a loss for words, merely staring at Esteban. His mouth hung open slightly as he tried to form a sentence. Anything. But luckily his dad was there to guide the conversation which would have otherwise been uncomfortably silent.

“You can tell me how you feel, mijo. I want you to be able to talk about your feelings.”

“I really like him, Dad…”

Esteban smiled at that, and it was a simple gesture but it still comforted Sean to no end. That was also why he suddenly found himself feeling utterly ridiculous for not coming to his dad earlier.

“I swear, I wanted to tell you sooner but – “

“It’s okay, I understand. I’m just glad that you told me at all. And Finn… He seems like a nice boy. I can see why you like him so much.”

“Yeah…”

Another moment of silence, and then:

“Do _you_ like him, Dad?”

“I do. He’s a good kid. Daniel likes him, which is always a good sign. And he even offered to come and help me in the garage one day. I can tell that he’s got a good heart and that he really likes you. Plus, he went out of his way to do something nice for you yesterday.”

Sean’s smile widened at the memory of the cheerleading costumes, and the poster… _everything_ , really.

“That’s good. I was… I really want you to like him. He’s important to me.”

“I know, and I do. Still, you should invite him over sometime, so I can _actually_ get to know him. I tried last night, but Daniel barely left the poor boy a moment of peace,” Esteban said with a chuckle.

“I’ll definitely do that… Thanks, Dad. Seriously. This, uh… It means a lot to me.”

Esteban nodded, smiling warmly before standing up and coming around the table with his arms extended outward. Sean stood up with no hesitation and accepted the hug his dad offered. They stood like that for a while - It felt like forever, but it was likely only a minute or two – before Sean pulled away.

“I should go call Lyla. She’ll probably want a full update today.”

“Of course, go ahead. I’ll be down in the garage if you need me,” Esteban said, before patting Sean’s shoulder gently. Sean smiled, before heading back to his room. He stopped when Esteban called out to him again.

“Can I ask you to do one thing?”

“Sure…”

“Just _be careful_. I know that he cares about you. But people… sometimes they hurt you without meaning to.”

“Uh… I don’t understand?”

“He just reminds me of someone. I don’t want to see you getting hurt. That’s all.”

“Finn won’t hurt me,” Sean said, only mildly surprised by how firmly he believed that statement before adding, “I thought you liked him?”

“I do, Sean. _Don’t worry_. I’m not asking you not to see this boy, but at least take things slowly.”

“Do you think Finn’s going to hurt me?”

“I’m not saying that, mijo. I just want you to be careful. That’s all.”

“O-okay… I’ll be careful” was all Sean said before finally disappearing into his room. 

Admittedly, the last part of that conversation had been unusual. Esteban seemed… _off_. But Sean found himself more focused on the overwhelmingly good part; he did it!

He came out to his dad, and it went well. That was all that mattered at that moment. Sean felt free; so fucking free. It was like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and he could finally breathe again. He was free to be who he was, and date who he wanted to date. And he was proud of himself. Talking to his dad was something he’d been working himself up to doing for two whole weeks, and now it was over. Esteban knew everything.

Well, _almost_ everything. Esteban didn’t know about Finn sneaking in through Sean’s window and spending the night, but that was okay. Esteban didn’t need to know everything… but Lyla definitely did.

…………………………………………

**_14:47 – Sean:_ **

Skype?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_14:47 – Lyla:_ **

Fucking finally

Give me 5 minutes

…………………………………………

**********

“So… you’re telling me that Derek is a homophobic dick?” 

“Pretty much.”

“ _Fuck._ You should have given him that punch,” Lyla said, rolling her eyes.

“I would have if my dad hadn’t stopped me. Or did you forget that part?”

“I like to think that your dad wouldn’t have stopped you if he heard what that asshole said.”

“Maybe… But it doesn’t matter. It’s not worth it,” Sean said. Lyla groaned at that and muttered a ‘lame’, fiddling with one of the pencils on her desk.

“Tell you what, if Derek comes looking for shit again, I’ll let you throw the first punch.”

“Deal!”

Sean laughed at her newfound enthusiasm before his phone buzzed on his desk. Lyla encouraged him to check it, making a teasing comment about it being another cryptic picture from Finn. Turns out, she wasn’t entirely wrong; the messages were from Finn. No cryptic images though.

…………………………………………

**_15:13 – Finn:_ **

hiya sweetheart

still thinking about that kiss 😉

…………………………………………

Sean smiled at that, his heart fluttering, before typing a response.

…………………………………………

**_15:13 – Sean:_ **

Which one? 😉

…………………………………………

And maybe kissing Finn brought something new out of him; something bold. But he wasn’t about to complain.

…………………………………………

**_15:14 – Finn:_ **

tough choice

is ‘all of them’ a good enough answer?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:14 – Sean:_ **

That definitely works.

…………………………………………

“Dude! What the hell? Did you just bite your lip?!”

_Shit._

Sean had forgotten about Lyla’s presence and the fact that she could see his face clearly. He found that he was only slightly embarrassed by that…

“Uh… No?” 

“Yes, you did! Are you really flirting with your man right now? God, get a fucking room,” Lyla teased, and Sean’s cheeks started burning furiously.

“I’m not flirting with him…”

Lyla fixed him with a smirk, and he sighed before admitting that he was indeed flirting.

“Nice! Look at you flirting… Making me so proud,” Lyla teased, and Sean only rolled his eyes at that. There was no point in denying things any longer; not when he was about to tell her everything anyway.

“So, the reason I actually called you…” Sean started, and the change in the mood of the call changed dramatically. Lyla straightened her back, before leaning in closer and showing that she was listening.

“I told my dad… about me liking boys; about me and Finn.”

“Holy shit! How did it go? What did he say? When did you do it? And how did you –”

“Woah, slow down! I did it literally right before I texted you. I just… told him, I guess? And, uh, it went really well. He was… He was awesome about it, honestly.”

“Fuck, I’m so happy for you. You have no idea. I mean, I knew he’d be cool about it, but still.” Lyla was practically beaming, clapping her hands excitedly before leaning on her elbows. “Man, shit has changed so much,” she sighed.

“What do you mean?” Sean asked curiously.

“I mean… Think about it; just over two weeks ago were sitting right in these positions, talking about you and Jenn and that Halloween party. Now, look at us!”

“Shit, it feels like a whole year has passed,” Sean said. It really did feel like much longer than two weeks. He felt so unbelievably comfortable around Finn, as though they’d known each other forever. It was hard to believe that they’d only met by chance two weeks ago.

“Say ‘thank you, Lyla.’”

“For what?” Sean laughed.

“For dragging your ass to that party. Think about it; if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have met Finn.”

“That’s… true.”

“See! Now, what is the lesson here?”

“Take chances? Go out of your comfort zone? Try new things?”

“Fuck no. The lesson is that I’m always right,” Lyla said matter-of-factly before rolling her eyes exaggeratedly and sighing. 

“Of course. My mistake,” Sean responded with a laugh, shaking his head at his best friend. She ended up laughing too, and it felt like old times. For a while, there was no Finn, or Cassidy, or sexuality crises. It was just Sean and Lyla, the best freakin’ fighters, sharing a laugh over something ridiculous.

He’d never not appreciate Lyla for the light that she brought into his life.

“Now that we’ve covered that very crucial first lesson... when are you taking the next step?!” Lyla asked, interrupting that sweet sentiment.

“Huh?”

“The next step,” Lyla repeated plainly.

“I heard you the first time, but what are you talking about?” Sean asked.

“I’m talking about your move, dummy. When are you making your move? You’ve got your hot dad’s approval and a new level of confidence that I’ve never seen you with. You like Finn, and Finn likes you. So… When are you going to make out?!”

“Uh…”

“Come on; you can’t keep a girl waiting forever! Cass and I are rooting for you. We _all_ know that Finn is fucking whipped as all hell for you, and I know you well enough to know that you’re just as whipped.”

_That sounds about right._

“And I know you think about it. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you stare at his lips more than anything else when he talks these days.”

“Oh my God, Lyla – “

“What? It’s not hard to notice! The sexual tension is off the fucking charts, dude.”

_Sexual tension?!_

Sean gulped. “Who said anything about it being sexual?”

“Me, but that’s not the point! When are you going to plant one on him?”

“Uh… Well…”

“Well?!”

“I kinda… already did?”

There was about a minute of silence, in which Lyla stared at Sean with her jaw hanging on her desk. Sean chewed on his bottom lip as he waited for her to say absolutely anything. And then:

“Did what?”

“Kissed him.”

“You?”

“Yes.”

“Kissed Finn?”

“Yes.”

“On the cheek?”

“No.”

“On the forehead?”

“No.”

“On the hand?”

“No.”

“On the nose?”

“Lyla! No, God, I kissed Finn, okay? I kissed him, on the mouth. I kissed him, and he kissed me back. We kissed.”

Sean almost felt out of breath after that, but he couldn’t help but notice Lyla’s reaction. Her eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open even more before she covered it with both her hands. Then her eyes did that thing… That twinkle they always did, before she freaked out or gushed about something. Sean knew what was coming.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SEAN DIAZ, YOU ASSHOLE! I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS CALL WITH YOU FOR SO FUCKING LONG!”

_Yup. There it is._

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Okay, no, I definitely can… When did this happen?”

“Last night,” Sean muttered, looking down at his keyboard awkwardly.

“Last night? At the diner? I was with you guys last night. I would have _seen_ you guys kiss.”

“Not at the diner. At my house, after I got home.”

“But… What?!”

“After I got home, I texted Finn. He showed up at my house, and then I kissed him,” Sean explained, relaying the events leading up to the kiss. It was a vague retelling, but accurate enough to do the job.

“You kissed him? As in… _you_ made the first move?” Lyla asked.

“Yeah.”

“I… I have literally never been more proud in my life.”

“That’s got to be an exaggeration,” Sean said. Lyla shook her head firmly, but Sean only gave her a challenging look. Then she sighed before rolling her eyes again.

“Maybe… Still, I’m fucking proud.”

“Thanks…”

“So, you guys kissed? Then what happened? Did you guys talk about it? Or did he just leave? Or what? I need details, I’m dying here!”

“N-no… We didn’t… _talk_ ,” Sean mumbled, hoping that Lyla didn’t catch the emphasis he placed on that last word.

“Did he leave?”

“Eventually.”

“Eventually?” Lyla echoed.

“We kissed again, after that… For a while,” Sean admitted, before dropping his head again. He didn’t need to look at Lyla, or even wait for her to react at all, to know what her reaction would be. She was nothing if not consistent.

“Oh my God, you thirsty bitch!”

“Shut up.”

“Never.”

“I hate you.”

“You _love_ me.”

“Whatever.”

“I love you too.”

“Ha-ha,” Sean laughed humorlessly, before checking the time. 15:30, and he still needed to do homework before Daniel came home from Noah. Sean had promised to hang out with him again later. Plus, he wanted to hopefully talk to Finn before Daniel got back. Lyla didn’t need to know that yet… But she knew him.

“Oooh, gonna go call Finn?”

“I’m not answering that!”

“Okay, say hi to him for me.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait, Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“All jokes aside; I’m proud of you. Not just for kissing Finn, but for coming out to your dad… I really am so fucking proud of you,” Lyla said, all traces of humor gone from her voice. Sean knew she meant every word.

“Thanks, Lyla. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright. Later, man!”

**********

Turns out, his plan to talk to Finn before Daniel came home didn’t work out. Finn was, _for once_ , not on his phone. That left Sean to do his homework and process everything that had gone down in the last twenty-four hours. Time passed by surprisingly quickly and Sean was barely even aware of just how quickly time seemed to be moving until Esteban popped his head in to say that he was heading out to buy some tools and then pick Daniel up.

Once Sean was alone, he found himself thinking back to last night. Maybe not for the first time that day, but for the first time in a couple of hours… Okay, _minutes_.

Finn had been so eager in the beginning as if he’d been waiting for it. As if he’d been _craving_ it. The very prospect made Sean weak in the knees. Finn had kissed him like he was a man dying and would never get to experience that again. Like Sean’s lips were the only thing that kept his heart beating. 

But after a while, Finn slowed everything down. He was patient, and careful, taking Sean apart with little urgency. He was as relaxed in the movement of his lips against Sean’s, as he was in nearly everything else that he did in life. It was as if Finn wanted to savor the moment; savor every kiss, touch, and look.

Not thinking about the previous night was becoming nearly impossible, and Sean found himself pulling out his sketchbook without thinking. He turned to the page where he’d stuck Finn’s note and started drawing.

In the beginning, he didn’t know what exactly he was drawing. He went on pure instinct, his arm practically moving by itself. The pen glided across the page with ease, like it was merely an extension of Sean. He found himself thinking not of something to draw, but of the way that Finn looked in the glow of the moonlight; smiling at Sean as if there had never been anything more beautiful before.

By the time Esteban and Daniel arrived at home, Sean was staring at a nearly completed drawing of Finn, perched on his desk with the moon shining through the window behind him. It wasn’t hard to draw the scene from memory since it was so clearly etched into his mind already. When Daniel called out to him from the living room, Sean merely let his fingers trace along the sketched lines of Finn’s face before leaving the room, not bothering to shut his sketchbook and hide it for once.

He had nothing to hide anymore.

Hours passed, and Sean found himself hunched over his desk yet again, putting the finishing touches on his drawing of Finn. He’d spent the majority of the evening playing with Daniel and hanging out with his family. Esteban didn’t act differently or treat Sean any different than before their conversation, and Sean was grateful for that. Everything was different now, but at the same time, absolutely nothing had changed.

And he didn’t mean to draw Finn, not at all. He told himself that as he admired the final product, which ended up being one of his best pieces so far. The drawing had come about accidentally, but there was no taking it back. Maybe it was a little weird, but what could Sean do about that?

As he sat staring at the captured memory in front of him, his phone rang. He answered after two rings, without even thinking to check the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Howdy partner,” the voice on the other end of the line drawled. Finn’s voice brought a smile to Sean’s face embarrassingly quickly, but that was no surprise.

“Have you been watching cowboy movies again?” Sean asked teasingly, poking fun at Finn’s poorly-hidden obsession with the genre of film.

“Maybe.”

“So yes?”

“You know me so well, sweetie,” Finn cooed, and Sean rolled his eyes playfully even though Finn couldn’t see him. 

“Only because you never shut up,” Sean teased, and he bit back a laugh at the dramatic gasp on the other end of the line.

“Sean Diaz, I am outraged. How dare you?”

“What? It’s true.”

“Now now… Last I checked, I didn’t do much talking last night,” Finn said, and Sean could hear the smirk in his voice. Heat crept up the back of his neck, and he cleared his throat instinctively. Finn heard that, and laughed, making Sean’s cheeks burn even hotter.

“Anyways…” Sean started, hoping to steer the conversation away from any topics that would fluster him. That didn’t leave many options, except for: “What did you get up to today?”

“Hm?”

“Well, you left before I woke up, and then you were busy for most of the day.”

There was a pause. Not a significantly long one, but long enough to raise suspicion. And then Finn was the one clearing his throat quietly.

“O-oh… uh, nothing much. The usual,” Finn said, stumbling over his words slightly and sounding less composed than he’d been just moments before. 

“Finn, is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course, sweetie.”

“You don’t seem… yourself,” Sean said, hoping he didn’t come off as pushy. But Finn only chuckled softly, though it wasn’t like his usual warm laugh that never failed to make Sean smile. It sounded forced and breathless. 

“I’m fine, I swear. It was just… a long fuckin’ day.”

“Long as in bad? Or…?”

“It was jus' some family drama. Typical bullshit,” Finn said, clearly trying to sound as normal and unbothered as possible. Sean didn’t buy it though. Concern began eating away at him.

“You never actually talk about your family,” Sean said softly. It was true. Finn only ever mentioned his mom, and even then, it was vague. But never anybody else.

“Nothin’ to talk about, baby. Seriously, I’m alright, don’tchu worry.”

“O-okay… Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” Finn said cheerfully; almost too cheerfully. Sean wasn’t entirely convinced, but he dropped the topic anyway. Finn went on to ask about his day, and Sean told him all about the conversation with his dad – leaving out the last part where Esteban advised him to be careful. By the time Sean had filled him in entirely, Finn was back to being his old self. He listened attentively and was as supportive as ever. Sean was happy to be able to talk to him like this.

“Y-yeah. So, that happened.”

“Shit, that’s awesome! I’m really fuckin’ happy for you, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Finn. My dad… He actually told me to invite you over some time. Something about wanting to get to know you better.”

“Oooh, sounds serious. Think I should wear my good socks?”

“Oh, God… I think your regular socks will be fine,” Sean said with a laugh.

“Always gotta make sure.”

“And you’d be cool with this? Coming over, and talking to my dad and stuff?”

“Of course, sweetie. Part of the fun, ain’t it? Meeting the parents, bonding, and shit… Soon, your dad and I are gonna be tight!” Finn said enthusiastically, and Sean’s heart fluttered at the thought.

“Tighter than you and Daniel?”

“No way! Little man is my number one – sorry, Sean.”

“It’s cool. I… I like that you guys get along,” Sean admitted with a smile.

“Well, in that case, I’m definitely cool with comin’ over and talkin’ to your dad. It means something to you, so it means something to me.”

“Thanks, Finn… That means a lot to me.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Anything for you.”

_Nope_ , Sean definitely couldn’t believe that this was happening to him at all. But it was. And he was happy. Happy that he’d finally come out to his dad. Happy that he had supportive friends like Lyla. Happy that he’d gone to that party and met Finn.

Sean was overwhelmingly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's proud of Sean Diaz? I AM!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	8. Chapter 8

Coming out to his dad was one thing, and coming out to everyone else was an entirely different thing. 

As it turns out, the latter was actually far easier than anticipated. To put it quite plainly, Sean didn’t care to come out to everyone. There was no big announcement, or flashy presentation, or anything like that. Sean didn’t see the need for it, since he simply did not care who knew about his sexuality, nor did he care what they thought of it. That surprised him more than anything.

He _expected_ to care. 

He expected to feel terrified by the prospect of letting everyone know that he was bisexual. Questions like, ‘What will they think?’ and ‘How will they act?’ came to mind, and he found himself dreading school on Monday for that reason. 

But when Monday came, none of those questions seemed relevant anymore. The only people that really mattered already knew. They knew, and they supported him, and they loved him. That was more than enough for Sean. He had his dad, and his brother, and Lyla. He also had Cassidy, Jenn, Ellery, and Eric. 

Ellery was one of Sean’s closest friends besides Lyla, and they’d grown up together. Thus, it was only fitting that he was the first person from school apart from Lyla that he formally told about his sexuality. Well, not formally; Sean merely called Ellery on Sunday to ask about the upcoming track practice, and it came up _casually_ in conversation… Maybe not casually, since Sean steered the conversation that way on purpose, but _whatever_. Ellery was cool about it and let Sean know that he supported him, as long as Finn didn’t distract him at practice too much. Sean made no promises. 

Coming out to Eric went pretty much the same; the boy was surprisingly sweet about the entire thing, considering he was never one to take things seriously for longer than five seconds. He made one or two jokes about Sean finally getting some action… but that was expected. In fact, if Eric hadn’t made those jokes, Sean would have been worried.

Sean still had his family and his friends; at least, the friends that really mattered to him.

And he had Finn. 

The very person that brought all of this chaos into Sean’s life in the first place also proved to be the person that soothed all of it. He was sweet, and patient, and considerate, and he made sure that Sean knew that there was no need to do anything that he was not ready for. Sean was also certain that Finn was one of the main reasons why the younger boy had this sense of confidence. 

Finn lived his life with no shame; no hesitation to be exactly who he was, and fuck everybody that tried to stop him. It was inspiring, and Sean would never stop admiring the older boy for it.

Sean wanted to live life like that.

On Monday morning in the car at school, Finn squeezed Sean’s hand gently and offered him a reassuring smile, clearly holding back from kissing Sean like he wanted to; it was obvious that he did, given that Finn barely took his eyes off of Sean’s lips throughout the interaction. 

People were walking by the car through the parking lot, and Sean knew that people could see into the car easily enough, but that didn’t spark panic in him; not even when he leaned over to press a kiss to Finn’s lips before getting out of the car and heading into the school. 

He paid no mind to any people that might have witnessed the kiss and were looking at him. If you asked him, he’d have no idea if anyone actually was looking at him. He didn’t notice.

Throughout the day, the people that knew treated him exactly the same. The people that didn’t know... well, they simply didn’t know. If they did find out at some point, Sean didn’t care. 

That was the most important realization he’d made in the last two weeks. He did not care what people thought. He was happy, and for once, that was enough for him to feel confident in the fact that he was exactly who he needed to be for himself.

It was a dangerously exhilarating thrill, realizing that other people’s opinions wouldn’t taint his views on himself. Not even Derek Anderson, who glared at him whenever they found themselves in the same room, could bring him down from cloud nine. 

Tuesday was not all that different. Sean noticed a few stares from people in the morning when he and Finn left the car and headed to his locker together. He also noticed a few hushed whispers when Finn winked at him before sauntering off to his own locker. 

He still didn’t care.

Sean spent his lunch with Cassidy, Lyla, and Finn. The four of them being together and having fun was enough to let Sean forget himself and the world around him. He didn’t think twice before letting his arm drape across Finn’s shoulders, pulling the tattooed boy closer. Lyla only smiled at that, subtly enough for no one else to see except Sean, before continuing on her rant about something one of the teachers did in the third period. Then again, she couldn't possibly judge Sean for his public displays of affection when she was practically in Cassidy's lap.

The younger boy did not flinch when Finn’s hand came to rest on his thigh, nor did he blush or try to shove the hand away when Eric came over to the table to say hi. Of course, he only did that as a sneaky but obvious attempt to meet Cassidy and Finn officially. 

Derek Anderson ‘accidentally’ bumped Sean with his shoulder in the hallway after Math class, sending Sean’s books scattering on the ground. It was… beyond juvenile. Jenn smacked him on the shoulder angrily and sent him off with a withering stare, before staying behind to help Sean gather his belongings again. 

“I see Derek has been working on his charm,” Sean snorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Jenn sighed before they stood up together.

“Sorry about him. He’s… immature.”

_Right. Immaturity is absolutely his biggest issue._

Sean couldn’t help but scoff at that, before shaking his head. “Remind me again why you’re still with him.”

“It’s complicated,” Jenn muttered. Sean could not even begin to imagine a scenario or reason that could be complicated enough to make Jenn stay in a relationship with a troll like Derek Anderson.

“Come on. You could do so much better than him,” Sean tried, and Jenn smiled at that before brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

“Maybe.”

“I mean it, Jenn. You _deserve_ better.”

She didn’t say anything in response to that, and despite the smile on her face, Sean knew that she was uncomfortable; not because of him or what he said, but because he made her think and question herself. That was why Sean decided to move onto a lighter topic, as they walked to their next class together. He could only hope that Jenn came to her senses soon, and freed herself from Derek; sooner, rather than later.

On Tuesday afternoon, Finn picked Sean up from track practice. Finn usually did this, even before they kissed… but it felt significantly different now. Now, Sean didn’t even try to hide the smile that graced his features when he saw Finn’s car pull up, nor did he hesitate to wave when Finn got out of the car and made his way to the bleachers. Ellery teased him about his eagerness but waved at Finn too.

Once Sean was showered and had made his way back to the car, Finn was leaning against it with a lazy grin plastered on his face.

“Hey,” Sean said shyly, hands stuffed awkwardly in his pockets.

“Hey yourself. Ready to go, sweetheart?” Finn asked, standing upright now. Sean merely nodded before stepping towards the car door, but Finn placed a hand on his chest gently.

“Text your dad. Tell him you’ll be home a little late.”

“Uh… Why?” Sean found himself asking.

“Entirely selfish reasons,” Finn said with a smirk that made Sean feel incredibly warm despite the cold November air surrounding them. He was beyond eager to find out exactly how selfish those reasons were.

“O-okay.”

That was how Sean found himself laying flush against Finn on the hood of his car. They were parked on the side of some surprisingly quiet road that overlooked part of the town. It felt like they were miles away from everything else, even though it had only taken them approximately thirty minutes to get there from the school. 

And were they making out? Yes. Yes, they were.

Finn’s intentions were pretty clear from the get-go, and Sean was 100% on board with the idea. Ever since Friday night, Sean could not stop thinking of Finn, and what it felt like to finally kiss him again. They ended up spending more time kissing than talking that day, not that Sean minded at all. 

It felt good. Really _fucking_ good.

Sean wondered how Finn learned to kiss that well; he probably had quite a lot of practice… The younger boy shook the thought away. On the bright side, Finn seemed to enjoy kissing Sean just as much, which helped Sean feel somewhat less insecure about his abilities.

When they finally came up for air, panting and smiling like sappy idiots, Finn bit his lip before leaning in dangerously close again. “I can’t get enough of you, sweetie.” Sean smiled before leaning in himself and offering Finn a chaste kiss, before forcing himself to pull away and sitting up straight on the hood despite Finn’s groan of protest.

“You’re going to have to. It’s getting late.” 

It really was. The sun was beginning to set, and Sean wondered vaguely how long they’d been parked up here for. He was almost afraid to check the time and find out the answer to that question. Getting wrapped up in Finn was… too fucking easy.

“Can’t we stay here a little while longer,” Finn whispered against his ear. The sudden warm breath on Sean’s ear sent shivers down his spine, but he cleared his throat in a desperate attempt to maintain rationality before sliding off the car.

“Nope,” Sean said, popping the ‘p’ before smiling gently. “Come on, we gotta go.” Finn pouted and hesitated for a second or two, before sliding off himself and giving Sean one last kiss before getting back in the car. Sean followed suit despite every part of him that longed to stay here, curled up on the hood of Finn’s car, watching the sunset together like every couple in every romance movie that ever existed.

They spent the drive back to Sean’s place jamming along to Finn’s Gorillaz CD, which Sean was unreasonably excited to find stuffed under the seat. Upon realizing that they were both fans, it wasn’t long before “On Melancholy Hill” was playing as they drove, the sun setting around them. Finn knew every single word to every single song and was not at all shy about singing along and bobbing his head enthusiastically. 

Finn’s energy and his bright smile were contagious, and before long, Sean felt himself doing the same thing. He didn’t miss the smile the older boy gave him when he finally started singing along and letting go, and it filled him with something indescribable that only encouraged him to sing even louder.

It was an entirely new sense of freedom, driving down quiet roads and simply enjoying a moment like this with someone like Finn. It wasn’t a particularly thrilling adventure, but it felt like one with Finn. This was a moment that Sean would remember forever. 

When they finally pulled up in front of Sean’s house, they found themselves caught in another make-out session in the car. Sean knew they were ridiculously caught up in some sort of honeymoon phase frenzy, but he couldn’t bring himself to care; not when Finn’s lips felt so unfairly amazing pressed against his own. He praised whatever higher power was out there for not letting his dad or brother see any part of that. Once they had the sense to pull apart and say goodbye, the younger boy headed inside to find Esteban smiling at him teasingly.

“Good day, mijo?”

“Y-yeah… Really good.”

“Why is your face so red?” Daniel asked innocently, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. That only made Sean burn even hotter before rushing to his room without bothering to try and answer that question. He could hear Esteban laughing out loud, and Daniel asking what was going on, but he forced himself to block out those sounds. Sean dropped his bag to the ground, kicking off his shoes before counting to ten and making his way back into the living room.

After dinner, the three of them found themselves on the couch watching some movie that Sean was not paying attention to at all. In fact, he was barely focused on anything other than remembering every second of his time with Finn; at least until Esteban caught his attention.

“So, Sean… When’s Finn coming over?”

“Uh – “

“Finn’s coming over?!” Daniel butted in; the movie was long forgotten already.

“Yeah,” Sean said quietly, and Daniel nearly launched himself off the couch at that.

“Really? When? Do you think I could show him my room? I think he’d like it!”

“Uh – “Sean tried to speak again, but Esteban beat him to it.

“Easy there, Danny boy.”

“S-sorry. I didn’t mean to… I know Finn’s _your_ friend.”

“It’s fine, enano,” Sean said, ruffling his brother’s hair playfully, before looking over at his dad. Esteban nodded encouragingly, before leaning forward slightly. “Actually, Daniel, you should probably know that me and Finn… we’re, uh, more than friends.”

“More than friends?” Daniel echoed curiously, and Sean nodded.

“Like… _best friends_? Like me and Noah?”

“No, not like best friends. We’re…” 

Sean trailed off. He didn’t exactly know what to call the relationship that he and Finn had, but it was definitely more than friendly. They hadn’t had the whole label discussion yet, but Sean could already guess where Finn stood with labels. And besides, it was far too soon for that kind of talk… _Right?_ Sean wasn’t really sure what the appropriate procedure was, given that he’d never experienced anything like this before. He’d have to remember to ask Lyla later; speaking of which…

“We’re like what Cassidy and Lyla are to each other,” Sean offered finally, figuring that would be sufficient.

“Oh, cool! So… Finn’s your boyfriend?”

“Well, _no_. Not exactly. We’re just… something like that.”

Most likely noticing that Sean was struggling, Esteban stepped in to help Sean cope with Daniel’s questions. It was a most welcome gesture since Sean had no idea how to answer. Then Esteban reminded Sean that Finn was welcome to come over any time, to which Sean merely nodded before turning his attention back to the movie playing in front of him. It wasn’t all that entertaining, but it was infinitely better than letting his mind over-analyze his relationship status. 

The rest of the week passed by in a blur. A blur of happiness, stolen kisses behind the school, and jamming with Finn in the car. After school on Friday, Finn dropped Cassidy off at his place, and then Lyla at hers, before they finally pulled up outside of Sean’s house again.

“See you on Monday, sweetie,” Finn said teasingly, leaning in for a kiss but Sean held him back gently with his hand. Finn looked down at the hand now pressed on his chest curiously, before raising an eyebrow at the younger boy. “Everything okay?”

“Do you wanna come over tomorrow?” Sean asked without hesitation. It was about time he actually asked that question since his dad had been asking him for nearly a week now.

“Oh, is that it? I thought somethin’ was botherin’ you,” Finn said with a sigh of what seemed to be a relief, lifting his own hand to cover Sean’s where it continued to rest.

“Yeah, that’s it… You don’t have to. We can do whatever. I just thought it might be nice, since my dad’s been asking, and I… Yeah.”

“Sean, I already told you I’d be down. You don’t need to sell it to me, baby.”

“Oh, right, yeah. Uh, that’s cool,” Sean said, letting out the breath he’d been holding.

Finn chuckled, before taking Sean’s hand and placing a kiss on his knuckles. “Always so nervous… So fuckin’ cute. Just text me a time and I’ll be here, alright?”

“Okay,” Sean said, nodding and trying not to blush at the way Finn was holding his hand, his lips still brushing against it gently.

“Can I kiss you now?” Finn said, doubling back to before the conversation had happened as swiftly as if it had never happened. He let go of Sean’s hand in favor of leaning closer and running his hand through the younger boy’s hair.

“Do you not think of anything else?” Sean joked, even though he had no right to judge when he had the exact same problem.

“Not since about a week ago, no,” Finn answered plainly, with his usual dopey smile present on his face. Sean merely rolled his eyes playfully before giving into both their desires and leaning in for a kiss. Finn returned it with the same eagerness that he always did, smiling into it as usual. Sean felt himself doing the same thing.

Maybe he liked kissing Finn just a little too much… 

_Oh well._

**********

Sean didn’t know why he was nervous. Finn had already met both his dad and his brother before; they both already liked him. There shouldn’t have been any reason for Sean to be nervous about Finn coming over, and yet, he found himself pacing his room on Saturday morning, nervous as hell.

It was different now. When they’d met before, Sean and Finn were just friends in his dad’s eyes. Now, they were more. So much more. It was _different_.

_Dude, get a grip._

Staying in his room all morning with nothing to think about but the fact that Finn was coming here, for the first time since both Esteban and Daniel knew the nature of their relationship did nothing to calm him down. Knowing that, Sean took it upon himself to keep busy. He left his room, and occupied himself with absolutely anything that he could get his hands on; much like the day that he came out to his dad. It was hard to believe that that was already an entire week ago.

He was worried – he didn’t know what for, but he was.

And, as it turns out, Sean had absolutely nothing to worry about. The minute Finn arrived, the tension he felt was lifted. 

“Finn!” Daniel yelled, as soon as Sean opened the door to let Finn in, barely giving his older brother a chance to fully register the blue-eyed boy’s arrival. Sean was forced to step aside as Daniel charged by him, nearly knocking Finn over with the force of his hug. 

Finn seemed unphased though, merely returning the hug. “Hey, little man! What’s up?” he asked sweetly, offering Sean a smile when the younger boy looked at him apologetically.

“Daniel, let him at least walk through the door.”

“Right! Sorry,” Daniel muttered, before releasing Finn and running off to fetch their dad from the garage. He was clearly very excited about Finn’s arrival, which the older brother had been expecting. Sean wanted to roll his eyes at Daniel’s antics; he really did. But then Finn was stepping up close to him and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, and whispering a soft “Hi, sweetie” and every shred of annoyance flew right out the window, along with every thought that Sean had ever had.

“H-hi,” Sean stuttered, voice far breathier than he would ever care to admit. Even now, a simple action like that sent his heart racing. Finn didn’t mind though, chuckling softly before crossing the threshold and closing the door behind him. 

Sean opened his mouth to say something, but then Esteban came up from the garage with Daniel right on his tail.

“Ah, Finn, good to see you!”

“Mr. Diaz, thanks for havin’ me over,” Finn said with a surprising amount of politeness, holding out his hand for Esteban yet again.

“Please, I insist you call me Esteban,” Sean’s dad said with a laugh, clapping Finn on the shoulder before smiling at both boys.

“I’ll try… _Esteban_ ,” Finn said, clearly struggling to address him as such. Sean didn’t blame him though; to this day, he still finds it hard to address his friends’ parents by their first names. It felt wrong; almost disrespectful. But then, refusing to do so also seemed disrespectful.

Still, Esteban seemed satisfied with that before leading them all away from the doorway. He excused himself to go back down to the garage, telling Finn to be sure to come and find him down there at some point. Daniel seized the opportunity immediately.

“Oooh! Finn, do you wanna come see my room?”

“Dude, when last have you even _cleaned_ your room?” Sean challenged, and Daniel looked at him for a second before muttering a quick “Be right back” and then running to his room; presumably to ‘clean’ his room. In Daniel’s case, that meant shoving all his clothes under his bed and his toys into whichever drawers had space. It was an effective method. _Super effective_.

“I know whose room I do wanna see,” Finn teased as soon as Daniel was gone, his fingers teasing the hem of Sean’s shirt. 

“You’ve already seen my room.”

“Yeah, but not durin’ the day. _Very_ different experience.”

“Sure,” Sean said sarcastically, leading Finn to his room even though he did not believe for one second that Finn simply wanted to see his room. Part of him didn’t mind. “This is my room – in the daytime.”

Finn stepped in slowly, pretending to look around, and Sean closed the door behind them without a second thought. The older boy hummed in approval before turning to look at Sean who was still leaning against his door for some reason. “Nice room, sweetie,” Finn teased, echoing the words he’d said the first time he was in here. 

Sean’s mind was flooded with all the memories of that night, and he was suddenly filled with the overwhelming urge to grab Finn by the sleeves of his pastel yellow hoodie – which, by the way, were long enough to cover his fingers – and pull him closer so he could kiss the shit out of him. He nearly did. In fact, he pushed himself off the door and took a few steps forward intending to do exactly that. 

But Daniel, the eternal cockblock, came barging through the door at that precise moment, practically dragging Finn to his own room to show it off. Luckily, Finn had the patience of a saint when it came to Daniel. He seemed to know exactly what to say and how to act to keep the little boy happy, and Sean wondered whether Finn had younger brothers of his own; he’d be sure to ask him that question sometime.

Not yet though. Sean didn’t think he’d be able to even get a word in at that rate, so he’d just have to wait. They still had the rest of the day, so Sean bit his tongue for Daniel’s sake. If Finn could be patient with his little brother, then so could he.

**********

Sean had pictured what it would look like when Finn worked in the garage with Esteban several times, and somehow, the reality was even better than what his brain could conjure up. Finn looked… completely and utterly captivating. He’d ditched his hoodie so he didn’t get any oil stains on it, and was now sporting a black vest that showed off his wiry, tattooed arms, and his black bandana was peeking out his back pocket of his denim jeans. Sean had left the garage for a second, just to go to the bathroom. When he came back, he nearly tripped over absolutely nothing when he saw Finn leaned over the engine of the car looking like _that._ Those jeans… they fit Finn a little too well.

_Shit. Don’t look._

Sean stumbled, catching himself to avoid the embarrassment of falling face-first to the ground, and forced himself to look at the ceiling. However, that didn’t help him much, and he ended up bumping into the cart of tools that Esteban usually wheeled around when he was working. The clatter caught both Esteban and Finn’s attention, but fortunately enough, neither of them focused on it for too long.

At least the clatter seemed to tear Sean from the trance he’d been in before, and he was able to focus on something other than how good Finn looked.

Turns out, Finn was far better at this stuff than Sean or Esteban had anticipated, and definitely far better than he’d given himself credit for. He worked with Esteban on the car for a while, offering his own suggestions and ideas, and showing a level of enthusiasm that the younger boy rarely saw from him. The tattooed boy rarely showed an interest in school, and grades… but he definitely loved this; Sean could tell by the way his eyes lit up and the way he practically bounced around the garage, grabbing various tools and burying his head in the engine, a bright smile stuck on his face the entire time.

Esteban could definitely tell too, and Finn’s energy seemed to spread to him. Sean didn’t think he’d ever seen his dad laugh or smile this much while squished between a car and the ground. He was also very clearly impressed by Finn and his abilities and told him that much.

Sean couldn’t help but smile as Esteban praised him for his skills, the older boy’s cheeks flushing slightly even though he was clearly trying to hide the effect the compliments had on him. It was one of the most endearing sights ever, and Sean was torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to squish his pink cheeks.

“You ever think about opening your own garage one day? You’ve definitely got the talent, kid,” Esteban said, clearing away some of his tools and wiping his hands clean. 

Finn scratched the back of his neck in what looked to be nervousness, before laughing and saying, “Yeah, _sometimes_. Been playin’ around with the idea of becomin’ a mechanic someday… but I don’t know.”

“You should really look into it. I might even hire you myself if you don’t open your own shop,” Esteban said, patting Finn on the back. The older boy smiled sheepishly at that, and Esteban smiled back.

“Thanks, Mr. D – _Esteban_ ,” Finn corrected himself at the last minute.

“Where did you learn all of this?”

“Uh…” Finn trailed off, looking down at the floor before muttering, “My dad… He taught me.” Sean could sense a shift in his mood immediately, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything.

“I see… Well, he must be real proud of you. I’ve been trying to teach _this one_ for years, but his interests lie elsewhere,” Esteban teased, gesturing to Sean who was perched on top of one of the open counters.

“Hey! I show an interest.”

“I know, mijo, I know. I’m just messing with you.” Esteban laughed, and Finn laughed too, but it sounded forced again; just like the first time that Finn mentioned his family on the phone a week ago. He looked so different now, small and stiff, not like his usual carefree self, and Sean hated it. 

He tapped his dad on the shoulder silently and nudged his head over to Finn, whose gaze was still set firmly on his feet. It was then that Esteban noticed Finn’s shift in his demeanor. The two of them exchanged questioning looks before Esteban took it upon himself to change the subject.

Esteban was careful to avoid bringing up anything relating to Finn’s family for the rest of the afternoon, much to the older boy’s obvious relief that could be seen painting his features. Eventually, the three of them headed back up into the house to rejoin Daniel who was, for once, more focused on his playbox than on Finn. Not that it lasted very long, since as soon as he completed the level that he’d been busy with, the little boy was right back to hanging onto every word that Finn said.

Sean didn’t mind though, since Daniel’s energy and attention seemed to be helping Finn’s mood improve; his shoulders were relaxed now, and his jaw wasn’t clenched as tightly as it had been down in the garage. He even started to smile again, and Sean had never been happier to see that stupid, dopey grin.

Esteban invited Finn to stay for dinner, and the older boy ended up helping him cook. Apparently, Finn was good at _everything…_ It was almost ridiculous how perfect Finn was. But it was really _fucking_ nice to see Finn bonding with his dad, clearly putting in the effort to connect with Sean’s family. It made Sean’s heart melt entirely, and he was helpless to fight away the dreamy smile that sat on his face as he watched Finn and Esteban joke around in the kitchen.

“Sean! Are you even listening to me?” Daniel whined, poking his older brother in the ribs. 

“What? Yeah, of course,” Sean muttered, still staring at Finn who was offering him a small smile.

“No, you’re not! You’re busy staring at Finn,” Daniel pointed out without hesitation. It was really true what people said about kids; they have no filter at all. Sean could hear Esteban and Finn laugh at that statement, and he rolled his eyes before shifting sideways on the couch and focusing his attention on his little brother.

“Dude!”

“What? It’s true,” Daniel said, smiling like he’d won some unspoken competition.

“Shut up,” Sean bit back playfully, and that sparked the battle. Daniel lunged at him with a mischievous smile, hoping to use the element of surprise to his advantage. Unfortunately for Daniel, Sean was stronger and managed to use his little brother’s momentum to flip them so he was pinning Daniel to the couch.

“No fair!” Daniel pouted, squirming and trying to wriggle out of Sean’s grip. Esteban and Finn were still laughing at the brothers and their impromptu wrestling match, but Sean was determined to win this round.

“I’ve got you now, little cub,” Sean smirked, laughing himself at Daniel’s attempts to push Sean away. Then an idea came to him, and it was probably clear from his expression because Daniel’s eyes widened and he started wriggling with even more determination. Sean let himself rest on Daniel’s thighs before his hands started ghosting down to Daniel’s stomach.

“Sean! No – “

Daniel was cut off by a yelp, before bursting into a fit of laughter as Sean dug his fingers into Daniel’s sides and started tickling him. The little boy squirmed and writhed and kicked but was too wrapped up in laughter to actually escape from his position. Sean was too focused; too determined… At least until Finn came up to them and started to say something. Sean’s focus slipped for a second, and that was all Daniel needed to squeeze himself out and make a run for it.

Sean wasn’t far behind, up on his feet and chasing Daniel with a boisterous laugh. The little boy took advantage of Finn’s presence and used the older boy’s body as a human shield, and Sean shook his head. “I can still get to you, enano.”

“No, you can’t! Finn will protect me… Right, Finn?”

“Of course, little man. Sean ain’t getting’ anybody,” Finn said with a smirk, unknowingly joining the battle too. 

“Is that so?” Sean asked.

“Mm-hm,” Finn hummed with a firm nod, a bright smile on his face.

“Finn… Are you ticklish?”

“Uh…”

Finn hesitated for a moment too long, muttering an unconvincing “No” and Sean knew his next move. “I don’t believe that,” he whispered, before lunging forward and reaching to brush his fingers against Finn’s sides. Before he even _started_ tickling Finn, the older boy shrieked before tumbling to the ground, trying to get away.

Sean fell with him, redoubling his efforts and tickling him even more enthusiastically, basking in the pure, unfiltered joy that radiated off of the boy underneath him. His face was as red as a tomato, and his eyes were beginning to water from how hard he was laughing; that laugh was quickly becoming Sean’s favorite sound.

“Not ticklish, huh?” he teased, unable to hide the smirk as Finn continued to wriggle underneath him. 

“S-Sean… You – I – S-stop,” Finn tried to say, but he struggled to push any words past his own laughter. It was… _adorable_. Especially when Finn half-heartedly attempted to smack Sean in the face with his sleeves that flopped around over his hands. 

Sean had a hard time stopping himself from continuing because it was just so addictive, but then Esteban called them all for dinner. When he finally removed his hands from Finn’s stomach, Finn was left panting and breathless underneath him. 

Sean felt just as breathless, resisting the urge to let his eyes linger on the bit of exposed skin of Finn’s stomach since his hoodie had ridden up slightly.

Their eyes met, and for a moment Sean forgot that Esteban and Daniel were right there, because Finn just looked so – _fucking_ – good. Then Finn had the audacity to bite his lip in a way that he knew – there was no way he didn’t know – drove Sean crazy. The younger boy nearly toppled over sideways at the sudden wave of heat that flooded through him, but then Daniel was tackling Sean to the ground again in a last-minute attempt to claim victory. 

Sean let him have the win, laughing to himself at the way Daniel lit up before running around to celebrate his triumph. He, for once, didn’t mind the kid’s boasting. 

After all, Sean already felt like he’d won when Finn looked at him like that.

_Fuck._

Finn was turning him into a corny sap, and he didn’t even care to fight against it.

**********

The rest of the evening was really fun, and Sean enjoyed watching his family bond with Finn even more than he’d expected to. Finn didn’t seem to have any trouble fitting into the dynamic they had going in the house; instead, he added something to it. 

Sean even found himself losing track of time, simply _watching_ them interact.

When Esteban announced that it was time for Daniel to shower and get ready for bed, the younger brother pouted before beginning a list of reasons why he deserved to stay up late. Most of those reasons were or, at the very least, pertained to the fact that he was adorable and that Esteban loved him. Both statements were very true, but they weren’t enough.

Sean was mentally prepared for the whining to continue for at least another ten minutes when Finn stepped in and worked his charm. “Come on, little man. It’s cool. S’almost my bedtime too.”

“Really?”

“Hell yeah. I need my beauty rest too, y’know?” Finn said with a smile.

That seemed to work alarmingly quickly, and Daniel was in Finn’s lap in a split second to hug him before running off to the bathroom eagerly. Esteban smiled at the two boys before warning Sean not to hang out too late, before disappearing into the bathroom to help Daniel.

“Wow,” Sean sighed, watching it all happen in disbelief.

“What?” Finn asked.

“How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“You literally knew exactly what to say,” Sean pointed out.

“Nah… I was just improvisin’, sweetheart,” Finn said with a shrug, before leaning back on the couch and draping his arm along the back of the couch behind Sean’s head. Sean turned in his seat to look at Finn.

“What’s your secret?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, how do you do that? Like… you always know how to act with Daniel. Are you just freakishly good with kids, or something?”

“I have brothers,” Finn said, and suddenly his mood shifted again. Sean could feel him stiffen, his fingers subtly gripping on the fabric of the couch.

“Oh… Younger?”

“Nah, I got three older brothers actually. Guess I just… learned a few tricks from ‘em.”

“That makes sense,” Sean said, although he was more preoccupied now with how distinctly off Finn seemed. His eyes were glassy, and he had this far-away look on his face; as if his mind were anywhere but here.

“Are you okay?” Sean asked, placing a hand on Finn’s thigh. The boy stiffened even more underneath him, and Sean nearly pulled his hand away, but then Finn looked at him and let his own hand cover Sean’s.

“I'm fine, _sweetie_ ,” he said, but the crack in his voice was unmistakable.

“You were fine a minute ago, I know what ‘fine’ looks like. You’re not fine, so what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Finn muttered, his gaze dropping to his lap.

“It’s not nothing, Finn.”

“I don’t like talkin’ about my family, alright?”

“Is that why you tensed up earlier?” Sean asked, and Finn looked up at him in what appeared to be confusion. Sean decided to elaborate. “In the garage… When you mentioned your dad, you got like this too.”

“Oh, _that_.”

“Yeah… You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Of course, Sean. I jus’,” Finn started, before sighing and then looking up at Sean again. “I don’t talk about it, ‘cause there’s no point. S’all in the past now. My dad is… Well, he’s _long gone._ My brothers are outta the picture too. Jus’ me and my momma now, and that’s cool. I ain’t… holdin’ onto any bad memories or nothin’.”

Sean didn’t believe that. Not at all. Not when Finn was sitting next to him, tenser than he’d ever seen him. His shoulders were tight, and he was fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. He was definitely not fine. 

But Sean knew that he couldn’t force the situation, so he tried a different approach. What better way to build trust and help someone feel comfortable opening up to you than to open up yourself?

_Just… go for it._

“My mom… she’s gone too. Left us a couple years back.”

“Shit… Any idea why?” Finn asked. His voice was still weak, and he still sounded terribly fragile, but at least he was focused on something else now.

“Nope. She just… decided to go. Maybe a quiet life in Seattle wasn’t enough for her. _We_ weren’t enough for her.”

“ _Fuck_ , sweetheart. That is… _fucked_. I'm sorry.”

“It’s cool… It just sucks, because my dad’s obviously not completely over it yet. We still have her shit packed in boxes downstairs, and it’s…. _hard._ But it’s okay. We’re okay,” Sean said. He felt oddly comfortable sharing this information with Finn. Usually, whenever she came up in conversation, Sean was the first one to bolt. Not tonight though. 

He only hoped that eventually, Finn would be able to do the same. Trust needed to go both ways.

“Damn…” Finn sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Thank you for tellin’ me all that, sweetheart… I know that must’ve been tough for you.”

“It’s cool. I actually feel a lot better now that I’ve… _talked about it_.”

“Right, well I’m glad I could help then.”

“Yeah… It helps, you know? And you can… talk to me too, if you want,” Sean tried, hoping that he didn’t come off as pushy. 

Luckily, Finn only chuckled breathlessly before shaking his head lightly. “I know what you’re doin’, sweetie. And I, uh, appreciate it. But seriously, it’s cool. You don’t have to worry about little ol’ me.”

“I can’t help it…” Sean admitted, and Finn looked at him for a second before a soft smile graced his features. The smile itself seemed genuine enough… but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Come on, let’s talk about something else, alright?” he suggested, clearly wanting to change the subject. Not wanting to make any waves, Sean accepted and they moved onto lighter topics. Finn seemed fine enough, but the entire situation still bothered Sean a lot. He really wanted Finn to open up to him, and to trust him enough to do so. 

Things couldn’t work if the trust didn’t come from both sides.

Sean didn’t know much about relationships, but he knew that they relied heavily on trust. And he was beginning to realize that he didn’t know all that much about Finn and his life outside of school. Finn hardly mentioned his family, and that topic was clearly a no go for the time being. But even beyond that, the only friends that Sean knew about were Penny, Jinx, and Cassidy. 

Finn had already met and spoken to most, if not all, of Sean’s friends. He’d also already bonded with Sean’s family. Meanwhile, the only person of significance in Finn’s life that Sean had met was Cassidy.

He wanted to know more. 

He wanted to be more involved in Finn’s life, and not let things become dangerously one-sided. But for the sake of avoiding making Finn uncomfortable again, Sean let it go. They spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch – Esteban insisted that they either stay in the living room or in the bedroom with the door wide open – and simply talking about everything else. It was a good night; a really good night. Sean was thankful for the fact that the tension from before seemed to dissipate, and didn't completely ruin what was otherwise a really fun day.

They laughed, and they talked, and when the older boy teased him about his inability to differentiate between an open-end wrench and a flare-nut wrench, Sean threatened to tickle him again. That shut the older boy up fast. 

Throughout the night, Sean carefully avoided all talk of Finn’s family or any topics that could lead back to that. He tried not to let himself think about it either; not until Finn kissed him goodnight sweetly before driving off. 

There was definitely no healthy way to force someone to let you in, and Sean wasn’t about to push Finn to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. 

Sean could only hope that eventually, Finn would be able to open up to him and share more of his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, I present to you... a poor attempt at introducing more PLOT. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and are looking forward to the next chapter :)  
> There are some slightly spicy flirty moments in this chapter, but I don't plan to get any more explicit in this fic. I don't feel 100% comfortable writing smut between a 16 and 17 year old (no shame to those that do, I just struggle myself). If I do ever write smut for this universe, it will likely be in the form of a separate one shot that happens when they're a little bit older.
> 
> As usual, comments and kudos are appreciated. I love reading all your comments and thoughts, they keep me motivated! Thank you for reading this story, and for supporting it. I love you all. <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, let me just say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 KUDOS. It's amazing how far this story came from being a simple one-shot... This story has been an entire journey so far, and I'm incredibly happy with what it has become.
> 
> Since I am getting more into a little more plot-heavy stuff, I was really nervous about writing this chapter, and I'm nervous for the next few chapters too, but I hope you all enjoy it!

Sean generally wasn’t the most patient person on the planet, but when a circumstance truly called for it, he tried his best. As someone who had his own family baggage that he hated getting into, he couldn’t exactly blame Finn for being hesitant to open up about his own baggage. Pushing Finn to open up was not an option, and Sean knew that. So, he didn’t.

After Saturday, Sean didn’t bring up Finn’s family at all. Yes, he was curious. Who wouldn’t be curious? But curiosity wasn’t enough for Sean to feel compelled to overstep the line that Finn had drawn; the older boy had been clear about his unwillingness to discuss his family. It made him uncomfortable, and _that_ was enough for Sean to know to back off and let it go.

In the days following their conversation on Sean’s couch, things between the two boys were good. Great, actually. Finn was still his usual, laid-back, charming self at school on Monday. On Tuesday, Ellery and Eric joined them for lunch and made an effort to get to know the tattooed boy. The three of them got along remarkably well, and Sean was happy about that… But he still worried; Finn seemed to be involving himself in every aspect of Sean’s life, and Sean had yet to be given the opportunity to do the same. 

However, Finn didn’t seem to mind; not at all. It actually seemed as though he were more than happy with things staying exactly the way they were. Sean was happy with things too, but he wanted more. Maybe that was a selfish mindset, but that was just the issue; Sean felt selfish keeping things the way they currently were. That was why he wanted things to change; why he felt like things _needed_ to change. Finn was making all the moves and putting in all the effort.

Sean had no doubt in his mind that Finn cared for him. He’d need to be blind to miss the way that simple fact crept into every little thing that the older boy did. No matter what baggage Finn had, or what Finn might have been going through, he never let a day go by where he left Sean to question things between them.

Finn drove him to school and back every single day. Finn even started going to school just to be able to see Sean more often. Finn went to a track meet dressed as a cheerleader, just to show his support for Sean at a school event that, under any other circumstances, he wouldn’t have been caught dead at. A guy who, in general, played himself off as someone that lazy and careless, was actually one of the most attentive people Sean had ever met.

Sean wanted to put that same effort in. The older boy had seamlessly integrated himself into Sean’s world without hesitation, and Sean liked that, but he wanted to do that too. He wanted to be a part of Finn’s world, just as much as Finn was becoming a part of his.

Thanksgiving break came and went in the blink of an eye, and Christmas break was approaching slowly. The days grew colder, and the nights stretched longer. The Christmas decorations were pulled out from storage, and the Christmas trees were set up and decorated. The Diaz household tree in particular was put up on an especially cold and rainy day. Esteban put on some really old and really terrible Christmas songs, while Daniel and Sean bickered over which decorations should go on the tree and which should not.

It was… actually pretty fun. 

Even the bickering was somewhat enjoyable nowadays. Sean suspected that he owed some of that to Finn and his positive influence. He actually managed to learn a lot from Finn when it came to being patient with his little brother. That definitely earned Finn some points with Esteban too. Anyone that could walk in and diffuse an argument between Sean and Daniel was automatically in their father’s good books.

It was not an easy feat, since the two brothers could go from zero to one hundred in a second, and took forever to get back down to zero. But Finn had… _something_ ; this seemingly innate ability to take control of a situation and calm things down. He certainly had a way with Daniel too. 

Daniel listened to Finn, and he _liked_ Finn. ‘Like’ was honestly an understatement. Sean would not have been remotely surprised if he found a shrine dedicated to Finn, hidden somewhere in Daniel’s room. The little boy even began to mimic Finn’s behavior; he started wearing this red bandana, that he got from who-knows-where, around his neck after he first noticed Finn’s black one.

Daniel and Finn were like two peas in a pod, and the fondness clearly was a mutual thing. Finn absolutely adored Daniel, and even went as far as to tell Daniel that he saw a lot of himself in him when he came over after school one day; Daniel did not shut up about that for an entire week.

Sean didn’t mind at all.

And it wasn’t just Daniel. Esteban was just as fond of the tattooed boy, even though he wasn’t quite as blatant about it. Finn had somehow become a part of the family in an alarmingly short time. Saturday movie night became a thing when Finn admitted to being a huge fan of cowboy movies, sparking an hour-long discussion over which movie genre was superior. Daniel sided with Finn – obviously. Sean disagreed, firm in his preference for a good action movie. Esteban chose to play Switzerland for most of the time, not offering his input even though Sean knew that he was a sucker for a good rom-com. 

Turns out, so was Finn, _the little softie_. When the older boy mentioned that after nearly an hour of debating, Esteban finally admitted his own guilty pleasure to the rest of the group. That ended up being the genre they went with on their first movie night, two weeks after the first time that Finn came over. Sean didn’t enjoy the movie all that much, but that was okay. He enjoyed the company. 

He enjoyed the feeling of curling up against Finn on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. He enjoyed the way Daniel pretended not to be grossed out when the actors kissed on-screen because he wanted to be _just like Finn_. 

Most of all, he enjoyed the fact that he felt comfortable.

When Finn put his arm around him, Sean didn’t flinch or check to see Esteban's or Daniel’s reactions. When Finn took his hand or smiled at him in front of Esteban or Daniel, Sean didn’t worry about what they might say or think. Instead, he returned every smile, every touch, and every look. He leaned in closer, enjoying how warm Finn always was. It could be a freezing day out, and Finn would somehow still walk around like a human radiator. 

It definitely came in handy a lot of the time. One day when they were outside in the parking lot at school, Sean was rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up, and Finn – being the absolute cutest guy in the world – took Sean’s hands in his and warmed them up with his own. Sean’s face definitely flushed at that, and not just because of the chill in the air.

That was how they ended up cuddled under a blanket on the couch, two weeks from Christmas, watching some western movie for their second movie night; something that was apparently going to be a regular thing. 

A tradition.

_A tradition that Finn’s a part of._

This movie in particular was one that Finn literally never stopped talking about. Even on the first night that they had talked on the phone, the day after the Halloween party, Finn had raved about it for a solid twenty minutes; another thing that Sean would never admit to finding utterly adorable. The movie was called “The Magnificent Seven” – and not the remake, the original. Finn had been very firm on that decision. 

Sean had barely convinced Finn not to wear his cowboy hat that night, which he still had no idea why Finn even owned in the first place. Finn’s excitement from the minute that he arrived was too precious for Sean to even consider teasing him about. 

“Oh shit, this part is the best!” Finn cheered, not letting his eyes leave the screen, even though he’d said that about five other scenes before. Sean didn’t point that out though, merely continuing to let his hands rest on Finn’s legs that were thrown over him.

Daniel who was currently sprawled across the floor – they’d moved the coffee table out of the way for him – digging into a bag of chock-o-crisps seemed just as enthralled by the movie as Finn was, and barely spoke a word. An astounding accomplishment, really. Esteban was sat in the armchair and went back and forth between watching the movie, watching Daniel to make sure he didn’t eat too much candy, watching Finn with an amused look on his face, and sharing teasing looks with Sean _about_ Finn.

Nobody could blame Esteban, since Finn was pretty entertaining to watch. He’d clearly seen this movie about a million times, given the way he mouthed all the words silently. Sean would not have been surprised if Finn could recite the entire movie from memory upon command. He wasn’t about to test that though. 

Still, it was pretty _fucking_ cute to witness. So cute, in fact, that Sean had a hard time actually focusing on the movie. It went on in the background, and he tried to follow along by; he really did. But with Finn sitting there, as excited as Daniel was the day he got his playbox, Sean didn’t think he’d ever be able to tear his eyes away.

Being here, on the couch, watching some old cowboy movie with Finn, his dad, and his brother; it felt like something that was supposed to happen. Finn being here felt _good._ Everything felt… _right._

Lyla had teased Sean relentlessly over the last week or two, dropping jokes about him being ‘ _in loooove_.’ Sean laughed those jokes off because he had to. He needed to laugh them off so he didn’t dwell on them. It was much too soon for that… Even though there was a part of Sean that wondered… _Maybe?_ He hadn’t experienced anything like this before. 

There was no exact science that told you exactly what love really felt like, but Sean had always imagined that it would feel intense. Powerful. All-consuming. Something that would sweep you up into a whirlwind and make you feel kind of dizzy. Fireworks, and sparks, and over-whelming surges of emotion. And in the beginning, being with Finn… It was intense. 

There was confusion, and there was the underlying issue of figuring out his sexuality. There was the intensity that came hand-in-hand with what Lyla called his ‘sexual awakening’ and there were the fireworks that went off in him the first time they kissed. 

But the more time they spent together, and the more comfortable Sean became, the more… _safe_ , everything felt. And maybe that was what love was. Safety, comfort, familiarity. At the start, Finn made Sean feel like he was free-falling, with no idea how close he was to the ground and no parachute to slow him down. No safety jacket. No protection. No guarantee.

Now, Sean felt grounded. His feet were firmly planted on the ground, and he didn’t need a safety jacket. 

So, maybe this was love? It could be…

_No. No way._

_Way too fucking soon, dude._

“You’re missin’ it, sweetie,” Finn said, and Sean had been so deep in his daydream that he hadn’t realized that the older boy’s attention had shifted to him again.

“Huh?”

“The movie. You’re missin’ it,” Finn repeated, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he seemed to catch on to what had stolen Sean’s attention before.

“S-sorry,” Sean mumbled, even though he wasn’t sorry at all, before forcing himself to look at the television. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Anywhere that wasn’t Finn. It was a lot harder than anticipated, but he managed… somewhat. Sean could still see Finn in the corner of his eye, bouncing slightly in his seat as a particularly intense scene started. Sean could still feel the warmth radiating off of the older boy, and he wanted to melt into it; to melt into Finn. 

He settled for pulling Finn closer, letting his arm wrap around his waist, and enjoying the way that the boy seemed to relax into him despite his attention still being fixed on the screen. This felt right too. Sean felt like he was exactly where he needed to be, and he was more than prepared to simply stay there for the rest of his life, even if that meant watching cowboy movies for the rest of eternity…

Sean found that he didn’t mind that at all if Finn would be there to watch all of them with him. This was where he wanted to be.

But, apparently, the universe had other ideas in mind.

About an hour into the movie, Finn’s phone buzzed. Initially, no one paid much attention to it. After all, there was nothing unusual about a teenage boy in the 21st century getting a text. Finn reached out for his phone casually, still paying more attention to the movie than anything else. Again, nothing unusual. 

But then, he tensed. Sean could _feel_ the shift in his body, as Finn went completely rigid. The movie was immediately forgotten; Sean quickly turned his attention back to the older boy who was now staring at his phone with an unreadable expression on his face. He was tempted to say something, or reach out and try to catch Finn’s attention, but he didn’t get the chance. As Sean opened his mouth, Finn’s brows furrowed slightly before he sighed and put his phone down again without typing a response to whoever had texted him.

Just like that, Finn relaxed again, continuing on as though nothing had happened. Sean watched him for a few seconds to make sure, before letting himself relax too. 

Then, a few minutes later, Finn’s phone buzzed again. And again. 

This time, both Sean and Esteban’s eyes shifted over to Finn who picked up his phone, huffed, and then dropped it again. This time, he looked back at the screen immediately, but instead of being into the movie like before, he seemed to zone out slightly. It was as though he was looking past the screen, instead of looking directly at it. Esteban raised an eyebrow at Sean, who shrugged slightly. His dad gave Finn one more look before focusing on the movie again, which Sean took as his opportunity.

“Hey, you okay?” Sean whispered, tapping Finn slightly to get his attention. The older boy merely nodded, without saying a word, still looking a little out of it. That wasn’t nearly enough to convince Sean. The younger boy took Finn’s hand in his carefully, before squeezing it gently. He hoped that it would do something to bring Finn out of the state he seemed to be in, but nothing seemed to happen.

The dull feelings of concern that Sean had were beginning to grow; especially when Finn’s phone buzzed yet again and the boy didn’t even react.

“Finn?” Sean asked cautiously, trying to be quiet so he didn’t disturb Daniel or Esteban – not that Esteban was paying much attention to the movie anymore. He looked as confused as Sean felt. But there was still no response from Finn, who seemed totally lost in thought. His vibrated a couple more times, as more texts came through, none of which were even acknowledged by Finn.

“Finn? What’s going on?” Sean asked, voice a little louder than before. He had this nagging feeling in the pit of the stomach that he couldn’t identify. His voice finally seemed to rip Finn out of whatever trance he’d been in before, but he looked flustered – and not in a good way. 

“Huh?”

“You kinda… zoned out, for a while. What’s going on?”

“Shit… sorry, sweetie,” Finn mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face. 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m just worried,” Sean said, still trying to keep his voice soft so that they didn’t draw Daniel’s attention. Finn didn’t look like he was in the space to handle Daniel’s energy and enthusiasm right now.

“Aw, don’t worry ‘bout me. I’m just… _Yeah_ , 'm fine,” Finn said, his voice cracking slightly which he tried to cover up with a cough. 

“Finn.”

“Sean, seriously. Let’s just watch the rest of the movie, alright?” Finn said with a smile on his face, before looking at the screen again. That smile was not genuine; not at all. Everything about Finn’s demeanor showed that he was far from being okay, but, once again, Sean thought it best not to push the matter further. He simply kept his mouth shut and tried to focus on the movie again.

At least until Finn’s phone rang, effectively catching everyone’s attention. Daniel paused the movie and turned around with a mouth full of chocolate. Esteban was looking at Finn curiously, and Finn had his eyes glued to his phone where it sat on the couch next to him. His fists were clenched tightly, to the point where his knuckles were turning white.

“Are you… gonna get that?” Sean asked, gesturing to the phone that continued to ring when no one made a move to say or do anything.

Finn hesitated, before sighing and lifting himself off of the couch. “Y-yeah, alright. Uh, jus’ gimme a minute. Carry on, guys.” And then he was picking up his phone and disappearing into Sean’s room, closing the door behind him. Sean chewed his lip nervously as he watched Finn leave, noticing how stiff his shoulders seemed. Daniel had already turned the movie back on, but it didn’t matter much to Sean either way. He still had a sinking feeling in his stomach, but despite every part of him that wanted to follow Finn and hold him until he was okay again, he forced himself to stay put. 

_Just focus on the movie._

**********

No matter how entertaining the movie might have been, Sean could not focus. He kept turning around to check if Finn was coming back yet, and kept being disappointed when he wasn’t. He tried distracting himself by shoveling handfuls of popcorn into his mouth and keeping his eyes glued to the screen. It didn’t help much, and he kept shifting around nervously, trying to make himself comfortable; that was hard to do when his discomfort wasn’t physical.

At the very least, he managed to stay seated and, did his best to allow Finn his privacy. However, his impatience combined with his concern was slowly getting the better of him. 

“Sean?” Esteban asked, and that was when Sean realized that Daniel and Esteban were both watching him curiously.

“Yeah?”

“You wanna go check on your boy?” 

“He’s not – yeah, okay. You guys continue, I’ll go see what’s up,” Sean said, standing up quickly and tossing the blanket down on the couch behind him.

“Are you sure? We can wait for you,” Daniel offered, moving over to pause the movie but Sean held up a hand to stop him.

“It’s fine, enano. I won’t be long.” Daniel nodded before turning back to the screen, and Sean moved to walk around the couch but Esteban grabbed him by the wrist gently.

“It’ll be fine, Seanie-boy. Just be there for him, alright?”

And that was exactly what Sean intended to do; be there for Finn. As long as Finn would allow him to.

As he approached his bedroom door, he tried to listen for any sound or indication that Finn was talking; the last thing that he wanted to do was barge in while Finn was in the middle of a private conversation. But the closer that he got, the more certain he was that whatever phone call Finn had been on was over. There was dead silence; no noise at all coming from his room.

Still, he knocked to make sure.

There was some scuffling, and Sean could hear Finn moving around before the door was being pulled open. Finn looked… well, the only word that Sean could think of was ‘off.’ He looked normal, but at the same time, he looked more unusual than ever. There was nothing distinctively wrong that Sean could see. No tears, or red, puffy eyes. No sad or angry expression. No sniffling, or anything of the sort. Finn was just… standing there? The expression on his face was blank, which was arguably the most concerning thing about the entire situation.

No. Scratch that.

The most concerning thing was the fact that those blue eyes Sean could always easily got lost in were dull and lifeless. They seemed more grey than blue now. Sean stepped through the door and pulled it closed behind him before Finn could say anything, and then pulled him toward his bed by the hand. 

“Uh… If you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask,” Finn said with a wink, and although his words were teasing, his voice betrayed him. Sean decided that the best approach would be to ignore that, and power through.

“Finn, talk to me.”

“I am talkin’ to you, even though we could be doin’ a lot more than talkin’ right now,” Finn said, leaning closer and letting his hands drift up to clutch at Sean’s hoodie in an attempt to pull him closer. He was trying to put on an act, to distract Sean, but the younger boy was not going to let that happen.

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I, sweetheart.” And then he was shifting even closer, before tugging Sean backward on the bed and scrambling to straddle him. Again, a clever distraction technique. Finn was saying all the right things, and doing all the right moves; on any other night, Sean would have been a goner by now. Not tonight though, because no matter what Finn did or said, it felt… robotic. Forced. 

It felt…

_Wrong._

It felt as if Finn was running on autopilot, doing something because he _had_ to, not because he wanted to. 

Sean pushed him back gently. “I mean it, dude. Let’s just talk, alright?” The older boy froze for a second, as the act from before dropped, once again revealing that blank, dazed expression from before.

“About what?” Finn asked, slowly sliding off of Sean’s lap, moving across the bed, and turning so that his back was facing the younger boy. 

“You know what I’m talking about,” Sean said, scooting forward to sit next to Finn again. Finn merely shrugged, and Sean sighed in response.

“Okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you really don’t want to. But if something’s bothering you, you _can_ tell me.”

“I know that, sweetie.”

“But?”

“But… I can’t, alright?”

“You can’t? What do you mean?”

“I mean that I can’t talk about this, right now, _with you_.”

“With… me?” Sean echoed, feeling his heart drop to his stomach. There had been too much emphasis on those words; whether it was accidental or not, he wasn’t sure.

“ _Damnit_ , that sounded bad,” Finn muttered, shifting before turning to face Sean, taking the younger boy’s hands in his. “I jus’ mean that I, uh… I ain’t ready to talk about this. That’s all, okay?”

“O-oh… Okay.”

“Shit… Look, I don’t want you to get in your head now, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Promise me you won’t overthink this shit?” 

Finn _sounded_ sincere. Maybe he didn’t seem okay, but he sounded like he was telling the truth at the very least. Sean couldn’t ask for much more. If Finn wasn’t ready, that was just something he had to be okay with. 

“I promise.”

Finn smiled weakly, and they stayed like that for a while until Sean suggested that they head back out. He didn’t want to – he wasn’t particularly in the mood to watch a movie right now – but he knew that staying here would only give him more time to think about all the burning questions in his mind. 

Finn agreed before leading them out to rejoin Esteban and Daniel. The movie was nearly over already; not that it mattered much. Sean was more preoccupied with the fact that Finn felt so far away now. He was also too stuck on the fact that Finn wasn’t mouthing the words of the movie anymore. Instead, he was staring off into the distance, barely trying to seem interested in the movie anymore.

Sean didn’t say or do anything. He tried to watch what was left of the movie, and he tried to keep his promise; Finn had told him not to overthink things. He didn’t _want_ to overthink things.

Here’s the thing about overthinking, though. 

Once you start… it’s really _fucking_ hard to stop.

**********

After the movie had ended on Saturday, Finn helped the Diaz’s clean up before taking off. He still kissed Sean goodnight, and he still ruffled Daniel’s hair, and he still accepted Esteban’s hug. Nothing about his actions was different, _but_ _he was different._

Before Sean went to bed that night, he checked his phone for any messages; usually, Finn texted him before bed. There were no messages that night, nor were there any messages the next morning. Sean tried not to think anything of it.

He spent his Sunday hanging out with his family and catching up with homework. It was a good day, all things considered. 

After lunch, Sean checked his phone again. Still no messages. He considered messaging Finn but decided against it. Maybe space was what Finn needed after whatever had happened last night. Sean’s curiosity peaked again, but he forced it away through sheer force of will.

Temporarily.

Hours passed, and it became harder to ignore the nagging feeling in his gut, so he texted Finn. He was weak, and he wasn’t about to try and deny that fact.

Their conversation didn’t last all that long, because Finn said he was tired and they decided to go to bed early. Still, it helped to at least hear from Finn, even if it was only for a little while. It helped to calm the storm that was raging in his mind. 

On Monday, Finn was there at his usual time to pick Sean up. The ride to school went the same as it usually did, but Sean could sense a shift. Maybe it was the fact that Finn was a bit quieter than usual or perhaps it was because Finn didn’t hum along to the songs on the radio. It could even very well have been because Finn didn’t tease Lyla or Cassidy when they started bickering in the back seat. 

There were too many possible giveaways, but it didn’t matter. There was _something_ ; a tension that simply had not been there before. Finn wasn’t okay. 

Sean knew without a doubt that he wasn’t.

That was a fact that was only further solidified when they actually pulled up at the school. Lyla and Cassidy were out of the car first, as usual, hand in hand and cheerful as always. Sean grabbed his bag and opened his door, but then he realized that Finn wasn’t following suit.

“You coming?” he asked curiously.

“Nah, you go on ahead. Think I’m gonna take off again.”

“Oh… Why?” Sean asked, mentally slapping himself for asking that out loud. It wasn’t like Finn never ditched before, but he hadn’t in a while. Sean simply couldn’t help himself.

“Jus’ not in the mood for it today. Don’t really need more reason than that now, do I?”

That much was true. Sean knew that before they’d met, Finn typically went to school on a want-to-go basis. If he didn’t want to go, he didn’t. It was that simple. However, this time it felt like a little more than that. Sean didn’t say anything though, yet again.

“Oh okay… We’re still, uh,” Sean trailed off, before clearing his throat. “We’re still cool, right?”

“Of course, sweetie. We’re cool. I’ll pick y’all up later,” Finn said, pressing a kiss to Sean’s lips. The kiss was so brief that Sean barely even had a moment to react, let alone reciprocate. Still, it was reassuring enough, and Sean offered the older boy a smile before heading to his locker. 

The school day was long and dreadfully uneventful. It was the final week of school before Christmas break, and students were already in vacation mode. Admittedly, it felt rather strange not having Finn around; Sean had grown accustomed to looking to his side and seeing that goofy grin. However, Sean was not about to let Finn’s absence rule over his day, even if the absence was concerning in itself. 

Sean was worried about Finn. He didn’t know what was going on at all, and it sucked. He wished that Finn would just – 

_Stop. Don’t go there._

He went to his classes, and he hung out with his friends, and he lived his life. Derek still glared at him whenever he could, and Lyla still ditched Math to make out with Cassidy. It was a perfectly normal day. 

After school, Sean was thrown for a loop. When he stepped out of the school with Lyla and Cassidy, he immediately spotted Finn’s car, and the boy in question leaning against it. The three of them walked over together, and Sean was prepared for… something; something that was not at all what he got.

“Hiya sweetheart,” Finn greeted cheerfully, grabbing Sean’s hand and kissing his cheek.

Finn was… back to himself? Or at least, he somewhat seemed like himself, more so than he had that morning. There was a part of Sean that was relieved. Happy. Finn was better. Finn _seemed_ better, and that was good. 

But there was a small part of Sean that was simply _confused_. Finn had been totally out of it since Saturday night, and suddenly, after one day of ditching school, he was back to normal? It didn’t make sense. Sean was confused, and surprised, and maybe even a little frustrated that he’d spent so much time worrying about someone who clearly didn’t need to be worried about.

Then again, you know what they say: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Hey,” Sean greeted, choosing to look on the bright side; Finn was back to being himself.

“We missed you today, man,” Cassidy said, tossing her bag through the open window onto the back seat.

“And by ‘we’, she means _Sean_ ,” Lyla added with a wink. Sean rolled his eyes, even though he didn’t actually feel embarrassed. He was actually perfectly fine with Finn knowing that he missed him. 

“Aw, you missed me?” Finn cooed, pulling Sean closer. The younger boy nodded slowly, and then Finn smiled at him and for a moment it felt like things might have been back to the way they were before whatever had gone down on Saturday night. 

They weren’t; Sean knew that they weren’t. Not for him, anyway, because he still had that annoying feeling eating away at him. However, he was determined to make this particular moment last, which meant pushing aside that feeling and simply enjoying himself; even if it was only for this moment, and this moment alone.

“Y’all wanna get some coffee?” Cassidy asked once they started driving. Lyla immediately supported the idea, which was not at all a surprise since she drank coffee more than she breathed air.

“Hell yeah, I’m down,” Finn said.

“I’m in too,” Sean added. 

And then they were off to the coffee shop which was apparently the place that Cassidy and Lyla met. They described it as ‘the most magical place in the universe’, even though Sean and Lyla had been there a hundred times before and it had been nothing special back then. 

While they were waiting for their orders, Cassidy’s phone rang and her eyes lit up immediately. She answered the call with “Pennywise! My favorite dumbass!”

“I thought I was your favorite dumbass.” Finn pouted, crossing his arms. Cassidy rolled her eyes, smiling before decidedly ignoring him altogether.

Sean didn’t pay much attention to the phone call, since following along with a one-sided conversation was not exactly easy to do. Instead, he focused on mediating a sugar throwing battle – A new concept invented by Lyla and Finn that was pretty self-explanatory. They threw sugar packets at each other. That was it. That was the game.

“You guys are such idiots,” Sean said, which earned him two sugar packets to the face.

 _I need new friends_.

“Yo, Penny’s throwin’ a party tomorrow night. You down?” Cassidy asked Finn who was still trying to aim a sugar packet at Lyla’s nose. He didn’t answer, too focused on his goal, so she yanked the packet out of his hand. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Huh?”

“Are you down to go to Penny’s tomorrow?”

“Oh, hell yeah! I’m always down,” he answered.

“Is Penny the one that once thought an airplane was a UFO?” Lyla asked. Both Finn and Cassidy nodded, and she threw her head back in laughter. 

“Man, Penny is a riot!” Finn said, throwing his arm around Sean’s shoulder. 

“I believe that. Every time you tell me something he said, I think it can’t get crazier, and then it does,” Sean said, chuckling to himself.

“Wanna come?” Cassidy asked.

“Huh?” Sean and Lyla asked in unison.

“Tomorrow. Y’all wanna join us?”

“Fuck, yeah!” Lyla cheered, pumping her fist in the air. Finn let out a snort at her enthusiasm, and she glared at him before chucking another sugar packet in his face. 

“Cool, Lyla’s in. What about you, Sean?” Cassidy asked, ignoring the chaos that was playing out in front of her. Sean admired her ability to do so, but maybe that came with being friends with people like Finn and Penny. Based on what he’d heard, the two of them together were a handful.

“I-I mean… If that’s okay with you guys?” Sean responded cautiously, looking to Finn for confirmation. He wanted to go; he really did. But up until now, Finn hadn’t made any indication that he wanted Sean to meet his friends. Sean didn’t want to jump the gun, so he waited for some sort of response. The older boy tilted his head to the side, his brows furrowing slightly in confusion.

“’Course it’s cool, sweetheart.”

Sean was a little bit embarrassed by how happy that one line made him feel. He was finally going to meet Finn’s friends, which was the first step to becoming a part of Finn’s world. That was what he wanted now more than ever. 

There was even a part of him that hoped that taking this step would bring them closer to being in a place where Finn was comfortable enough to open up to him.

Now, all he had to do was talk to Esteban.

**********

“On a school night, mijo?”

Sean stayed silent. Esteban sighed before pinching his nose. “And where exactly are you guys going?”

“Penny’s house,” Sean said, watching his dad nervously from where he sat at his desk. His dad had come in to ask him for help with dinner when Sean had come forward with the question.

Esteban looked up at him from the bed, before quirking an eyebrow. “And this Penny… He’s…?” 

“A friend of Cass and Finn’s.”

“Do you know this boy? Is he decent?”

“I haven’t met him, but I mean… Yeah.”

“And Finn’s going to bring you home?”

“He said he would.”

“Will he be drinking? Smoking? Anything like that?”

“Dad – “

“I have to ask, mijo. You can’t get in a car with someone that’s been drinking,” Esteban said firmly, and it was Sean’s turn to sigh.

“I know, and I won’t. I promise.”

“Then, I suppose… you can go – “

“Seriously? Thanks, Dad!” Sean said, getting ready to jump out of his seat and wrap his dad in a bear hug, but Esteban wasn’t done.

“ _Only_ if you make sure you’re not home too late. Eleven, for the absolute latest. And it will not interfere with you going to school on Wednesday, you hear me?”

Sean nodded eagerly. “I hear you. I’ll be home by eleven, don’t worry.”

“Good,” Esteban said. Sean assumed the conversation was over and turned back to his books, but then he realized that Esteban wasn’t moving to leave the room. 

Sean looked over to see his dad still sitting on the bed, looking as though he had something more to say. “What’s up?” he asked.

“I’ve been meaning to ask what happened on Saturday.”

“Oh…”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“There’s not really much to say,” Sean said, remembering the conversation that he and Finn had that night. Esteban looked confused, so Sean elaborated. “Finn didn’t wanna talk about it, so I don’t really know what happened.”

“I see.”

“But it’s fine. Everything seems fine now.”

“How so?”

“Well, today, Finn seemed okay again. Back to himself, you know? So, there’s nothing to worry about.” Admittedly, he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than Esteban. Maybe he was.

“Oh, uh… Okay?”

“What?”

“It’s just… Are _you_ okay with that?” Esteban asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you okay with not talking about things?” 

Sean considered that question for a moment. Coming up with an answer was difficult. He wanted to say ‘Yeah, I’m okay with it’ but he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t leave his mouth. Something inside of him kept him back, and he hated it. He didn’t think he was in any position to demand an explanation from Finn about his past or his life.

He could be okay with not knowing, for Finn’s sake.

He wanted to be.

“I have to be” was the answer that Sean settled for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not used to writing stuff like this, so I hope that it's enjoyable. I'm exploring some concepts or ideas that I've had for this universe, but I'm so afraid that it seems over-dramatic or not dramatic enough. I am pretty pleased with how this chapter turned out though. I hope you enjoyed it and that you're excited about the rest of the story.  
> Let me know what you guys think <3  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, it is time for some drifter content! I took my time with this chapter, for many reasons, but one of them is that I really enjoyed playing around with some headcanons and ideas for some of the drifters. I'm sure you all will notice them when you see them. Also, I went ahead and played around with an original character in this chapter too, which was fun. I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Content warning (which is obvious since it's a chapter that involves the drifters): Underage Drinking and Recreational Drug Use.
> 
> Also, a heads up. This story starts to dive into some more serious subjects toward the end of this chapter. I hope you all don't mind. It has all been pretty darn fluffy so far, but I did change the tags and summary a bit to adjust to the new direction. There will still be plenty of fluff, but I mean, who doesn't love some angst?
> 
> Enjoy!

“You alright there, sweetie?” 

They were on their way to the party, and Sean had not been able to get the conversation he’d had with Esteban out of his head. What did it matter if Sean was okay with Finn not opening up or not? What good would come out of coming out and saying that? Sean did not see the point. He’d also never be able to forgive himself if he pushed Finn, thus potentially pushing them apart. That was simply not a risk he was willing to take.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just nervous.”

_Not a total lie._

Sean was nervous. Maybe not for the reasons that Finn would assume, but nervous all the same. He was nervous about the state of things; nervous about the fact that he was dancing on the fine line between letting Finn take his time and ultimately losing his mind. Not knowing a single detail about a significant portion of Finn’s life was hard to deal with. Pair that with the guilt that came with the temptation to demand answers and you’ve got yourself one hell of a predicament.

So yeah, nervous was not a lie. An understatement, maybe, but not a lie.

“Aw, it’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry. None of ‘em bite.”

Of course Finn would think that Sean was nervous to meet his friends. That was a fair assumption, after all, and to be honest, he was a little nervous about that. From the little that he’d heard about everyone, they all seemed really cool, and Sean was intimidated, to say the least. Meeting all your, uh… _Shit._

Meeting all of Finn’s friends in one night was a daunting prospect, and Sean wanted to fit in. 

Still, that was hardly the main source of his nerves.

“I know,” Sean muttered, too deep in thought to commit to a more substantial response. 

“Don’t worry so much, Sean. Finn’s right; the gang’s cool. Y’all are both gonna be just fine,” Cassidy said, cutting in and directing her words at both him and Lyla.

Lyla made some smart retort in response about not being worried, which did not surprise Sean in the least. She had always been self-assured and was definitely more confident than him. She’d been like that from the very beginning of their friendship, and he found that he was grateful for it. Her willingness to go out and take risks was part of what got Sean to do a lot of things in his life that, without her, he’d never have the courage to do. 

Even now, in the car, Lyla was looking at him through the rear-view mirror and smiling reassuringly. She could read him like a damn book, and they both knew it.

“Y’know,” Finn started, catching Sean’s attention again. “I think you’ll like Jacob. They’re pretty quiet, reserved, and shit… But _fuck_ , one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.”

“They sound pretty cool,” Sean admitted, feeling rather relieved to know that not every single one of Finn’s friends was as bold as him. He also made a mental note to remember the correct pronouns when he eventually met Jacob. The last thing he wanted to do was misgender and offend anyone. 

He was still curious about everyone else though, since Finn had, up until this point, been pretty tight-lipped when it came to his friends. 

“And the others? What are they like?” he found himself asking, needing to allow himself at least some sort of mental relief. Plus, knowing more about the lions before entering the den seemed like a smart move. 

_Not that Finn’s friends are lions, but… nevermind._

“Well, you obviously know what Penny’s like,” Finn said, and Cassidy cut in with a “Yeah, he’s one of a kind” making everyone in the car laugh.

“Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

“Then there’s Jinx, who I mentioned before.”

“Penny’s boyfriend, right?”

“That’s the one. He’s not quite as, uh…” Finn trailed off, and Cassidy interjected again with “He’s not as fucking crazy.” Finn nodded before continuing. “Yeah, that. He’s more mellow; has his moments, but he’s a pretty chill dude.”

Sean nodded, storing all the names and information in the back of his head. At least he could go into the night somewhat prepared.

“And Hannah? What’s she like?” Lyla asked. Sean’s ears perked up; that was a new name. Finn laughed and Cassidy rolled her eyes, only piquing Sean’s curiosity even more.

“Who’s Hannah?” Sean asked.

“Hans is my best friend,” Finn admitted, with a smile that Sean had only ever seen when they were alone. His facial expression alone said enough; he loved Hannah to death.

“You never mentioned her,” Sean said without thinking, and then Cassidy groaned, interrupting Sean’s train of thought. “What’s up with her?” Finn looked back for a second to see the frown on Cassidy’s face as Lyla pressed for information about Hannah. He snorted before turning to face the road again.

“Cass and Hannah have a, uh, complicated relationship.”

“Complicated?” Cassidy scoffed. 

“You heard me. See, the two of ‘em love to start shit with each other,” Finn said, and Cassidy practically glared daggers at the back of Finn’s head. 

“I do not start shit with her, alright? If anythin’, she starts shit with me.”

“And how does she do that?”

“You know how, Finn.”

“If I did know, would I be askin’?”

“She just – _ugh_ – Grinds my gears sometimes. I can’t help it,” Cassidy said, and then Lyla sighed. When everyone looked at her, Sean noticed how she was staring at Cassidy, with a look of awe in her eyes.

“That’s so hot,” she whispered, clearly lost in her own world, and Cassidy snickered before pulling her closer. _Of course Lyla would find Cassidy’s anger hot._

“Y’all could jus’ get along, y’know?” Finn suggested.

“I try, alright? I love her, but you can’t blame me for gettin’ riled up when she acts the way she does sometimes.”

“I’m so fucking lost,” Sean admitted, and Lyla murmured an agreement. 

“You’ll see what I mean, trust me,” Cassidy said. Finn sighed, shaking his head lightly, but said nothing more on the matter. The rest of the car ride went smoothly, with the topic of Hannah being left behind.

Admittedly, Sean didn’t fully focus much after that. Instead, he used the time to mentally prepare for the night ahead.

_How bad could it be?_

**********

The minute they stepped through the door, a boy who Sean quickly realized was Penny was on them.

“Yo, you must be Sean,” Penny said, slinging his arm around him, then looking at Lyla. “Lyla, right?” he asked, and she nodded. Then he was pulling her under his other arm and leading them through the house, decidedly ignoring Cassidy and Finn and leaving them both standing at the threshold. Actually, he wasn’t so much leading them, as he was leaning on them. Still, he was cool. Friendly, and welcoming, and exactly what Sean expected.

He also took it upon himself to introduce both Sean and Lyla to the rest of the group.

There was Jacob, who was sitting on the couch holding a red solo cup and waving politely at them. They had long, shaggy hair and a shaved face. Then there was Jinx who greeted them casually from the kitchen, warning Penny not to scare off the newbies. He had dark skin and black hair, dyed pink at the ends and shaved at the sides. 

There was another boy, sitting next to Jacob with his arm around them, presumably their boyfriend. He was pale, and he had freckles, and his blond hair was tied into a bun. He also looked quite tall, even sitting down. Sean learned that his name was Anthony, and the boy raised his own cup in a greeting before whispering something to Jacob.

“Hannah’s in the bathroom, probably takin’ a dump,” Penny said, leading them over to the couch. Sean nearly choked at his bold statement made in such a casual manner but did his best to hide it. He really should have expected that though, after spending so much time with both Finn and Cassidy.

“Uh, is this your parents' place?” Sean asked, looking around at the house; or at least, the parts that he could see from his seat. That meant the living room, the kitchen, and the hallway.

“Hell no! I moved out a long time ago. Me and Jinx been stayin’ here with Hannah,” Penny explained, before patting them both on the leg and heading to the kitchen to get them each a drink. Finn and Cassidy finally entered the living room then. Finn offered Sean a smile and said that he’d be right back, before moving to greet everyone. Cassidy made a beeline for the couch, taking a seat next to Lyla before saying something to her that Sean couldn’t hear. He turned his attention away from them and toward the rest of the group. What better time to mingle, right?

Sean considered his options.

Finn was in the kitchen, in the middle of what appeared to be some kind of poorly executed wrestling match with Penny. It was really just the two of them jumping around and occasionally pushing against each other and laughing. Jinx was behind them, either cheering them on or acting as a referee… Sean couldn’t tell, but it looked like fun. Oddly enough, the display was not entirely surprising to him.

Then, a little bit away from him on the couch were Jacob and Anthony. They were just talking. That seemed a lot easier to involve himself in, without potentially getting caught in the middle of… whatever the fuck was going on in the kitchen.

There was a single seat open between him and Jacob. In a moment of boldness, fuelled by the determination to involve himself more in Finn’s world, he shifted over into that seat, closing the gap between them before clearing his throat awkwardly. It was maybe not the smoothest way to do it, but Sean didn’t have any better moves. If he spent any more time thinking about how to do it, he’d end up never getting to actually doing it.

When Jacob and Anthony turned to look at him, he forced himself to swallow his fear before just going for it.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Uh, Sean, right?” Jacob asked quietly. Their voice was soft and gentle, and they were pretty much exactly what Sean pictured when Finn told him about them.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Nice to meet you, man. Finn never brings anyone to meet us, so it’s cool to finally meet _someone_.” 

And yeah, that made Sean feel marginally better. He knew that Finn had dated and had sexual experiences in the past, though he was not sure exactly how much experience the older boy had, but at least he felt… _special_ , now. This seemed like new territory for Finn, at the very least. 

He was ridiculously happy about that tiny detail and forced back a smile. 

“Also, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Penny might be on the verge of murdering your boyfriend,” Anthony joked, pointing to the kitchen. Sure enough, Penny was on the ground, on top of Finn, who was trying and failing to get up. Sean let out a laugh, completely forgetting to correct Anthony on his use of the term ‘boyfriend.’ 

He _really_ liked how it sounded. What was the harm in that?

“Fucking hell, not this again. If you break anything, you’re paying for it.”

Sean whipped his head around at the sound of a female voice, loud enough to be heard over the music that was playing. By process of elimination, he knew that that had to be Hannah, and when he finally laid eyes on her… Well, let’s just say that he now understood what it truly felt like to be completely and utterly intimidated by someone.

He didn’t understand why, at first. There was just a feeling that stirred in his gut as he studied her, raking his eyes over her features. She was terrifyingly beautiful, and she had this fierce presence that seemed to draw everyone’s attention to her automatically. Well, everyone’s except Finn and Penny who were still squirming on the floor, trying to do… something.

_Wait… Wasn’t Penny supposed to get us drinks?_

_Guess he forgot._

Sean snorted at the thought of Penny getting completely and utterly side-tracked by Finn since he already knew that the boy had the attention span of a goldfish. 

_Cassidy’s words, not mine._

“Sean and Lyla, right?” Hannah asked, grabbing Sean’s attention again. She was standing across the room, eyeing them both curiously. Sean felt a little insecure, feeling a little like he was under scrutiny when she looked at him like _that._ He gulped and nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, and you’re Hannah?” Lyla asked, sounding a lot more confident than Sean felt. _No fucking surprise there._ He truly had no idea why the mere presence of Hannah made him feel uneasy, but that was unfortunately what he had to deal with.

Hannah only nodded in response, before walking over to the kitchen. Sean couldn’t help but think: What a warm introduction. He was quickly beginning to realize what Cassidy had meant earlier.

“Don’t worry too much about her,” Jacob said quietly, as Sean watched Hannah yank Finn and Penny up and off the ground with little to no effort. She smacked both of them on the back of the head before smirking and pulling Finn in for a hug. 

“Huh?” Sean asked absent-mindedly, an odd feeling clawing at his chest as he watched Hannah’s arm linger casually around Finn’s waist as the four of them talked in the kitchen.

“Hannah. She’s not as bad as she might seem. Just takes a while to warm up,” they explained. Sean tore his eyes away from Hannah and Finn to look over at Jacob.

Anthony leaned forward to look past Jacob at Sean before nodding. “Yeah, Hannah’s a real _warm and fuzzy person_ ,” he said, voice dripping in sarcasm. There was no bite there though; just good-natured teasing.

“So she’s just… like this with new people?” Sean asked.

“Yup. Took her a couple of weeks to get used to me, when Jacob first introduced us,” Anthony said, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. Both he and Jacob had very comforting presences. Jacob’s eyes were a rich shade of brown, while Anthony’s were a piercing green. Somehow, both of their eyes on him only calmed Sean down, making him feel at ease instantly.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.” Sean looked back at the group in the kitchen. “They seem close,” he said, without actually meaning to. He’d already known that they were best friends, but hearing it and seeing it for himself somehow felt really different. They looked perfectly comfortable together. The words sort of slipped out without him thinking and his face warmed as he realized his mistake.

Jacob turned to follow Sean’s gaze before their eyes widened in realization. “Hannah and Finn?” they asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, they are… Known each other for years, and they’ve been best friends for as long as I’ve known them. Pretty sure they know everything about each other at this point.”

“Oh.”

Admittedly, Sean found it a little odd that Finn had never mentioned Hannah before. He’d felt this way in the car, but he’d been interrupted and forgotten all about it. However, watching them interact with such ease made the feeling come back with a vengeance. She was clearly important to him, and yet, she’d never come up. Sean was a bit confused since it was expected that you’d at least mention your best friend to the guy that you were seeing at least once in nearly two months. 

_Am I crazy to think that?_

_I don’t think I am._

After all, Sean had mentioned both Ellery and Eric the very first time that he’d had a proper conversation with Finn.

_Fuck._

_Stop overthinking._

“Yo, how long do y’all think it’s gonna take ‘fore Penny crashes?” Cassidy asked with a snort, shifting closer to them along with Lyla.

“Fuck, not long at all,” Anthony said, looking at Penny who was now stumbling toward Lyla and Sean with drinks in hand. He handed them over, spilling slightly on the floor, before shrugging and planting himself in the armchair across from Sean. He pulled a joint out of his pocket before taking a puff, and letting his head fall back, eyes closed.

Cassidy and Anthony tried to muffle their laughter, while Lyla snickered and Jacob shook their head. However, Sean was ashamed to admit that he was still caught up in the torturous process of watching Hannah and Finn talk. He said something, and then she punched him on the arm. He winced, rubbing his arm before they both laughed.

He took a huge gulp of beer. He desperately needed it, and he didn’t even know why. None of what he was feeling made any sense. He didn’t know why the whole thing bothered him so much. There was just this feeling in his chest that he couldn’t ignore, as he watched the two of them together.

_I’m not… jealous, am I?_

_No, I have no reason to be jealous._

_I trust Finn._

And he did trust Finn, wholeheartedly. But he didn’t have a chance to think more about what he was actually feeling, because then Finn, Hannah, and Jinx were back in the living room. 

Sean forced his sudden – and incredibly confusing – wave of insecurity down with another swig of his drink, returning the smile that Finn gave him as he found a seat on his lap. Jinx had also made himself comfortable on Penny’s lap; the latter’s eyes fluttering open at that before smiling and letting his arms find a place around his boyfriend. Hannah sat down next to Cassidy, and was looking at Sean again, as though she were looking for answers to questions; he was almost certain that he didn’t have any of the answers.

“What are we talkin’ about?” Finn asked, pressing a kiss to Sean’s cheek, which, as usual, spread a familiar warmth through his veins. It did nothing to clear his head though, but there was nothing to be done about that.

“How trashed Penny is.” Anthony snorted, and Penny seemed to instantly wake up at that.

“I’m not that messed up… Y’all just ain’t drunk enough,” he challenged, and Anthony shrugged in response.

This was okay. This was _good_.

As long as Sean didn’t try to analyze his feelings, and simply focused on the group, he’d be fine. He could deal with everything else after tonight. There was no point in getting himself all worked up over possibly nothing at all and ruining the night for everyone else. 

“Do you guys go to school with us?” Lyla asked, and Sean realized that he’d been so deep in thought he’d missed a whole chunk of the conversation. He’d also apparently missed Finn slipping his arm behind his head, now running his hand through Sean’s hair absent-mindedly.

“Nah, Penny and I graduated last year,” Jinx answered, and Penny nodded in agreement. Anthony went on to say that both he and Jacob graduated the year before Penny and Jinx.

“What about you?” Sean asked, looking over at Hannah. Maybe if he talked to her, she’d warm up to him more quickly.

“Dropped out a couple years ago. Would have graduated with Jacob and Anthony.”

She was just as cold as before… Well, not cold. Just, not warm either. It was a little disappointing, honestly. Sean wanted her to like him. Maybe he even _needed_ her to like him. He didn’t fully understand why he felt so desperate for her approval, but he was helpless to try and figure it out. Maybe that was just the effect she had on people.

“So, what do you guys do, if you’re not students?” Lyla asked, following Sean’s lead and making conversation. Sean had no doubt that his best friend was curious about Hannah, given the conversation they’d had in the car about her.

“These two like to fuck around most of the time – “

“Hey!”

“Rude.”

“And I work in a tattoo shop,” Hannah finished, ignoring both Penny and Jinx’s cries of protest.

“A tattoo shop?” Lyla asked, leaning forward excitedly. Hannah seemed unphased, nodding silently, face blank. “Holy shit, that’s so cool!”

“I guess it is, yeah.”

“And she’s great at it. You should see her designs,” Jacob said, smiling at Hannah who, surprisingly enough, smiled right back. Sean tried not to show his surprise at the expression on her face which was softer than he’d imagined her to be capable of.

“I’d love to see them, actually,” Sean said, using every drop of confidence that he possessed. He could feel eyes on him, but he kept his gaze on Hannah. Other than the moment where she’d smiled at Jacob, her face had remained relatively impassive. But at that moment she actually looked surprised and, dare he say it, _impressed_.

“Really?” she asked, and he nodded. She stared at him for a second, before gesturing toward Finn. “Consider that a sneak peek at my portfolio.” Sean put the pieces together fairly quickly.

“You did Finn’s tattoos?”

“Most of them.”

“Y’know, now that I think about it… S’about time I get a new one,” Finn said thoughtfully, tapping his finger on his chin. Penny cheered, but Hannah didn’t share the same enthusiasm.

“No way. I’ve done like ten of yours already.”

“But you love me.”

“And you bug me."

Sean could hear Jacob and Anthony snickering next to him as they watched the entire exchange. He couldn’t blame them for finding it amusing. It was a little bit like what he imagined his and Lyla’s interactions to look like to outsiders.

“C’mon, you know you want to. It’s been a while,” Finn said with a pout.

“You were there yesterday.”

_Wait, yesterday?_

“Not for a tattoo though.”

_Was that where he went when he ditched?_

“Exactly. You came to bug me.”

_He didn’t exactly seem in the mood for people yesterday when he left._

“I came to show my love and support.”

_He was in a better mood after school though…_

“Sure you did. By distracting me from my job.”

_Oh…_

The conversation probably continued like that for a while, before likely moving on to other topics. Sean couldn’t say for sure though, because he’d admittedly zoned out after that. He downed the rest of his drink, feeling the sudden urge to get another. The feeling from earlier was back, and this time, it was worse. But this time, he also knew why he felt the way that he did…

But it was not the time to think about that.

Sean didn't want to spend his night feeling like this, so he came up with a plan: Keep the alcohol and weed flowing, and fake it till you make it.

It worked out well enough. Most of the night passed by smoothly without any hiccups. Sean made conversation and did his best to have a good time. Aside from Hannah, who bordered on stand-offish for most of the time, Sean actually got along well with Finn’s friends.

Cassidy and Hannah bickered at one point, over something really insignificant that Sean had already forgotten about, but they made up pretty quickly. Finn had definitely been right about their relationship being complicated.

At one point, Sean was in the kitchen grabbing drinks for him and Lyla. While he was in there, he couldn’t help but look at Finn. The older boy looked… really good. And not just in terms of his outfit, or his make-up. He looked at home with these people, and he looked genuinely happy to be around them. Despite everything that was going on, and everything that Sean was worried about, that was still something that brought a smile to his face.

Their eyes met across the room, and Finn winked at him before continuing with whatever he’d been saying to Anthony. Sean flushed and dropped his head, focusing on pouring the drinks. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he barely noticed Penny and Jinx enter the kitchen.

“Shit,” Jinx whispered, and Sean looked over at them. He saw Penny at Jinx’s side, looking concerned, and his own concern grew.

“What’s wrong?” Penny asked.

“Just my binder… Been wearing it too long.”

Sean turned away, ready to grab his drinks and leave the kitchen. This felt like a private moment, and he didn’t want to intrude.

“You wanna take it off?” Penny asked, and Sean didn’t hear Jinx’s response. However, when he turned to the door with drinks in hand, ready to leave, he caught a glimpse of the boy disappearing down the hall with a hoodie in his hand.

“Is he okay?” Sean asked, turning back to Penny and setting his drinks down.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy or anything.”

“It’s cool, Sean.”

“Are you sure? Because I really don’t want you to think that I was trying to listen in or something.”

“Of course, man. We’re pretty open here. No secrets. Just trust. And you're one of us now,” Penny said, patting him on the shoulder before leaning against the counter. This was probably the most serious that Sean had seen him all night. It was interesting to see since Sean only knew Penny to be a goofball that was obsessed with conspiracy theories.

Still, his words set something off in Sean.

_We’re pretty open here. No secrets. Just trust._

He felt a pang of jealousy, and once again, swallowed it down under a layer of beer. 

“You good?” Penny asked, and Sean could only nod, before looking over at the rest of the group again. Finn was laughing at something that Hannah said.

All that Sean could think about was how much he wished that he and Finn could have what the group had. Sean had laid all his cards on the table, and he was waiting… _hoping_ for Finn to eventually do the same. Meeting his friends and seeing the level of trust that they had with each other only served to reaffirm what Sean was feeling. And he couldn’t say anything. All he could do was keep his mouth shut.

He let himself focus on the party, and the group, and refused to let himself think about anything beyond it. He focused on Jinx re-entering the room in Penny’s hoodie, rubbing his eyes and climbing on top of Penny again. They looked really happy together, and it warmed Sean’s heart despite everything. He focused on Lyla and Cassidy cuddled up on the couch. He focused on his conversation with Jacob and Anthony, who were both really cool and easy to talk to. He focused on Finn’s smile and Finn’s eyes and Finn’s presence. In spite of everything, Sean was still happy to be here, with Finn.

But the more that he drank, and the longer he waited… the harder it was to be okay with everything. 

_I have to be okay with it._

He wasn’t okay with it. 

And he needed another drink.

**********

Finn dropped Lyla and Cassidy off at his place first – as usual. Lyla had told her mom that she was staying over at Sean’s to work on a school project, which was absolutely not true. It was, however, the only way she could manage to get out of her house.

Sean was admittedly far drunker than he’d planned on getting. He’d hoped that the alcohol would help him cope with his feelings. In hindsight, that was a pretty dumb plan. However, Sean only truly realized how dumb it was when they pulled up outside his house. 

With no music, laughter, alcohol, or weed... he was left with nothing but empty space. That meant he had plenty of room for overthinking, which was always a shit show.

“You have a good time tonight, sweetie?”

“Mm-hm.”

“What’s that?”

“Yeah, I did. Thanks for letting me come…”

He did have a good time… At least, he did when he wasn’t busy thinking about everything that was not okay. 

“Your friends are cool,” Sean added. They really were cool. Jacob had even asked to get Sean’s number, so they could stay in touch and hang out sometime.

“They are, indeed.”

Sean hummed, sinking back into the car seat. He knew that he needed to get up and get out of the car, but something was holding him back.

“You need me to carry you inside or somethin’?”

“I’m not _that_ drunk.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Finn teased. Sean didn’t laugh. He suddenly didn’t feel like laughing. 

“Sweetie?”

“Hm?”

“You okay?” Finn asked curiously.

“Yeah, why?”

“’Cause you been sittin’ there all quiet and shit for a whole minute.”

“Oh,” Sean said numbly. He was finding it hard to process or think of anything beyond the many thoughts racing through his mind.

“What’s going on?”

Sean was back on that terrifyingly fine line; that line between patience and losing his mind. He was trying his best but he was slowly losing his balance.

“Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that,” Finn said, and Sean fought the urge to scoff.

After all, Sean didn’t believe it when Finn said he was okay either.

“I’m just tired.”

Much like Sean was ‘just nervous’ earlier tonight. He was tired; tired of the way things were starting to go.

“Sean, come on,” Finn said, leaning over to take Sean’s hand. “ _Talk to me_.”

Those words were what finally pushed Sean over the edge.

_“Why don’t you?”_

“What?”

“Why don’t you talk to me?”

“Sweetie…”

“The other day, you weren’t okay. I know you weren’t okay. You didn’t want to talk about it, so I dropped it. Whenever something’s wrong, you don’t want to talk to me about it.”

“Sweetie, just – “

“And I accepted it. I tried to be okay with it, and I didn’t push you. But you were obviously upset. And then you ditch school, and go and see _Hannah_ , and suddenly you’re okay again?”

Finn said nothing, simply staring at Sean with wide eyes. As a side effect of the amount of alcohol he’d consumed, he was unable to stop; it was coming out of him like word vomit.

“I mean, it’s okay to ditch school to see your friends. I don’t care about that. But you didn’t even tell me about her when she’s clearly important to you. Why is that?”

“Look, sweetie, Hans and I aren’t hooking up or anything if that’s what you think.”

_What?_

Oddly enough, that thought had not even crossed his mind. Not even for a second.

“I know that, Finn.”

“Then can’t you just _trust me_?”

“That’s not – _fuck_ – I’m not worried about that. It’s not even about her. I trust you, but you barely even told me anything about your friends before tonight. You don’t talk to me when something’s bothering you. You don’t… Jesus, Finn, it’s _you_ that doesn’t seem to trust me.”

“I do… I trust you, sweetheart.”

“You don’t act like it. Is there… Is it something that I’m doing? Or something that I’m not doing? What can I do?”

“It’s not your fault; not at all. It’s got nothin’ to do with you, I swear,” Finn said, and Sean believed him, but that only made him even more confused.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“We shouldn’t talk about this, right now. Not like this.”

“And if we don’t? If I come back to you about this tomorrow when I'm sober, what happens? Will you talk about it then?”

Finn’s silence spoke volumes.

“See?” Sean said.

“You’re drunk, sweetie. This really isn’t the time.” Finn’s voice was strained.

“Dude, I’m not that drunk,” Sean said firmly. He was drunk, but not so drunk that he wasn’t aware of himself or what he was saying. He was fully in control of what he was saying now. He wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but he couldn’t. This was all him. All that the alcohol did was allow him to finally have enough courage – or maybe stupidity – to say what was on his mind. “I’m going crazy trying to help you because I care about you.”

“I care about you too. You know I do. I jus’… I don’t know what you want me to do, Sean.”

“I want you to talk to me. _Fuck_ , even if you’re not ready for that yet, at least meet me halfway. We don’t have to talk about things _right now_ , but in general, just… If you’re not okay, then say that you’re not okay, and let me be there for you. I want to be there for you. I want to at least be _one of the people_ that you go to when you’re upset.”

For a moment, Sean felt relief. Complete and utter relief. Every thought and fear that plagued him for weeks was out in the open now. He felt exhilarated. He’d been honest, and he’d told Finn what he wanted. That was all that he could do. Maybe now, things would change. Maybe after tonight, they could sit down and just – 

“I can’t, Sean.”

Disappointment replaced relief, and deflation replaced exhilaration.

“Can’t, or _won’t_?” Sean asked.

Finn said nothing, and Sean tried to ignore the growing feelings of frustration, but it was getting harder and harder to do so.

“Finn, please…”

“Goddamnit, Sean! Why can’t you just drop this?”

“Because I can’t keep going on like everything is okay when I’m constantly torn between feeling hurt that you keep shutting me out and feeling guilty for wanting you to let me in!”

Finn sighed, dropping his head onto the steering wheel. “I _want_ to let you in, Sean.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“I already told you, I can’t.”

“Why not?!” Sean asked, unable to pull back the anger and desperation that was seeping into his voice.

“Because, Sean, I can’t let you become another fucking crutch for me!” Finn said, voice louder than Sean had ever heard. He turned away and looked out the window, and Sean desperately wished that he would look at him.

“What are you talking about?”

“You mean too much to me,” Finn said quietly.

“I don’t understand,” Sean said, feeling more lost than anything else now.

“The minute I… If I tell you, I’m scared that I – _shit_. I’ve made a habit of relying too much on people. I can’t let that happen with us; _with you_.”

“But you won’t. I want you to rely on me. We can rely on each other; _support each other._ It goes both ways. We’ll still be us. We’ll still have everything that we have right now.”

“No.”

The alcohol was beginning to fade out of Sean’s system, but he was too far gone to stop himself now. He’d gotten too deep into this hole, and he couldn’t climb out. The words were practically clawing their way out of him at that point.

“Look, I don’t like to talk about my mom either. It _hurts_ to talk about her, but it also helps. I felt good talking to you about it, because I liked feeling closer to you, and I… I liked that I felt comfortable enough to be open with you. I want the same for you, Finn,” Sean said, turning completely in his seat and placing his hand on Finn’s thigh. 

The older boy looked down at his hand, before exhaling shakily and clenching his eyes shut. “It’s not the same, sweetheart.”

“Maybe not. But it comes down to the same thing. And maybe someday we can talk about your past, and you can lean on me too. You’ve done nothing but support me, and I want to do the same. Can’t we at least try that?”

“You don’t understand.”

“I know I don’t… So help me to understand, please,” Sean tried, reaching to grab Finn’s hand again but the older boy pulled it away.

The few moments of silence between them were painful. They were nearly torturous enough to send Sean running into his house, and hiding from this moment forever, but he couldn’t.

“Do you think that I’ll look at you differently, or something?”

“I don’t… I don’t know, sweetie. Maybe,” Finn admitted, his voice sounding shaky and fragile.

“Well, I won’t.”

“You can’t say that for sure.”

“I can. You mean a lot to me, Finn. I care about you, so fucking much. I just… I need us to be able to move forward. We can’t do that if you don’t…” Sean trailed off, before taking a deep breath. His pause made Finn look up at him, and when they made eye contact, Sean froze. Those eyes had captured him before, but this was different. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“And you won’t, alright? We don’t have to talk about the past; it don’t matter. What’s done is done.”

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t change shit. My past is…” Finn trailed off.

“Your past is a part of you, Finn. Just like mine is a part of me. It doesn’t define us, but it sure as hell plays a part in who we are.”

Finn didn’t say anything.

“Please, Finn… I can’t keep doing this. Every time something happens, you put this wall up. I can’t keep on knocking my head trying to get to you.”

“What are you sayin’, Sean?”

“Nothing. I’m not – I just – _fuck_ , I don’t know.”

Finn was quiet again, and the silence was beginning to get too much for Sean. The older boy shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. Then he sighed and looked up at the roof of the car, breathing heavily. Seeing him like this made Sean’s heart ache, and he was about to back off and say that they could forget the whole thing when something seemed to flip.

“Fuckin’…” Finn sighed, before lifting his head and looking directly into Sean’s eyes. They were red and wet with tears. “My brother is – “ 

He paused, before taking a deep breath.

“My brother is dead, Sean.”

_Oh, God…_

“My brother’s dead, and my dad... He's in jail.”

Sean was stunned into silence, and all traces of alcohol seemed to flood out of his system. A tear streamed down Finn’s cheek, and feelings of guilt began to eat away at Sean. He couldn’t find the words. What words could possibly be enough in this situation?

“Finn,” Sean said, reaching out to do something. Maybe to take Finn’s hand, or rest his hand on Finn’s leg, _or literally anything else_. Anything instead of just sitting there quietly. But Finn jerked away from him, and Sean pulled his hand back reluctantly.

“Is that what you wanna hear, Sean?” Finn asked pointedly, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. Those feelings of guilt were bubbling up in him, and he wanted nothing more than to turn back time and go back to the start of this conversation so that he could stop himself from pushing Finn to the point where he… where he was hurt.

Sean never meant to do this.

“I’m so – “

“Sorry? Yeah, everyone was real fuckin’ sorry. ‘Sorry, Finn, that your life’s so fucked up,’” Finn scoffed, looking away from Sean and staring straight ahead.

“That’s not – “

“I can’t do this. Fuck, I jus’ can’t.” His hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly, and he was as rigid now as he’d been on Saturday.

“Shit, can we just – “

“No, I jus’… I gotta go. I’m sorry, I really can’t fuckin’ do this.”

“Just – “

“Please, Sean… _Please_.” 

More tears were falling down his face, and he looked utterly defeated. He sounded tired, and he looked… broken. Sean couldn’t help but feel like this was his fault. He did this. He pushed and he pushed and he kept on fucking pushing and now Finn couldn’t even look at him.

“I-I’m sorry, Finn. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. I never meant for things to go this way; I swear."

Finn said nothing. Not wanting to do any more damage, Sean turned to open the car door. He chanced one more look at Finn who was still staring straight ahead. “I really am sorry. I didn’t want to push you like this… Please believe that.”

Finn still didn’t say a word, but he nodded slowly, lifting his hand to wipe more tears away. It wasn’t convincing enough, but Sean couldn’t blame him. He felt entirely responsible for the look on Finn’s face. He’d pushed, and now it was time for him to stop. Sean owed Finn that much. Finn needed space, and giving him that much was the least that he could do.

Sean had barely closed the car door behind him when Finn drove off, leaving Sean standing in the dark with nothing else to do except watch him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.  
> I definitely teared up while writing most of the last section of the story. I feel really bad for Finn (my precious baby), but I'm also excited to get into his backstory more now. I hope you all are too.
> 
> I also hope that you all liked this chapter, and are keen to be along for the rest of the journey!  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Brief Homophobia.
> 
> We're embracing the angst now, baby.

Sean decided to take the bus the next day, for the first time in weeks. For the duration of the ride to school, Sean had his earphones in, music playing to drown out the sound around him. Everyone on the bus seemed to be buzzing with energy so Sean had no doubt that something exciting had happened. He didn’t care though; the latest school gossip was practically the last thing on his mind.

He’d successfully managed to avoid both his brother and father that morning, merely heading out without breakfast and calling out to alert them that he was leaving. After what had happened the night before, he was in no mood to face his father again. Sean tried to recall the conversation that he and his father had when he got home. He wanted to believe that maybe it wasn’t quite as bad as he remembered. 

_“You’re late, mijo.”_

_“Yeah, sorry… Got caught up.”_

_“I told you to be back by eleven.”_

_“It’s not that late.”_

_“That’s not the point, Sean.”_

_“Then what is the point, Dad?”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“What is the point? I’m here now, aren’t I?”_

_“Are you drunk?”_

_“How is that – “_

_“Answer my question.”_

_“Okay, yes, I’m a little drunk. But I’m fine.”_

_“Please tell me that Finn – “_

_“No, Dad. Finn didn’t drink, okay?!”_

_“Don’t raise your voice to me.”_

_“I’m not – “_

_“Yes, you are.”_

_“Whatever.”_

_“What is wrong with you? Did something happen?”_

_“No.”_

_“Sean – “_

_“Nothing happened. Just drop it.”_

_“Ay dios mio. Go to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”_

_“But – “_

_“End of discussion, Sean. Now go. To. Bed.”_

_Fuck…_ Nope. It was just as bad. Maybe even worse… He was definitely going to do his best to avoid what he was sure would be a lovely conversation. Sean felt bad for acting the way he had toward his dad, but he doubted that would be enough to save him from whatever consequences awaited him. All he could do was prolong the inevitable.

When he got to his locker, Lyla and Cassidy were waiting for him. No surprise there. And no way to avoid it either.

“Dude, what the hell happened last night?” Lyla asked as soon as Sean got close enough to hear them. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. There was a part of him that knew that playing dumb wouldn’t do anything but frustrate Lyla, but the other part of him hoped for a miracle as he opened his locker and started grabbing his books.

“What do I mean? Seriously?”

“Lyla – “

“Sean, look, Finn was a mess when he came home last night. We know somethin’ went down, so don’t try to deny it,” Cassidy said, cutting him off firmly. The guilt that had begun to stir within Sean last night was back all over again.

“He… he was?”

Both girls nodded, and Sean sighed before burying his head in his locker. Maybe if he stayed like that long enough, the locker would get with the program and swallow him whole.

“Talk to us, dude. Maybe we can help,” Lyla offered, and those words only made Sean feel even worse than he already did.

“I don’t want to put you guys in the middle. I just… I think I really fucked up,” he admitted, pulling his head back out reluctantly.

“It can’t be that bad,” Cassidy said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Trust me, guys. I just… He couldn’t … He didn’t even look at me.”

“I’m sure that – “

“No, I’m serious. I pushed him, and I think I went too far, and now I don’t know what to do. I thought that maybe I was doing the right thing, but… you should have seen his face. I wish I could just take it all back…”

Cassidy sighed. Lyla was quiet, but she was looking at Sean with sympathy in her eyes. He tried to offer them both a smile, but it was a feeble attempt, and probably came out as more of a grimace than anything else.

Then he looked around. He hoped that maybe he could spot Finn somewhere in the crowded hallway. Not to talk… Just to see him, and try to gauge how bad the damage was. However, Finn was nowhere to be found.

“Guess he’s probably going to avoid me too.”

The girls looked at each other before looking back at Sean, wearing matching sympathetic expressions. “He’s probably just takin’ some time, Sean. I dunno what went down, but you guys will be fine, alright? Don’t beat yourself up ‘bout it too much.” Cassidy was trying her best, that much was clear, and Sean nodded in response. 

“Just, try not to think about it,” Lyla suggested, and Sean nodded again.

_Don’t beat yourself up._

_Try not to think about it._

_Sounds… really fucking hard._

And it was hard. Incredibly hard. Not thinking about it was arguably one of the hardest things to do, when Sean couldn’t find one thing to focus on that didn’t remind him of Finn. 

At lunch, Sean hung out with Eric, Ellery, and Lyla. He felt a bit guilty that Lyla and Cassidy had to feel torn between being with him and being with Finn, but Lyla insisted that it was okay. Ellery offered everyone strawberries and all Sean could think about was how Finn would have probably finished the entire carton in under a minute. During art class, the teacher discussed the significance of drawing inspiration from real life and from the people you meet and the things you see; that only made Sean remember the night he’d sat down and drawn a picture of Finn without thinking about it. 

Every single thing that happened around him seemed to somehow remind him of Finn. The most random and insignificant things were suddenly painful reminders of what had transpired in the car last night. Sean wished for nothing more than to have Finn around, laughing, and teasing him to the point where he nearly collapsed. Sean wanted him around.

All he wanted was to see Finn. They didn’t even need to talk. Sean just… _needed_ to see him.

And he’d begun to lose all hope of that happening until it went ahead and happened when he was least expecting it. On his way to Math, Sean spotted the familiar sight of dreadlocks amid all the other heads of hair. His heart clenched at the sight. Thank God for Finn’s ability to stand out in a crowd, because Sean would have completely missed him otherwise.

At first, Finn didn’t see him. A lot was going on around them, and many people walking between them. Sean didn’t blame him, and he was almost ready to walk away without saying; he felt bad enough after pushing Finn last night, and he also figured that Finn needed some space. However, all thoughts of walking away faded away when their eyes met. It was like being struck by lightning all over again.

For a brief second, they were back at the Halloween party. For a single moment, they were strangers who were linked by nothing other than a few seconds of eye contact. Sean almost smiled at the memory of that night, and how sweet and flirtatious Finn had been; how painfully simple everything had been back then.

He wanted nothing more than to hear Finn call him ‘sweetie’ and flash that wickedly charming smirk that had Sean weak from the very first second. 

But that wasn’t going to happen now. 

Now Finn was just staring at him, seeming almost unsure of how to act. It would have been entertaining, if not for the unfortunate circumstances, seeing Finn this flustered and unsure of himself around Sean. But, under the circumstances, it was just painful. 

It was also just one more pound of a hammer on the nail of guilt being pounded into Sean’s head.

Seeing Finn like that was the one and only driving force in Sean’s split-second decision to look down at his feet and walk away. He needed nothing more than to get out of there before his feelings consumed him. He still had to make it through today, and that was exactly what he was determined to do.

And so, he headed on to Math, trying not to think about Finn, and trying not to acknowledge the tightness in his chest when he failed. He was also decidedly ignoring the curious and worried looks that came from Jenn, all throughout the lesson.

However, it became harder to ignore Jenn after Math when she raced to catch up with him as he rushed out of the classroom.

“Sean!”

“Jenn, hey.”

“Hey… You okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You zoned out in Math… like something was bothering you?” She phrased that last part as more of a question than a sentence. Sean chose to ignore the question. 

“I _always_ zone out in Math. That’s why I needed you to tutor me, remember,” he said, trying his best to make a joke. 

“Well, still, you seem off today. Are you sure you’re okay?” Jenn asked, sidestepping the joke entirely. She hardly even smiled; Sean was almost worried about her now. Even before Math, when he had seen her at lunch, she looked different.

“I’m… fine. I’ll be okay, I swear,” he said, and she nodded slowly.

“Okay…”

“What about you? Are you… okay?”

“I’m… something. I don’t even know,” she admitted, laughing humorlessly.

“What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s Derek.”

“Shit, did that asshole do something to you?” Sean asked, immediately feeling all his previous emotions get replaced by anger. Derek had been pretty much _begging_ to get his teeth kicked in lately, with all the glaring and casual shoving in the hallway, and Sean was just dying to have one more reason to go ahead and do it.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. I just – “ Jenn started to explain, but she was cut off.

“Well, what do we have here?”

_Speak of the devil._

As if there weren’t already enough things going on. The universe just had to throw another spanner in the works. _Thank you, so much, fucking universe._

“Anderson.”

“Diaz. I see you’re already moving in.”

“Huh?”

“Derek, don’t – “ Jenn tried to interject, but Derek cut her off.

“No, no, I see how it is. You fuck things up for me, and then swoop in afterward to play ‘nice guy’ with Jenn,” Derek sneered, stepping up to Sean and forcing him to back up.

_What the fuck?_

“I have no idea what you’re on about, man,” Sean said, looking over at Jenn for help. She seemed to be frozen though, watching Derek with wide eyes. Derek continued moving forward, forcing Sean to back up, right against the lockers.

“It’s cool, no need to act stupid. I am curious though. What happened to your little boyfriend?”

“Uh, I – “ Sean was at a loss for words. He’d really thought this day couldn’t possibly be worse than it already was, but he was proved wrong. 

“Did you try it, and decide that you prefer batting for the right team? Or did you just get tired of dealing with his f –”

“Shut. Up. Do not push me today, Derek. I mean it.” Sean felt another surge of flaming rage. He felt like he was on fire, skin prickling as his fists itched to make contact with Derek.

“Aw, trouble in paradise? Can’t handle the truth? Guess you really should have thought about that before you went ahead and broke up my relationship.”

_Jenn and Derek broke up? Shit… That explains a lot._

“Dude, I didn’t – “

“Everything was fine until you two started talking again. _You_ fucked everything up.” Derek wasn’t letting up, and they were beginning to attract a crowd. 

“Derek, no – “ 

“Quiet, Jenn.”

“I said no!” Jenn yelled, yanking Derek away by the arm and glaring at him. 

“What the fuck?”

“I broke up with you because you’re an asshole! It wasn’t because of Sean; it was because of you. You’re rude, and arrogant, and selfish. _I was unhappy_. That’s why things ended. You’re a jerk!”

Sean was impressed, to say the very least. He was unbelievably proud of Jenn for finally standing up for herself, and taking matters into her own hands. Also, a little scared by how she was strong enough to pull Derek like that… but that was a subject for a different day. Still, he couldn’t help but be proud that she was stepping up and doing something for herself. 

The look on Derek’s face was priceless, and it actually made Sean let out a laugh that he really didn’t mean to let out. It was definitely the wrong move. It shifted the attention back onto him, and when it came to Derek Anderson, that was never a good thing.

“Something funny?”

Sean shook his head, but he could still feel himself smiling. Who could blame him for finding enjoyment in watching Derek get told off? 

“Yeah, you act all tough now but when it comes down to a fight – “

“I’m not going to fight you, Derek.”

“Wha – “

“I’m not going to fight you. It’s not worth it,” Sean said, shaking his head and getting ready to leave, but Derek grabbed him by the hood of his jacket and jerking him back to face him again. Sean braced himself for the impact of what he was sure would be a punch, but it never came.

“That’s enough!” 

Sean turned to see the principal standing with her arms crossed. The rest of the crowd dispersed quickly, leaving Sean alone with Jenn, Derek, and an angry principal. For a moment, getting punched seemed like a much better option.

_Great. Fucking great._

**********

“Shitty fucking day…”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for taking the bus with me.”

“Of course, man… Do you think your dad’s gonna be pissed?” Lyla asked, as they got off the bus and began the walk back to their homes. 

“Lyla, you know he will be. My dad’s cool, but not _that_ cool. And he’s already probably pissed at me after last night.” Sean sighed. He was one hundred percent sure that his dad had been informed of the incident that had occurred earlier, involving a certain homophobe. He was also one hundred percent sure that he’d be unable to avoid his dad once he got home.

_Just perfect. Fuck._

“Well, I mean yeah… But maybe he, uh… doesn’t know?”

“Principal Hayden told us that she’d be calling our parents.”

“Yeah, but he could have missed the call.”

“My dad doesn’t really miss calls, ever…”

“You never know,” Lyla said. Sean could tell that she was trying to be optimistic for his sake, and he appreciated it. However, no amount of positivity could convince Sean otherwise when they walked up to his porch to find his dad already standing at the front door, waiting with his arms crossed.

“I’ll uh… call you later, Sean,” Lyla whispered, before giving him a pat on the shoulder and a reassuring smile. He returned it gratefully. After one cautious glance at Esteban, who greeted her without really taking his eyes off of Sean, Lyla was gone.

_This should be fun._

“Hey, Dad…”

Esteban said nothing, merely stepping aside to allow Sean to enter the house. He did so quietly, and the minute the door closed behind him, it began.

“A fight?! Really, Sean?!”

“It wasn’t a fight,” Sean mumbled.

“Okay, so when the principal called me to say that my son was in a fight at school, she was talking about Daniel? Or do I have another son out there somewhere?”

“I-I didn’t – “

“Didn’t what, Sean? Didn’t get into a fight with someone named Derek? The same Derek that’s dating Jenn?” 

Esteban was fuming, and Sean couldn’t blame him. He had to admit that from his dad’s perspective, the whole thing looked really bad. However, he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, so he was determined to defend himself.

“I didn’t!”

“And you expect me to believe that after I already caught you trying to punch him before?!”

Sean winced at the way his dad’s voice became louder. He hated fighting with Esteban, and he hated feeling the way he did.

“Dad, I swear, I wasn’t going to fight him. He started it!”

“Mijo, come on. It doesn’t matter who started it!”

“But it does! He came up to me, out of the blue, for no _fucking_ reason – “

“Language!” Esteban cut in. Sean kept talking though.

“And pushed me around and tried to blame me for shit that I didn’t do – “

“Watch the language, Sean!”

“And when I told him that I wasn’t going to fight him, he tried to punch me. How is that my fault?!”

At the tail end of it all, Sean was left panting and deflated. Today had been an awful day, and the last thing that he’d wanted was to get caught up in a fight with a guy that he really didn’t give a shit about. Derek Anderson was… irrelevant. But somehow, he’d managed to take Sean’s day from bad to worse. 

Then he noticed Daniel peeking out at them from his bedroom, holding the door open slightly. Their eyes met, and Daniel’s widened before he quickly pulled his head back and closed the door again. Sean shook his head, before waiting quietly for his dad to respond. Esteban looked shocked by his outburst, but he was saying nothing. Sean almost wanted to add an apology for good measure, but then Esteban finally spoke.

“I’m not saying that it’s your fault.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you can’t keep finding yourself in these situations, mijo. I don’t know what’s going on with you today, but whatever it is, that’s no reason to get mixed up in fights with boys at school.”

“I already told you – “

“I know what you told me, but I need you to hear me as well.”

“I-I do hear you, Dad.”

“Good. Now, did you or did you not try to punch, kick, or perform any other violent acts toward a boy at school today?”

Sean decided that cooperating and answering the question was easier for everyone. “I didn’t,” he said calmly.

“You promise?”

“I promise. I wasn’t going to fight him. It’s like I said: He came up to me, and I –”

“I know, I know. I understand. I just… I’m worried.”

There was a distinctive shift in tone; both in Esteban’s voice and in the overall conversation. The switch-up rendered Sean speechless for a few seconds. He stared at his dad, mouth hanging open slightly. He wanted to ask what his dad was worried about, but Esteban seemed to read the confusion written on his face and answered that question before Sean could even form the words.

“You just seem so… I don’t know. But I _do_ know that something happened last night, Sean.”

“Dad, nothing happened. It’s fine.”

“You can’t lie to me, so don’t even try. You came home, drunk, with an attitude, and you were clearly upset. Now, I don’t care that you drank – I assumed you would. I trust you to be responsible. But your attitude last night was unacceptable,” Esteban said firmly. 

“I was just… I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be so… well, _rude_. That was pretty bad. It was just a, uh… I’m sorry.” Sean was genuinely sorry. He felt awful about the way he’d acted the night before.

“I won’t say that it’s okay because it’s not. And we’ll have to talk about it, at some point. What I want to talk about now though, is what happened at that party.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, you’re going to have to. Otherwise, I’ll have no choice but to talk about your attitude last night. Is that what you want? Because that can definitely be arranged.”

_Shit._

“Dad, please – “

“Talk to me, mijo. Remember, I can’t help if you don’t.”

“I just… messed up, Dad.” Sean didn’t even know what words to use that would properly encompass everything that he felt. How could he possibly explain how completely messed up everything seemed to be now?

“Messed up how?”

“Messed up, with Finn. I think I messed it all up.”

“Is this about… what we talked about?”

Sean could only nod, trying to swallow down past the thick feeling in his throat. He didn’t know if he was going to cry or be sick. 

“Ay, mijo…”

“It’s fine, Dad. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s… _fine_.”

_Everything is definitely not fucking fine._

“Again with the lying. You can’t lie to me. Why do you still try?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, okay?” Sean said, turning away and leaning on the back of the couch with his hands.

Esteban didn’t say anything, and Sean turned his head to see his dad merely quirking his eyebrow.

“What?”

“Isn’t what you’re doing now exactly what you were bothered by? With Finn, I mean.”

“Uh, I don’t… I mean, that’s different. It’s – “

“It’s not different, mijo,” Esteban said simply, and suddenly it sunk in. His dad was right. He was doing exactly what he was upset about with Finn. He looked down at his hands and sighed.

_So, I’m just a big fucking hypocrite._

_Shit._

“Look… I’m not going to make you talk about this now. But listen now, and listen good. We _will_ be talking about this, Sean,” Esteban said, and Sean sighed. His dad ignored his obvious reluctance. “And by ‘this’ I mean all of it; the fight… or not-fight, the attitude, and whatever happened last night. I don’t care if you tell me that everything’s fine. You can tell me that until you’re blue in the face, but we are talking about this. Understood?”

“Yeah… Understood.”

“Good. And in the meantime, no taking any of this crap out on your little brother.”

“I wouldn’t – “

“I mean it, Sean. If I catch wind of you taking your problems with Finn out on Daniel, we’ll have a serious problem. No matter what happened, Daniel is a kid, and he’s your brother. So, for the last time, no fighting.”

“I got it, Dad. No fighting, I swear,” Sean said, standing up straight but still avoiding Esteban’s eyes.

“Alright. Now go to your room, and get some homework done. You’re making dinner tonight, and every other night for the foreseeable future. Think of it as part of your punishment.”

Sean nodded, keeping his mouth shut, and began to walk over to his room, but stopped for a moment. He turned to face his dad, who was watching him curiously. “I’m not… grounded or anything, am I?”

“What do you think you’ve done to deserve to be grounded?” Esteban asked. 

“Well, I don’t know… Last night I was rude to you... And I got into trouble at school today.“

“Yes, both of those things are very true.”

“So then… am I grounded?”

“No, mijo. You’re not grounded.”

“I’m not?” Sean asked.

“Don’t get me wrong, Seanie-boy. You’re not off the hook just yet. You’re in trouble, and you’re going to be making up for it, but you’re not grounded. I know that Christmas break is coming up, which is, _in my experience_ , the worst time to get grounded.”

“Wait, you got grounded over Christmas break? I can’t even imagine you doing anything that would be enough to get you grounded at all… What did you do?”

“As I said, Sean: What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.”

Sean couldn’t help but laugh at that, before remembering that he was still technically in trouble. He stood there awkwardly, unsure of what exactly to do with himself.

Esteban sighed before saying, “I’m sorry that things between you and Finn are all messed up, mijo. I know how much you care about him, and how much he cares about you. But just know that it’s not always as bad as you think it might be.”

“I don’t know, Dad. I think this is pretty bad…”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But you’ll figure it out. Things can always be figured out if it’s right.”

_If it’s right…_

**********

Sean spent the majority of his afternoon making weak attempts at completing his homework. He ended up doing more sitting and staring out the window than anything else, really. It wasn’t that there was anything particularly interesting happening outside; Sean wasn’t actually looking at anything in particular.

He was thinking about the night that he’d looked out his window and found Finn waiting out there for him. Oh, how he wished that he’d look up from his books and see Finn standing there again. Maybe he’d be leaned against his car, smiling sweetly. Or maybe he’d be knocking on the window with a smirk, hoping to be let in.

If given the chance, Sean would let him in without a moment of hesitation.

But Finn wasn’t coming, and Sean had to accept that. It didn’t stop him from holding onto the hope of something that was even more unlikely than him completing his homework. It didn’t stop him from picking up his phone every five minutes to check for a text from Finn, even though there were never any. It also definitely did not stop Sean from wanting to pick up the phone and text Finn himself. 

He didn’t.

Instead, he forced himself to shove his phone into his bottom drawer so that it would be out of sight, and thus, hopefully out of mind. 

Sean had just started to focus on the task at hand when he heard a muffled buzzing noise. After a second of confusion, Sean realized that his phone was ringing. His heart stopped.

He rationalized with himself; told himself that there was a ninety-nine percent chance that it was Lyla calling him. Lyla called him all the time, so what reason did Sean have to assume that it was anyone else calling him. However, when he opened the drawer and grabbed his phone to check the caller ID, he was met with an image that he suddenly didn’t know how to react to.

A picture he’d seen countless times, with that stupid smile that made his heart flutter every single time. Even now, mixed in with the wave of panic, it had the same effect.

Finn was calling him.

Finn was… calling him?

_Holy shit. Finn’s calling me?! Why am I not answering? Stupid, stupid, stupid._

His phone slipped out of his hands – _because why would it not?_ – and he fumbled to catch it. He failed. The phone fell to the floor and rolled under the bed because Sean’s hands were too sweaty from his nerves.

_Shit._

Sean dropped to his knees and shoved his arm under the bed, reaching around mindlessly in search of the phone. As soon as he felt it, he grabbed it tightly and pulled it out. That was when he heard the faint sound of a voice coming through the receiver. He must have accidentally hit the answer button when he was trying to catch it before.

The voice came through again, and Sean took a deep breath before lifting the phone to his ear slowly.

“Hello? Sweetie, are you there?”

_He called me ‘sweetie’ again._

“C’mon, I need to know that you’re okay.” Finn sounded so panicked; so… freaked out. Sean was totally confused. His palms were still sweaty too, and he wiped them off on his jeans.

“Sean?”

_Oh shit. Say something, idiot._

“Finn?”

_You fucking dumbass, of course it’s Finn. You know it’s Finn. Why would you –_

“Shit, what the fuck? I’ve been talkin’ my ass off over here.” 

“Sorry, my phone… fell.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay… I don’t really understand – “ 

“When Lyla called and said that you’d gotten into some fight with that asshole, I was – “

“Wait, Lyla told you about the fight?”

“Yeah, ‘course she did. She called me a few minutes ago; said it was big… You got called into the office?”

“Uh…”

The realization dawned on Sean fairly quickly. Lyla had done this on purpose. If Sean weren’t so completely freaked out, he’d be impressed by her sneakiness. He already knew exactly what she was trying to do.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Finn asked when Sean failed to form a proper response. He felt really bad for Finn, being misled this way, but he had to admit that it was… really nice to hear Finn’s voice again. Still, he deserved the truth.

“Finn – “

“What even happened? I heard about some big fight earlier, but I never thought it’d be about you.”

“It wasn’t a big fight. That’s the thing, actually… Nothing really happened,” Sean admitted, getting up off of his knees which were starting to ache.

“You don’t have to act – “

“No, I’m serious. I mean, yeah, Derek tried to start a fight, but it wasn’t really as bad as Lyla made it seem… He didn’t even get to land a punch. Principal Hayden broke it up before anything happened. I’m fine, really.”

_“Oh.”_

Sean sat down on the edge of the bed, chewing his bottom lip nervously before continuing. 

“Yeah… I’m guessing that Lyla exaggerated because she, uh… hoped you’d get worried and call me.” 

“Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Probably shoulda guessed.”

“Probably. Heh, typical Lyla…”

There was a pause; a gap in the conversation, in which neither of them seemed to know what to say. Sean didn’t know whether to be mad at Lyla for lying and getting him into this awkward situation or grateful for her efforts.

They ended up trying to break the silence at the same time.

“I’m – “ 

“I should – “ 

They both chuckled nervously, and even through the tension, Finn’s laugh made Sean feel a little bit lighter.

“You go first,” Sean said, wanting to hear Finn talk some more.

“I was gonna say that I should probably leave you to whatever you’re doin’. I know you probably gotta go soon, for family time, y’know? I jus’… needed to know that you were okay.”

_“Oh.”_

“Yeah…” Finn cleared his throat, before asking, “What were you gonna say?”

_That hearing your voice again made me happy. That I’m sorry. There’s a lot to say._

“Uh, nothing. It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.” 

“C’mon, Sean…”

Sean flopped back onto the bed with a sigh, wishing that Finn would go back to calling him ‘sweetie’ again. He already missed it.

“I was just gonna say that I’m… glad you called. I, uh, yeah…”

_“Oh.”_

Sean didn’t know what to make of ‘oh.’ He couldn’t even tell if it was good or bad.

“Yeah… stupid, right?”

“S’not stupid,” Finn said, and Sean could swear he heard a small smile in the older boy’s voice. He didn’t want to get his hopes up though.

“It’s a little stupid,” Sean mumbled. “I can’t really… expect much, after last night, you know?”

Then his door was being opened, and Sean sat up to see his little brother standing in the doorway. 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t know you were on the phone… I forgot to knock.” Daniel’s right hand was on the door handle, and his left hand was shoved into his pocket. Usually, when he came in without knocking, he came barrelling in without hesitation, but he wasn’t doing that. Sean didn’t even have it in him to be mad at him for not knocking.

“It’s fine, enano… What is it?”

“Dad told me to come get you,” Daniel said, almost cautiously. 

“Uh, okay… Thanks. I’ll be right there.”

The little boy nodded, before closing the door again. Sean sighed, before remembering that Finn was still on the line.

“Sorry about that. It was – “

“Your brother, I know. Don’t worry. You gotta go, it’s cool.”

“Yeah…”

“Alright. Better get goin’ then, don’t wanna keep the wolves waitin’,” Finn said, clearly about to say goodbye, but Sean wasn’t ready. There was still so much left unsaid between them; so much still unresolved. Sean knew that not everything could be resolved in this one single conversation, but he at least wanted to say one thing.

“Wait.”

“Hm?”

“I… Thank you, for telling me what you told me… last night. I know it was hard for you. I never meant to force you, or for things to go the way they did.”

“I know. Shit jus’ happens, right?”

“Right. And I’m… sorry. About your brother. And your dad. I really just… I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, Sean…”

“No problem.”

There was a moment of silence before Finn sighed.

“I’m sorry too; for leavin’ the way I did,” he said quietly.

“It’s cool.”

“S’not… but thanks.”

“Yeah. So, I guess we’ll talk… some other time?" Sean asked, almost hopefully. He truly had no idea where they stood with each other yet.

“’Course… Later, Sean.”

“Later…”

Once he hung up, Sean let himself fall back onto the bed for a moment. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he blinked them away before they could fall. Things between him and Finn seemed more complicated than ever, now. Of course, knowing that Finn still called to make sure that he was okay did help a little. But not completely. It felt as if they were in some sort of limbo…

There was too much to think about, and Sean didn’t have it in him to do that kind of thinking just yet. Instead, he let himself be distracted by other things. Things like making dinner, and spending time with Daniel. He knew he was on thin ice with Esteban, and he knew that he was incredibly lucky not to be grounded. He didn’t take that lightly, and the least he could do was honor his promise to his father.

And if that meant spending an extraordinary amount of time discussing Minecraft enemies with his brother, then so be it. 

It was still infinitely better than thinking about the state of his love life.

**********

“Dude, no way!”

“Yes way! I beat the Ender Dragon so easily! Faster than you!”

“Uh, no. I’ve seen you play Minecraft. I _watched_ you fight the Ender Dragon.”

“No, you didn’t.” Daniel crossed his arms, trying to act tough. It was hard to take him seriously when he did that because he was just so cute, but Sean tried his best not to laugh.

“Uh, yes, I did. I remember because I spent the entire time trying to duck when you waved your arms around every time you died.”

“Wrong! You weren’t there for that.”

“I was.”

“You were not!”

Sean was quiet for a moment. He considered taking this further, and proving that he was right. After all, he was. He distinctly remembered being there when Daniel beat the Ender Dragon since the little boy did not stop talking about it the entire day. Sean nearly locked himself in his room at one point just to get away.

However, it was obvious that this was far more important to Daniel than it was to him. That was why Sean decided to let his little brother have this one.

“Ugh… fine, you win.”

“See? I rule!” Daniel beamed, and Sean couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, you do,” he said, patting the little boy on the shoulder.

Daniel’s smile brightened at that. He finally seemed satisfied, bouncing off to the bedroom gleefully. It was at times like these where Sean was more than grateful for Daniel and his contagious energy. It was a good distraction from everything that was going on between him and Finn.

But once Daniel was gone, so was the distraction.

At least until Sean got a text.

…………………………………………

**_19:58 – Unknown Number:_ **

Hey, Sean. It’s Jacob.

…………………………………………

He quickly saved the number before typing a response, a lot happier to hear from Jacob than he’d expected to be. At least one good thing had come out of that party. If only the after-party in Sean’s car weren’t such a colossal shitshow.

…………………………………………

**_19:58 – Sean:_ **

Hey Jacob

How are you doing?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_19:59 – Jacob:_ **

I’m doing okay.

…………………………………………

Sean was trying to come up with something to say when another message came through.

…………………………………………

**_19:59 – Jacob:_ **

I’m sorry if this is weird, but Anthony and I are going for coffee tomorrow.

Do you want to come? It would be after school, of course.

…………………………………………

Perhaps this was the universe doing him a favor for once, and offering him one more distraction. He just needed one thing…

“Glad to see you and Daniel getting along still.”

_Right on cue._

“Yeah.”

“Keep it up,” Esteban said, before turning and walking over to Daniel’s bedroom to check on him.

“Dad?”

His father turned on the spot and raised an eyebrow curiously.

“A friend of mine wants to meet for coffee tomorrow, after school. I met them on Tuesday, at the party… Jacob.”

“I see, and does he – “

“They,” Sean corrected. Esteban’s eyebrows furrowed, and Sean quickly realized that he’d need to spell this out.

“Jacob’s non-binary.”

“Oh, uh… I have to admit, mijo, I might be getting old. I have no idea what that means,” Esteban admitted, scratching his head.

“Well, uh, it basically means that they don’t identify as male or female. Jacob’s pronouns are they/them. I mean, not all non-binary people use those pronouns, but Jacob does,” Sean explained. He could tell that Esteban was a little confused, but he also knew his dad to be as understanding as possible, so he wasn’t worried.

“I see… So then, do _they_ drive? Is that… Is that right?” Esteban asked carefully.

“That’s perfect, actually. And yeah, Jacob drives.”

“Alright…”

“And I know that I’m not totally off the hook yet, so if you say ‘no,’ that’s totally fine.”

“It’s okay, mijo. You can go, as long as they have you home by five. No later than five, alright? And don’t forget, you’re cooking dinner again tomorrow.”

“Got it! Thanks, Dad,” Sean said, hopping off the couch and disappearing into his room. He quickly typed a response to Jacob before making a final attempt at getting some homework done before bed.

…………………………………………

**_20:03 – Sean:_ **

Yeah, that sounds good. I’m in.

…………………………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE DRIFTER CONTENT COMING, EY  
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I had fun writing it.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated as always <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it's been 500 years since I last updated. Sorry for the wait, y'all. I kind of struggled to sit down and write for a few days after posting the last chapter, but I hope that it ends up being worth the wait! Enjoy :)

“Say ‘thank you, Lyla.’”

“For what, exactly?”

“I got Finn to call you, so you two dummies could actually talk,” Lyla said matter-of-factly. Sean rolled his eyes, remembering the conversation between him and Finn. 

“Yeah, and that ended up being fucking awkward.”

“You still talked. That’s something.”

“Yeah, it’s something,” Sean said. He’d be lying through his teeth if he tried to say that he wasn’t really happy to hear from Finn, even if the talk was tense and kind of awkward; it was infinitely better than not talking at all.

“And at least now you know that he still cares!”

Sean couldn’t help but sigh at that.

Lyla was pretty proud of herself when she discovered that Finn had called Sean after her little exaggeration from the day before. The entire bus ride to school on Thursday, she desperately tried to convince Sean to ‘suck it up’ and go talk to Finn. He’d eventually told her everything, filling her in on what happened. Her knowing what had gone down only seemed to reassure her that the whole issue could actually be resolved.

Hearing that did nothing to convince him though, but Lyla was nothing if not relentless. 

“Come on! Maybe that’s all you guys need to do; sit down and talk about it,” Lyla said once they got to school and walked over to his locker.

Sean wasn’t sure that was true. He wanted it to be true… but even when they talked yesterday, so much was left unsaid in the end. He was also worried that the conversation would simply end up being a repeat of their talk in the car after the party. That was the last thing that he wanted. The guilt from that night still haunted him, and every time he thought about the situation, all he could see was the look of defeat on Finn’s face.

“I don’t know.” He opened his locker and began rummaging through it, partly to distract himself and partly to actually grab his books.

“Uh, yes, you do. You guys have to talk things out.”

“Lyla – “

“I’m serious! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a million more times; Finn is _crazy_ about you, and don’t try to tell me that you’re not in the same boat. You guys can’t _not_ work things out.”

“I know that, and I am. I mean, you know I am. I’ve never felt this way about anyone… as fucking corny as that sounds,” Sean admitted, closing his locker and leaning against it.

“See? So, why don’t you just go up to him, and tell him that, and talk this shit out?”

_Because I feel bad for pushing him. I want to give him space._

_I’m scared to make things worse._

_I’m scared to see how that talk would go._

_I’m… just fucking scared._

_And I’m definitely not saying that._

“Don’t you have to get to your own locker before class?”

“Nice try.”

“What?“

“You can’t use class as an excuse to get me off your back, man.”

“That’s actually not what I’m doing,“ Sean said, even though that wasn’t entirely true. Yes, he was using class as an excuse to escape from this conversation, but it was still a perfectly valid reason because they only had another five minutes before classes started. She hadn’t noticed though.

“I mean I’ve still got, like…” Lyla trailed off, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check the time. Sean smirked as her eyes widened. “Shit! I gotta go.” She turned on her heels and took off down the hallway toward her locker.

As he watched her disappear into the crowd, there was no doubt in his mind that she’d be picking this topic up again later. She wouldn’t be Lyla if she didn’t. But, at least for now, the conversation had been dropped and Sean was allowed the chance to try and get some peace of mind.

Not that it made any difference, since being alone didn’t actually help him get what he desperately wanted. All he wanted was to not think about what happened, and for things to just go back to the way they were before. But if it wasn’t Lyla that was making him think about things, it was himself. _Stupid brain._

At least there was something else to look forward to today; seeing Jacob and Anthony. Now, all Sean needed to do was make it through the rest of his day without getting himself into any trouble. Another almost-fight with Derek was something he needed to avoid above all else.

Luckily, the universe seemed to be on his side today, since he hardly saw Derek, and when he did, it was brief and the boy merely grunted before storming off. Sean wasn’t going to complain about that; Derek staying far away from him was probably the best thing for everyone. 

Jenn seemed okay though. She talked to him in Math – when the teacher wasn’t paying attention – and walked with him to the next class after that. This time, no assholes were coming up to them to start a fight. They could simply talk, not worrying about any relationship drama for once, and that seemed like progress.

After their last class ended, Sean hung around his locker with Eric and Ellery for a while. He was waiting for Jacob to text him and let him know that they were outside and keeping himself occupied while he waited seemed like a good idea. The busier he was, the less time he had alone to worry about issues that he still had no idea how to resolve.

Both boys were understanding enough not to bring up a certain blue-eyed boy, noticing how Sean’s face fell whenever Finn’s name came up. He tried to hide it, obviously, but he apparently didn’t do a very good job. However, neither of them pointed it out or made him feel bad about being a little moody. They were good friends, and Sean felt lucky to have them.

Eventually, the two boys took off, leaving Sean alone for only a second before Lyla found him again. 

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you all over.”

“I’ve been here,” Sean muttered.

“Well, I know that now obviously. So, how are you doing?”

“You don’t have to keep asking me that every time you see me, you know?”

“I’m your best friend, Sean. Let me worry about you.”

“You don’t have to. Seriously, it’s fine.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say,” she said with a roll of her eyes, before the two of them headed out the front door of the school.

“You going over to Cassidy’s today?” Sean asked. Admittedly, he was mostly asking because if Lyla was going to see Cassidy, that meant that she’d be seeing Finn too. Sean wouldn’t put it past her to try and play mediator for the two of them if given the opportunity, and he didn’t know how he felt about that. Not that he wouldn’t appreciate her effort, but this seemed like something that he and Finn needed to figure out themselves.

“Yup. Hanging out with my girlfriend is way better than taking the bus home, _alone_ , to go and hang out with the momster.” 

“Right, that makes sense. Sorry, I don’t want you to think I’m ditching you…”

“You don’t need to apologize, man. You’re going out and making friends. My little boy is all grown up,” she teased, patting him on the head before. He groaned and swatted her hand away before looking around to check for Jacob’s car. He didn’t want to miss it and keep them waiting.

“So,” she started, catching his attention again. “You talk to Finn yet?”

“Lyla, come on.”

“What? You know I’m right. You guys _need_ to talk sooner or later.”

“And we will, okay? _We will_. I want to. I just – “ 

He stopped himself with a sigh.

“You just…?” Lyla asked, crossing her arms and looking at him curiously.

“I don’t know what to say to him, or how to start. Or even… _when_ to start? How do you know if it’s too soon or not?”

“Uh – “

“Like, if I do it too soon, won’t that just make things worse?”

“I mean, in my opinion, the longer you wait, the harder it will be.”

“Maybe,” Sean said.

The two of them were quiet until Lyla spoke again.

“ _Hypothetical question_.” When Sean looked at her again, she was looking past him with a worried expression.

“What?”

“If Finn were coming over here right now, would you want me to warn you so you can run away? Where exactly are we on the scale of awkwardness right now?”

_Shit._

“Hey, guys.”

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

The sound of Finn’s voice coming from behind him instantly made Sean nervous beyond belief. He didn’t know whether to run, turn and face him, or just hope and pray that the ground opened up underneath him; not that the third method ever actually worked for him.

“Oh, hey, Finn,” Lyla greeted. She smiled at him over Sean’s shoulder, before meeting Sean’s eyes and chewing her lip. Her expression read ‘What do you want to do?’. He didn’t have an answer, but Finn was right there. Right behind him. Waiting for him to do _something._

_Just do it._

Sean slowly turned around to face Finn, after a few seconds – which felt more like hours – of standing still and weighing up his options. When their eyes met again, Sean didn’t know whether his nerves got better or worse. He couldn’t tell, but he was undeniably happy to be face to face with Finn, about to talk to him… if his mouth would start cooperating.

“H-hi.”

_Baby steps, right…?_

_Guess it’s back to square one._

“Back to bein’ all nervous and shit around me, I see,” Finn teased with a smirk on his face, and just like the first night they met, Sean wondered if Finn was a mind reader. He was also slightly caught off guard by how… _normal_ , Finn seemed.

“I’m not nervous.”

_I’m definitely fucking nervous._

Finn cocked his head to the side, and for a moment, his teasing, playful demeanor disappeared. Sean could see through the cracks; see the older boy’s own awkwardness and uncertainty. That made him feel a bit better. Still, neither of them said anything. There was a lot that both of them could say, and probably wanted to say, but were maybe too scared to say out loud.

Plus, Lyla was still standing there awkwardly herself. Not for much longer though.

“Alright then. I’m gonna go see if I can find Cassidy. Later, dudes.” She backed a few steps away, offering Sean a smile. “Good luck?” she said, even though it came off as more of a question than a statement, before basically running off.

It was just the two of them now.

“So,” Sean started, even though he had no idea where he was going to take that sentence.

“So,” Finn echoed, in a tone that bordered on playful. If not for the circumstances they found themselves in, Sean might have thought that the tattooed boy was teasing him. However, Finn shoving his hands into his pockets awkwardly showed that he was just as uncomfortable.

Sean didn’t know what to go for. Small talk? School talk? Real talk?

Luckily, Finn was there to try and guide the conversation as always.

“Good day?” he asked.

“Yeah… It was good, I guess.”

“That’s good.”

“And you?” Sean asked, trying to keep it going.

“Oh, yeah. As good as sittin’ at a desk all day can be.”

“Right…”

Okay, so, maybe that didn’t go very well. It honestly didn’t seem like Finn knew where to go with this either, and that was possibly the worst part. Finn always knew what to say, and what to do. Sean needed Finn to go back to being… Finn.

“I hate this,” Sean said bluntly.

“What? School?”

“No, _this._ This… awkwardness. I hate it. I hate not knowing what to say or how to act around you. This isn’t us.”

Finn didn’t say anything, merely looking at Sean with curious eyes and fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Can’t we just… forget about what happened? Just go back to being us?” Sean desperately wanted to do that. He wanted to be able to do that.

“We can’t sweep shit under the rug now, sw –” Finn took a step closer, but then caught himself and stopped – “ _Sean_ …I don’t like this either, but we have to deal with what happened. We can’t pretend that it didn’t, no matter how fuckin’ temptin’ that might be.”

“I… I know. But we can’t just keep going with the way things are right now.”

“I know that,” Finn said quietly.

“And you still won’t talk about things anyway. We can’t… meet in the middle.”

Finn went quiet again.

“I’m sorry,” Sean said, taking a small step back.

“Don’t have to be sorry, Sean.”

“I am sorry though…”

“It’s cool. We jus’ need to… figure shit out,” Finn said, scratching the back of his neck.

_You’ll figure it out. Things can always be figured out if it’s right._

“Yeah.”

Finn looked like he was about to say something else, but they were both caught off guard by the vibration of Sean’s phone. The younger of the two nearly jumped at the interruption. He’d been so focused on Finn that he’d almost forgotten that they were still standing in front of the school. He’d also completely forgotten to keep a lookout for Jacob. When he checked his phone, he realized that Jacob was waiting for him.

“Jacob’s here.”

“Jacob?”

“Yeah. They invited me out to coffee.”

“Cool,” Finn said, before looking over to see Lyla and Cassidy standing by his car. It was almost funny how blatantly the girls were watching them. Sean waved, and they both turned around instantly. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing, and it seemed that Finn had the same trouble. They caught themselves after a few seconds before Finn cleared his throat.

“I should probably take off too. The girls are waiting,” he said, pulling his hood up to cover his head.

It was not a special gesture by any means, but somehow… Sean found that Finn looked adorable like that. Well, in general, but even more so with his hood up and his nose slightly red from the cold.

“Okay… Uh, drive safe.”

_Drive safe? What kind of goodbye is that? Idiot._

Finn quirked an eyebrow, and the corners of his lips tilted upward ever so slightly before he shook his head. Sean wanted to open his mouth and say something better, but Finn beat him to it.

“See ya, Sean.”

And then, Finn turned, waving goodbye as he walked off to his car. Sean watched him for a few seconds, feeling a little bewildered by the entire interaction. He mentally slapped himself once he realized that he was just _standing there_ , and took off in the opposite direction to meet up with Jacob and Anthony.

**********

“You feeling okay?” Jacob asked.

The three of them had ordered their coffees and were talking, but Sean found it hard to focus on anything that either of them was saying. They both seemed to catch on very quickly.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Everything’s fine.”

“You sure, man? No offense, but you look like shit,” Anthony said. There was no malice in his tone, but Jacob smacked him on the shoulder all the same. “Hey!” Anthony rubbed his shoulder, even though it didn’t seem to hurt all that much.

“Gee, thanks,” Sean said with a laugh, before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Seriously, Sean. Even though Anthony made it sound _bad_ ,” Jacob said, fixing their boyfriend with a playful glare. Anthony responded by sticking his tongue out at them before they rolled their eyes and continued. “He’s right. You don’t really look okay.”

“Maybe I just didn’t get enough beauty sleep last night,” Sean joked, and Anthony snorted at that, but it didn’t distract Jacob.

“I know that you hardly know us, but if you want to talk about something, we can just… sit and listen. We won’t even comment if you don’t want us to.”

“Wouldn’t that be super fucking weird?”

“Nah, Jacob talks my ear off about shit all the time. _Not that I mind, of course, baby,”_ Anthony quickly added when Jacob glared at him again. They rolled their eyes again before turning their attention back to Sean.

“What Anthony is trying to say is that sometimes people need to vent. They don’t want advice or commentary. They just want to be heard,” Jacob explained.

“Yeah, that makes sense…”

“And if that’s what you need, we are at your service,” Anthony said with a small bow and a dramatic wave of his hand.

“Exactly, and if you need something else, we’re happy to try and help you out… Whatever you want,” Jacob added reassuringly.

Sean couldn’t help but smile at the two of them, before sighing. “I don’t even know what I want right now, but I don’t really want to put you two in the middle of my shit.”

“Well, technically, you wouldn’t be putting us in the middle. We’d be putting ourselves there. There’s a big difference,” Anthony pointed out with a smirk, before taking a sip of his own coffee.

_Fair enough._

Sean began drinking his coffee again, more to stall while he tried to decide what to do. On the one hand, he did understand what they were saying. On the other hand, these were Finn’s friends. He couldn’t possibly let them get in the middle of the drama, even if they were doing it themselves; that seemed completely unfair on both of them.

“This is about Finn, right?” Jacob asked.

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.” They shrugged, before leaning forward on the table with their elbows.

“Did Finn tell you?”

“I mean, yeah, a little; not that he needed to anyway. We saw him yesterday, and the guy was bleak as hell, so we kind of guessed. We had to basically force it out of him to be sure though, and even then, he kept shit vague,” Anthony said.

“Oh.”

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Jacob asked. They sounded like Lyla, but Sean couldn’t blame them. It was a fairly reasonable suggestion for anyone to make.

“That’s kind of the problem; not talking about things. And when I tried to push him to talk more, everything got messed up. And now, when we do talk at all, it’s just… not the same, and it’s all my fault.”

_Did not mean to say all of that…_

“Damn.” Sean looked up at the sound of Anthony’s voice. “So much for ‘Everything’s fine,’ huh,” he teased, and Jacob glared at him yet again. “What? He clearly has a lot on his mind, and we made a breakthrough! Come on, give me five.” Anthony held his hand up to Jacob for a high five. 

They blinked at him, before leaving him hanging and turning back to Sean again. “Ignore him. That’s what I do.”

“How dare you?” Anthony gasped.

“So, do you think you’re ready to talk about what happened?” Jacob said, doing exactly what they suggested and ignoring the blonde.

“Jacob.” Anthony was still trying to get their attention, poking Jacob in the shoulder.

“We can tell that you need to get this off your chest, and maybe we might even be able to help. It’s worth a try.” Jacob was still ignoring him.

“Babyyyyy,” Anthony groaned, putting his chin on Jacob’s shoulder and pouting. They turned and kissed his forehead. Satisfied with the attention that he’d gotten, Anthony stayed silent after that, merely drinking his coffee in peace with a content smile on his face.

“See? Ignoring him works.” 

“Impressive,” Sean joked, feeling a lot better already. The two of them were really good at cheering him up, whether it was on purpose or not. But they were right about one thing; Sean had a lot to get off his chest, and he figured that they might know something that could help him. They did, after all, know Finn better than Lyla did. 

So, he decided to open up. He told them everything, apart from what Finn had eventually revealed about his family. He only said that Finn told him ‘some stuff’ but he left out any specifics. Sean still wasn’t sure how much they knew, and he didn’t want to go ahead and share something about Finn that they hadn’t already known.

But he told them everything else. About Finn’s unwillingness to talk about things. About his insecurities that were heightened at the party. About their talk in the car after the party, and all their interactions since.

Much to their credit, they were both really good listeners. They stayed silent, and they listened, and they showed that they were interested without feeling the need to inject their own opinions. It was just one more thing to add to the list of reasons why Sean liked them. They reminded him a little of Finn, in that way…

“So, that’s pretty much what happened.”

“Well, now I see why you’re both so miserable,” Anthony said with a sigh.

“Yeah…”

“I’m happy you trusted us with all of this,” Jacob said.

“Me too,” Sean admitted with a small smile.

“So, now the question is… Do you want our advice? Or do you want us to move on and not talk about this at all?” Anthony asked. They both looked at him curiously, waiting patiently for him to answer the question.

“I… I mean, do you…?”

“Do we…?”

“Let him take his time, Anthony.”

“I am. I’m just trying to encourage him.”

“It’s cool, Jacob. Don’t worry,” Sean cut in, catching their attention again. They both nodded, before continuing to wait. “I think I need advice. I mean, obviously, I don’t expect you to spill Finn’s secrets or anything. I don’t – “

“Sean, we understand. Don’t worry,” Jacob said, stopping him and grabbing his arm gently.

“Okay… Yeah. I guess I just, want to know if I’m being totally selfish or crazy, or something.”

“Not at all, man,” Anthony said. “It’s totally normal to want your partner to open up to you. That’s why you’re _partners_. You tell each other things, and you trust each other.”

“Then why do I feel so guilty? I feel like I hurt him, and I can’t see how that’s not my fault…”

“Finn’s upset, Sean. Maybe not even with you; just about the situation in general. Sometimes people just need time,” Jacob said reassuringly.

“Yeah, exactly. Maybe your timing wasn’t great – again, no offense – but you’re allowed to say how you feel, and you’re allowed to want Finn to do the same. It’s totally valid.” Anthony was surprisingly sweet, and Sean could see why he and Jacob worked so well together. 

“Thanks… That means a lot, seriously.”

“No worries.” Jacob smiled, and Sean smiled back. They each took a sip of their coffee. Sean was busy thinking about everything that they said when Anthony broke the silence.

“So, you feel any better?”

“Kinda, yeah.” They each raised an eyebrow at him, and he sighed before elaborating. “I mean, I am, but there’s still so much shit… Like, if I’m not crazy, then what? I don’t want to force him, but I can’t just pretend that it doesn’t bother me… or is that what I should do?”

“Pretending won’t help anyone, trust me. You’ll just end up back in the same position later on. Always be honest, no matter what. Even if it seems easier to lie sometimes, don’t,” Anthony said.

“But then what do I do? He says he trusts me, but how can I believe that when he won’t even open up to me?”

Jacob and Anthony were both completely silent for a while, looking at each other with an expression that Sean couldn’t decipher. 

“What?”

Anthony nodded, and Jacob took a deep breath before facing Sean again. “Finn loves helping people. He loves being the guy that people can trust and depend on, and he’s really good at being that guy. I’m sure you’ve already noticed, but he kind of gives off that vibe naturally.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I always admire that about him…”

“We all do. That’s why everyone always feels safe around him. They can come to him with anything and he’ll be supportive,” Anthony explained.

“Exactly,” Jacob said. “Like… when I met Finn, I was still kind of figuring myself out. He played a huge role in helping me get to where I am today. When I came out as non-binary and told him about my new pronouns, he was totally cool about it. I mean, he didn’t even bat an eye or expect me to explain myself. He just… _accepted me_ , and having at least one person behind me made it a little easier to tell everyone else.” Sean could see a smile forming on Anthony’s face as he leaned closer and put his arm around Jacob.

“That’s great, Jacob, seriously.”

“Thanks, Sean,” they said with a smile, before continuing. “Anyway, my point is that Finn is really good at being the one that people depend on, but he finds it really hard to depend on other people. And when I say people, I mean _anyone_.”

That came as a surprise to Sean. Especially after talking to Penny, and seeing how close Finn was to everyone.

“Really?”

“Yeah. None of us even know the full story about Finn’s past. We know some details, but we definitely don’t know everything.”

“Oh. I thought – “

“That he told us everything? _Yeah_ … Most people would, since we’re all so open with each other, but Finn is different. I mean, he trusts us, but whatever reasons he has for not opening up really have nothing to do with any of us,” Anthony explained.

“Shit. I really just… I guess I assumed.” Sean dropped his head onto the table and groaned.

“Don’t give yourself too much crap about it. Finn just values his independence, and he has a hard time surrendering it, even just a little. He hardly ever even mentions his family to me, and we’ve been friends for almost two years.”

“Jacob’s right, Sean. And for what it’s worth, I haven’t known Finn all that long, but I can tell that he cares about you. The fact that he told you anything about his past already is amazing. I’ve known him for almost a year, and it took him half that time to tell me anything at all,” Anthony said.

“Exactly! He probably just needs some more time to get to a place where he’s ready. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, or that he doesn’t trust you.”

“Thank you. Both of you. Seriously, I don’t even… Just, thank you,” Sean said, feeling so many different emotions all at once. He was still trying to process everything, but he already felt better having that reassurance.

“No need to thank us. It’s what friends do,” Jacob said, and Anthony nodded in agreement.

“I think I really needed to hear that…”

“Glad we could help then,” they said.

“Look at us, making emotional connections and opening up. Go, team!” Anthony cheered, holding up a hand to each of them. Neither Sean nor Jacob could resist the high fives that he was offering, and they all ended up laughing together. After that, they talked some more before Jacob and Anthony took him home.

Sean made it home on time, much to Esteban’s surprise. He made dinner and stayed busy for a while. Hanging out with Jacob and Anthony had definitely improved his mood too, so he managed to enjoy spending time with Esteban and Daniel. However, eventually, he had nothing to do except go to his room, with nothing to do except think. 

There was so much to think about.

**********

“Mijo?” Esteban knocked at Sean’s door later that night. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sean said, turning in his chair to look at his dad who was entering the room. “What’s up?”

“You busy?”

“Nah, I was just sorting out some last-minute stuff for school. Before the holiday, you know?”

Esteban nodded. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Just wanted to check-in.” He started to leave the room, but Sean had done some thinking, and maybe it was time to do some more talking.

“Wait…”

Sean took another moment to think about everything. Everything that happened, and every question that he still had. Talking to Jacob and Anthony helped, but there were still some things that he was confused about. 

“Can I… talk to you, about something?”

“Of course,” Esteban said, sitting down on the bed and patting the seat next to him. Sean moved to sit there, before taking a deep breath.

“Remember the day that I… came out to you?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“After I told you that I liked Finn, you said _something_.”

“Uh… You might need to be a little more specific, Seanie-boy.”

“You told me to be careful; that he… _reminded you of someone_ … Something about people like him hurting other people without meaning to.”

“Oh, _that_ … What about it?”

“Well… What did you mean, by all of that?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about things, and I realized I never… I never asked you what you meant. I wanted to, but I guess I just forgot about it for a while. But I guess it all came back, after…”

_After that night._

“Did Finn hurt you, mijo?” Esteban sounded like he was torn between being surprised and wanting to kick into protective dad mode.

“N-no. I mean, yes, kind of, but no. Not really. Not on purpose, anyway. It’s not like that. I guess we hurt each other in a way… I honestly think I might have hurt him more than he hurt me…”

“I see.”

“Who does he remind you of?”

“Sean, it doesn’t matter. My opinion of him has changed a lot since that day.”

“Well, I’m still curious.”

“Sean – “

“Please?” Sean pleaded. 

Esteban stared at him for a few seconds, before sighing and shaking his head.

“He reminded me of your mother.”

_Karen?_

“Why… why her? H-how?”

“It was just him, mijo; free-spirited, constantly making things exciting… You know, I watched the two of you that day at the track meet, and I could see the effect he had on you. Reminded me of how I used to be around Karen. He has a lot in common with her.”

“Okay… and you don’t think he’s like her, anymore?” Sean asked.

“I mean, in some ways, I still do. In others, not so much.”

“Oh.”

“Honestly, now he reminds me more of myself, than your mother,” Esteban said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin with his fingers.

“Really?”

“Really. And please don’t ask me to explain it, because I probably can’t. It’s just a feeling.”

“Oh.” Sean sighed.

“If I may… Why are you so curious about this?”

“I don’t even know… I guess I was hoping that whatever you told me would somehow help me.”

“And did it?”

“Not really. I’m just… yeah.”

“May I suggest something?”

Sean nodded.

“Forget about what I said... That was before I knew Finn. Since then, I’ve seen how he is and how much he cares about you.”

“That’s the thing, Dad… I know that he cares about me. I was – I thought maybe it would be one of those moments where you’d say something, and everything would just connect and the pieces would all fall into place.” Disappointment flooded his veins, and he dropped his head to his hands.

“What happened between you two, mijo?” Esteban asked, after a few seconds of silence.

“I tried to tell him how I felt… I told him that I wanted him to talk about things with me. We fought. Actually, I don’t even know if that was a fight or not… Whatever it was, he ended up telling me something about his past, but it was like I forced him; pushed him too far. After that, he completely shut down and left.”

“And you feel guilty, right?”

Sean looked up at his dad, thinking about what his answer to that was.

“I did, before. I still kind of do… but Anthony and Jacob helped me with that.”

“Okay, so, what’s the problem?”

“I just don’t know what to do now. With Finn, I mean.”

“Well, that depends on what you want.”

“What does that matter? It’s not really about me, is it? I mean, I want him to talk to me about things,” Sean explained. Esteban nodded, encouraging him to continue. “But I can’t really… make him talk about it. What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Finn. Talk to me about your problems because _I want you to_ , even though I know that you don’t feel comfortable.’ Because that went so well the first time…”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that you have to be honest with him about what you need,” Esteban said.

“Yeah, Anthony said that too… But what if I tell him what I need, and he decides that he can’t do it?”

“That’s not something you can control. The only thing you _can_ control is what _you_ do. Finn will react however he wants to react. That’s his choice, and you’ve got to make yours. It’s no use going along with something if it isn’t making you happy.”

“I know.”

“So, then, how important is this all to you?”

“It’s… it’s really important. But it’s not – I don’t want to lose him because of it... He makes me happy, Dad. I don’t want him to think that I’m giving him an ultimatum, or something.”

“Okay, so tell him that.”

“I’m scared… I feel like everything I try to say always comes out wrong. That night I really thought I was doing everything right. I was telling him how I felt, and I thought… I thought things would start getting better, and instead, it all went so wrong. Dad, his face; I can’t forget it.”

“Ay dios mio… Come here.” Sean was being pulled into a hug then. He let his head fall into his father’s chest, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Esteban held his head in one hand, and let his other rub soothing circles on Sean’s back. “I understand why you’d feel frustrated, and doubt yourself. But here’s the thing… You have to be strong. You have to tell him how you feel…”

_How I feel…_

“All of this; it all comes down to how you feel, mijo. You’ve got to be able to tell him, even if you’re scared that you’re not saying the right thing… Do you understand?”

“I think so…”

“If you want something, tell him. If you need something, tell him. You tell him how you feel, whatever that might be, and then go from there. That’s all you can do,” Esteban said.

Sean nodded slowly, before whispering, “Thanks, Dad.” Esteban smiled before pulling him back into the hug. Sean didn’t resist it, and let himself sit there for a while. They didn’t talk much after that. There wasn’t all that much left to say.

But by the time Esteban said goodnight and left the room, things were different.

Sean knew what he needed to do. He needed to talk to Finn. 

**********

The next day, after his last class, Sean rushed straight over to Finn’s locker, but the boy wasn’t there. His next stop was Lyla’s locker.

“Have you seen Finn?”

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, I’m just looking for Finn…”

“I can tell,” she teased, smirking at him.

“Do you know where he is? I need to talk to him.”

“Nope. No idea. I haven’t seen him all day. You could try Cassidy though.”

“Where is she?”

“Probably at her locker. I’m heading there now to meet up with her. We’re taking the bus back to my place. Wanna walk with me?”

“Please.”

She let out a laugh before hooking their arms together and leading him upstairs to where Cassidy was. When Cassidy saw Lyla, she smiled, but when she saw Sean, her eyes widened. “Sean? Where have you been?”

“Huh? What do you – “

“Finn’s been looking all over for you. Seriously, all fuckin’ day.”

“Wait, what? I’ve been looking for him.”

“Man, you guys suck at searching,” Lyla teased. Sean rolled his eyes before turning back to Cassidy.

“Where is he now?”

“Shit, I don’t know. After class, he took off; went straight downstairs, probably to your locker. Don’t know if he’s still there or not.”

“Thanks, Cassidy! Seriously, I owe you one,“ Sean said, about to turn on his heels when Cassidy’s voice made him hesitate.

“What’s goin’ on?”

“I need to find him so I can talk to him about… everything.”

“Wait, everything? You’re finally going to figure your shit out?” Cassidy asked, a look of surprise on her face.

“That’s the plan.”

“Fuck yeah! Told you they wouldn’t make it past the end of the week,” Lyla said with a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Cassidy groaned, and Sean watched as she placed twenty bucks in Lyla’s hand.

_Wait a minute._

“You guys made a bet on how long we’d take to figure things out?”

“You bet your ass we did,” Lyla said, patting him on the shoulder.

“Oh god, I hate you guys sometimes.”

“Mm-hm, now go get your man,” Cassidy teased, wagging her eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Sean said, but immediately took off to do exactly that. 

He nearly tripped over his own feet as he rushed downstairs and back to his locker, keeping his eyes peeled for Finn, but the boy was nowhere to be found.

_Shit. Okay. Where else would he look?_

Sean ran back to Lyla’s locker, and Finn wasn’t there either. He ran to Ellery and Eric’s lockers too, but there was still no sign of him. He was so busy trying to think of places to look, that he barely noticed his phone start to ring, and damn near missed the call. Luckily, he didn’t, and when he saw who it was, he didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Finn, where are you?”

“Could ask you the same question.”

“Okay, shit, I need to talk to you.”

“Me too. Meet me outside, okay?”

The call ended without another word, and Sean practically sprinted out the front door and down the stairs outside. As soon as he saw the back of someone in a pink hoodie that looked somewhat familiar, he ran over to them.

“Finn?”

The person turned around to face him.

“Not Finn, sorry. Carry on.”

“Sean!”

Sean’s head whipped around at the sound of Finn’s voice, and he spotted him immediately. Finn was already walking over to him, and Sean started walking too. They met each other halfway, but ended up leaving an awkwardly sized gap between them.

For what seemed like a really long time, they both stood there, saying absolutely nothing. Then, they both opened their mouths to speak at the same time but caught themselves quickly.

“Okay, you go first,” Sean said, laughing nervously. Finn shook his head.

“Nah, you go first.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“I guess I’ll just go ahead and say it then. I’m not sorry for telling you what I told you that night. I’m sorry that it made you upset, and I’m sorry for the timing of it, but I’m not sorry for saying any of it, or for feeling that way,” Sean said, before pausing.

He tried to watch for Finn’s reaction, but the older boy kept his face blank. Sean didn’t know whether that was on purpose or not, but it didn’t matter. He needed to say this, no matter how Finn reacted.

So, he continued.

“I’m not saying that things between us can’t work at all if you don’t tell me everything _right now_. That was never what I was trying to say. I won’t rush you, but talking about this is important to me, because you’re important to me. I don’t want you to think that you have to keep everything to yourself and deal with everything by yourself. All I want is to know that you are willing to start _trying_ to open up, even if it takes some time.”

When he was done, he realized how out of breath he was. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble.”

“It’s cool. You say everything that you needed to?” Finn asked, not sounding impatient or annoyed.

“Y-yeah, I’m done. You can… say what you want now.”

“Actually, it’s kinda funny. That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. I realized that you were right,” Finn said, taking a step closer. This time, Sean didn’t step back.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“After the other night, I did a lot of thinkin’. I talked to Hans about it too, and she helped put some shit into, uh… perspective.” Finn took another step toward Sean, and the younger boy felt his palms begin to sweat. He didn’t know why.

“Oh…”

“Yeah. You were right, about me needing to talk about shit. It ain’t fair on either of us if I don’t at least try, y’know?”

“Well, yeah… But… Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I wanna try. As hard as it might be, I trust you, and I… I don’t wanna lose you,” Finn said softly, almost tentatively. His tattooed hands were shaking, and Sean’s heart clenched.

“You won’t lose me,” he said reassuringly. “That was never an option for me.” Finn smiled at that, and it was the first time since the party that his smile seemed real. Sean missed that smile just a little too much, and reached for Finn’s hand before squeezing gently without thinking.

The older boy’s blue eyes widened for a second, and for a second, Sean thought he might have taken things a step too far.

“Sorry, I – “

“ _God_ , I missed you,” Finn said, pulling Sean in for a hug that was almost too tight to be comfortable, and at the same exact time, not nearly tight enough. Sean returned it eagerly, holding Finn and letting himself forget everything else for a single moment. All he focused on was Finn, the oh-so-familiar smell of strawberries, and that warmth radiating off of the older boy that wrapped around him like a blanket in the winter air.

“I missed you too. Missed this,” Sean mumbled into Finn’s shoulder. He could feel Finn’s breath on his neck as the boy sighed, before untangling himself from the hug. Sean nearly pulled him back into it, nowhere near ready to let go, but he stopped himself. 

“Come on,” Finn said, taking his hand again and pulling him toward the parking lot.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, my house. Need to have that talk, don’t we?”

“Right now? Are you sure? Like, absolutely sure? Because you really don’t – “ Sean was cut off when Finn pressed his fingers to Sean’s lips to silence him.

“ _Sweetie_ , I’m sure, alright? I wanna do this.”

“Okay” was all Sean could say, feeling a little bit like he was about to float away.

“What’s that smile about?” Finn asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I’m just glad to hear you call me that again…”

Finn smiled, lifting Sean’s hand and pressing a kiss to it, just like he had the night they met. “C’mon, you can text your dad in the car.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue the distant cries of relief*  
> I hope you all are excited for chapter 13! Thank you for reading <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE TIME HAS COME  
> Get ready, folks. Today's chapter is lengthy and full of emotions. You may want to grab tissues, if you're like me and cry easily.  
> I don't think there are any explicit content warnings, except for some homophobic behavior, but just know that things get pretty serious today.  
> Enjoy!

…………………………………………

**_15:41 – Sean:_ **

Hey Dad

Is it okay if I go home with Finn?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:42 – Dad:_ **

You two finally going to talk?

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:42 – Sean:_ **

That’s the plan

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:43 – Dad:_ **

Okay, it’s fine.

Pizza night tonight, so don’t worry about making dinner

Just let me know when you’ll be home, okay?

…………………………………………

_Dad of the year, once again._

…………………………………………

**_15:43 – Sean:_ **

Thanks Dad

You’re the best

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:43 – Dad:_ **

Good luck

Love you mijo

…………………………………………

…………………………………………

**_15:44 – Sean:_ **

Love you too

…………………………………………

“Everything cool?” Finn asked.

“Yeah.” Sean looked up from his phone with a smile on his face. “Everything’s cool.” 

Finn returned the smile along with a nod before focusing on driving. Sean leaned back into his seat, his eyes never leaving Finn. He wanted to take in everything about this moment that he could. The last time they were in this car, things were so… different. 

The thing is, Sean knew that they still had a lot to talk about when they got to Finn’s house. However, he also knew that Finn was nervous. Despite his smile, Sean could tell that Finn was just trying to play it cool. He could see it in the way Finn’s fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly when he thought Sean wasn’t looking. He could see it in the way Finn shifted in his seat when it was quiet.

Sean tried to keep the conversation going as much as possible, noticing how Finn relaxed whenever a moment of silence was broken. They talked about school, and Jenn and Derek, and Lyla and Cassidy, and anything else that was light and easy to talk about. The heavy stuff could wait till later.

“Alright, here we are. Mi casa… _right?_ ” Finn asked as they walked up to his front door.

“Been paying attention in Spanish class recently?”

“I always pay attention, in every class.” Finn flipped his dreadlocks back dramatically, and Sean bit back a laugh.

“No, you don’t.” 

“Nah, I don’t.” Finn laughed before letting the door swing open and stepping back, gesturing for Sean to enter first. Sean took up the invitation and stepped over the threshold slowly. Cautiously. This felt like uncharted territory for both of them, in both a literal and metaphorical sense. 

Sean had never been to Finn’s house, and that was enough to make him nervous, even under normal circumstances. However, there was even more to be nervous about today. He was about to learn more about Finn’s past than most other people in his life probably knew. It was… a lot, but he was up for it. He _wanted_ it. 

What was important was that Finn was _trusting him_ with this. Finn was nervous, and scared, and taking what they both knew was a huge and difficult leap, but he was willing to try. Sean was ready to take the dive into unknown waters, and he felt a lot better knowing that Finn was ready to dive with him. They’d do it together.

Finn followed closely behind him, kicking the front door closed with his foot. Sean heard him take a shaky breath, his nerves betraying him yet again, but Sean didn’t point it out.

Wanting to let Finn take his time, the younger boy took a few steps further into the house, taking in everything he could see. It was a really nice house; homely was the word that came to mind. 

It all just… worked; from the mismatched chairs at the island counter between the kitchen and the living room to the slightly faded and worn-out curtains that did not match the color scheme of the rest of the room. Then again, there wasn’t really an actual color scheme to work off of, not that Sean minded. Despite the lack of put-togetherness, it was like a work of art. Nothing worked together, but somehow, _everything_ worked together.

This wasn’t one of those houses where you had to take your shoes off at the door and keep your feet off the couch. This was a home.

_Finn’s home._

“I know it’s a little messy, but – “

“No, I like it. I think it’s great,” Sean said sincerely, turning to look at Finn. “It reminds me of home.”

That much was true. It did remind him of home. 

His dad always put comfort ahead of aesthetic, wanting their house to feel like a real home that they could actually live in, and not like an interior design catalog. Something told Sean that Finn’s mom was much the same in that way. 

Finn looked surprised, although clearly pleased if his smile was anything to go on, but he also looked a little unsure of how to respond. Wanting to steer the conversation a bit, Sean cracked a joke. “Besides, when have you ever worried about being _messy?_ ” The older boy chuckled at that.

“True.”

The house was quiet, and Sean wondered where Finn’s mom was, but the older boy seemed to read his mind yet again.

“My momma’s at work still, so we got the place to ourselves for a while.”

Sean nodded silently, before looking around some more. However, the longer he took, the more visibly nervous Finn became. Tapping his feet, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie, rocking back and forth on his heels. He needed to break the silence.

“So, you wanna sit out here?” Sean asked, gesturing toward the sofa. Finn shook his head slowly.

“Nah. C’mon, follow me,” he said, leading Sean down the hallway. Finn opened one of the closed doors, stepping inside and allowing Sean to enter behind him.

“Is this… your room?”

Finn dropped his bag to the floor, a silent answer to the question before stepping aside to allow Sean a better look. Sean put his bag down next to Finn’s before looking around quietly.

Oddly enough, it was pretty clean. Well, not _clean_ – that was maybe a little bit of an overstatement – but certainly cleaner than Sean expected it to be. There were few random band posters and other street signs and number plates on the walls. 

“These aren’t stolen, right?” Sean asked curiously, pointing at the one street sign hanging above his bed. 

“I would never,” Finn said with a fake gasp, clutching his chest before throwing himself on the bed. Sean raised an eyebrow at him, to which he only smirked before adding, “None of ‘em are stolen, sweetie… Not by me, anyway.”

Sean decided to ignore that last part, focusing on the rest of the room.

No clothes were lying around, except for one hoodie hung over the back of his desk chair. There was a large bookshelf next to his desk which was kind of messy and disorganized, but in a way that screamed ‘organized chaos.’ 

The shelf was full of a mixture of books and other random items, although one item, in particular, stood out to him. A photograph. 

Sean couldn’t see it clearly since it was almost hidden behind a bunch of other things. He wondered whether that was on purpose or not since it seemed very carefully positioned, but he didn’t want to be too forward. He looked over to Finn who had been on his bed, feet up on the wall and head hanging off the side, watching Sean upside down with a curious look on his face.

“Can I…?”

Finn nodded wordlessly, and Sean didn’t miss the change in his behavior, nor did he miss the way that Finn’s Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. The tattooed boy sat up, bringing his feet down to the bed, watching Sean now with a very different expression. His mask had fallen, baring all his emotions for Sean to see. Nerves, doubt, fear… Sadness.

“I don’t have to look. I’m fine if you – “

“It’s cool, Sean, really. Go ahead.”

“You sure?”

Finn nodded again, and without enough willpower to resist his own curiosity, Sean reached out to pick up the photograph. 

He recognized Finn instantly. He’d know those blue eyes anywhere. Those same eyes that always pulled him in with more strength than the ocean current. Those eyes were younger in the picture though; years younger. It was strange seeing him like that, without his signature dreadlocks. He had short brown hair, and his face was bare, not a tattoo in sight. _How long ago was this?_

“Thirteen.”

“What?” Sean asked, not looking up from the picture that he was holding.

“I was thirteen. It was back when I lived in Montana.”

_Four years ago._

Sean’s attention turned to the other person in the picture. Another boy, clearly much older than thirteen. He didn’t look a lot like Finn, but he had the same eyes…

“My brother. The oldest one…” Finn didn’t have to say anything more. His tone said enough for him.

Without another word uttered between them, Sean walked over to the bed with the picture in hand and sat down next to Finn. He didn’t know whether to speak or stay quiet. He didn’t know what the procedure was for getting into a conversation like the one they were about to have. Obviously, he’d known it was coming, and he was at least somewhat prepared for it… but still.

In the end, he decided to stay silent, letting one hand fall to Finn’s thigh and letting him work himself up to it at his own pace. The picture ended up in Sean’s lap, but Finn’s eyes were glued to it.

“ _Fuck_. Four years… Don’t feel that long.”

"Were you guys... close?"

"Yeah..."

The younger boy wondered how often Finn sat and looked at that picture the way he was looking at it now; as if every memory he’d ever had was rushing back to him in one overwhelming wave. Finn looked like he was about to drown, and Sean wanted nothing more than to pull him out of the water and save him from… everything.

He settled for letting his hand drift from Finn’s thigh to his hand, taking it into his own, and letting his other hand turn Finn’s head so their eyes could meet. 

“You sure you wanna do this? We don’t have to. We can just hang out, and talk about other stuff. This doesn’t have to happen _now_ if you’re not ready.”

“I’m sure. I want to… _Need to_.”

“Okay.”

“This is the last picture I have… of him. Of us.” Sean didn’t say anything, silently encouraging Finn to continue. “He was always…” The end of that sentence never came.

Finn’s released Sean’s hand before reaching out to pick up the picture himself. His hands were trembling, but he was determined, and Sean was right there to steady him.

“Man…” Finn sighed.

“What?”

“This is an awful picture.”

The comment was so out of the blue that Sean was almost certain he’d imagined it.

“Uh – “

“I look like shit. Look at me!” Finn laughed.

Finn was laughing…

_Why is Finn laughing?_

“I think you look cute,” Sean said, beyond confused by the turn the conversation had taken. Finn’s laughter died down a bit, and his head was still bowed so Sean couldn’t see his expression, but then he saw something else. A teardrop landed on the photo.

As if a reflex, Finn dropped the photo, sniffling slightly before wiping his face with the back of his hand.

“Y’know, that day I was so fuckin’ excited. I thought I looked so damn good… I’d just gotten that dress, and – oh shit, wait – “

Before Sean could even register what was going on, Finn was jumping up, and the photograph fell to the floor. He paid it no mind and rushed over to his closet, rummaging through it for something. Sean leaned down to pick the photograph up, placing it carefully on the desk before watching Finn curiously. Finn was a little all over the place, and it was hard to follow along with what was happening, but Sean tried his best.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Hold on… I’m sure I – fuck yeah!” Finn whirled around, holding a dress that was far too small to fit him. Sean stood up and as he got closer, he noticed that it was the dress from the picture. “I kept it… Had to keep it,” Finn said, a small smile on his face, with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“Finn – “

“Look at it, sweetie! What was I thinking?” Finn shoved the dress into his hands, giving Sean no choice but to look at it.

“It’s not that bad.” Sean didn’t know much about fashion, but it seemed fine to him. Cute, even. It was a black dress with a picture of a crown on the front, adorned with sequins. It was maybe a little too glitzy for his taste, but then again, what did he know? Plus, it was for a thirteen-year-old…

“Hell yeah it is! I loved it though. When Calum bought it for me, I…”

“You what?” Sean asked, still studying the dress. When the silence that followed lasted just a second too long, Sean looked up at Finn. The older boy had stumbled away from him slightly, and tears were running down his face. He was looking past Sean, in the direction of the photograph standing on the desk.

Sean’s heart broke at the sight. 

“Finn...”

Upon hearing his name, the older boy snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in and tried to wipe his tears away again. “S-sorry… I’m sorry.” The tears kept falling, and he kept apologizing, and Sean’s heart kept breaking for him.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, taking a slow step toward Finn who only buried his face in his shaking hands, trying to hide his tears.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m cryin’ and shit. Jus’ gimme a minute, I’ll get over it,“ Finn said, choking out his words between sniffles.

“It’s fine, Finn. You don’t have to – “

“No… We’re supposed to talk.”

“Hey, look at me…” Finn raised his head slowly, his bottom lip quivering slightly. His face was red, and his eyes were filled with tears. Sean stepped closer again, heart racing as he stared at the boy who looked so broken at that moment. “I’m here, alright? This is part of what I’m here for; to be _here for you_ … We can talk anytime. If you need this… It’s okay. You can cry if you need to... If it hurts.” 

He almost winced at what he thought was a poor and choppy attempt at being supportive, racking his brain for something better to say. He really wanted to say something that would help, in any way. But what he had said seemed to do… _something._

The moment those words left his mouth it was like Finn lost all ability to suppress what he’d been feeling. The tears began to fall again, streaming down his face faster than Sean’s heartbeat. He made no effort to stop them this time.

“I-I miss him, Sean… It’s been f-four years. Four fuckin’ years and I –” 

Whatever words Finn wanted to say died down in the back of his throat, as his voice cracked before he seemed to lose himself entirely, all his walls crashing down at once. He fell to his knees as a gut-wrenching sob tore through his chest. Sean took only half a second to blink before falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around Finn, pulling him into a tight hug. 

Tears stung at his own eyes as he tried to comfort Finn. Finn, who was always so strong and confident and put together. Now, he was curled up helplessly against Sean, like he had no strength left to fight against what he was feeling. Finn didn’t even seem to have it in him to lift his arms and return the hug, merely collapsing into Sean and mumbling incoherently into his chest as he cried.

Sean shushed him, insisting that talking could wait, and letting his one hand rest on the back of Finn’s head, his other one rubbing at Finn’s back. He tried mimicking the soothing motions his dad used whenever he comforted him. Finn’s body shook as he cried, and Sean just held him, not knowing whether there was anything he could possibly say to make this better.

“I’m sorry,” Finn whimpered, his arms finally moving to wrap around Sean and holding him just as tightly. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

They stayed like that for a while, as Finn cried and Sean held him all the way through it. Eventually, he began to calm down, though he was still panting and sniffing, and Sean could feel his heart hammering through the layers that separated them. His knees were beginning to hurt, and he was fairly certain that Finn’s knees were probably feeling much the same, so he began to move. 

The plan was to adjust them both so that they could sit more comfortably, but as soon as Sean moved an inch, Finn tensed. His fingers dug into Sean’s back as he clutched him tighter still, letting out a quiet whimper and murmuring something into Sean’s shoulder that the younger boy couldn’t quite understand.

“Finn?”

“D-don’t. Don’t go, please… _Stay_?” Finn’s voice was soft like he was afraid to actually be heard, but Sean could make the words out well enough.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Just moving, so we can be more comfortable, okay?”

Finn seemed to relax instantly at that, letting out a sigh and nodding slowly. With his body less rigid now, Sean was able to use all his strength to lift Finn before twisting them both without letting go. It was a bit of an awkward maneuver, but he managed well enough. In the end, he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the closet door with Finn on his lap. The older boy’s face was still buried in the crook of his neck, and he was breathing heavily, but he seemed calmer now.

Still, Sean kept his arms around Finn and continued to hold him. He was prepared to do just that, for as long as he needed to. Still, he couldn’t help but look over at the dress that had been dropped to the ground, and the photograph of young Finn and his brother – _Calum_ – smiling. Even back then, Finn’s smile was goofy and charming. Some things simply don’t change…

Except, a lot of things do. 

He’d hardly ever seen Finn look quite so… at peace? Innocent? Sean didn’t know what word to use, honestly. He’d only seen it a few times, usually when they were alone, sharing some kind of moment, like the night that they kissed for the first time. Most other times, there was always some kind of mask or barrier in the way. 

But right now, Finn seemed further from that boy in the picture than he’d ever seemed before.

He forced himself to not look at the photo anymore, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the closet with a soft thud. Finn didn’t stir, and neither of them did anything to break the silence or pull apart.

They sat there for a long time. If it weren't for the sound of a car pulling up the driveway, they probably would have stayed like that much longer. Finn took a deep breath before lifting his head, letting their eyes meet.

“My mom’s home…”

“Oh. Should we… get up?”

Finn nodded, albeit reluctantly, but made no move to actually get up. Sean blinked, feeling a little stiff, but didn’t rush the boy on top of him. The sound of the front door opening was what finally seemed to set Finn in motion, and he rose to his feet slowly. Sean followed suit, doing his best to hide how numb his legs felt.

Finn walked over to the door, wiping his slightly red face with his sleeve and pulling his dreads back into a loose ponytail. Sean could tell that he was trying to hide the fact that he’d been crying, and was hoping to make himself look more composed. Before he grabbed the door handle though, he paused and turned on his heels to look at Sean.

“Uh, please don’t… mention any of this to her. I don’t want her worryin’ about me…”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, of course,” Sean said.

Finn smiled, before glancing over at the photograph again. “We can, uh, talk about everythin’ later, if that’s still okay with you?”

“Totally. Don’t worry, I get it.”

“Cool. And, uh, thanks, sweetie.”

“For what?”

“For… stayin’, I guess? For everythin’, really. Jus’, thank you.” Finn sighed, shuffling awkwardly and swinging his leg around a little, his eyes glued to the ground now.

“It’s fine, really. I’m just… glad I could be there.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Finn looked at him and smiled. “Yeah, me too,” he said, before taking Sean’s hand and leading him out of the bedroom.

As they walked down the hallway, the younger boy tried to hide the fact that he was suddenly incredibly nervous to be meeting Finn’s mom. Something like that didn’t seem quite so relevant, given everything else that was going on. However, Finn could read him like a book. 

“Don’t worry. She’ll love you” was all Finn said, squeezing his hand. He said it quietly, but his mom still managed to hear him.

“Finny? Is that you?”

Sean bit back a smile at the nickname, following Finn into the living room. There was a woman – Finn’s mom – laying sprawled out across the sofa.

“Hey, momma,” Finn said, and his voice seemed so much softer than usual. Gentle. When Sean looked over at him, he was a little surprised to see such a genuine smile on the older boy’s face when he looked at his mom. There was so much love there.

At the sound of her son’s voice, she sat up on the sofa with a matching smile. Sean didn’t even need to look any closer to notice that Finn was practically the spitting image of her. The same eyes, the same smile, the same hair, the same face...

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you had a friend over,” the woman said, standing up, running a hand through her hair and offering Sean a sweet smile. There was so much warmth in that one small gesture that Sean felt compelled to return it, along with a tiny, awkward wave of his hand. Finn chuckled softly at his signature awkwardness, before placing his hand on the small of Sean’s back and guiding him closer.

“Momma, this is Sean.”

“Ohhhhhhh… _Sean_.” Hints of the same Texan drawl that Finn had seemed to drip into her words. The way she said his name, along with the smirk that was so much like Finn’s, Sean couldn’t help but wonder if – “No wonder my son is so whipped.”

_Oh. My. God._

Sean could already feel his cheeks burning, but Finn didn’t seem embarrassed in the least. Not that he would ever be. In fact, he and his mom were wearing matching expressions on their face. 

“Is he okay?” Finn’s mom asked, directing her question at Finn when Sean couldn’t find his voice.

“He’s fine. Jus’ a little shy,” Finn teased, his hand rubbing circles on Sean’s back which only made the younger boy more nervous and flustered.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Sean.”

_Stop acting like an idiot. Words exist for a reason._

“I-it’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. McNamara,“ Sean said, feeling proud of himself for not stumbling over his words too much. He even managed to say a full sentence and held his hand out for her to take.

“All this formality makes me feel old. Please, I insist you call me Lori,” she said with a laugh, opening her arms up for a hug. “Come on, this is much better than a handshake.” Sean couldn’t argue with that and accepted the hug.

Lori gave really good hugs. 

Maybe that was why Finn gave such good hugs too… 

She was really nice too; it took Sean no time at all to realize that she was incredibly sweet, and his nerves disappeared fairly quickly. Again, he was beginning to think their ability to make someone feel comfortable was genetic.

“So, you boys hungry?”

“Starvin’,” Finn said. Lori pulled her hair back into a ponytail before they both turned to look at Sean expectantly.

“I could eat,” he said shyly, and Finn’s mom smiled instantly. She walked over to the kitchen, and Finn followed, throwing his arm around her shoulder and asking her about her day. Sean sat down at the island counter watching the two of them interact.

Finn was different like this… Still the same Finn, of course, but somehow different. There was a layer there that Sean hadn’t seen before, one that he was beginning to think was reserved for his mom. There was no doubt that Finn loved his mom more than life itself. His eyes were filled with nothing but adoration as he cracked jokes with her and even helped her prepare lunch.

However, the two of them never failed to include Sean in every part of the conversation. They were both really good at it, and Finn definitely got his natural charisma from her – along with everything else. Sean couldn’t help but think, ‘Holy shit, there’s two of them.’

One thing stuck out to him though.

Seeing Finn like that, with his mom… He suddenly looked exactly like the young boy that was in that photograph.

**********

The sun had begun to set, and the two of them found themselves on the roof. Although watching the sunset together was a ridiculously cheesy thing to do, it was clearly becoming their thing.

“Your mom is cool.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“You guys are freakishly similar,” Sean said with a laugh.

“We get that a lot, actually. I take it as a damn compliment. My mom’s the best fuckin’ person in the world.”

“I’m glad I got to meet her…”

“Me too, sweetheart. And I was right, y’know?”

“Right about what?”

“Her loving you,” Finn said with a dorky smile on his face.

“What? No way. One afternoon is not long enough to make _that_ kind of impression.”

“Actually, that’s all it takes, sweetie. Talkin’ from experience here.”

_Wait, what?_

“Anyway. Finn cleared his throat before awkwardly brushing past what he’d said. “I guess me and her are so fuckin’ similar ‘cause we spent so much time together.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. You hang out with her a lot?”

“Absolutely. I love spending time with her… And for a while there, she was all I had.”

That last part almost seemed to slip out of him, like he hadn’t quite meant to say it. Sean could feel him tense up, but he didn’t try to change the subject or take back what he said. Neither of them said anything for a while, both all too aware of the shift in the mood. 

Sean waited patiently until Finn finally spoke again.

“I, uh… I never really… _Shit._ Sorry, I don’t know how to do this. Where do I fuckin’ start?”

“It’s cool. I guess you should just start wherever you think is best… Lyla always says the beginning is a good place to start,” Sean said. “Take your time though. I’m not… I’m not gonna go anywhere.”

_I promise._

“Thanks, sweetie…”

Sean nodded, shuffling closer so that their sides were touching. Finn seemed to relax a little, leaning into him slightly before taking a deep breath.

“Back when I lived in Montana, things were… okay. It was me, my mom, my dad… and my brothers. My dad had his own repair shop; a pretty successful one. He got a ton of business. Used to rope me and my brothers in to help him out in our garage sometimes. Wanted us to take over his business someday, I think.”

“Is that how you learned all that mechanic stuff?”

“Pretty much. Started working with my dad and brothers in our garage when I was a kid.” Finn paused, and his body tensed a little. Sean’s hand went straight to his thigh, to remind him that he was right there. Finn took another shaky breath before continuing.

“My dad was cool, at first. Never forced us to work if we didn’t want to… I guess I was a little different from my brothers though. They were all super into it, and so was I, but you could say I developed other interests… I started thinkin’ about dresses, and makeup, and shit…”

“Oh. And your dad… he wasn’t okay with it?”

“Well, he never said he wasn’t, but yeah. The more I asked about dresses, and ‘girly’ things,” Finn said, using air quotes, “the more he ignored what I was saying and pushed me into working on cars. I guess that was his way of trying to… fix me.”

“Fix you? There’s nothing wrong with you though.”

“Well, I know that now, but when you’re that fuckin’ young and being pushed to think something, you usually end up thinking it,” Finn said, his gaze falling to his feet which were hanging over the side of the roof.

“Right…”

“Anyway, he never, uh, _entertained_ the idea. Whenever we went to the mall, he tried to keep me away from the girl’s section. Hoped it would just go away on its own… It didn’t. Spent two years trying to fight it. My mom, though; never seemed to mind my interest. When my dad wasn’t around, she even let me look around with her… It was cool.”

“At least she tried to support you.”

“Yeah, she did. Calum too. He was always trying…”

“What about your other brothers?” Sean asked curiously. He didn’t miss the way Finn frowned, even though he tried to hide it quickly.

“Hugo and Jackson were okay… Never gave me shit for bein’ different. They’re twins though, so they were always closer to each other than they were to me or Calum.”

“Oh.”

“It’s cool though. I had Calum; didn’t need anybody else. He was always… _there_. For me, for my mom… For anyone, really. He was Mr. Dependable.” Finn let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. 

Sean held his breath as he waited to hear the rest of the story.

“After Calum graduated, he started working full time for my dad… Bought me that dress with his first paycheck. I’d been eyeing it in the store for weeks, and one day he just… came home with it.”

“Damn… That must have been a big moment for you.”

“It was…. It was the first dress I ever wore. I put it on immediately. _Shit_ , the tags were still on and I was in it, runnin’ down my street like a maniac, but I was… so fuckin’ happy,” Finn said, before sniffling. Sean noticed one tear slip down his cheek and took Finn’s hand again. The older boy looked up and smiled weakly at him, eyes wet, before looking back at his feet. 

“My dad was not happy though. He came home early that day; found me in the dress, and found my mom takin’ a picture of the two of us… That picture from earlier.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah… It was a shit show after that. He was pissed; went off on my brother and mom for ‘encouraging such bullshit.’ Went off on me for… bein’ me, I guess. Whatever.”

“That’s not whatever, Finn. Your dad should have been supportive…”

“Well, there’s a lot that my dad should have done. And a lot that he shouldn’t have done,” Finn said bitterly, and suddenly his grip on Sean’s hand was a lot tighter than it has been before. It almost hurt, but that was the least of Sean’s concern. He had that same sinking feeling that he’d had the night they watched that movie when Finn’s phone went crazy.

“What happened, Finn?” Sean found himself asking before he could stop himself. There was something in Finn’s tone…

“My dad wanted me to throw the dress out, and start focusing more on mechanics, and ‘being a man’. That was his great fuckin’ idea; as if that… would change me. Calum didn’t wanna let it happen though. He wanted me to be able to explore myself and do whatever I needed to do. I guess he thought that if he worked hard enough and gave my dad enough help – if he was the perfect son – then the focus would be off of me.”

“And did that work?”

“Yeah, kinda... The more Calum worked with my dad, the less time my dad spent at home trying to control me,” Finn explained.

Sean started feeling a bit scared about where this all was heading, but he didn’t show it. Apparently, whatever was coming scared Finn too, because he was shaking now, not saying a word. Or maybe it was more anger than fear… Or maybe just both.

“Finn, it’s okay. I’m here…”

Sean put his hand on Finn’s thigh, ready to catch his attention, but Finn broke the silence before he could say anything.

“My dad got into some fucked up shit, Sean.”

“Fucked up, how?”

“ _Illegal,_ fucked up. I don’t know all the details; only that his business wasn’t totally legit… He got involved with some people... _Dangerous people_. I don’t even know how.”

“Is that… how he ended up in jail?”

“Yeah… I jus’… _Fuck_ , this is hard,” Finn said, his voice shaking slightly.

“I know. We can stop if you want. You’ve already told me a lot, more than I expected. If you need to stop, then you can.”

“No, this is fine. I think… I think I jus’ need to do this.”

“Okay…” Sean was worried, but Finn seemed determined to get this all out. 

“A few weeks after the… _incident_ , me and my dad were home alone. My mom was out of town with some friends, and my brothers were out too. My dad wanted to go to his shop, for somethin’… He was real vague about it. I didn’t wanna go though, and I don’t even fuckin’ remember why. I should’ve just… gone.”

Sean didn’t say anything; didn’t know what to say.

“The shop was supposed to be closed that day, so I didn’t understand why we needed to go. I guess I jus’ felt like being a bit of a brat, to piss him off… My dad couldn’t leave me alone at home though, so he called Calum.”

Finn hesitated, looking over at Sean before clenching his eyes shut.

“Obviously, Calum wanted to keep the peace, and he was already out, so he went to the shop for my dad…” Finn paused to take a steadying breath.

“Take your time,” Sean reminded him reassuringly, and Finn nodded slowly.

“Calum didn’t… He didn’t come home that night. My dad seemed nervous about it, kept checking his phone. But he never mentioned that there was any reason to worry. I honestly still don’t know if that was for our sake, or to cover his own ass.”

There was a long pause before Sean felt a tear drop onto his hand where it was resting on Finn’s thigh. Those weren’t his tears; they were Finn’s.

“Finn – “

“The morning after that, Hugo, Jackson, and I went to the shop with my dad. My mom didn’t know anythin’, but my dad told us not to call her… He said he didn’t want to worry her, but when we got there, we… Calum…”

“Fuck, Finn – “

“We found him - his... _body_ \- in the shop. He was...“

“It’s okay… You don’t have to say it.”

And then Finn was crying again. The tears rolled down his cheeks in a silent stream, not like earlier when he was sobbing loudly and struggling to speak. It was more like the tears were just falling out of his eyes now, and he was too tired to actually… cry. 

“I can’t help but think that if I had jus’… gone with my dad…” Finn pushed the words out, completely ignoring his own tears, simply letting them fall.

“Don’t do that to yourself. You couldn’t have known – “

“I know, but I can’t fuckin’ help it. I don’t even know who to blame anymore. Half the time, I blame myself. The other half, I blame my dad. It’s fucked up.” Finn’s breathing was ragged but slow. Some more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“W-what happened?”

Finn bowed his head. “When Calum was there that day, this guy showed up at the shop lookin’ for my dad. He was bad fuckin’ news; one of my dad’s not-so-legit customers. I don’t really know what he was tryin’ to get from my dad, but whatever it was, Calum knew nothin’ about it. None of us knew anythin’. Not until after…”

“Shit.”

“Y-yeah… I don’t really know what happened, but I guess this guy wasn’t expectin’ Calum. I don’t… I don’t know. There was a whole fuckin’ investigation. Can’t say I really focused much on the details though… Was too wrapped up in everythin’, tryin’ to process shit, y’know?”

Sean nodded. 

“Anyway, after the investigation, my dad’s illegal shit was exposed, and he was thrown in jail. The guy who... did it; he got arrested too. S’not enough though. That doesn’t… He’s still gone, Sean. I lost almost everyone.” Finn inhaled sharply, wiping away some of his tears even though it seemed a bit pointless now. “Even Hugo and Jackson fuckin’ took off.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. After it all went down, we moved out here. Bein’ in that house… in that place; it was too much. To everyone else, I was just that kid with a terrible life, and my mom was jus’ the wife of a criminal. We all had it rough, and moving was for the best. But the twins just… left, one day. Guess they didn’t wanna stick around and be a part of the shit show anymore.”

“Fuck. That’s awful.”

“Well, that’s my fuckin’ life,” Finn said. “I didn’t have anyone, except my mom… and for a while, I didn’t think that was enough. I tried to fill the holes, to replace the people I lost; always lookin’ for a new daddy. Those people were jus’ fuckin’ placeholders though. I needed them, for my own selfish reasons. Until I met Hannah, at least. She was the first person I let in that was there as more than just… somebody to rely on. She helped me a lot…”

Finn wiped his tears away, before looking at Sean and continuing without breaking eye contact.

“I met the rest of the group eventually, and we all became a family… And I had my mom. We had each other. Losin’ everyone was hard for both of us, but she was a constant for me, just like I was for her.”

“I’m glad you guys have each other.”

“Yeah. I jus’… I spent a long time thinkin’ I needed to find somethin’. I thought there was something I needed; _someone_ I needed. But it was just… her. We’d been through it all together. I only needed my mom, and I was okay with that for the first time in a long time. Didn’t think I needed anyone else to rely on… And then, _I met you_.”

Sean blinked, a little confused, but didn’t say a word. He was too afraid to break the flow of the conversation by saying something stupid or awkward.

“You were the first person I met, that I wanted to be with; and I mean, _be with._ But I was scared… I didn’t want to need you. I didn’t want you to become just another replacement that didn’t last. That’s why I never…”

“That’s why you never told me any of this?” Sean asked, finishing the sentence for him.

“Yeah… It sounds dumb, but I swear, it made sense in my head. At the time, at least.”

“It’s not dumb… I get it.”

“Do you? ‘Cause I don’t… And I fucked up anyway,” Finn said, shaking his head with a laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that as soon as I met you, it was over… I needed you, from the start. Not as a placeholder, or a crutch, or a replacement. I just… I need you around, Sean. I w _ant_ you around. You make me happy, in a way that I haven’t felt since… since Calum died.”

_Holy shit._

“I-I don’t… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anythin’, Sean.”

“W-well, I’m proud of you, for being open… For telling me all of this… And I-I hope you know that you make me happy too,” Sean said. 

Finn smiled at him. It was weak, and there was still sadness there… but it was a real smile. Their hands found each other again, like some kind of natural instinct. Sean couldn’t help but smile back, letting his thumb rub circles on the back of Finn’s hand. They stayed like that for a moment, but the story wasn’t over yet.

“That night, back at your place, when we watched that movie… It was Jackson that was calling me.”

“Jackson? Your brother?”

“That’s the one. He and Hugo have been trying to, uh, talk shit out with us, but I _can’t_. Not after they jus’ left me like that; left _us._ They left, and my momma was a fuckin’ mess, but they never even looked back. Now they think a couple of phone calls and surprise visits are gonna fix everything.”

“Surprise visits?” Sean asked, feeling like he was missing something.

“They showed up here, a while ago; the day after we kissed, actually.”

“Oh… That’s why you disappeared that day?”

“Yeah. My mom called… She didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t wanna wake you, so I rushed home.”

“What happened? What did they say? S-sorry, you don’t have to tell me –”

“It’s cool. They basically said that they were sorry for leavin’; wanted to make up for shit… Then they suggested I go visit my dad,” Finn scoffed. “I told ‘em to get out… Didn’t wanna hear what they had to say. Didn’t think there was anything they could say that would make shit better.”

“That’s understandable…”

“I feel like shit for doin’ it… Like there should be a part of me that wants to hear them out. There should be a part of me that wants to visit my dad… right?”

“Not necessarily… I mean, is there a part of you that wants that?” Sean asked.

“Fuck, I don’t know. _Maybe_. It’s all jus’ so fuckin’ messed up, Sean…”

“You don’t have to know everything, Finn. That’s okay. It’s okay to be confused, you know? They hurt you… You’re allowed to be hurt, and you’re allowed to be angry. What they did fucking sucked.”

“Yeah… You got that right. It definitely fuckin’ sucked. But yeah… That’s my story, I guess…”

“Shit… I am… I’m so fucking sorry, Finn. That’s just… I don’t even think there are enough words to show you how sorry I am… You didn’t deserve to go through all of that.”

“I know, sweetie. Life’s just… a bitch.”

“Yeah. A huge fucking bitch…”

They both laughed humorlessly at that. Perhaps they just knew that there had been enough crying for one day. Eventually, the laughter died down and they sat in silence, both processing everything that had been brought to the surface. Years of pain and suppressed feelings all came out in one afternoon, crashing into both of them and knocking them off their feet.

But they were there to help each other up…

Sean was there to help Finn up, and Finn was finally ready to accept that help.

“Hey, Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you… for telling me. For trusting me. I know that was a lot for you… So, thank you.”

Finn didn’t say anything, only nodding slowly, and Sean didn’t push him to say something. 

The sun had set by then, and the sky was dark above them. The stars were shining bright, and the moon was only partly hidden by the clouds, and it was… really cold. Both of them were freezing, but neither of them moved a muscle. 

They had found themselves in a bubble alone… but together.

“Hey, Sean?”

“Hm?” Sean hummed, turning to meet Finn’s gaze.

“Thank you for listening, and for being there. I… Thank you.”

“It’s cool, y-you don’t need to thank me. Do you… H-how do you feel now?”

“I mean, this shit hurts, but I think it kinda helped. Feels good to let it all out, y’know? Kinda fuckin’ freeing,” Finn said, laughing breathlessly. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone the whole story. I’m glad I did though… I’m glad it was with you.”

“Me too… You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

“I know, sweetie… Thank you.”

After that, Finn sighed and rested his head on his shoulder. Sean’s arm moved around him without him telling it to. Neither of them kept track of the time after that, and neither of them even thought to. It was just the two of them, in that one moment, and they were both okay with it. The silence was freakishly comfortable, and the air, although frighteningly cold, was light. 

“It’s cold,” Finn said after a while, breaking the silence again.

“Yeah...”

“Do you wanna go inside?” 

“N-no. Do you?” Sean asked.

“Not really. Kinda jus’ wanna stay out here, for a while. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” Sean was a little thrown off by how unsure Finn seemed of himself. 

“Also, I-I feel like… I don’t… _Fuck_.” Finn scratched the back of his head, one of the few tells that he was nervous.

“What?”

“I jus’ – I wanna – Can we – ”

“Finn, what’s going on?” Sean asked, turning his whole body to face Finn before grabbing his face gently with both hands and making the boy look at him. 

When their eyes met, Finn stopped his nervous rambling, seeming to find the inspiration that he needed.

“Kiss me.”

“W-what? But… are you sure? After all that, y-you wanna – “ Sean moved to take his hands away, but Finn lifted his own to keep them there.

“I’m sure, sweetie. I missed you, and I feel like… I want you to kiss me, _please_?”

Sean could never say no to Finn. Not in that moment, nor in any other moment. Every part of him wanted to do anything and everything to make Finn happy; starting with kissing him.

It was slow, and it was gentle, but it was _everything_. 

It was pain, sadness, relief, and happiness, all wrapped up in one single moment. Sean had never felt so connected to another person. But when he pulled away, Finn’s eyes were still closed and his eyelashes were wet, one single tear rolling down his face.

“Shit, you’re crying.” Sean started pulling away, panic and guilt building inside of him. “I shouldn’t have – I’m sorry, I – “

“No, sweetie,” Finn said opening his eyes, causing the rest of the tears that were building up to fall. He didn’t pay them any mind though. “It was perfect, I swear. I’m just… I’m happy you’re here with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“You keep askin’ me that, so you clearly have no idea how sure I am,” Finn said, letting his hands wrap around Sean’s waist and pulling himself closer. “Right now, this is one of the only things I’m sure about. _You_ are one of the only things I’m sure about, sweetie.”

Relief washed over Sean, and he smiled softly before wiping Finn’s tears away with his thumbs and pressing a kiss to the boy’s temple.

“Can you… stay here tonight?” Finn asked. He sounded so uncertain, and it was almost scary to see him so… vulnerable. It was almost as if he thought Sean might actually have it in him to deny him anything. 

“You want me to stay?”

Finn nodded, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Okay,” Sean said, before capturing Finn’s lips in another brief kiss. “I’ll call my dad.”

Sean was, admittedly, a little worried that his dad might be upset that he was staying over. Esteban usually liked to get to know the parent before letting his kid spend the night at their house. But when Finn smiled at Sean, that same smile he’d seen when they were with his mom…

The same smile from the photograph…

He knew that he’d do anything to keep that smile on Finn’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *disappears for twenty minutes to cry*
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought <3  
> We're approaching the end of this story. Only a couple more chapters to go!!  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day, my lovely readers! I hope you all enjoy this chapter <3

Peaceful.

Finn looked peaceful when he was asleep.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time they’d fallen asleep together… But it was the first time they’d woken up together.

Sean woke up first, and for a second, he had no idea where he was. He’d not spent much time in Finn’s bedroom the day before, so the environment was still fairly new to him. He woke up to a different ceiling, a different wallpaper and a different smell – Finn’s bedroom smelled of weed and strawberries, which seemed fitting. It was all… _unfamiliar_.

But the warmth radiating off of Finn’s body was not. The feeling of Finn’s body curled up against him wasn’t unfamiliar either. The steady beat of Finn’s heart that he could feel through the thin layer of his t-shirt was a song that he was already used to; one of his favorites. 

He’d never slept with someone like this before. There was one time he’d shared a bed with Lyla, but they slept head to foot. He’d also shared a bed with Daniel before, but that was very different. 

Sharing a bed with Finn didn’t feel like it did with anyone else. 

Then again, nothing with Finn felt quite the same as it did with anyone else. 

And not that he’d ever admit this to anyone – because Lyla would never stop teasing him if he ever said this out loud – but waking up next to Finn… Nothing could compare. 

He couldn’t help but stare at Finn for a moment, admiring how _beautiful_ he looked. Sean wasn’t sure if he’d ever used that word out loud with Finn, but he thought about it a lot. He’d always known that Finn was beautiful, but at that moment, it was like he was realizing it all over again.

Everything about him… from his relaxed features down to the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest. Sean didn’t want to look away; _couldn’t_ look away. He felt a little creepy just staring like that, but the feeling was nowhere near strong enough to overpower his desire to just… continue looking. 

_I could get used to this…_

_Wait –_

The realization startled him, and he barely stopped himself from jumping out of the bed. He did tense though, not expecting such a thought to pop into his head… But it did, and it was true. He really could get used to this. Waking up like this, curled up with Finn, together… It was all too easy to imagine doing this every day. Terrifyingly easy.

“Enjoyin’ the view, sweetie?”

_Shit._

Sean didn’t even realize Finn had woken up. He was too busy thinking about his own thoughts, in typical over-thinking fashion. Finn’s eyes were still closed.

“Yeah… I am, actually,” Sean admitted quietly.

Finn’s eyes opened wide at the admission, blue meeting brown for the first time that morning. 

“You flirtin’ with me?” He sounded genuinely surprised, even in his half-asleep state.

“Kind of?” Sean asked more than said. Even he was unsure about what he was doing, but if this was flirting, then yeah… He was flirting. 

Finn let out a soft laugh, before shuffling even closer than he already was, letting his hand stretch across Sean’s stomach and resting his head on Sean’s chest. Finn's legs were draped over Sean's, and he nuzzled Sean's foot with his. All of it gave Sean butterflies, even though he should have been used to Finn’s touchy behavior by now. Still, it never failed to make him feel something dangerously close to giddy.

“Always full of surprises.” The older boy hummed, a content smile plastered on his face now.

“Good surprises?”

“’Course.”

“Like finding money in the pocket of your jeans when you put them on?”

“Hmm… Nah,” Finn sighed, before looking up at Sean. “Better than that.”

Sean couldn’t fight against the smile that took over his face, putting his arms around Finn before leaning down to kiss his forehead. He didn’t miss the way Finn’s smile widened at that, even though he tried to hide it by burying his face in the fabric of Sean’s t-shirt.

However, as nice as it was to look at Finn, Sean couldn’t help but look over at the desk. The photograph from yesterday was still there. Last night, after they’d come back down from the roof, Sean had offered to put it back on the shelf where it had been slightly concealed. He wanted to make things as easy for Finn as possible, but after a moment of consideration, Finn looked at the photo and smiled, shaking his head.

Progress.

“Hey, uh… Finn?”

“Hmm?”

“How are you… feeling, today? I mean, like… how are you doing after… yesterday?”

Finn sighed into his chest, and said, “I don’t know. I feel better, kinda? Shit’s still all kinds of messed up…”

“Right.”

“But it’s a bit better now… It’s better with you here. I just wanna focus on that, for a while… At least for today, you know? If that’s okay…”

“Y-yeah, that’s okay. We can just… focus on having a good day.”

The older boy looked up at him again, and suddenly, all Sean could think about was how beautiful Finn looked. His brain felt like something akin to a pile of mush, not for the first time since meeting Finn.

_Why do his eyes have to be so blue?_

“I… Uh…”

“What’s up, sweetie?”

“Y-you… You’re… N-nevermind.”

“Aw, now you got me all curious,” Finn said, propping himself up on his forearm and pouting. That didn’t help restore Sean’s brain function. “C’mon. You’re doing that thing where you get all cute and stuttery. What’s goin’ on?”

“I-it’s nothing.”

Finn quirked an eyebrow at him, saying ‘I don’t believe you’ without actually saying it. 

“It’s just… You’re really… You’re beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Finn echoed quietly.

“Y-yeah… I’m sorry, it’s just – You look really good, like this… I don’t know. I just think you’re… _beautiful._ I’ve, uh… always thought that. Guess I just never said it until now.”

“You think I’m… beautiful?” Finn’s voice didn’t carry the tone it usually did when it came to people acknowledging his good looks. Usually, he’d be playfully cocky about it, saying something along the lines of ‘I know’ or smirking or… something. Right now, he sounded like he’d been caught off guard.

“Well, yeah. I mean – why do you seem so surprised?” Sean asked curiously.

“I guess I jus’ never, uh… I ain’t ever been called beautiful before. Been called other stuff; never beautiful though,” Finn explained, sitting up on the bed and rubbing the back of his neck. Sean sat up too.

“Well, you are. I mean, you don’t know how many times I’ve thought that.”

“Sean, the romantic. Who woulda thought?”

“Shut up,” Sean said, rolling his eyes and dropping his head down onto the pillow again. Finn shook his head with a smile, before crawling forward and straddling the younger boy. “W-what are you doing?”

“Movin’ closer.” Finn leaned forward, their lips only inches apart now. However, Sean stopped him by putting a hand on his chest before they could actually kiss.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“So?”

“My breath probably smells like shit, dude.”

“Mine probably does too. Don’t matter to me,” Finn said with a shrug, letting his hands rest on Sean’s shoulders. “Can I kiss you now?”

“O-okay…”

“You don’t sound sure. S’okay, sweetie. We don’t have to.” Finn moved to lay next to Sean again, but the younger boy’s hands shot to his hips and held him there with more strength than was actually necessary. The action took them both by surprise, and Finn’s eyes widened. His cheeks turned pink too, but quickly hid all signs of being flustered.

“Well,” Finn said, smirking before leaning down, bringing their faces closer again. Sean’s cheeks were burning and his heart was pounding and he was almost one hundred percent certain that Finn could feel it, but he didn’t dare say another word; not that his brain would even come up with a single word or sentence that would come close to being coherent when Finn was that close. Especially not when there was a familiar twinkle in his eyes that Sean missed more than he’d care to admit. “I’ll take that as a good sign.”

Their lips finally met, moving together slowly. The slight brush of Finn’s lips against his was always enough to take Sean’s breath away… But when Finn deepened the kiss, smiling into it, Sean couldn’t help but think that maybe this was all the air he needed.

Caught up in the moment, Sean flipped them over, and Finn let out a quiet gasp.

_Oh shit._

“What? Did I do something, or – “

“No, not at all, sweetie. This is good,” Finn said breathlessly.

“You sure?”

Finn answered that question by pulling Sean down into the kiss again, looping his arms around the back of Sean’s neck.

_Yup… Could definitely get used to this._

**********

“We c-can’t stay in here all day.”

“Can’t we? Who’s gonna stop us, sweetheart?”

“N-no one. I just – As m-much as I love… _this_ ,” Sean said, breath hitching as Finn continued to pepper kisses all over his face and neck, “We shouldn’t get carried away.” 

They’d spent a long time kissing, and an even longer time laughing when Sean’s fingers brushed against Finn’s stomach. It was accidental, at first, but when Finn jumped, Sean couldn’t resist the urge to tickle him again.

He’d somehow ended up underneath Finn again after a while, and they’d gone right back to kissing – not that he was complaining. He quite liked the feeling of Finn on top of him.

_And I’m never going to say that out loud either._

“Carried away?” Finn asked, smirking against the skin of his neck.

“You know what I mean…”

“I know, sweetie. I’m jus’ teasin’.” Finn ceased his torturously pleasant attack on Sean’s neck, sitting up straight. “I wasn’t plannin’ on getting’… c _arried away,_ ” Finn said, sliding off of Sean and laying down next to him again. The younger boy sighed, out of something between relief and disappointment. He rubbed his hands over his face in an attempt to steady himself when Finn’s breath was on his ear. “Not that there’s anythin’ wrong with gettin’ carried away.”

“ _Finn,_ “ Sean said, feeling his cheeks flush at how much that sounded like a whine. 

The older boy threw his head back and laughed. “God, you’re so cute.”

“And you’re mean.”

“The best kind of mean though. Y’know… the mean that you enjoy. The mean that makes you – “

“Oh god – I’m getting coffee.” Sean bolted upright in the bed, shaking his head and willing himself to get a hold of himself.

“You sure you wanna get up right now?” Finn asked, sitting up with him and letting his hand tease the hem of Sean’s t-shirt. “You could always stay in here and – “

“Nope! Getting coffee. That is what I am doing.” 

He jumped out of bed, pulling on his jeans and grabbing his phone but leaving his hoodie behind. Finn laughed as he stumbled around, clearly in a rush to escape. As he got to the door he paused, turning around to face the older boy again. Finn smirked at him. “You change your mind?”

“You’re impossible.” Finn flashed him a goofy grin, to which he rolled his eyes. “Do you want some coffee too?”

“Oh.” The tattooed boy sounded taken aback, but in a good way. “Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks, sweetie,” he said, his smile softening slightly. Sean nodded, smiling back at him before leaving the room and heading to the kitchen. 

He started making coffee, grabbing what he knew was Finn’s mug, and one for himself too. Last night, Lori had shown him where everything was and told him to make himself at home.

While he waited, he decided to text his dad with updates. Luckily, Esteban wasn’t upset by the impromptu sleepover, but he was firm in the fact that Sean had to be home after lunch. He had, however, also said that Finn was still welcome to come over for their movie night. 

Sean had just put his phone down on the counter to finish making the coffee when he got the life scared out of him.

“Oh my god!” 

He whirled around at the exclamation, to see Lori standing there panting, clutching her heart with her hand.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – “

“No, it’s okay, honey. Don’t worry. I’m just not used to having anyone in the house that isn’t Finn or Cassidy.”

“Y-yeah, that makes sense.”

“You making coffee?”

Sean nodded. “Do you want some too?” he offered. She blinked, eyes wide, before smiling and nodding. He grabbed her mug, getting back to the task at hand. 

“You guys seemed to have a fun morning.”

“Oh, sorry, did we wake you? I didn’t realize – “

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” She laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “I was up anyway. It was good to hear him laughing like that…”

Sean didn’t know what to say to that, so he simply handed her coffee over awkwardly, before just kind of… standing there.

“Sorry. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I just…” he trailed off, not really knowing where to take that sentence.

“Finn… told you, right?”

“Uh…“

“About our… _past_.”

“ _Oh_ … Kind of… I mean, yeah, he did. I hope that’s okay.”

“Hey, if he’s okay with it, then I’m okay with it. I’m surprised though… He doesn’t usually tell people,” she explained. Sean moved to sit down next to her.

“Well, he only told me yesterday… I could tell it was hard for him.”

“Yeah… He’s been hurting for a long time. Tries to cover it up for my sake a lot of the time, wanting to be the supportive, strong son that he thinks I need… I’m glad he opened up to you though. I think you are exactly what he needs…”

“T-thank you. You might be giving me a bit too much credit though.”

“Not at all. If anything, I’m not giving you _enough_ credit. Anyone with half a brain can see that you being in his life has made a difference.”

“I… Really?”

“Really,” Lori said with a smile. “You know, after he came home from that Halloween party… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that. And every time after that, when he came home after seeing you, it was the same thing. You make him happy, Sean. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“W-well, I… You’re welcome? I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to say… Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Ah, yes, Finn mentioned your inability to accept a compliment.”

“Of course he did… W-what else did he tell you?” Sean asked curiously.

“Oh, too many things to name. He talks about you all the time, you know? And I’m not just saying this because I wanna tease my son.” They both laughed at that. “Seriously, I feel like I already know you, just from what he’s told me. I’m glad I can actually get to know you though. You seem like a good kid.”

“Thanks, Lori… That means a lot. He’s, uh… He’s done a lot for me too. It’s like he just… makes everything better.” Lori raised an eyebrow at him, and he quickly realized how that sounded. “T-that sounds super corny, so just pretend I didn’t say that.”

She smiled at him, before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Hey… uh, Lori?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about everything that you guys went through… And about your son, Calum.” 

“Thank you, Sean… It’s been hard, dealing with everything. And after Finn’s father was arrested, and Hugo and Jackson left… it was just… _hard._ It was like everyone… left. We lost everyone.”

“Yeah… I know.”

“But… I like to think that Calum never left.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I don’t think the ones who love us ever leave. Not really, anyway. They’re always there, even if we can’t see them. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah…” 

There was a moment of silence, in which neither of them said anything. However, to both their surprise, it was Sean who broke the silence.

“I-I’m sorry if I’m crossing the line, or something, but do you ever… How do you feel about Hugo and Jackson trying to contact you guys?”

Lori went silent, and Sean immediately regretted opening his mouth.

“Sorry, forget I asked that – “

“No, it’s okay. You’re allowed to ask questions. Besides, it shows me that you actually care, at least enough to _want_ to ask.” Sean relaxed instantly, and she smiled, before letting out a breath. “I honestly don’t know how I feel. I mean, they’re still my sons. My babies – even if they’re all grown up now… Part of me will always want them here, close to me. I just don’t want Finn to feel like he has to let them back in for me, because he would… He’d do anything for me.”

“I can tell… He loves you a lot…”

“Exactly… And I love him more than anything, but I don’t want him to carry that anger around anymore. I don’t want that for him… I don’t think Calum would have wanted that for him either. Family is… the most important thing.”

“My dad says the same thing to me and my brother. I don’t think I’d ever be okay without either of them… My mom left us when I was a kid. I still… I’m angry about it. I’m angry with her… But my dad doesn’t want me to be. He’s always trying to get me to let go of the anger.”

“Then you know what I’m saying.”

“Y-yeah. I think I do,” Sean said, smiling at her. She smiled back.

“Well, damn. I’m feelin’ a little left out.”

Finn’s voice made them both whip their heads around to look at him. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest and a smile on his face.

“H-how long have you been standing there?”

“Not long. Jus’ got here actually. Was wonderin’ what took you so long,” Finn said, walking over to them. He pressed a kiss to his mom’s forehead, whispering, “Mornin’, momma.”

Then he was sliding into the seat next to Sean, grabbing his coffee and taking a sip. “Holy shit, this is some good coffee.”

Sean smiled, feeling pleased with himself. However, it was at that moment that he noticed Finn’s outfit.

“Is that… my hoodie?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” Finn asked playfully, looking down at the wolf squad emblem on the front of the hoodie.

“So you’re stealing my clothes now?”

“Not stealin’. You’ll have it back, don’tchu worry. I know how much you love this thing.”

“Uh, n-no… It’s fine. I don’t mind… It looks good on you,” Sean admitted shyly, not able to tear his eyes away.

“You think so?” 

Sean nodded mutely. He was feeling a little tongue-tied, seeing Finn in his favorite hoodie. It was a little oversized on him, though not as oversized as the hoodies he usually wore. Sean had never quite understood what was so nice about sharing clothes… but that was quickly changing.

“I think I’ll leave you two alone,” Lori said teasingly, smirking at the two of them before getting up and disappearing down the hall and into her bedroom.

“You good, sweetie?” Finn asked once they were alone again.

“Y-yeah.” Sean gulped, forcing himself to look at the coffee that he was drinking. Finn chuckled at his flustered state.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I just never expected to be the guy that gave his boyfriend his hoodie.”

“Boyfriend?”

_Boyfriend?_

_Wait… boyfriend?_

_Did I say boyfriend?_

_Shit. I did. I said boyfriend._

“Sweetheart?”

“Just… forget I said that,” Sean said, jumping up and getting ready to rush away from what he’d just done. 

“Why?”

Sean stopped moving but didn’t turn around. “B-because I didn’t… I didn’t mean to call you that. I mean, we aren’t – This isn’t…”

“Sean, look at me for a sec.” Sean shook his head firmly, feeling his cheeks warm with embarrassment. “Please?” 

_Fuck._

Sean turned around reluctantly, fighting against the urge to run away. Finn was standing in front of him, with a reassuring smile on his face.

“You don’t have to freak out, alright? S’not a big deal.”

“But it is. I don’t want you to think that I – “

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” Finn said, grabbing both his hands gently. “It’s really not a big deal. Is that… Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Sean didn’t say anything, merely standing there with his mouth agape. The words in his mind died in the back of his throat, disappearing into nothing. Sean almost wished he could disappear too.

“Because if you do, that’s cool. I mean, I ain’t ever used labels before… But it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Not for me, anyway. I’ve been yours since day one, baby.”

“W-what?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know. For me, we’re already _together_ , and I don’t plan on tryin’ to change that. All we’re missin’ is a label.”

“O-oh…”

“So, is that what you want? To be _boyfriends_?”

“I… Yeah. That’s… I want that. I want… I want to be your boyfriend… Your partner.”

“Okay,” Finn said, leaning closer and kissing him sweetly. “You’re already my partner, sweetie. And now you’re my boyfriend. My boyfriend, my partner, and whatever else you wanna be.” Sean didn’t try to hide his smile at that. He didn’t stop smiling when their lips met again, and he could feel Finn smiling too.

“And you’re mine,” Sean whispered into the kiss, not wanting to break away. He could hardly believe that the words he was saying were true. It still seemed so unreal.

“Yeah, I’m yours.”

**********

Sean drove them back to his house, after having lunch with Finn’s mom. It was his first time driving Finn’s car, but today seemed like the day for firsts. The entire drive home was spent jamming to whatever music Finn played; not that Sean paid all that much attention to anything other than driving and looking over at Finn whenever he could.

“Hey, Dad,” Sean greeted when he opened the front door. Esteban was in the kitchen, clearing away plates, and looked up at them.

“My my, I nearly forgot I had a second son,” he teased, opening his arms. “I missed you so much. It’s been _forever,_ mijo.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Sean groaned. Finn chuckled behind him. “It was one night.” Esteban didn’t relent though, and Sean had no choice but to accept the hug. He liked it though.

When Sean let go and moved aside, Finn opened his arms to Esteban in an equally dramatic fashion. “Esteban, it’s been _forever._ ”

Sean’s dad laughed at that, before pulling Finn in for a hug that looked way too tight, but it didn’t seem like either of them minded. The image made Sean smile without him realizing it. 

The sound of a door swinging open caught Sean’s attention, as did the shout that followed it.

“Finn!” Daniel came running out of his bedroom, charging toward the three of them.

“Right, because I’m not here,” Sean muttered, quietly enough so that no one else could hear. He wasn’t really annoyed though… Not that Esteban or Finn noticed, still pulling apart from their hug.

“Hey, little man! What’s up? How’ve you – oh!”

Finn was cut off as Daniel tackled him, _jumping up_ and wrapping his arms around him. The older boy was caught off guard and stumbled backward, and they both crashed to the ground. However, since Finn had still been holding onto Esteban, and Esteban had still been holding onto Finn, the older man was brought down with them.

“Oh my God! Daniel! Are you – “

Sean’s panic was interrupted by the sound of laughter. He didn’t know whose laughter… But then he realized it was all three of them. Finn, Daniel, and Esteban. They were all tangled up in a heap of limbs, laughing on the ground.

And then he realized that he was laughing too.

“Are – you guys – okay?” he asked, forcing the words out through his laughter. Esteban was the only one that responded coherently, waving his hand and nodding. Finn was still underneath Daniel, who was still hugging him despite all the chaos.

“Okay, we need to get up,” Esteban said, panting slightly. He got up into a crouching position, wiping his eyes, before trying to pry Daniel off of Finn. “Let him go, mijo. You might crush the poor boy.”

“I’m not that heavy!” Daniel protested, but let go anyway, rolling off of Finn. Sean helped each of them up, pulling them by the hand. When it came to Finn, Sean helped him up but didn’t let go of his hand, using his other to wipe away Finn’s laughter-induced tears.

“You okay?” Sean asked, smiling goofily.

“’Course, sweetie. Jus’ had no idea your brother was so strong.”

“Or heavy,” Sean suggested teasingly.

“Hey! I’m not that heavy, okay?”

“Whatever you say, enano,” Sean teased, ruffling Daniel’s hair. He could feel Finn squeezing his hand gently at the action, and squeezed back.

“So, you boys good?” Esteban asked, looking between Finn and Sean, and down at where their hands were linked.

“Yeah, we’re good, Dad.”

“Good.”

“Now Sean won’t be so grumpy anymore,” Daniel teased. Sean glared at him, to which he responded by sticking his tongue out.

“Aw, were you grumpy without me, sweetie?” 

“I… Maybe?”

Finn smiled at that before it morphed into a smirk and he crouched down in front of Daniel. “He wasn’t mean to you, was he, little man?” he asked playfully. 

“Nah, he was cool. I could just tell that he was sad.” That took Sean by surprise, but he didn’t say anything. “Hey, why are you wearing Sean’s hoodie?”

“That’s a very good question, mijo,” Esteban said, raising his eyebrow suspiciously. Sean spotted him eyeing both of them. They were wearing each other’s hoodies – Finn had given Sean one of his, ‘to be fair.’ 

“Well, I let him wear it,” Sean explained.

“Oh. Really? You never let me wear it!”

“Yeah, because it would be way too big for you. Plus, Finn is my boyfriend. It’s different.”

“Boyfriend?” Esteban and Daniel asked simultaneously, making Finn snicker.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Awesome!” Daniel said, clapping his hands excitedly.

“Finally,” Esteban said, taking them all by surprise. “What? It certainly took you boys long enough… I’m just saying.” He retreated back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

“So, does that mean you’ll be spending more time here?” Daniel asked, tugging on Finn’s hoodie – _Sean’s hoodie_.

“He spent a lot of time here before, enano.”

“Well, yeah… But it’s different now, isn’t it?”

“Not really… It’s just a label. We’re still the same,” Sean found himself saying, an echo of what Finn had told him earlier.

“Exactly. But I’ll be here a lot, don’t worry,” Finn said, making Daniel smile. The kid grabbed his hand before tugging him toward the couch, insisting they play something together. Finn didn’t seem opposed, so Sean left them to their fun. He needed to talk to his dad anyway.

“So… you two talked?” Esteban asked as soon as Sean was close enough. Both Finn and Daniel were too wrapped up in their game to hear anything.

“Yeah, we talked…”

“And? I know everything between the two of you is good but is he – “

“He’s… okay. I think he’ll be okay,” Sean said, sparing a glance over at his boyfriend and smiling. Finn was bouncing in his seat, cheering Daniel on in whatever game he was playing.

“Good. I hope he knows he can always come here to us if he needs anything. He’s part of the family.”

Sean had always known that he’d gotten lucky with his dad. Esteban was seriously the best dad ever, and he was beginning to really realize just how important that was. Especially after hearing about Finn’s dad who seemed to be the total opposite.

Finn didn’t get very lucky with his father. The man didn’t accept him for who he was, but he had his mother, who was constantly supporting him. 

Sean’s mom left, which didn’t earn her many points, but he had his dad… Esteban. A man who not only loved and supported his sons endlessly but let that love spread to other people too; to friends. Lyla, Cassidy, Finn… 

Esteban was a good dad, and he was also a good man.

It wasn’t a realization. It was only a reaffirmation of everything that Sean already knew.

And then Sean was rushing forward, pulling his dad in for a hug and burying his head in his chest. 

“Uh… What’s going on, mijo? Usually, I’m the one pulling you in for a hug. That, or begging.”

“I just… Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here… and for accepting me. I really… I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, mijo,” Esteban said, running a hand over the back of Sean’s head. “Are you sure that’s all?”

“I’m sure. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Okay. That’s sweet of you, Seanie-boy… You’re still making dinner tonight though.”

Sean laughed into his father’s chest, not letting go. “I know.”

“Also…” Esteban grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling them apart and making Sean look at him. “I hate to bring this up, but I think I have to…”

“Uh… Is everything okay?” Sean asked, feeling a little nervous. Esteban looked equally as nervous, but he nodded before taking a deep breath, glancing over to make sure Finn and Daniel weren’t eavesdropping.

“Sleepovers with your boyfriend are fine, but please, _please_ promise me that you’re being safe.”

“What?”

“Safe, mijo…”

“I… Uh… What?”

“Ay dios mio.” Esteban groaned, rubbing his face before looking back over at Finn and Daniel, before grabbing Sean’s hand. He led the two of them into Sean’s room, closing the door behind them. 

“Dad, what’s going on? What do you mean, ‘safe?’”

“Safe as in _condoms_.”

“WHAT?” Sean cried out, and Esteban shushed him. “Oh my god, Dad, no – “

“It’s not a fun talk for me either, but it has to happen if you’re getting… _busy_.”

“Oh my God!” Sean whisper-yelled.

“Don’t act like it’s gross. I know what teenagers get up to.”

“Dad, we’re not – We haven’t… No.”

“Oh…” Esteban said. “I was just thinking, because you came home, after spending the night with your boyfriend, wearing each other’s clothes. What’s a dad supposed to think?”

“You could have just asked me,” Sean pointed out.

“Well, yes, I suppose… So, you two haven’t – “

“No, we haven’t, and I’d really like to not talk about this right now. Finn is right outside this room, _with Daniel_.”

“That’s why I closed the door, mijo,” Esteban said simply.

“That’s not the point.”

“All I’m saying is that you have to be _safe_.”

“Dad, I know… But we’re – not yet. Not anytime soon… I don’t think I’m ready, yet. Last night was just… We didn’t do anything. It was definitely not the time for that.”

“Okay, I believe you. But then, _when_ you guys do… start – “

“I got it. I’m leaving now,” Sean said, rushing to the door and ignoring his dad’s laughter. He just needed to get out of there and escape from _that._ However, leaving the room didn’t prove all that helpful.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” Finn asked as soon as Sean came out of his bedroom. Both he and Daniel were staring at Sean curiously.

“W-what? Yeah, of course. Everything’s fine. Everything’s _great._ ” Sean bowed his head and rushed over to the living room, joining both boys on the couch. He could hear Esteban getting back to work in the kitchen.

“Sean? Why is your face all red?”

“It’s not!” Sean blurted out, even though he could feel how warm his cheeks were.

“Uh, yeah it is. Finn, you see it, right?”

“I see it, little man,” Finn said, smirking at Sean who glared daggers at him. That wasn’t helping.

“It’s nothing, guys… Maybe I’m just overheating, or something.”

“It’s so cold though.”

“Daniel! Just… _Ugh_. Can we talk about something else?”

“But – “

“Mijo,” Esteban warned, and Daniel pouted, but recovered quickly once Finn asked him something about the game. It was an effective distraction, and once the little boy’s attention was on the game again, Sean smiled at Finn gratefully, who smiled back.

Aside from what had been an incredibly awkward conversation about practicing safe sex, the day was… pretty amazing.

Daniel hardly left Finn’s side, which wasn’t new to anyone, but it was just as entertaining every single time. Sean couldn’t even find it in himself to be jealous of either of them; not when they both looked so happy to be together. They had this weird, freakishly strong bond. They’d had it from the very beginning.

And it also allowed Sean to sit back, and observe. The more he watched Finn interact with both Esteban and Daniel, the more he realized the truth to his father’s statement from the other night. Finn and Esteban were pretty similar.

Maybe not overtly… But the similarities were definitely there. 

Throughout the afternoon, Sean watched them. When he made dinner, he watched them. Even when they all sat down to watch a movie together, Sean couldn’t help but notice things.

They were the same when it came to small things… Things that Sean wouldn’t usually pay attention to – aside from their mutual love for all things car-related. They both had a way with Daniel – and probably with other kids too. They had similar tastes in movies, and they both went for the same snacks first. Both of them had a sweet tooth, much like Daniel. Meanwhile, Sean had gotten his eating habits from his mom… 

Or at least, that was what Esteban always told him. She left when Sean was too young to notice those kinds of things…

_Shit._

Sean usually didn’t like to think about his mom. Whenever things happened that reminded him of her, he just pushed the thought away. But after his talk with Lori, he couldn’t stop thinking about… well, everything.

Esteban had always encouraged Sean to try and let go of his anger, for his own sake. Maybe that was the right thing to do? Lori wanted that for Finn… But how could Sean possibly suggest that Finn hear his brothers out, and even _forgive_ them, when he could barely bring himself to take his own advice? He was still so angry at Karen, for leaving, and he could imagine that Finn would feel similarly toward his brothers. He didn’t know if it was his place to provide any input on the matter at all…

But what he did know was that Finn deserved happiness. After everything that he had gone through, the very least that he deserved was to live a life filled with happiness, surrounded by people that make him happy… People that want the best for him. 

_I don’t want him to carry that anger around anymore._

_I don’t think Calum would have wanted that for him either._

_Family is the most important thing._

_Family._

Sean was cleaning up the kitchen – as part of his punishment, still – and took one look at Finn, who was laughing with Daniel about… something. His eyes drifted over to Esteban, who was watching the two of them with a fond expression on his face. 

And when it was time for Daniel to go to bed, Finn was the one to hoist the little boy onto his back and carry him to bed; it reminded Sean of all the times Esteban had done the exact same thing.

His first instinct was to think that this was all enough for Finn. Sean rationalized that the older boy didn’t need to make excuses for his brothers; not after they left him and Lori behind at a time when they all needed each other most. 

Finn had a family already. He had his mom, and his friends, and Sean and his family… People that cared enough to stick around. Why suggest that Finn open himself up to possibly being hurt again, by people that had _already_ hurt him before?

But in the back of his mind, there was still a nagging feeling that maybe… Lori was right.

**********

“Don’t laugh! It’s not funny!” Sean’s protests did nothing but make Finn laugh even louder.

“It’s a little funny, baby.”

“My dad thought we were having sex!”

“So?” Finn asked, trying and failing to stop himself from laughing.

“So?! Really, Finn?!”

“What?”

“How does this not make you feel awkward?” Sean asked in disbelief.

“Because it’s too damn funny.”

“Oh God,” Sean groaned.

“C’mon, sweetie. You gotta admit that it’s funny. ‘Getting busy.’” Finn snorted again.

“It’s… Okay, fine, it’s a little funny.” Finn celebrated his victory by letting his laughter out freely, and Sean couldn’t help but join him.

Eventually, they calmed down, sitting in comfortable silence on the hood of Finn’s car parked in front of Sean’s house. Finn was still clearly amused though, judging by the smile on his face. Sean didn’t mind though. It was nice to see Finn like this.

“So… did you have the day that you wanted?” Sean asked.

“Hm?”

“This morning you said that you just wanted to have a good day, and not think about… _things_. Did you… Was today what you needed?”

“Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Today was… amazing,” Finn said, smiling brightly.

“Good... That’s good.”

“I have you to thank for that…”

“Well, not just me.”

“Still. Thank you, Sean. Seriously. Not just for today. For everything. I really… Yeah.”

“Hey,” Sean whispered, sliding off the hood and moving to stand between Finn’s legs, his hands resting on Finn’s hips. “I already told you, you don’t have to thank me… I like seeing you happy.”

Finn smiled sweetly at him, his blue eyes sparkling slightly in the moonlight. “How could I not be happy when I spent the day with the _Diaz_ family?”

Sean let out a laugh at that, unable to hide how happy it made him knowing that Finn loved his family. “I still can’t believe how well you and Daniel get along,” he said.

“Yeah, well… He’s like a brother to me.”

_Like a brother…_

Sean’s mind drifted back to earlier… To everything that he’d been thinking about. Finn noticed his sudden distractedness.

“Sweetheart, what’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”

“Uh… I’ve just been thinking, about things.”

“Things?” Finn echoed.

“Yeah.”

“What things?” Finn asked curiously, a playful glint in his eyes.

“It’s, uh… About what you told me, last night… About your brothers…”

“Oh…”

“Y-yeah.” Sean fumbled nervously. “We don’t have to talk about it right now. I understand if you – “

“Nah, it’s cool, sweetie. Go ahead. What’chu thinkin’?”

“Well, I guess I just… I don’t know. You – you miss your brothers, right? Hugo and Jackson, I mean…”

“Of course I do… I mean, how could I not? But I…” Finn shook his head, clearing his throat. “Why are you askin’ me this?”

“Seeing you with Daniel and my dad… And thinking about your family…” Sean paused nervously, eyeing Finn to make sure he wasn’t crossing a line. However, Finn didn’t look uncomfortable. “I think that you deserve to have that, with your own family too… I mean, you’re a part of mine, and that’s great. I guess there’s just… I… I don’t know how to put this.”

“Sean, it’s okay. Jus’ say what you’re thinkin’,” Finn said reassuringly.

“Okay…”

Deep breath.

“I think you should talk to your brothers…”

There was a pause, and then there was a moment of panic. Had he said too much?

But then, the question was whispered; so quietly, that it was almost missed entirely.

“What?”

“I… I know it’s not my place, and I’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything.”

“I know, I’m not… I’m jus’ a little surprised,” Finn admitted quietly. There was a pause, and then: “Why?”

“There are lots of reasons, actually… I’ve mostly just been thinking, since you…” Sean sighed. “You miss them, and I just… I don’t want you to miss out on the chance to find… closure, I guess?”

“Closure?”

“Yeah… I mean, I know that what they did was wrong, and I’m not going to say that there is an excuse that would make it all okay again… But if you talked to them… or even just gave them a chance to talk to you… then at least you could find out why they left, just so that you… _know._ ”

“Oh.”

“A-and I know that it’s not as easy as it sounds, but I think that maybe… If you were ever ready, and maybe decided that you wanted to… Well, I would support you. Because I think it could be good for you…”

“I get it…”

“Yeah… So, that’s what I’ve been thinking. You don’t… You don’t have to take my advice, obviously. I mean, I’m the worst person to ask. I still hold a grudge against Karen, even though she left eight years ago…”

“Right…”

“Yeah, so feel free to ignore what I just said,“ Sean said with a laugh, but Finn didn’t laugh with him. He looked like he was deep in thought, contemplating something. “Finn?”

“Can I… ask you somethin’, Sean?”

“Oh, yeah… Anything.”

“If your mom ever came back, wantin’ to talk… Y’know, wantin’ to explain her side and make up for lost time or somethin’… Would you hear her out?”

Up until that moment, Sean didn’t know the answer to the question. He didn’t know how to answer that… until he did.

“I think that if Karen ever cared enough to come out here and actually do that, then… yeah, I’d hear her out. But I don’t – I don’t know where she is, or if that will ever happen…”

“And you… still wonder why she left?”

“Sometimes… I mean, I can’t imagine there’s a good enough reason for her leaving that would fix what she did.” Sean sighed, his heart aching a little at the thought of his mom. “But it would be nice to know, at least. Maybe that’s why I think you should… hear your brothers out. I mean, they’re here, right? And they’re… _trying_.”

Finn didn’t say anything, merely looking up at Sean silently.

“Sorry, I’m – “

“It’s okay, sweetie. Seriously. I mean... I don’t really know what I’m gonna do… But it means a lot that you’re tryin’ to help… And I’m sorry about your mom. I know I already said that when you told me about her… but I mean it.”

“I-it’s okay. I’m not… It sucks, but I’ll be okay. I just… know what it’s like to be left behind, never really knowing why… I don’t want you to have that. Does that… make sense?”

Finn nodded, smiling slightly before leaning up capturing his lips in a tender kiss. Sean was caught off guard but kissed him back eagerly. When they pulled apart, Finn was still smiling at him like he’d done something amazing.

“W-what was that for?”

“I jus’… I appreciate the hell out of you, sweetie. You are… incredible.”

“I… T-thank you.” 

Finn chuckled softly, caressing his cheek before pulling his hand away. “I’ll think about what you said.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. I think… if I ever decide to do it, I’ll be able to handle it… As long as…” Finn trailed off, chewing his bottom lip.

“As long as what?”

“As long as you’re there with me…”

Sean smiled at him, taking his face in both hands. “I will be,” he whispered.

He didn’t know who leaned in after that, but it didn’t matter when their lips met. All that mattered at that moment was that Finn was there, and they were together, and they didn’t need to know more than that. 

For that single moment, just simply being together was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. It kind of had a bit of everything, and it was a nice change of pace after several chapters of angst (especially chapter 13). Of course, things aren't just sunshine and roses immediately, but they're definitely looking up!  
> Thank you all for reading :)  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!  
> Two things:  
> 1) I fucked up, hehe. In the original first chapter, I wrote that Sean was a sophomore and Finn was a junior, but that was a mistake which I blame on the fact that I'm not American and don't understand how American schools work. I went back and edited, but to clarify, Sean is actually a junior, and Finn is a senior. It has nothing to do with this chapter, but yeah, just thought I'd update you.  
> 2) There are only going to be roughly two more chapters after this... Or maybe three? Who knows? But we're almost at the end, so brace yourselves.  
> Enjoy this chapter!

“I still can’t believe this is happening!”

“Lyla – “

“Two months ago, I had to basically drag you to that Halloween party. Do you remember that, Sean?” Lyla asked; her face inches from her laptop camera.

“Of course I remember…”

“And now, here we are, on New Year’s Eve, and you’re ready to go to this party with no fucking hesitation?”

“I… Yeah?”

“Who are you, and what have you done with Sean Diaz?” she asked, waving her hands around animatedly.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so dramatic!”

“I’m being serious. I mean, what’s next? Will a pig be flying over my house in a few minutes?” Lyla leaned back, pretending to check outside her window.

“Really? Pigs flying? People actually say that?”

“I’m just saying.” Her attention turned back to the screen. “The balance of the universe has been disrupted! Sean Diaz is going to a party, and he didn’t need me to _force_ him into it.”

“It’s not that big of a deal… It’s just a party,” Sean said with a shrug.

“Yeah, and the Halloween party was also _just a party._ How is that different?” she challenged.

“Well, it’s… I mean, it’s technically not a party…” Sean tried to argue, basing his only defense on the fact that it was more just a hang out with Finn and Cassidy’s friends. However, he realized it would be worthless. He knew she was right; him being so keen to go to a party was new, and there was no getting around it.

“Okay, I guess it’s not,” he finally conceded.

“Well, then what’s going on?”

“I guess I just…” Sean trailed off, thinking about that night. The night that had changed everything. The night that had triggered a chain of events that would inevitably lead him to where he was now. The night he met Finn. “I realized that if I don’t… go out and experience things, I might miss out on something amazing.”

That much was most definitely true. If that night had taught him anything, it was that anything could happen, at any given moment… Being with Finn taught him that too. If he hadn’t gone to that party – to see Jen, funnily enough – he wouldn’t have met Finn. How different would his life have been if he had decided not to go that night?

Lyla raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he asked curiously.

“I could have told you that, dude! I’ve been telling you that for years!”

_Fair enough._

“Let me guess,” Lyla said, cutting off his next response before he could even try to open his mouth. “This new ‘live life to the fullest’ mindset has something to do with Finn, right?”

“Uh…”

“Sean, it’s cool if it is. Honestly, it’s great. He’s good for you, man.”

“O-oh, thanks, Lyla…”

“Speaking of… How are things going with you guys?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Things are…” Sean paused, thinking about Finn. A smile etched itself onto his face as he thought back to the last time he saw Finn, two days before. They hadn’t seen each other on Christmas, since Finn spent the day with Lori and Sean spent it with Esteban and Daniel. The three of them watched the _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy, as usual.

The day that Finn and Sean did see each other though, they spent half of the day attached by the lips – Sean couldn’t get enough of kissing Finn, it seemed. Luckily, Finn was no better than him. Neither of them minded.

It did become an issue, however, when they needed to come apart for air, finding that neither of them really wanted to.

That was also the day that they exchanged gifts. Finn got him a Gorillaz CD that he’d been looking to buy for a while, as well as a hand-crafted bracelet with a wood-carved wolf attached to it. Sean felt a little nervous giving him the drawing he’d been working on for a while after that – the two of them, curled up on the hood of Finn’s car, watching the sunset – but Finn’s reaction set him at ease.

The older boy had stared at the drawing with teary eyes, his fingers gently tracing the lines of the sketch, before putting it down and clambering onto Sean’s lap and pulling him in for a deep kiss.

That kiss had ended with Sean on his back, shirtless and panting, with Finn just as undressed, laying on top of him and pressing lazy kisses to his chest. That had been the most heated things had ever gotten, but the two of them had agreed to take things slow. Sean wasn’t ready for anything more, and Finn was as understanding as ever.

They spent the rest of the time talking about everything. _Well_ , maybe not everything.

The two of them hadn’t talked about Finn’s brothers since that night when Sean suggested that he should talk to them. He didn’t bring it up again, wanting to give Finn time to make that decision on his own. They just had fun together, enjoying each other and not worrying about everything else for once.

All that mattered was that Finn knew that Sean would support him no matter what.

“Things are great… Really great. I’m really happy, Lyla.”

“Oh, trust me, I know,” Lyla said, smirking at his dazed expression and goofily wide smile. “But still, what is he doing to convince you, that I can’t do?” Her eyes widened, and she grimaced before quickly adding, “Wait, actually, don’t answer that.”

“Lyla!”

“What? I don’t want to know the horny details!”

“There are none!”

“Mm-hm.” She hummed unconvincingly.

“Okay. Since it bothers you so much, do you want me to kick and scream and make you drag me to the party? We can go back twenty minutes and you can _pretend_ to try and convince me. Will that make you feel better?”

“Oh my God, would you?” Lyla asked, leaning forward excitedly.

“What? No.”

“Then why did you offer?!”

“I didn’t think you’d take me up on it!” Sean cried out, rolling his eyes.

“You clearly don’t know me at all.”

“Ha-ha. I thought you’d be happy about this.”

“Obviously I’m happy about it. Going to a New Year's Eve party with my girlfriend, my best friend, and his boyfriend? Look at us, Sean! We’re doing things! Fucking living life.”

“Yeah, we are, aren’t we?”

“Hell yeah! And the best part is that we get to do it together.”

“Wow. That was sappy, even for you,” Sean said with a laugh.

“Oh, shut up. Let me appreciate this moment, ‘kay?”

“Okay, okay. Appreciate away.” He raised his hands in surrender, smiling and nodding encouragingly. She frowned at him slightly.

“Nope. You ruined it.”

“I did not!”

“You so did.”

“Okay, fine, I’m sorry. You’re right. Us doing this together… Experiencing life together… It’s pretty awesome,” Sean admitted quietly, before taking a deep breath. “And I’m glad that you’re the one standing next to me for all of it.”

_There. Now we’re both saps._

“Wow…” Lyla sighed.

“What?”

“ _That was sappy, even for you_.”

“Okay. Hanging up in three, two…” Sean over-exaggerated his movements, showing that he was moving his mouse to hover over the button to end the call.

“Wait!” Lyla protested. He paused, barely concealing his smirk. She sighed, before saying, “I’m… glad you’re the one standing next to me too.”

“Yeah, well, you won’t let me stand anywhere else.”

“And why would you want to? Being next to me is awesome!”

“It is...”

It really was. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have her around. Telling him when he was being an idiot, or dragging him to parties, or simply being there for him when he needed _someone._ She took on every role that he needed effortlessly, and he would always do the same for her in a heartbeat.

“Shit, man. I’m way too sober to be getting this sentimental.”

“Hey, you started it,” Sean pointed out.

“Well, yeah… Still, I meant what I said.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Okay, enough of this shit. Did you get the plans cleared by your dad?” Lyla asked.

“Uh, yeah. He’s cool with everything.”

“Awesome. So, crashing at Hannah’s, then lunch tomorrow?”

“Yup,” Sean said with a nod.

“Sick. Anyway, I gotta go now. The momster is making me clean my room before I head over to your place, so I gotta shove all my shit under my bed.”

“Efficient.”

“Yeah, it’s a great cleaning technique. Out of sight, out of mind, you know?”

“Momster approved?” Sean teased.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.”

**********

“Yo, I’m glad y’all made it!” Penny cheered, as soon as he opened the door. The music was really loud, and Sean could hardly hear what he said, but he didn’t mind. Penny held the door open for all of them, giving Finn a playful smack on the ass as he passed. The tattooed boy laughed, shoving him gently and then smacking his ass too.

“Sean!” Jacob jumped up from their seat next to Anthony as soon as Sean entered the room, wrapping him in a hug and ignoring everyone else for a moment. The two of them had definitely become closer in recent times, and if Sean wasn’t hanging out with Finn, Lyla, or his family, he was usually with Jacob.

Jacob was different from all the other friends that Sean had. They were more similar in personality and behavior. The two of them becoming close and getting along well didn’t seem to surprise anyone, least of all Finn, who seemed pretty happy about the friendship.

Then again, Finn was happy that Sean got along with any of his friends. It was a really nice feeling. He didn’t feel like an outsider anymore; not like the last time that they’d all gotten together. It was different now.

“Hey, guys,” Hannah greeted.

Speaking of different, Hannah was definitely different. She was still… Hannah, but she was… friendlier? Or at least, she seemed that way in Sean’s eyes. He didn’t feel intimidated or scared when she looked at him, and he didn’t worry that she was searching for flaws or problems with him. If anything, she seemed happy to see him. Well, happy was a bit of a reach…

She wasn’t _unhappy_.

“Hey, Hannah,” Sean greeted, smiling at her. By some miracle, she smiled back.

“Woah, the ice queen is melting,” Lyla joked, quiet enough that only Sean, Finn, and Cassidy could hear.

“See, Cass? She’s not that bad,” Finn said, sounding adorably happy about the latest development. Sean understood though. He always felt happy whenever Finn and Lyla joked around with each other, and he imagined Finn would feel pretty similar now. Hannah was important to him, and so getting along with her was important to Sean.

“I never said she was bad,” Cassidy said.

“No, but you do fight with her ninety percent of the time,” Lyla pointed out, and Finn nodded in agreement.

“Whose side are you on?”

“I’m just saying!”

“We fight because we’re different people. We make up immediately after anyway, so what does it matter?” Cassidy asked; her hands firmly on her hips.

“You’re so stupid... and so hot,” Lyla sighed, wrapping her arms around Cassidy’s waist. Sean didn’t miss how Cassidy’s expression softened at that. He was no better though, feeling his heart jump when Finn came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, pressing a kiss to the base of his neck.

He desperately fought back against the heat that threatened to creep up the back of his neck and onto his cheeks but didn’t dare remove himself from Finn’s hold. Even though Finn was smaller than him, and had to stand on his tippy toes to comfortably reach his neck, it felt good. It felt safe, being held like that.

“You guys gonna stand around all night?” Anthony teased, walking over to them with a drink in his hand. “Because if you are, then you might as well dance.”

“What? I – “

“Oh, hell yeah!” Jinx cheered, taking one last puff of his joint before hopping off the counter and bouncing over to them excitedly. “Let’s dance!” He grabbed Cassidy and Lyla by the hand and pulled them toward the middle of the room which was empty – apparently for dancing. The coffee table that was there the last time had been moved to the side of the room and appeared to be a makeshift drinks station.

“See, Lyla and Cass have the right idea?” Anthony said, pointing to where the two girls were now dancing really badly with Jinx.

“I-I don’t dance,” Sean said. Finn chuckled against his neck, removing his arms and stepping around him.

“C’mon, sweetie. One dance? Please?” he asked, holding out his hand. Sean hesitated for a second, shifting his weight from side to side nervously. Finn smiled at him reassuringly. “It’ll be fun, alright? Trust me.”

Sean did trust him, and he could also clearly remember that night at the Halloween party. Every detail, every moment, every song they danced to. Letting go and dancing with Lyla – even though he had no idea how he’d gotten that right – and feeling Finn dancing closely behind him, but never close enough... It was fun.

“Okay, one dance.”

“That’s my man!” Finn cheered, grabbing his hand and giving him a wet kiss before tugging him toward the dance floor. Sean nearly tripped and fell on his face, but luckily, he didn’t. That would have been embarrassing.

It was kind of hard to get into it. He felt stiff, awkward, and silly. His brain kept running a mile a minute, and he couldn’t stop himself from worrying about whether he was doing it right. He had not been blessed with a natural sense of rhythm, which he blamed his dad for entirely. Esteban was a great dad and definitely knew how to have fun, but he was a terrible dancer.

Something they seemed to have in common. Sean was beginning to feel self-conscious as he watched everyone else jump around and move their bodies without a care in the world. They all looked so free, and he wanted to share in that feeling.

Ready to give up, he started shuffling toward the edge of the dance floor, hoping that no one would notice. But someone did. Hannah noticed. He had been so focused on watching everyone that was dancing, that he shuffled backward, right into Hannah.

“Shit! I’m sorry, I – “

“It’s cool. You not having fun out there?” she asked, nudging her head toward the rest of the group.

“Well, I am. I just… Dancing is hard!” Sean groaned, chewing his bottom lip and watching everyone else. No one seemed to worry about how they looked, and he didn’t know how they did that. He could hardly ever not worry about things.

“Maybe that’s the problem. You’re thinking too much about it. Just… look at Finn.”

Sean did what she suggested, and couldn’t help but smile. His boyfriend was in his element, bouncing around, his arm hooked through Penny’s as they flailed their limbs about. It was really cute… But he doubted that that was the point she was trying to make.

“He really just doesn’t care what people think…”

“Nope. He doesn’t. That’s the trick. No one out there is trying to look good. And if they were trying, they’re all failing anyway because they look like idiots.”

“That’s… true,” Sean said with a laugh. And then he realized that she was laughing too. He liked her laugh. “So, why aren’t you dancing with everyone else?”

“Gotta finish my drink first, man. Not a chance in hell I’m going out there and risking spilling my drink, which will definitely happen if I go anywhere near Pennywise right now.”

“Well then, put your drink down and come dance with us.”

“What?”

“Put your drink down and come dance with us,” Sean repeated, not realizing what he was saying.

She blinked at him; the surprise evident on her features. It was then that he realized what he’d said, and how it must have sounded.

“Shit. I mean – You don’t have to – I wasn’t – I was just – Sorry.” He whirled around, ready to rush back into the middle of the group and hide, but she grabbed his wrist.

“Sean, it’s fine. I think I’ll take you up on that.”

“You, uh… Really?”

“Yeah. Might as well, right?” she asked, setting her drink down and throwing an arm around his shoulder. He was stunned into silence, unable to process what was going on. She stared at him curiously, waiting for his response.

“Uh…”

“What?”

“Why are you… being so nice to me? Last time I was here… _I don’t know_. Nevermind.”

“I know what you mean, Sean… And I’m sorry, about that. I’m just like that with new people… But I realized that you guys are cool.”

“What made you realize that?”

“Well, Lyla is dating Cassidy. I already know that Cassidy has amazing taste since we used to date – “

“You and Cassidy used to date?! Wait, does Lyla know? Shit, I – “

“Chill, man. She knows. Cassidy told her; honestly, she made it a way bigger deal than it needed to be in my opinion… It was a long time ago, and really fucking short-lived. We buried that in the past long before they met. And Lyla was cool with it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so don’t worry.” Hannah laughed at his brief moment of panic, patting him on the shoulder. “Anyway, as I was saying… I know Lyla’s cool. And I know you’re cool too…”

“H-how?”

“Well, you’ve been good for Finn. That’s not something I can say for many people outside of this group.”

“You think so?”

“Yup… I know that he told you everything, and I hope you know how much that means.”

“I do.”

“My point is, Sean, you being in his life has been good for him… He talked about his brothers.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yesterday, we were talking, and he brought up his brothers. It wasn’t anything major; just mentioning their names… Now, I don’t know everything, but I know enough to know that that means something. He’s never brought them up in conversation, not for a long time.”

“What do you think that means?”

“I think…” Hannah trailed off, looking over at Finn. Sean did the same and smiled again. “I think it means that he’s healing.” That caught Sean’s attention, and he looked over at her. She, however, didn’t take her eyes off of Finn. “He’s healing, or at least opening himself up to start healing… and you played a part in that. In my books, that makes you pretty fucking cool.”

“T-thanks, Hannah… I don’t really… I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything,” she said quietly, shaking her head as if to clear her own head before looking back at Sean. “This is a party, right? So, let’s just have some fun. Sound good?”

Sean nodded. That sounded amazing.

“Come on then,” she said, smiling at him before pushing him straight onto the dance floor again, with a surprising amount of force and sending him crashing straight into Finn.

“Woah there, sweetie. You good?” Finn asked, placing his hands on Sean’s shoulders to steady him.

“I’m good. Sorry, I – Hannah… pushed me.”

“Hans? Is that where you went? Was about to go look for you, actually.”

“Yeah, I just… I was feeling a little… awkward,” Sean admitted, looking around to see Hannah now dancing with Lyla and Cassidy. She had more rhythm than anyone, that much was clear, but she was dancing just as goofily as everyone else.

“Hey,” Finn said softly, pulling him closer and forcing Sean to look at him. “Eyes on me, and just… move.” As he spoke, he started moving slowly, his hands guiding Sean to do the same. He was moving a lot slower than before, clearly wanting to help the younger boy get used to the beat first. It was sweet, but Sean couldn’t help but overthink everything still.

He glanced down at his feet, wanting to make sure he didn’t step on Finn’s toes, but as soon as he did, his boyfriend lifted his head again.

“Forget about your feet, sweetie.”

Sean wanted to argue, and say that he couldn’t just forget about his feet. That was the whole problem, after all. But then their eyes met, and it became unreasonably easy to forget about literally everything else. He nodded dumbly, not daring to break eye contact, and Finn smiled, continuing to guide him.

The longer they stayed like that, the more comfortable Sean began to feel. How could he not, when Finn was so close and so warm and so pretty and –

“That’s it! See, you’re gettin’ it.” Finn moved faster, and Sean followed suit, and soon enough, Sean was letting go again, just like the first night. The two of them were jumping around, definitely looking like a pair of idiots, but Sean didn’t care. He was happy. He felt as free as everyone else looked, and he couldn’t help but feel proud of himself.

Even Jacob, who didn’t seem like the type to want to dance, was going absolutely crazy and jumping around with Anthony. They waved Sean over, and the three of them danced together for a while. Soon enough, the whole group was dancing together. No one cared who they danced with, as long as they were moving and having fun.

Anthony and Penny brought drinks out for everyone periodically, saying that the party wouldn’t stop until the booze ran out. Everyone else took that as a challenge. Luckily for Sean, the alcohol definitely helped him loosen up and let go even more, not feeling remotely embarrassed about how he looked. Especially not with Finn right behind him, hands on him at all times.

Throughout the night, even after they stopped dancing, too tired and out of breath to continue, Sean could feel Finn’s eyes on him; whether they were inches apart, or had an entire room and a crowd of sweaty people between them.

Right before midnight, however, Sean couldn’t find him. He scanned the room, trying to find his boyfriend, but the boy was nowhere to be found.

_“10!”_

Finn wasn’t on the couch. He wasn’t in the kitchen either.

_“9!”_

The bathroom door was open, so he probably wasn’t in there.

_“8!”_

Sean told himself that it wasn’t a big deal; kissing at midnight was pretty corny, even for them… Still, he’d be lying if he said he was against the idea.

_“7!”_

Lyla was already on Cassidy’s lap, eagerly waiting for the final second.

_“6!”_

Anthony and Jacob were shoulder to shoulder, smiling at each other.

_“5!”_

Penny was already making out with Jinx… They definitely didn’t understand how this worked.

_“4!”_

Hannah was standing to the side, pouring herself a drink and rolling her eyes. Sean had almost forgotten that she was the only single one.

_“3!”_

A pair of hands on Sean’s waist made him jump, followed by a soft chuckle and a breath on his neck that sent shivers down his spine.

“2!”

Sean was being spun around, to see Finn eyeing him with a smile and a familiar sparkle in his eyes.

_“1!”_

“Happy new year, sweetheart,” Finn whispered, pulling him close. Sean went willingly, his hands going straight to Finn’s face as their lips met.

_“Happy new year!”_

Corny or not… It was a perfect moment.

“Alright, lovebirds. Break it up… or at least get a room.” Hannah groaned, and Finn let out a chuckle that forced them to break apart. Sean would have been all too happy to stay like that though.

“Oh, don’t be so salty,” Penny teased, dropping onto her lap and poking her shoulder.

“Maybe she just wants to be kissed at midnight too,” Jinx suggested playfully, and Penny perked up at that.

“Pennywise, don’t you dare – “

“It’s still midnight, Hans,” Penny said, before kissing her on the cheek. She grimaced and shoved him off of her lap hard enough to make him fall straight onto the ground.

“Ouch.” He winced, getting up and rubbing his butt, before turning to her. “That was rude. You should try being nicer to me,” he suggested boldly. However, as soon as she stood up, he jumped away from her, rushing to hide behind Jinx who was laughing hysterically.

Finn was laughing too – so was everyone else, honestly – and Hannah whipped her head around to glare at him. He didn’t seem phased though, merely wiping away his tears as she rolled her eyes. However, Sean could see a smile threatening to take over her features. She fought it away though, maintaining her usual blank expression and sitting back down.

“Alright, alright, settle down kids,” Anthony teased. “Who wants another drink?”

No one said no to that.

**********

“Okay, who told me that having that last drink was a good idea?” Sean asked, groaning and dropping his head back against the car seat.

Finn, Cassidy, and Lyla all let out a laugh that was far too loud for comfort.

“Uh, all of us?” Lyla suggested with a giggle.

_Fuck._

“I’m never drinking again.”

“Uh-huh. Sure,” Cassidy said with a smirk.

“How are you guys not more hungover?” Sean asked in disbelief.

“Well, that’s because we’re not all lightweights like you, Sean.”

“Shut up, Lyla – Ow.” He’d spoken too loud for himself to handle, and his head throbbed again as punishment. Not even the aspirin that Hannah had given him that morning helped much.

“You alright there, sweetie?” Finn asked, in a tone somewhere between teasing and genuine.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just really hate hangovers… Seriously though, how are you all perfectly fine? Finn, you drank way more than me. You all did, actually.”

“See, lightweight,” Lyla pointed out with a smirk.

“Okay, whatever.” Sean rolled his eyes, and the other three chuckled again. They at least had the decency to do it quietly to minimize his suffering. His head hurt, and he was exhausted… But last night was fun, so it was totally worth it.

“Alright, folks. Where am I takin’ y’all?” Finn asked.

“Uh, I think my house… Right, Cass?”

“Yup, your house. I left all my shit there yesterday, so I might as well hang out there too. Honestly pretty beat anyway,” Cassidy admitted, stifling a yawn.

“Cool. Lyla’s house it is. What about you, sweetie? Am I takin’ you home, or you wanna hang out at mine for a while?”

“I think your house might be safer… Daniel’s going to be too fucking loud and I don’t think my head can handle that just yet. I’ll head home later… when I’m less… dead.”

“Alright, jus’ text your dad. Make sure he knows. My mom thinks I’m spendin’ the day at yours, so she’ll get a nice surprise.”

“Look at Mr. Responsible,” Cassidy teased, making Lyla snort. Sean ignored them, too tired to participate, and texted his dad.

“Hey, I can be responsible! I don’t want Esteban to think I kidnapped his son or let somethin’ happen to him, and come after me with a wrench.”

“My dad wouldn’t come after you with a wrench… Maybe he’d come after you with a screwdriver though. Much more, uh… stabby.”

“ _Stabby?_ ” Cassidy snickered.

“Shut up.”

“Oooh, Mr. Responsible and Mr. Grumpy. The perfect match,” Lyla teased.

“I’m not _grumpy_. My brain is just… tired.” So was everything else. His eyes were barely staying open now, and Finn seemed to notice that.

“Close your eyes, sweetie. It’s cool. I’ll wake you when we get to my house.”

Sean wanted to argue, and insist on staying awake, but his body had other ideas. He was asleep before anyone said another word.

**********

When he opened his eyes again, Finn immediately whispered, “You feel any better, sweetheart?”

“Kinda,” Sean grunted, rubbing his hands over his face and stretching.

“We’re almost home, then you can rest some more.”

“I’m fine, really. Still got a major headache though.” As if on cue, his head throbbed again.

“Well, we got some more aspirin back at home. You can take some later again.” Sean turned to look at him curiously, noticing how serious and attentive Finn was being.

“Look at you, worrying about me and looking after me… It’s cute.”

“Are you calling me cute, Sean Diaz?” Finn asked playfully.

“Mm… Maybe?”

“Cute.”

“I just called you cute. You can’t hijack my compliment,” Sean protested.

“But you’re so damn cute, sweetie.”

“Stop!”

“Nope,” Finn said, popping the ‘p’ dramatically.

“Fine.”

“That was easy.”

“Yeah, well, I think I’m still too hungover to fight about _compliment courtesy_.”

Sean sank down into his seat, checking his phone. There wasn’t anything major. A text from Jenn asking how his New Year’s Eve went. After what went down with Derek, they’d become closer, and they talked quite often. The old crush that he used to have on her was now nothing but a distant memory.

There was also a text from Esteban saying that Daniel was complaining about missing Finn. That didn’t surprise Sean… Daniel _always_ missed Finn, even immediately after seeing him.

“I’ll consider myself lucky then,” Finn said playfully.

They drove in silence for a while, with the radio playing really quietly in the background. It was nice though…

As they turned onto the street where Finn lived, Sean’s phone buzzed.

…………………………………………

**_14:28 – Lyla:_ **

Sean! As soon as we sat down, she passed out on top of me!

She’s so cute! Fuck!

I think I’m in love

…………………………………………

_You think?_

_You’re way past that, Lyla._

…………………………………………

**_14:28 – Sean:_ **

You definitely are

And I’m happy for you

…………………………………………

“Man, they’re so good together,” Sean said, voicing his thoughts and breaking the silence.

“What?”

“Oh, sorry. Lyla and Cassidy. They’re good together, don’t you think?” Sean asked, laughing when Lyla sent through a photo of herself losing her mind.

“Yeah… Definitely,” Finn mumbled.

“By the way, why didn’t you tell me about Hannah and Cassidy?”

“Huh?” Finn asked, sounding like he was mentally anywhere else but here.

“Hannah and Cassidy. I had no idea that they dated.”

“Oh, right. Sorry about that.”

“I-it’s fine… Are you okay? You seem distracted.”

“I… Uh…” Finn trailed off, clearing his throat. They’d pulled up in front of Finn’s house, but there was something else… Finn’s eyes were glued to something, and when Sean followed his line of sight his eyes landed on another car parked in the driveway. Sean had never seen it before. It obviously wasn’t Finn’s car, and it wasn’t Lori’s either.

“Finn? Whose car is that?” F

inn said nothing.

“What’s going on?” Sean asked, his concern growing as he took in Finn’s suddenly dazed expression and trembling hands.

“That car… It’s Hugo’s.”

“Hugo’s?”

“Y-yeah… I think… Fuck. My brothers are here, Sean.”

“ _Oh._ Oh _shit_. What do you – Fuck – What do you want to do? Should we go? We can go to my place if you want to hide out there for a while. Or we can go to the skate park, or anywhere else.”

“It’s… Let’s just… Shit, I don’t fuckin’ know.”

“Finn, hey, look at me,” Sean said, twisting in his seat and making Finn look at him. “We can go, alright? We can go wherever. We can leave, and they’ll never even know you were here. It’s up to you. Whatever you decide…”

“I… I think… Damnit.” Finn dropped his head to the steering wheel, sighed, and sat up straight again. “Let’s go inside.”

“What? Really? Are you sure? We really don’t have to – “

“I’m sure. Been… thinkin’ about doin’ this for a while now… I guess now’s as good a time as any… Right?”

“Finn – “

“What do you think, sweetie?”

“I mean… you already know what I think. This is about what you want though. So, if you’re ready for it…?”

Finn answered that by switching his car off and opening the door before hesitating. “Do you want me to take you home first? Pretty sure this ain’t what you signed up for today.”

“Oh, uh… I don’t mind… Either way. I mean, if you want me to go –”

“N-no, I’m jus’… I’d like you to be there. But I understand if you – “

“I’ll stay.”

“Are you sure?”

Sean nodded, then kissed him chastely and caressed his cheek. “As long as it’s what you want.”

“It is. _Definitely._ ”

“Okay.”

Once they were out of the car, Sean grabbed Finn’s hand and squeezed it, noticing how shaky and uncertain he was. They walked slowly to the front door, the anticipation building and making Sean feel way too nervous, but he didn’t want to rush Finn so he stayed quiet.

When they stopped right in front of the door, Sean stepped in front of him for a moment.

“Sweetie – “

“Finn, are you really sure about this? I’m not trying to change your mind or anything, but I wanna make sure that you’re… _ready_.”

“I… I mean, I think so. Might as well try,” Finn said. He was putting on a brave front, but his voice trembled, betraying him and exposing how nervous he really was.

“Okay. I’m right here with you, alright?”

“Are _you_ sure about this, Sean? Because I can take you home – “

“No, I’m good. I already told you… I’m not going anywhere.”

Finn’s shoulders sagged in relief.

“Thank you...”

Sean smiled at that, before stepping aside and allowing Finn to open the front door. He entered first, with Sean holding his hand and following closely behind.

Lori was on the armchair, facing the front door, and spotted them immediately. Her eyes widened.

“Finn? Sweetie, I-I didn’t… I didn’t know you’d be home so soon…”

“Well, I thought I’d surprise you…” Finn wasn’t looking at her though. No. He was looking at the two other people in the room that were standing up and turning to face him. _Finn’s brothers_ … “But I see that you’re the one that’s full of surprises,” he said, hints of anger seeping into his voice.

“I swear – “ Lori started.

“Mom, it’s okay,” one of the twins said, cutting her off and patting her on the shoulder before both of them stepped around the couch.

“Hey, Lori…” Sean said quietly. He didn’t know what to do, but it seemed rude not to greet at the very least. She smiled weakly at him, before watching her sons and biting her nails.

Sean followed her lead, taking a moment to observe the situation. Hugo and Jackson were identical in appearance, and although they had their mother’s eyes, that was pretty much the only resemblance they had to her. It was likely that they took after their father in appearance – Sean wasn’t sure what he looked like – and they looked a lot like Calum too.

It seemed that Finn was all too aware of that fact, judging by the obvious struggle he had looking at them. His expression was pained, but Sean could do nothing but stand there and let things play out.

“Hey, Finny…”

“Don’t – “

“Sorry, _Finn_.” The one twin corrected himself before they both looked over at Sean curiously. “You a friend of Finn’s?”

“Boyfriend,” Sean said, stepping closer to Finn for emphasis.

“Right, sorry… My mistake.” The one that spoke was closer to Sean and held out his hand. “Name’s Hugo.”

_Should I…?_

Sean didn’t know whether to shake his hand or not but ended up doing it reluctantly. “Sean.”

“Nice to meet you, man. This here is Jackson,” Hugo said, nudging his head over to the other twin who smiled politely, and nodded his head.

“Hi,” Sean greeted. It came off colder than he’d intended, but oh well.

Finn had yet to say a word though, standing silently with his hands now shoved in his pockets.

“So, uh… I know that you probably weren’t expecting to see us today,” Jackson said, turning to Finn. However, Finn looked down at the ground to avoid his gaze. Jackson sighed. “But… before you kick us out, and send us on our way, can we just… say something?”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to agree, okay? I don’t want you to think we meant to bombard you with all of this,” Lori said, the words tumbling out of her mouth clumsily.

“Yeah, mom didn’t know we were coming by,” Hugo said.

“We just… wanted to talk to you. To both of you. We just got here a few minutes ago, and you weren’t here, so we would have left and come back another time…” Jackson trailed off, and Hugo finished his sentence.

“Mom wanted to call you, but we told her not to because you were out with your friends.”

Sean kept his mouth shut, studying the twins. Trying to figure them out. They both seemed… sincere. He was angry, of course, knowing that these were the boys that left Finn and his mother behind. They hurt Finn…

And yet, Sean couldn’t help but feel… bad for them. After all, they lost their brother too. He could see the lingering pain in their eyes, and hear the desperation in their voices, and his heart clenched in his chest.

He looked over at Finn then, who seemed to be doing the same thing. Studying them. Maybe he was looking for something… A sign that they were being honest, maybe? Whatever it was, Sean didn’t know. Whether he found it or not, Sean didn’t know either… But Finn seemed to find his voice.

“Okay…”

“Okay?” both twins asked.

“Y-yeah. I mean, I… I believe you.”

“Good… Uh, thanks,” Jackson said with a sigh of relief.

“You guys… wanna talk?” Finn asked cautiously.

“Well, yeah…”

“Okay. Then let’s talk…”

“Really?” Hugo asked excitedly.

“Yeah.”

Pride fluttered in Sean’s heart and he smiled reassuringly at Finn, who offered him a weak smile in return. Both twins noticed the silent interaction but said nothing.

“So… Should we sit, or – “ Hugo started, but Finn cut him off.

“Wait. If you guys are staying… If we’re talking… Jus’, no talking about _Dad_ , got it?”

“But – “

“I’m serious, Hugo. I don’t… I’m not ready to talk _about_ him, and I’m definitely nowhere near ready to even think about talking _to_ him. If we talk now, we talk about _us._ ”

“Okay. That’s… okay.”

“And Sean? Are you staying?” Jackson asked, and everyone turned to look at him.

“I mean, I… If that’s okay with you guys,” Sean said shyly, and Finn grabbed his hand.

“I want him to stay,” he said firmly. His tone said it all. There was no room for discussion.

“Alright. Let’s talk then,” Jackson said, stepping aside and letting Finn and Sean pass him and sit down on the sofa.

“Yeah, let’s talk,” Finn whispered, and his grip on Sean’s hand was tight, but Sean didn’t protest. Finn needed this. Finn needed something – someone – to hold onto, and Sean was more than happy to be that person.

“You ready?” Sean asked quietly, as Hugo and Jackson sat down.

Finn looked at him, and although he was still visibly nervous, there was determination in his eyes.

“I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME TO TALK  
> I'm nervous, and I'm not even a part of the conversation... Yikes.  
> I hope you all enjoyed this, and are looking forward to the next chapter!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who has been commenting, leaving kudos, bookmarking, etc. I see you, and I love you, and I appreciate you <3


	16. Chapter 16

“Alright,” Hugo said, running a hand through his short brown hair nervously. "I guess we should just start by saying that we… We appreciate that you… S-sorry, I didn’t really think we’d make it this far.”

“What Hugo is trying to say,” Jackson cut in, noticing how Hugo seemed to be struggling, “is that it means a lot that you guys are willing to hear us out.” He ran a hand through his hair too, which was quite a bit longer and messier than Hugo’s. His attempt to brush his hair out of his face proved pointless when it just fell right back to where it had been. He huffed, blowing a particularly bothersome strand of hair out of his face before smiling awkwardly.

Lori was watching the twins silently, nodding her head and smiling encouragingly. Sean could tell that although this was clearly hard, she was happy that it was happening. After all, she had told him before that she wanted this. She wanted everyone to be together again, and this seemed like the first step in the right direction.

Finn, however, did nothing more than nod his head curtly.

It was a bit harder to figure out what the boy was feeling. He wasn’t showing much in terms of emotion. However, Sean didn’t doubt that he was going through some sort of internal struggle, and shifted closer; just enough for their thighs to brush together. There was no visible reaction, but he hoped that it would help; even if it only helped a little.

“And,” Jackson cleared his throat, cutting through the tense silence which had ended up lasting a lot longer than Sean had realized, “we understand if, after all of this, you guys decide to send us away again.”

“Y-yeah. If the two of you don’t… forgive us, that’s okay. We can’t blame you. We just… We want you guys to know our side before you cut us off completely…” Hugo added, his voice a lot shakier than Jackson’s. His eyes were glued to Finn, who wasn’t looking up from his lap at all.

“Alright,” Lori whispered. “Go on then.”

“Okay.” Hugo released a shaky breath. “We, uh… We know that what we did... was wrong. We shouldn’t have left.”

“Yeah, we just… After Calum – “ Finn stiffened, and Sean placed his hand on his thigh, rubbing it soothingly. “– we didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. It was a lot to deal with, for all of us. First Calum… and then… _Dad_.” Finn tensed again.

Jackson mentioning Calum and their father was clearly uncomfortable for him. Hugo noticed this and cleared his throat sharply.

“It felt like we had all this responsibility all of a sudden. To somehow… replace both of them, and fill the holes that they left,” he admitted.

Lori bowed her head, and Sean wondered what was going through her head.

“It was a lot… There was suddenly this pressure to be… To look after you. Both of you,” Jackson said.

“Exactly. We were afraid that we’d mess up. That we wouldn’t be good enough. We didn’t want to fuck up; not after Calum… He always knew exactly what to do, and what to say. Especially with you, Finn.” Hugo sounded anxious… but sincere.

“So,” Finn said, catching everyone off guard. “You guys left us because you didn’t want to _fuck up_?”

“Well, we – “

“Because I don’t know if you noticed, but¹ that’s exactly what you did when you _left_.”

Sean winced at how sharp Finn’s tone was. The older boy was still staring down at his lap, refusing to meet the twin’s eyes. He could tell that Finn was trying his best to stay calm and hear the twins out, but he seemed to be losing his cool as the conversation progressed.

He couldn’t exactly blame Finn for being angry. If Sean were in his position, he’d be angry too. Hell, he _was_ angry.

But in the back of his mind, there was still that feeling…

_Sympathy._

He willed it away in the name of solidarity.

“We know, Finn. We’re not trying to make excuses for what we did,” Jackson said.

“Yeah, we know we fucked up. That’s why we’re here,” Hugo added carefully.

Finn merely nodded, leaning back in his seat and going completely silent again. Both the twins looked over to Sean, with this look in their eyes…

 _Desperation_.

And then Sean was back to feeling bad for them… but he didn’t say anything. He could only offer them weak smiles, before looking away to avoid eye contact.

It wasn’t his place to say whether either of them deserved forgiveness or not. That was a choice that only Lori and Finn could make, and they had to make that choice themselves; looking into the twin’s eyes and seeing so much pain there made it that much harder to not feel bad for them.

If this were him and Daniel, Esteban would say something along the lines of ‘He’s your brother, mijo.’ He’d heard that statement a million times before, but it held an undeniable truth. They were brothers, no matter what. That was not something that could change, no matter how angry they got at each other.

And Hugo and Jackson… They were still Finn’s brothers. They were still Lori’s sons. They were still _family_.

No fuck-up could change that.

“After we moved out here, it was hard to adjust. A new city. A new school. A new house… Two people gone from our lives without a warning,” Jackson explained, when no one made a move to break the silence. “We didn’t know how to deal with all the changes, and we didn’t know how to make things better.”

“Yeah, and …” Hugo looked down and sighed. “Kids at school came up with all sorts of rumors about us, and why we transferred… We didn’t know what would have been worse: them finding out the truth, or them just continuing to make shit up.”

Finn looked up at him, and for a moment, an emotion flashed across his features. It was brief; Sean almost missed it, and he was sure that Finn wanted everyone to miss it… But he saw it. It was definitely there. Finn felt bad for them, even if he didn’t want to.

“Oh, sweetheart… I’m so sorry. If I had known – “ Lori started, but Hugo shook his head.

“I know, mom. I know that you would have done anything to help… But I couldn’t… We didn’t want to add to everything. The thought of making things harder for everyone was too much.”

“Hugo, you were struggling. That’s not something you should ever feel bad for,” Lori said.

“But we did. We felt awful,” Jackson said. “The problems at school seemed so… _insignificant_ , with everything else that was going on.”

“But they’re not – “

“I know that now… But that’s… we didn’t know then.”

“And that’s… why you left?” Finn asked.

“Well, kind of. We just... We saw two whole years of high school with these people ahead of us, and it was awful... But that was only part of the reason. After everything started going down at school, Jackson and I talked…” Hugo trailed off, looking over at Jackson nervously. It was as if he was scared to say the rest. Sean processed Hugo's words, and then he realized that they were probably his age when they left.

He couldn't even imagine leaving home, leaving everything behind. How hard that must have been for them... Things must have been really bad if it made them -

_Stop feeling bad for them._

“It was my idea to leave,” Jackson said, breaking the silence and making everyone look at him. He was staring at the ground, breathing heavily. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to be here anymore. I _couldn’t_ be here anymore _._ Finn was…” He paused, looking up at the tattooed boy who was now watching him with wide eyes. “Shit, Finn… You were always so much like Calum. You didn’t even look like him, and yet… it was like he was _right there_. Every time I looked at you… Every time you laughed –”

“Are you saying you wanted to leave ‘cause of me?” Finn cut in.

“God, no. Finn, that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Sure as hell sounds like it.”

“It’s not – “

“It’s not what? It’s not my fault? Because right now, it seems like you’re saying that it is. Because it’s not mom’s fault, and it sure as hell ain’t Calum’s fault… So, whose fault is it?”

“Just listen to me, please?” Jackson pleaded. Finn sighed, and said nothing more, gesturing for him to continue before leaning back into the couch, as tense as ever. Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, while Hugo whispered something in his ear.

Sean took the opportunity to lean closer to his boyfriend.

“You okay? Just say the word and we’ll get out of here,” he whispered. Finn nodded without meeting his gaze; his eyes were fixed on his brothers.

“Look,” Jackson said, attention back on Finn. “It’s not your fault that we left, Finn. That was a choice that we made, and it’s on us… We didn’t leave because of you, but you have to understand that it hurt to see you when everything about you reminded me of _him_.”

“Then join the fuckin’ club. Everythin’ reminded me of Calum back then, but did you catch me leavin’ everyone behind? Don’t fuckin’ think so,” Finn spat.

“We know… We’re not making excuses. We’re just trying to explain what went through our minds at the time,” Hugo explained, and although Finn was still visibly pissed off, he didn’t argue further.

“Yeah, exactly… Things were messed up, man. We made a mistake, Finn. Leaving you guys was a mistake, and we shouldn’t have done that… You guys didn’t deserve that,” Jackson said.

Sean looked over at Lori again, who was teary-eyed and not saying a word. He wished he could read her mind. He wished he could know what she was thinking because right now he barely had a grasp on what was going on in his own head.

“You’re right,” Finn said. “We didn’t. _Mom_ didn’t deserve that. You guys leavin’ me was one thing, but her? How is that ever supposed to be okay?”

Somehow, Finn still managed to put his mom and her feelings first, even when he was clearly struggling. He was hurt, and he was going through a lot, but he was more concerned about his mom Even on the first day that Sean had come over, when Finn had literally broken down in his arms, he still put on a brave face moments later so that his mom wouldn’t get worried…

Sean couldn’t help but be amazed, but also feel heartbroken for him.

“It’s not,” Hugo muttered. “It’s not okay…”

“Yeah, you got that right.”

“But Finn … We were just kids,” Jackson tried to explain, catching Finn’s attention… But his words set something off.

Something in Finn snapped. Everything that he had been holding back until that point seemed to break free.

“Don’t give me that,” Finn said, rolling his eyes.

“Just – “

“No! We were all kids, Jackson! I was thirteen! I was a kid, but I knew where I was needed. I knew to _stay_. And Calum was a kid too. He’d just turned eighteen, for fuck's sake. He had a whole life to live, and he lost that! He always put family first... and then you guys just left."

"It was a _mistake_ , Finn."

"Everybody makes mistakes, but being a kid’s no fuckin’ excuse for what you did.”

“Please, you have to understand – “

“I don’t have tounderstand. I don’t have to do _anything_. We all left our lives behind, and it was hard on all of us… but we did it for _us_. For our family… It was supposed to be us against the world,” Finn paused, clenching his eyes shut and taking a deep breath. “You guys always used to say that. _‘Us against the world, Finny.’_ That was a promise that we made to each other, and then you guys just… left. And that… Fuckin’ hell, that hurt. You have no fuckin’ idea what it was like to come home, and find that the only brothers I had left were _gone._ ”

“Finn…” Hugo whispered, but he didn’t seem to know what to say. Neither of them did. In fact, no one in the room seemed to know what to say.

“I-I’m sorry. Finn stood up abruptly, catching everyone’s attention.

“ _Finn_ ,” Sean said, but it was useless.

“Sean, I can’t…” He sighed, turning to his brothers. “I wasted your time. I’m jus’… This was a mistake.”

Sean’s heart sank as he watched Finn walk toward the hallway, and moved to get up and follow him. However, before he could, Jackson spoke up again.

“I’m sorry, Finn. We’re sorry…”

Finn froze, and then he seemed like he didn’t quite know what he wanted to do.

“What we did is something that we will never forgive ourselves for… which is why we can’t expect you to forgive us. But we never wanted to hurt you, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to both of you…” Hugo said, standing up slowly. Jackson mirrored his actions, as did Sean and Lori.

“If you’ll let us… We want to,” Jackson whispered. “Please? Just… All we’re asking for is a second chance. We’re your brothers, Finn. We’re _family_ …”

Sean’s heart clenched again because both the twins were tearing up, and he hated it. He hated what they did. He hated them for doing what they did…

And he hated that he didn’t actually hate them at all.

“Family,” Finn muttered. “I want my family back. I want that so fuckin’ bad… but I don’t think I can do this.”

The silence that followed was painful, and it seemed that Finn had just about had enough of it, because he started walking again. However, he stopped again when Jackson's voice cut through the air.

“Calum would have been proud of you, you know?" Sean saw the way Finn's shoulders tensed as Jackson spoke. "You are exactly who he thought you would turn out to be… And even if you hate us forever, _I’m_ proud of you, Finn. You did right by Mom, which is more than we can say for ourselves.”

Jackson spoke with determination. Hugo bowed his head in what Sean assumed was shame, while Lori chewed her bottom lip.

And then, after what felt like ages, Finn finally whispered, “I don’t.”

“What?” Hugo and Jackson asked in unison.

“I…” Finn paused, looking back at them over his shoulder. “I don’t hate you guys.”

“Y-you don’t?” Hugo asked, sounding more hopeful than he’d sounded throughout the entire conversation.

Finn shook his head. “I wish I did. Woulda been a helluva lot easier to hate you…”

“But?” Jackson asked, knowing that there was most definitely a ‘but.’

“But I don’t know if we can ever go back to the way things were. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at the two of you and not see your empty room _._ All your shit… gone.”

“Not all our shit,” Hugo muttered, and for a second Sean was confused… But then he followed Hugo’s line of sight, his eyes landing on the black bandana on Finn’s wrist. “You kept it.”

The realization hit Sean then.

The bandana…

The one that he’d never seen Finn without.

It was Hugo’s.

And Finn kept it…

“Yeah, well… There was nothin’ else left, and I didn’t think you’d ever… come back..."

Hugo looked down at the ground, hiding his face. He didn’t seem to know what to say to that. He probably felt even more guilty.

“Finn, we’re not… We’re not asking to go back to the way things were. I don’t think that’s possible…” Jackson said, changing the subject.

“Yeah… All we’re asking for is a second chance. We know it’s a lot to ask, but we… We miss you. We miss you guys so much, and we… _Fuck_ , we really don’t wanna go through another holiday without you guys." Hugo rubbed the back of his neck, contemplating something. "Remember how we used to stay up late on Christmas Eve to try and catch Santa?”

Finn’s face flashed with something again; something that vaguely resembled a smile…

“You remember how Calum used to be the responsible one? You two had your bond, obviously... But the three of us?” Jackson seemed to be following Hugo's lead. “We were a team. Climbing trees, swinging around on the branches. We fell and scraped our knees every single time…"

Hugo laughed quietly, wiping his eyes.

"Calum always patched us up... Remember?" Jackson continued. "We had those stupid band-aids with the cartoon cars on ‘em, but you always wanted the princess ones. You didn't know why you couldn't just have both... And then he got them for you one day." Sean didn't know if this was them simply reminding Finn, or them remembering it aloud themselves.

Finn smiled again, and it was clearer that time, but it was still laced with sadness. Pain that had been buried, now rising to the surface in a pool of memories.

“The older you got, the closer you and Calum got… But the three of us still got up to our old tricks sometimes. Remember how we’d hop the fence to steal the neighbor’s ball? Calum always made us give it back… And that one day when we –”

“I remember,” Finn whispered, looking away again and cutting Jackson off. “I remember everything… And that’s the problem. I can’t _forget_.”

“You don’t have to forget, but _please_ … If there’s even a part of you that thinks we can start over…” Hugo sighed. “All we want is a chance to make things right.”

There was a long pause. A period where no one moved or said anything. Sean didn’t know what to expect. It didn’t seem like Finn knew what to say, and it didn’t seem like anyone really knew what to do. Lori looked ready to cry, but she didn’t. Hugo was tearing up, chewing his bottom lip, and Jackson was just… watching Finn. Watching the back of his head and waiting for Finn to say something… Anything…

And then he did.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know…?” Hugo asked, a little confused.

“Yeah, I don’t… I don’t know what to tell you guys. It’s… It’s a lot, alright? It’s too much, and I just _can’t_ …” Finn suddenly stopped talking, his voice cracking on the last word. Jackson took a step toward him but Sean was there first, right by his side. He placed a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him that it was okay, but Finn freed himself from his grasp, forcing out another hoarse apology before disappearing down the hallway.

Sean watched him leave, not sure whether to follow his boyfriend or give him some space. He hesitated, frozen in place along with everyone else. Jackson sighed, and Hugo looked positively defeated, and Sean, once again, felt bad for them. It was almost annoying how hard it was to ignore that feeling.

“I think you boys should go,” Lori whispered, breaking the silence.

“But we just – “

“No. You did all you could for now. And I appreciate that you boys tried, but just give him some time to process. When the time comes – “

“If it comes,” Jackson muttered.

“ _When_ the time comes,” Lori insisted. “When the time comes, we’ll talk again. But for now, I think it's best you leave.”

“Okay,” Hugo said, sighing.

Lori walked over to the front door, and both Hugo and Jackson looked at Sean. He felt a little awkward but could do little other than stand there awkwardly. His brain told him to just leave the room and go find Finn, but his feet didn’t seem to be in the mood to cooperate.

“It was nice to meet you, Sean,” Jackson said.

“I-it was, uh… It was nice to meet you too. Both of you.” They both nodded at him, offering him weak smiles. They seemed genuine enough, prompting him to return the smile stiffy before finally convincing his feet to carry him out of the room, bidding them goodbye with a final awkward wave of his hand.

However, he’d barely made it two steps down the hallway before he halted again, something deep inside of him telling him to wait. And so, he waited a few seconds, and then he heard muffled voices… Muffled, but still clear enough to hear.

“Do… Do you hate us, Mom?” one of the twins asked. Sean didn’t know their voices well enough to tell which one was speaking, but it didn’t matter. The words, and the way they were whispered, tugged at his heartstrings either way.

“Oh, come here,” Lori whispered. There were some shuffling noises, and then she spoke again. “You boys are my babies, and it makes me sad to see you all like this. I could _never_ hate you. And Finn doesn’t hate you either.”

“Maybe he should.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But Mom, look at what happened… He looked so… I don’t even know.”

“He’ll be fine, Hugo. He’s strong, and he has people here to support him, like Sean,” Lori said.

“I’m sorry. We really didn’t mean to mess things up for you guys today. We wanted to make things right, but maybe it would have been better if we just stayed away…”

“You two made a mistake. One that you’re trying to make up for. Finn’s hurting, and he’s angry, but he’s your brother, and he knows that. Today was not for nothing… Trust me.”

Neither of the twins said anything else, which Sean took as his cue to keep walking, not wanting to further intrude on a particularly private moment.

**********

When Sean entered Finn’s room, he found him sitting on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and staring at the wall in front of him. He barely even reacted to the sound of the door opening or the sound of Sean’s voice.

“Hey…” He sat down, squeezing himself into the small gap between Finn and the edge of the bed. pulling his knees up to his chest too. “You wanna talk about… all of that?”

Finn shook his head, shuffling to the right as much as he could without falling off the other side of the bed, to allow Sean some more space.

“Okay, that’s fine… You wanna talk about something else?” Sean asked.

Finn shook his head again.

“Okay. We don’t have to talk then,” Sean said, looking over at Finn. Silence fell over the room, and they just sat like that for a while. It felt like a long time, but it was probably only for a couple of minutes. Maybe even less.

“Can I just… say one thing?” he asked.

Finn sighed and nodded his head.

“I’m really proud of you, for hearing them out…”

Finn scoffed, flopping back on the bed and not saying anything.

“What?” Sean asked.

“You shouldn’t be. I fucked it all up.”

“No, you didn’t. What are you talking about?”

“Isn’t it obvious? My mom clearly wants to forgive them, and the only thing that stops her from having all her sons back is me,” Finn said, frowning. “Because I can’t let go of all this fuckin’ anger. And I hate it, Sean.”

“Finn, no… Don’t do this. You’re not… You don’t have to feel guilty for being angry,” Sean said, but his words didn’t seem to help.

“I thought I was ready for this, and I walked in, and then I… God, Sean. The more they talked, and the longer they sat there… The longer I looked at them…” He exhaled shakily, covering his face with his hands. “The anger kept buildin’ and I jus’… couldn’t.”

“Well, that’s okay. It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. You tried something, Finn. Even if it didn’t work out… you still tried.”

“C’mon, sweetie. You don’t have to play nice and spare my feelings,” Finn muttered, sitting up and hunching himself over his knees again. “I wasted everybody’s time… You can be honest.”

“But I am being honest… I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I mean it. And…” Sean paused, turning his body to face Finn. The older boy followed his lead and turned too. When they were face to face, Sean whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Finn’s eyes went wide for a second before his facial expression softened. “What are you sorry for?”

“Well, I… I feel like I pushed you to do this. I mean, I put the idea in your head, when I told you what I think, and now – “

“Sweetheart, no… This ain’t your fault. Hearin’ my brothers out was my choice. If anythin’, I should be apologizin’ for dragging you into this shit; makin’ you sit through all of that.”

“Dude, no, it’s fine. I wanted to be there, and I know you’d do the same for me.”

“Yeah… but that was a lot, Sean. I doubt this was how you wanted to spend New Year’s Day.”

“Finn, I don’t care how messy things might be. We’re _partners_ , remember?”

Finn nodded slowly, sighing and dropping his head between his knees.

“What’s wrong?” Sean asked.

“I jus’ feel so fuckin’ stupid. I really thought I was ready, and I… I wanted to do this. I wanted to hear ‘em out. Shit jus’ didn’t go the way I expected it to, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… I kinda hoped that maybe they’d say somethin’ and it would jus’ fix everythin’. Some magical fuckin’ moment, y’know?”

Sean nodded his head in understanding. He remembered the time when he was talking to his dad, looking for answers when he didn’t know what to do about the situation with Finn. He’d hoped for that same magical moment, where everything just fell into place…

“It was dumb, and I knew that, but I still…” Finn sighed. “Dammit, I hoped for it. I hoped that once I knew why they left, I’d be able to forgive them... jus’ like that.”

“It’s not dumb, Finn. I get it.”

“Yeah, well… It don’t really matter now. Like I said, shit didn’t go the way I expected.”

Sean didn’t say anything for a while, not really knowing how to put all his muddled-up thoughts into words without it sounding like nothing more than incoherent babbling. Finn seemed really conflicted, and Sean… Well, Sean had a question, but he didn’t know how to ask.

Then he remembered his dad’s advice and decided to just… ask.

“Do you think you’ll ever be ready to forgive them?”

“What?”

“You said you hoped you’d be able to forgive them, and maybe you’re not there right now… But do you think you’ll ever be?”

“I… I don’t know,” Finn whispered.

“Do you want to?”

Finn stared at him; the surprise evident on his face. He stayed like that for a moment, seemingly deep in thought, before his eyes drifted past Sean, looking over his shoulder.

Sean didn’t have to turn to know that Finn was looking at the picture of him and Calum.

Then Finn was closing his eyes and bowing his head. “Yeah. I do, Sean… I really wanna forgive ‘em, but it’s so…”

“Hard?”

“Yeah… I wish I could jus’ forget, y’know?” Finn looked up into his eyes. “I wish I could forget what they did, and let things go back to normal.”

“I know,” Sean said. “But maybe you don’t… have to forget. You can still be mad about what they did, and… choose to forgive them.”

Just like Esteban. He still hurt, and he still kept Karen’s stuff in boxes… But he chose to let go of his resentment and _forgive_ her. Forgive, but not forget…

And if Finn was anything like Esteban, then he was capable of doing the same thing.

“Fuck… Why does this have to be so hard? Even after everything… I love ‘em, Sean. I love ‘em so fuckin’ much. And I jus’ want my brothers back. I want my _family_ back.”

“I know... And if you really want that, then it will happen.”

“But – “

“Hear me out, alright? Sean said, his hands finding Finn’s. “I know you… I know that you’re strong enough to do this.”

“How do you know that, sweetie?” Finn asked.

How did Sean know that? Honestly, he wasn’t sure at first. It was just a gut feeling, telling him to trust… To believe that things would work out. Maybe it was just his inner optimist which he’d always thought was dead and buried, or maybe it was Lori’s words… or maybe it was just…

“I know that because I know _you_ … And I believe in you. You're strong enough to handle anything... And you deserve this. You deserve to be happy.”

“Wow... Thanks, Sean. I, uh… I don’t really know what the fuck to say.”

“That’s a first. Finn McNamara, _speechless_. Feel like this moment should be recorded in the history books or something,” Sean said with a smirk, hoping to lighten the mood a little bit. Something to diffuse some of the tension.

Finn snorted, shoving him lightly. “Shut up. I know what you’re tryin' to do.”

“Hey, I’m just saying,” Sean said, raising his hands. “Usually, it’s the other way around. It’s not every day that I get to be the one taking away _your_ ability to speak.”

“Maybe you don't take away my words,” Finn said, smirking. “But you still take my breath away every day.”

“Oh my God…” Sean forced himself to hold in his laughter.

“What?”

“That was so fucking corny, dude. Holy shit,” Sean said, and then he couldn't keep it together. A laugh tore out of him, and he tried to fight against it, but he could help it.

Finn's jaw dropped.

“I thought you loved corny,” he said with a playful pout, and Sean didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh even more or kiss it right off his face.

His heart made the choice for him, and his lips were on Finn’s in a second. It was only a peck since he was still too busy laughing, but it made his heart jump as always.

When they pulled apart, Finn flashed that dorky grin of his, making Sean let out another stifled laugh. Finn’s smile widened, and he let out a laugh of his own, before locking eyes with Sean. Once his laughter finally died down, Finn sighed and shook his head, still smiling.

“What?” Sean asked curiously.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doin’.”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re tryin’ to distract me. Cheerin’ me up and shit.”

“Well, maybe… Is it working?” Sean asked, dropping his playful act and letting the genuine concern shine through for a moment.

“Yeah… Thanks, sweetheart. It's good to think about somethin' else. Need a fuckin' break from all this shit.”

And then Finn was shifting forward, getting on his knees and wrapping his arms around Sean. He buried his face in Sean’s shoulder, nuzzling the crook of his neck and sighing. Sean’s arms found their way around Finn’s waist, pulling him even closer so that he was almost in his lap.

They stayed like that for quite a long time, just holding each other. Neither of them seemed particularly inclined to move and ruin the moment, even though Sean kept worrying about how close he was to the edge of the bed. It still didn’t bother him enough to make him want to move.

Moving was simply too… disruptive. Being like that, with Finn, was a moment of peace after everything that had happened, and they wanted it to last.

Sean remembered the first time they’d been in this room, in a similar position… And it seemed that Finn was remembering it too.

“At least I’m not cryin’ this time,” he mumbled into Sean’s hoodie.

“I wouldn’t have minded… but I definitely prefer seeing you smile.”

“Damn… And I’m the corny one.” Finn giggled lightly, the sound a much better alternative to the tense silence from earlier. Sean rolled his eyes but didn’t pull away, his one hand resting on the back of Finn’s head.

“Okay, so, maybe we’re _both_ a little corny,” he whispered.

“A little?” Finn asked, lifting his head and looking at Sean with a smirk.

Sean gulped, losing himself in those stupid eyes again. He could only nod before pulling Finn even closer, holding him by the hips, the older boy now seated properly in his lap. Finn took the hint and wrapped his legs around Sean’s hips, his arms looping around Sean’s neck. The smile on his face had him looking like a kid in a candy store.

But there was something… Something in the air. Something lingering between the two of them, hanging over them like a spell. Something powerful. _Magnetic_.

Sean had felt it before, on the day that they almost kissed on the hood of Finn’s car after getting ice cream. He’d felt it again, on the night that they actually kissed… But it was different now. Stronger. Undeniable.

Everything in the room faded away, except for Finn, who had tilted his head to the side and was watching Sean with a quirked eyebrow. His lips started moving, but Sean didn’t hear the words. In fact, he couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of his own heartbeat, too focused on… Finn.

And then Finn’s lips stopped moving, and he scrunched up his nose in confusion, before moving his hands. Sean suddenly became hyperaware of every single movement the boy made, as his fingers grazed along the skin on the back of his neck.

Finn’s hands found their way to his face, and Sean was sure that he’d do something like kiss him, or cup his face…

And then Finn smirked and flicked his forehead, bringing him out of his daze.

“Hey!”

“Had to get your attention somehow,” Finn teased, and Sean rubbed his forehead with a pout. Finn noticed and swatted his hand away, kissing his forehead gently. “S’not my fault you decided to zone out on me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just…” Sean trailed off.

“Staring at little ol’ me?” Finn asked. It was probably a joke… But he wasn’t wrong.

“Pretty much.”

Finn smiled at him then, although he looked surprised by Sean’s honesty, _as usual_ …

But even though Finn had grabbed his attention again, the spell didn’t seem to break. If anything, it was worse now.

Sean just couldn’t look away. His brain wasn’t really working; all he could think about was Finn, and everything that they’d done together, and everything that just made him… Finn. His brain could barely even form a word, but his mouth opened anyway as if it had a mind of its own.

“Finn, I think I – “

A knock at the door made Sean jump, catching him off guard. He lost his balance and toppled over. In the process, Finn came down with him. They ended up falling right off the bed, crashing to the ground. Sean took most of the impact, grunting as they landed and mostly cushioning Finn’s fall, but the older boy still mumbled an ‘ouch.’

“Am I interrupting something?”

_Oh shit._

Sean couldn’t move much, still crushed underneath Finn’s weight, but he managed to crane his neck just enough to see Lori. She was leaning against the doorway, the door wide open now, watching them both with a smirk and an amused look in her eyes. Heat flooded his cheeks in an instant, and he chewed his bottom lip awkwardly.

“Hey, momma,” Finn greeted breathlessly. However, he was smiling, like he wasn’t bothered by the awfully compromising position that Lori had found them in; on top of one another and probably looking disheveled from the tumble.

Finn grunted with the effort it took to untangle himself from Sean, lifting himself to his feet and helping Sean up too. “You okay?” he asked, and Sean nodded wordlessly, wincing and rubbing the back of his head, but ultimately deciding that he should rather keep his mouth shut. The ability to speak seemed dangerous right now.

“What’s up?” Finn asked Lori casually, brushing himself off as if there was nothing weird about the situation.

Sean honestly didn’t know what he was more worried about: Lori finding them like that and getting the wrong idea… or what he was about to say, and probably would have said, had they not been interrupted. It was so not the time for that... and way too soon.

_Thank God for Lori._

“Well, I came in here to check on you, to make sure you’re okay… but I see that Sean here has that covered,” she said, smiling at both of them.

“We were just – It wasn’t – We were just talking.” Sean was a stuttering mess, and he didn’t even know why. This was Lori, and she was cool, so he knew that she wouldn’t assume… But still.

“Calm down, sweetheart. It’s cool.” Finn patted him on the shoulder, getting a look at his face. “God, you’re so red, it’s adorable,” he cooed, and Sean felt even more heat rush to his cheeks.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Lori said, turning to leave the room but Finn stopped her.

“Nah, it’s cool. I always got time for my momma. What’s goin’ on?”

“Well, I…” Lori trailed off, looking over at Sean and clearly holding back on what she wanted to say. “We can talk later, Finn.”

“Uh, no, it’s fine. You guys can talk now. I should probably get going anyway,” Sean said.

“Oh, no, honey. That’s not what I meant,” Lori said apologetically.

“I know… But it’s getting kinda late anyway,” Sean said, checking the time on his phone. “And you two probably have a lot to talk about.”

Lori smiled appreciatively, and left the room, saying that she’d come back later.

“You sure about this, sweetie?” Finn asked, once his mom was gone. Sean nodded, but Finn didn’t seem convinced. “You don’t have to leave, y’know? I like havin’ you here.”

“I know… but you and your mom should probably talk alone for a while. And besides, I’m sure my dad’s wondering when I’ll be home.”

“Alright… Lemme just grab my keys and then – “

“No, don’t worry about it,” Sean said, grabbing his hand to stop him. “I’ll call my dad to pick me up. You talk to your mom, okay?”

“Okay... Thanks, Sean, seriously.”

Sean smiled and kissed him again for good measure, before calling his dad.

**********

During the ride home, Sean didn't say much. Esteban mistook his quietness for tiredness... Technically, it was a correct assumption. Sean was tired, just not for the reasons that Esteban thought. His dad just assumed that he was still hungover.

He teased him about it for a while, turning the radio up to full volume and laughing heartily at the resulting groan from his son. He asked for details about the party and made jokes about his old days of partying back in Puerto Lobos which, on any other day, would have piqued Sean’s interest enough to raise at least ten different questions.

But Sean had too much on his mind, and Esteban noticed after a while. Eventually, he stopped his teasing and let the silence take over, humming along quietly to the radio – after turning it to a low volume again.

And when they got home, something came over him. A feeling that had sparked when Finn and his brothers were talking, but that he’d pushed out of his mind to focus on Finn. It was back at the forefront of his mind now though.

“Where’s Daniel?” he asked as soon as they stepped through the front door.

“Uh… He’s in his room, I think? Why?”

“Nothing, I just…” Sean didn’t finish his sentence, rushing to his brother’s door and opening it without a warning.

Daniel had been sitting at his little desk and turned his head at the sound of his door being swung open.

“Hey! I told you to knock! You always tell me to knock, and – “

Sean fell to his knees and pulled his brother in for a hug, tugging him out of his chair in the process before the sentence was finished.

“Sean? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, enano,” Sean whispered. He didn’t know why, but he was on the verge of crying.

“But you’re… hugging me.”

“Daniel, listen to me,” Sean said, pulling away for a moment and grabbing his brother gently by the shoulders. “I love you.”

“Uh, I love you too, but what – “

“Just don’t ever doubt that.”

“Sean – “

“I’m serious. No matter what happens, or how many fights we get into, you’re my brother. There’s nothing in this world that can tear us apart…”

Daniel blinked at him, eyes wide, but Sean didn’t wait for an answer before diving in for another hug. This one was even tighter than before.

“I just need you to know that no matter what, you’re my little brother.”

“Of course I know that, Sean. I’m nine, not stupid,” Daniel said matter-of-factly.

Sean let out a laugh, releasing him from the hug and sitting back on his knees. “I never said you were stupid. I just… I love you so much, enano. I hope you know that. Even if I’m kind of grumpy sometimes…”

“I know, Sean. We’re family… A trio, like Dad always says,” Daniel said, stunning Sean with his wisdom.

Sometimes, Daniel just seemed so… mature. Other times, not so much. Like the time Finn ordered a milkshake and Daniel ordered the same one just to be like him. But still… He was a smart kid, and Sean loved the hell out of him.

And Daniel was right. They were a trio.

Sean turned on his knees to look at his father, who was standing in the doorway and smiling proudly at the two of them. He opened his mouth to say something, but Esteban was on his knees and pulling them both in for a hug before he could. It didn't matter what he had to say then. That moment was enough...

That hug said enough.

And after everything that Sean had witnessed between Finn and his brothers, he was once again realizing just how lucky he was to have Daniel and Esteban…

But he felt for Finn, and it pained him to think about all the memories from before, that might forever be tainted by one mistake that caused years of anger and resentment… Sean hoped he’d never have to experience that with Daniel.

He wanted to be able to look back on the memories of them together, without ever feeling sour about it. And he wanted the same for Finn…

Which was how he found himself hunched over his desk, scribbling away in his sketchbook later that night, long after everyone had gone to bed. The world was quiet, except for the sound of Sean's pen on the paper, moving in hurried motions, almost haphazardly. The only source of light was the faint glow of the moonlight, and Sean had little to go on than one single picture and his imagination.

He didn’t know how long it took him, nor did he know exactly where the picture was going. He'd just sat down started drawing, feeling a wave of inspiration hit him.

He’d been in bed, ready to call it a night when it happened. Finn had texted him, telling him that he and Lori had talked and that he was really tired and was heading to bed. Sean was a little curious about how that conversation had gone, but he didn't ask. They said goodnight, but Sean’s mind was far too awake at that point for him to go to bed, so he didn’t.

He sat at his desk, for what could have been hours, drawing. He didn’t think about the outlines or the planning… He only thought of Finn running around with his brothers, and having fun. It was a memory that Sean didn’t have access to, so he didn’t really know what it looked like, but he could picture it all too easily.

And when he finally went to bed, he left his sketchbook open on his desk, the moon shining down on his drawing.

Perhaps that was his way of making an unspoken wish to the universe.

And he really hoped that it would come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I tear up while I wrote this chapter? Yes.  
> Did I smile while I wrote this chapter? Also yes.  
> I've been feeling a little all over the place, and if this chapter seems all over the place emotionally, that's why. But, I think it kind of works. Life is all over the place sometimes, and things get messy, so this chapter is partly a reflection of that.  
> But I hope that you enjoyed it!  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiii. *awkward wave*  
> This chapter took forever to write. Stupid writers block and lack of motivation...   
> But it's here now!   
> Have fun, y'all.

“So, mi hijo… How are things going with Finn?” Esteban asked quietly, putting Daniel to bed. The little boy had fallen asleep in the middle of Top Gear – after insisting that he wasn’t tired – and neither Sean nor Esteban had the heart to disturb him.

“Oh, uh, they’re good,” Sean said, leaning against the doorway and folding his arms. Esteban looked up at him and smiled approvingly, even though what Sean had said was a severe understatement.

_Things with Finn are amazing._

After New Year’s Day, things were surprisingly good. Even though Finn didn’t bring up his brothers, nor did he bring up the conversation he’d had with his mom after Sean left, it was okay. Sean could tell that this was simply something that Finn needed to work through on his own, so he didn’t bring it up either.

When Finn was ready, Sean would be there, and he knew that Finn would _let him_ be there.

But for the time being, Sean was happy to just enjoy things as they were…

The holidays came to an end, and then it was time to go back to school. Finn still came over every Saturday night for the regular movie nights – even though he spent more of that time having his attention hogged by Daniel; not that Sean was complaining. He still got time alone with Finn.

Esteban tip-toed out of the room. He was trying not to wake Daniel and nearly tripped over Bobby the Yeti on his way out. Daniel had a bad habit of leaving his toys all over the place, and it was almost dangerous.

“You happy?” he asked, closing the door gently behind them.

“Yeah, I’m happy.”

_More than you know._

Esteban smiled at that, before following Sean into the living room again.

No words could describe how happy he was. Being with Finn, and being around him, was everything… And not just that. His entire life just seemed better now. He felt more like himself than he’d ever felt before. Everything was just… good.

Finn got along really well with Sean’s friends, and that made being at school surprisingly fun.

Of course, he had to deal with a severe amount of teasing from every single one of his friends. Even Jenn, who had begun spending a lot more time with the group after the holiday had ended. It was good to have her back in their lives, without Derek planted at her side.

Speaking of, Derek didn’t do much that was worth noting.

After what had happened in the last week before the holiday, with the principal… Well, both Sean and Derek had wordlessly agreed to just stay as far away from each other as possible. It helped that Jenn had brought Derek down a peg or two when she set him straight that day.

 _God_ , Sean still wasn’t over that. It was really impressive, and he would have never expected that kind of outburst from her… But he was glad to have her in his corner.

And she got along really well with Finn too, which was always a bonus.

The two of them had taken to teaming up against Sean and teasing him about his taste in people, which was hard to pin down. Jenn and Finn had absolutely nothing in common except, apparently, their fondness for teasing.

And also, the fact that they both loved shopping.

They even made plans to go to the mall together. Lyla called Sean boring for never going shopping with her, but when they invited her to join them, she rolled her eyes and said, “No.”

Sean expected to feel uncomfortable with the idea of his boyfriend hanging out with the girl he’d liked for several months before meeting him, but he wasn’t. Not even a little bit.

It just made him happy.

Especially when Jenn posted a picture of them together on her Facebook wall, posing together in matching dresses. They both looked really good.

And of course, with Jenn being Jenn and Finn being Finn, they tagged him in the post too. Finn even tagged him in a comment saying ‘you like, sweetie?’ because why would he not?

Sean responded with a ‘<3’ and then slammed his laptop shut, gulping and rolling his chair away from his desk. It was hard to think when he was staring at a picture of Finn. Lyla called him out on it less than two minutes later, texting him with an ‘I see you, Sean’ which he politely ignored.

And at school the next day, Finn and Jenn were closer than ever.

It was really nice…

And then Lyla called him a lovestruck idiot when he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face, which sent him into a flurry of panic.

He was used to those jokes before… But after nearly making a confession that was not only way too soon, but also just at the worst possible time, it wasn’t that funny anymore.

Not that it ever was funny.

Sean didn’t even know how he felt.

He liked Finn, definitely, and he wanted to be with Finn… But there was such a big difference between ‘like’ and ‘love.’ How was anyone supposed to know when they’d crossed that line?

Sean didn’t know if his almost-confession was the unfortunate result of getting caught up in the moment, or if it was real.

If only there was a way to know…

“Hey, Dad?”

Esteban looked over at him curiously. There was a familiar, reassuring look in his eyes, and Sean knew that he could ask Esteban anything… Open up about anything…

But this felt weird.

Though, apparently not weird enough to stop him.

“How did you know that you loved Karen?”

“Uh – “

_Instant regret._

“Shit, nevermind. Forget it, I – “

“Sean – ”

“Seriously, Dad. Just forget that I asked.”

“Okay… If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah.” Sean shook his head, before gluing his eyes to the TV while not really paying attention to it at all. “Sorry for swearing, by the way…”

“It’s fine.”

Sean sucked his lips in, feeling like that was the only way he could keep his mouth shut. Why was it becoming so hard to control his mouth? A few moments passed, and Esteban and Sean let the silence linger for a while.

Sean preferred that. Not talking meant not opening his mouth which was definitely for the best.

Esteban didn’t seem on board with the whole _awkward silence_ thing though.

“If you were curious – “

“I’m not!”

“Alright. But hypothetically, if you were…” Esteban sighed, turning on the couch to face Sean. “Your mother and I… The relationship was new territory for me.”

“What do you mean?” Sean found himself asking quietly. After all, this was all based on a hypothetical. There was no harm in that. It didn’t mean anything… _Right?_

“Well, I was a bit of a, uh… _player_ , back in Mexico. I was very popular with the ladies –”

“Oh, gross. Did not need to know that.”

“I swear, it’s important.”

“Okay… But no details!”

Esteban laughed at that. “Of course not.”

Sean grimaced at the idea of his dad going wild in Mexico but shook that thought away in the interest of protecting his brain.

“Anyway,” Esteban said, clearing his throat. “When your mother and I started dating, it was all… _fun_. Everything was an adventure. Everything that we did together was new and exciting… I once rented a motorcycle so we could go on a long ride… Your mother always wanted to just up and leave. Do something. _Go somewhere_. Go nowhere in particular… I didn’t see the need, but I wanted to make her happy, so I rented one… just for the bike to break down in the middle of nowhere.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah. We had to wait for a tow truck of course, and find another way home. Lost the deposit on that bike… My point though is that that was what your mother craved. Excitement. Adventure. Dinner dates were always too simple and domestic in her eyes.”

_Oh._

“That’s probably why things never worked out between us. The domestic life… It was never for her.”

_Fuck…_

“But to answer your question…“ Esteban cleared his throat. “I knew I loved your mother when _everything_ became exciting.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that even the simplest thing, like a ‘boring’ dinner date, was the most exciting thing to me. I would have been happy to just spend the day on the couch watching movies with her…”

Esteban halted, shaking his head. Sean wanted to stop him and tell him that it was okay; that he didn’t have to do this. But his dad was determined.

“I would have even been happy to sit through a boring three-hour event if it meant that I could spend those three hours with her. To me, _she_ was what made everything exciting. All I wanted… was to be with her. To be around her.”

_Oh…_

“You understand, mijo?”

“I think so.”

“Good,” Esteban said, patting him on the thigh. “But just, keep in mind that it doesn’t look the same for everyone. Love doesn’t follow rules… I can’t give you all the answers, because it might be different for you and Finn.”

“I-I… I didn’t say anything about me and Finn.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“W-well, I’m not – It’s not – We’re just – “

“Relax, Seanie-boy. No need to be embarrassed. This is all a part of growing up.”

“I’m not embarrassed. I’m just… I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how to process what I feel… H-how do I tell if it’s… love?”

“That’s a difficult question.”

_Great._

“You just have to feel it, mijo. If you love Finn…”

Heat flooded Sean’s cheeks instantly.

“Then you’ll know,” Esteban continued. “Only you will know what you feel. No one else can tell you how to feel, or when to feel it… And if or when you feel it, don’t be afraid to tell him.”

“I… What if I am afraid?”

“And why would you be?”

“Because… I don’t know,” Sean said.

“ _Estarás bien, hijo mío._ Just trust your feelings.”

“Okay… Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”

Esteban smiled at that, turning back to the TV. Sean thought that would be the end of it, and was just about ready to drop the subject when his father rubbed his eyes, sniffling loudly.

“Uh, you okay, Dad?” Sean asked.

His father looked up at him, and then Sean realized what was going on. There were no tears in his eyes. Just a playful, teasing smirk.

“Where’s my regular, emotionless son? Who is this boy next to me? All grown up and _in love.”_

“Oh my God.” Sean groaned, hopping off the couch and sprinting to his room.

“Don’t run away from me! We’re having a moment. I think I might start tearing up. _Dame un abrazo!_ ”

Sean closed the door without saying another word, dropping his forehead against the door and groaning again.

His father’s laughter echoed faintly through the house.

**********

“It’s only week three of the semester, and I’m already waiting for Spring Break.”

“Don’t remind me… That’s so fucking far away,” Sean said. Why did the school year have to move so slowly?

“Still half a year left of this crap,” Cassidy said with a sigh, staring out the window.

“Yeah, and then you two are done… Lucky bitches.” Lyla rolled her eyes.

“Aw, y’all will be done soon,” Finn said reassuringly, offering Lyla and Sean comforting smiles.

“Eighteen months from now is soon for you?” Sean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well… Maybe not _soon_.”

“Damn. What the hell are y’all gonna do at school without us?” Cassidy asked teasingly.

“Think about how much we miss you and then cry,” Lyla said.

“Really?”

“No.”

“Aw, you got me feelin’ special for a minute there,” Finn said, clutching at the front of his overalls.

“Don’t listen to her. We’ll miss you guys,” Sean admitted quietly.

“No need for that, sweetheart. We’ll still be around.”

“Yeah,” Cassidy added, gently nudging Lyla with her elbow. “Maybe even more than before, with all that free fuckin’ time on our hands.”

“Oh, great. More time watching Sean and Finn suck face.”

“We do not suck face!”

“Not in front of y’all, anyway. That’s reserved for – “

“Finn…”

“What?” Finn asked innocently, but the twinkle in his eye was anything but innocent.

Sean ignored him, and turned back to Lyla, fixing her with a challenging look. “And anyway, you two should be the last ones talking. I swear, I’ve seen more of your love life than I ever thought I would.”

Lyla turned red at that, and Cassidy snickered, throwing an arm around her. That only made her blush even deeper, and she stuck her tongue out at him defiantly. A very Daniel-esque move.

Cassidy seemed to find that adorable and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Lyla froze, her eyes widening… Maybe she was short-circuiting. Sean was all too familiar with that.

“Alright. Get a room, you two.”

“We’ll get one, don’t worry,” Cassidy said with a wink.

Lyla didn’t say another word, her eyes practically bulging out of her head at the implications of that statement. Finn let out a laugh at the look on her face in the rear-view mirror, and Sean was guilty of doing the exact same thing. Not that Lyla seemed to notice anything that anyone else said or did after what Cassidy had said.

“You think she’s okay?” Sean asked, peering back at the girls.

Cassidy looked over at Lyla before cracking a smile. “She’ll be fine.”

Sean gave his dazed best friend one last look before turning away. They drove in silence for a while, with Finn’s country playlist playing softly in the background.

_Of course he has a country playlist…_

“Oh, shit,” Cassidy said suddenly, making everyone look at her. Well… Almost everyone. Lyla was still stuck in a daydream. Cassidy grabbed her phone and then groaned. “Battery’s dead. What’s today’s date?”

“Uh, I think it’s the eighteenth,” Sean answered, checking his phone after as a confirmation.

“Finn, isn’t your momma’s birthday comin' up soon?”

“Yeah. Next week, actually.”

“Okay, cool. Just wanted to make sure.”

“It’s your mom’s birthday next week?” Sean asked.

“Sure is. Was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come.”

“Wait, really? You want me to come?”

“’Course, sweetie,” Finn said with a smile, his one hand coming to rest on Sean’s thigh while he drove. “My momma likes you, and she told me to invite you.”

“O-oh. That’s really nice of her.”

“Last year it was just me, Cass, and my mom, but this year my momma thought it’d be nice if y’all came along too… You in?”

“Well, uh, if that’s okay… I’d like that,” Sean said quietly.

“Cool. What about you, Lyla?”

There was no response.

“Uh, Lyla?”

Still nothing.

“Cass, I think you broke her.”

“Maybe,” Cassidy said, waving her hand in front of Lyla’s face. That did the trick.

“What? What happened?”

“You zoned out, babe. Got all blushy and shit. It was cute.”

“ _Whaaat?_ No way. That’s Sean’s thing.”

“What does that mean?” Sean asked, the sound of his name caught his attention.

“Nothing,” both girls said.

“I somehow don’t believe you guys.”

“They jus’ mean that between you and me, you’re usually the one gettin’ all cute and flustered and shit.”

“Oh… Well, I can make Finn flustered too.”

“Sure, Sean,” Lyla said, looking down at her phone.

“I can. Cassidy, you believe me, right?”

“Uh-huh.” Cassidy gave an equally absent-minded response.

“Finn, tell them,” Sean said.

“Tell them what, baby?”

“That you get flustered too.”

“Hey, I’m cool as a fuckin’ cucumber.”

“Told you,” Lyla said with a laugh. Sean glared at her, before glaring at Finn with the same fervor.

“Finn!”

“Sorry, sweetie.” Finn patted his thigh, which only made Sean roll his eyes.

“Traitor.”

“Maybe,” Finn said, before smirking. “You still think I’m hot though.”

“Whatever.”

After dropping Lyla and Cassidy at Finn’s house, Sean and Finn took off again. To where? They weren’t entirely sure yet. Not that it mattered much.

Anything was fun with Finn.

“So, what do you wanna do, sweetheart?”

“Uh, I’m cool with anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna go back to school, break into the principal’s office, get high, and then make out on her desk?”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m jus’ kiddin’.”

“That’s… That was very specific. Is that like… some secret fantasy of yours or something?”

Finn looked over at him and smirked, before looking back at the road ahead of him.

“Maybe.”

“I don’t know if you’re being serious. I can actually never tell if you’re being serious or not. You’d think that by now I’d be able to.”

“Ain’t that part of the fun though?”

“Maybe,” Sean said.

“That’s a yes.”

“If we’re using that logic, then you’re basically admitting that breaking into Principal Hayden’s office to make out is actually a secret fantasy of yours.”

“Well… Fair enough.”

“Is it?”

“You seem awful curious about this, my little Sean.”

“What? No, I’m just – “

“Would you be down for that?” Finn asked suddenly, pulling the car over at a random sidewalk. “’Cause we can turn this car around and head to the school right fuckin’ now.”

“I-I…”

_Shit. Words. Brain. Think. Please._

“Fuck, you should see the look on your face. Too fuckin’ cute. I’m jus’ teasin’ you, sweetheart.”

“Really, Finn? You’re unbelievable!”

“Aw, that was funny. Come on, baby. Gimme a kiss,” Finn said, leaning a little closer and tapping his cheek for Sean to kiss.

“No way.”

“Please?”

“You should focus on driving, and maybe then I’ll give you a kiss.”

“Fuckin-A. You got yourself a deal,” Finn said, tapping the steering wheel like it was a drum before starting the car back up. “Where we headin’ then?”

_Oh. Right. Still haven’t decided that._

“I have no idea, honestly.”

“Damn… Well, my offer from earlier’s still on the table. Principal Hayden sure has a nice desk. Could lay me out all pretty and – “

“I will jump out of this car, I swear.”

Finn roared with laughter, and Sean looked away pointedly… even if only to hide the blush he was sure was staining his cheeks.

“Alright, alright,” Finn said breathlessly once he stopped laughing. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I’ll let you breathe now.”

“Thank you.”

“Wanna go get some ice cream?”

“It’s the middle of January.”

“So?” Finn asked.

“So it’s too fucking cold for ice cream.”

“Part of the fun, sweetie.”

_Ice cream it is._

**********

There was a mischievous twinkle in Finn’s eyes as they ate their ice cream. Sean knew that look…

He knew it all too well.

“Finn, don’t you dare – “

It was too late. Finn had already dipped his fingers into his ice cream and smeared it on his cheek and nose, and was grinning at him triumphantly.

“Lookin’ good, honey,” he teased, whipping out his phone to take a picture.

Sean found himself smiling and even letting out a laugh, not at all bothered by how cold his face was, or how sticky it would probably be later.

Finn shoved his phone into his pocket, pleased with himself before actually eating his ice cream peacefully. It was a silent surrender. An olive branch.

But it was too late for that.

He’d declared war, and it was time for Sean to take his revenge.

Sean smirked before doing the exact same thing to Finn, trying and failing to bite back a laugh at the shocked expression on his face.

“Sean!” Finn cried out, though he didn’t seem like he was _actually_ bothered. He was Finn, after all.

“Looking good, _cariño,_ ” Sean teased, mimicking Finn’s actions from earlier. Feeling emboldened – which he blamed on something in the air – he added a wink for good measure. Finn’s eyes widened, and then Sean finally realized what he’d just said and done.

His boyfriend’s entire face flushed, turning a light shade of pink, and his mouth was hanging slightly open. He was… _flustered_.

_Woah._

Sean felt a little too powerful after that... It was an addictive feeling, which was why he got carried away.

Or, at least, that’s what he _chose_ to blame it on.

He just really wanted to kiss Finn, and no one could blame him for that.

“Dame un beso, cariño,” Sean said, leaning in close enough to smell the strawberry ice cream on his breath.

Finn’s blush deepened, and Sean was about ninety percent sure Finn had no idea what that sentence meant, but it had the desired effect either way. Finn nodded, probably not knowing what he was agreeing to, and licked his lips. That was all the encouragement that Sean needed. He pressed his lips against Finn’s, smiling when he gasped, before pulling back slowly.

His boyfriend hadn’t moved or said a word. His eyes were still wide open, and it was honestly pretty funny… and cute.

“Speechless again?” Sean asked with a playful smirk. “Damn, I’m getting good at this.”

“S-shut up.”

It was Sean’s turn to widen his eyes.

“Did you just – “

“Nope.”

“Did you just stutter? Because of _me_?”

“No clue what you’re talkin’ about, sweetie,” Finn said, keeping his voice steady. It didn’t match his pink face though.

“Finn! Did I do that?”

“Do what?” Finn asked, still acting oblivious.

“Oh, come on! I did, didn’t I?” Sean said, feeling far too proud of his accomplishment. “Shit, Lyla will never believe me if I tell her. I should send her a picture or something.”

“Looks like someone’s proud of themselves.” Finn was less flustered now, but there were still hints of pink on his cheeks, which Sean counted as an absolute win. Little victories.

“Of course I am. This has to be some kind of achievement! I should get a trophy or something!” Sean cleared his throat, putting on his best awards show host voice and saying, “Presenting: Sean Diaz. Winner of the ‘Making Finn blush’ award.”

It was a terrible impression… but he was used to that. Daniel liked his crappy impressions well enough anyway.

Finn snorted before bursting into laughter. Sean didn’t mind being laughed at though. He looked too good like that; with ice cream smeared across his face, cheeks tinted pink, his head thrown back in laughter. Just… happy.

Sean found himself taking his own pictures of the moment; not that he needed a photo to remember this. Finn noticed but didn’t show any signs of embarrassment. Instead, he just struck a pose and stuck his tongue out playfully while Sean continued to snap pictures.

The few people that were in the diner glanced over at them as they laughed, watching them curiously – apparently, two teenage boys having fun and laughing in a diner on a Tuesday afternoon was unusual – before turning their attention to their own lives again; not that Sean minded much either way. Oddly enough, he never even thought to worry about what the other customers might think of them.

“Now see, that ain’t fair,” Finn said after a while, grabbing Sean’s phone out of his hand.

“What do you mean?”

“We should have at least _one_ picture together.”

“Well – ”

“I’m not takin’ no for an answer, sweetie,” Finn said teasingly.

“Come on, man. We’re both covered in ice cream. Can we at least wash our faces first?”

“Nope.”

Before Sean could argue further, Finn threw an arm around his shoulders, held up the phone, and snapped a picture.

“I wasn’t ready!”

He was also ninety-nine percent sure he blinked in the picture.

“Well then get ready,” Finn said, before taking many more photos. Sean rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s eagerness, before conceding and holding up a peace sign. Finn seemed pleased with that, smiling widely before pressing his lips to Sean’s cheek and taking a picture like that.

“And don’t you dare say shit about me being corny,” he warned afterward, licking the ice cream from Sean’s cheeks off of his lips.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Yeah, you were.”

_Yeah, I was._

“Can I go wash my face now?” Sean asked.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Finn smirked before leaning in and licking the ice cream off of Sean’s cheek shamelessly.

“Finn! Gross!”

“Is it, now?”

“Yes! You licked me.” But his groans and protests were useless, when Finn repeated his actions on Sean’s nose, ending his performance off with a kiss. The customers in the diner probably raised an eyebrow at that, but Sean found that he really didn’t care.

“See? You’re squeaky clean again,” Finn said, satisfied with his handiwork. But when Sean continued to grimace, Finn chuckled before using his sleeve to clean him up properly, wiping off more saliva than anything else. _Gross._

Luckily, he was wearing his own hoodie today, and not Sean’s… Speaking of which, Sean still needed his hoodie back. But Finn just looked so good in it, that Sean never had the heart to ask for it.

He’d get it back eventually, though.

“You should probably clean your face too,” Sean suggested when Finn started eating again.

“Shit. Almost forgot.” He chuckled, before rummaging through his bag for a tissue or something to clean the ice cream off of his face. Getting _ice cream_ on the sleeve of his hoodie was probably a step too far.

Sean ate in silence but looked up on reflex when the bell at the front door of the diner rang. He had a habit of watching when people entered and left, even though nothing was interesting about it… The bell just always caught his attention.

Usually, whenever someone entered or left, Sean would simply glance over at them before forgetting all about them.

But what he saw that time was not as easy to forget.

“Uh… Finn?”

“Hm?” Finn hummed, wiping his face with a tissue, eyes definitely not on the door, or the people that had just walked through it.

They saw Sean and Finn before Finn saw either of them, and they looked like two deers caught in the headlights.

Hugo and Jackson.

They looked at each other, clearly not knowing whether to approach or not, before looking over at Finn. Sean had never seen two grown men look so uncomfortable in a diner before.

“Finn,” he repeated when several moments had passed without anything happening. Finn had finished cleaning his face but was still not paying attention to his surroundings. He was just eating his ice cream quietly, blissfully unaware of his brothers standing a few feet away.

However, Sean’s voice and the slight nudge that he gave him seemed to catch his attention, and he looked up at Sean curiously. Sean nudged his head over in the direction of the twins, and Finn looked over, his eyes widening.

“Oh…”

“Y-yeah. What do you – “ Sean cleared his throat, before trying again. “What do you wanna do?”

Finn looked over at him, chewing his bottom lip, seeming to think it over before looking at his brothers again. They were standing awkwardly at the door, both with their hands in their pockets and waiting patiently for a sign to do… _something._

Finn waved them over after a few seconds, and Sean saw the surprise on their faces, but they didn’t hesitate to take him up on the silent offer, nearly tripping over each other to get to them. They nearly knocked a waitress over, and both scrambled to steady her, murmuring what Sean was sure were very awkward apologies. She rolled her eyes before continuing on her way to the table she’d been moving toward.

Hugo smacked his brother on the back of his head, and Jackson winced before doing the exact same thing to him.

If it weren’t such an awkward situation, it would have almost been funny…

Okay, it was still a little funny.

“H-hey, guys,” Hugo greeted awkwardly when they finally arrived at the booth where Sean and Finn were seated.

“Hey,” Sean greeted, feeling just as awkward as Hugo sounded.

Jackson nodded his head in some sort of awkward greeting, which Sean mirrored, before turning his attention to his younger brother.

“Finn, you, uh… You doing okay?” he asked, although it seemed like he was just saying the first thing that came to mind. Sean didn’t blame him for not knowing what to say.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Good. That’s good.”

“Really good,” Hugo added, and Sean nearly winced at the awkwardness of it all.

“You guys… come here often?” Sean asked, and then he definitely winced at the awkwardness of _that_.

“Not too often… Mostly just for their ice cream.”

_Maybe eating ice cream in the middle of winter is a McNamara thing?_

“Y’all wanna sit down?” Finn asked, taking everyone by surprise. It wasn’t even the question itself that surprised Sean the most… even though it was extremely surprising. The most surprising thing was how casual Finn had seemed when he’d asked…

If he was nervous at all, which Sean assumed he was, he hid it well.

“Here?” Jackson asked, gesturing to the empty seats at their booth.

“Well, yeah. Unless y’all wanna sit on the floor or somethin’. Thinkin’ the seat might be more comfortable though… and cleaner too.” Finn patted the empty space next to him to emphasize his words.

Both twins hesitated, probably not sure whether this was really happening or not. Sean didn’t blame them; he could hardly believe it himself… But it was happening. Finn was trying, and even making a joke while he was at it.

“Are you sure?” Hugo asked shyly, and the hopeful tone in his voice made Sean smile. Although this moment was still very much an awkward one, he was grateful that he could be there to see it.

Finn nodded, which seemed like all the encouragement that they needed. Both of them smiled timidly, before sitting down. The waitress from earlier came over, glaring at them both before taking their orders.

They both ordered mint chocolate chip ice cream which seemed fitting, somehow.

Finn smiled at that, almost nostalgically… and knowingly too. Sean felt like he was missing something, but Hugo and Jackson seemed to understand what that look meant.

“It’s a good flavor,” Hugo said defensively, mouth full of ice cream.

“Besides, you still take the same order too,” Jackson added, pointing to the strawberry ice cream in Finn’s hand.

“Yeah, well…” Finn finished off his ice cream and leaning back into his seat, throwing his arm up on the back of the seat behind Sean’s head. “Some things never fuckin’ change.”

Hugo and Jackson smiled at that, and Sean did too. But no one said anything more.

They ate in a somewhat awkward silence… Actually, it wasn’t quite awkward. Maybe somewhere in that zone… but also… comfortable?

They all made small-talk, here and there. They talked about the weather and school, and the twins tried to get to know Sean a bit more. It wasn’t anything special; just basic things.

No one really seemed to have all that much to say.

Not anything meaningful, anyway…

Or maybe everyone just didn’t want to say anything because they were too afraid to say the wrong thing.

Sean was having that problem.

As far as reunions and redemptions went, this was not what he pictured at all. He figured there would be more… talking, but maybe this was enough; no talking necessary.

Just a gesture.

For now.

Sean grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it, and felt Finn squeeze back, but didn’t look over at him. He kept watching Hugo and Jackson. They kept opening their mouths to say something, before pausing and closing them again. Sean felt a bit bad for them; they were both clearly struggling…

“Y’know,” Finn started, breaking the silence. Sean could swear he heard Hugo sigh in relief. “I remember when we all used to go out and get ice cream together… Back in Montana.”

“Yeah… We remember too,” Jackson said quietly. He sounded unsure about which direction this was going to go. Sean could relate.

“Those were good times.” There was a soft smile on Finn’s face as he said that.

It was a statement, on the surface… But it was really an admission.

An admission that Finn thought about them, and their times together. An admission that he still had good memories about them, even after everything went to shit. An admission that it wasn’t… all bad.

And if you looked close enough, it was an ‘I miss you.’

“Yeah, good times indeed.”

_We miss you too._

“We had a lot of fun back then.”

“Yeah…” Finn sighed.

“Like that one year, on Mom’s birthday when we tried to bring ice cream home for her,” Jackson mused, and Hugo snickered.

“Yeah, and then it melted before we even got home.”

“Which was _your_ fault,” Jackson said, poking him in the shoulder.

“You didn’t think about it either.”

“But it was your idea!”

“And you didn’t stop me.”

“How was I supposed to know? I was a dumbass.”

“Was?”

“Fair enough,” Jackson conceded, raising his hands. “Calum was always the only one with a brain that fucking worked.” He sighed before suddenly tensing, realizing what he’d done. He expected that to go badly, Sean figured, since Calum was a sore subject for Finn… For all of them, really.

But then Finn laughed. He actually _snorted_.

Everyone seemed surprised by that. Pleasantly surprised though. Sean let out his own laugh, more out of relief than anything else.

“We were just a couple of dumbasses… Points for effort, I guess,” Finn joked.

“True… Mom didn’t mind though.”

“As long as we were all together,” Hugo mumbled.

“Right… _Together_ …” Finn shifted in his seat. “One big happy family…”

Hugo and Jackson sunk into their seats at that, looking unsure of themselves again.

Sean was just about ready to dive in and change the subject when Finn spoke again.

“Her birthday’s comin’ up soon, y’know?”

“Of course we know,” Hugo said.

“We still kept track of things, when we were… gone.” Jackson bowed his head as he spoke.

“Good,” Finn said with a sigh. Sean expected that to be it, but Finn was just full of surprises. “Y’all wanna come?”

“W-what?”

Sean didn’t know who was more surprised. Hugo, Jackson, himself, or Finn.

“Well, we’re, uh… having a thing… for her birthday,” Finn mumbled, tripping over his words slightly. He was rubbing his hands together in his lap, the cool façade he’d been keeping up faltering for a moment. He was nervous… Unsure of himself.

The twins blinked at him, and he sighed, before continuing.

“S’not gonna be huge, or nothin’. Could be fun. Could be like…”

The end of that sentence never came, but Sean could fill in the blanks pretty easily.

_Could be like old times._

“And you’re… asking us to come?” Jackson asked cautiously, almost as though he were trying to make sure he wasn’t misreading this somehow.

“I mean… Mom would like it. You two bein’ there would make her happy. I-I know she’d want you to be there…”

“What about you? Do… Do you want us to be there?” Hugo asked, bold enough to ask the real question. The question they were both dying to know the answer to. Sean was dying to know the answer too.

“I…” Finn looked over at Sean, as if for some last-minute reassurance. Sean nodded slightly, smiling a little, and that seemed to do it. “I do.”

“Wait, really?”

“Really,” Finn admitted, with a smile that was somehow both timid and bright; the most open display of relief…

Or at least, that was what Sean thought, until he looked over at the twins, seeing their smiles. It wasn’t often that Sean saw a smile – except maybe Daniel’s when he got his hands on a Chock-O-Crisp – that could rival Finn’s in his eyes; that goofy grin that made his heart burst every single time without fail.

But their smiles… 

_That_ was pure relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> We're almost at the end, so stay tuned for the final chapter!


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